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The Five

President Obama authorizes surveillance flights over Syria

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," August 26, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, THE FIVE HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Greg Gutfeld along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling and Andrea Tantaros, this is "The Five."

As the president cleans the dirt off his cleats, we find that one in six French supports ISIS, making them more popular than barrettes. Thankfully, Boris Johnson, the London mayor has a plan to fight his homegrown Jihadists. Change the law, so that Brits going to terror zones be called terrorists. Strip them of citizenship, too.

So why is he freaking out? Because smart people should freak out. Up to 3,000 ISIS fighters could be Brits -- meaning they have passports and can come back. So why this new boomerang terrorism? Easy, Western leaders cowered before Muslim extremism fearing the accusation of intolerance, even as real deadly hate was preached on the streets. Add online recruiting, which speeds radicalization and those returning already attacking Europe, it's bad. Obama should get his head out of his golf bag or get out of town.

Meanwhile, The Washington Post says global warming is the defining issue of our time. Not terror but warming. It's like being on fire and worrying about your weight.

It's time to dispense with political correctness and get over being nice. Nice equals death. Especially for us as more extremists with passports can come here without a visa. We must follow Boris. He may have crazy hair but underneath it, is a mind that knows the holy war has begun and finishing it requires ending the politeness.

And if our president isn't up to it, then find someone who is. Maybe it's better if he stays on the course, for good.

K.G. --

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, THE FIVE HOST: Yeah.

GUTFELD: OK. You're the lawyer.

GUILFOYLE: Say one on TV, yeah.

GUTFELD: Boris Johnson calling and saying, it's criminal activity when it's not really. Can we actually do this without so-called violating their civil liberties?

GUILFOYLE: Guess what, I don't care. And in fact, I hope we violate a lot of their civil liberties. This is war, this is terror. There should be no mercy involved because they have shown none. But they have language that they understand, and in terms of making like, decisive action, look, I hope the president has enough people around him to push him in the right direction. I really think there's just really one right answer here. We can talk about the ways to get it done. Air strikes, certainly, but it's going to take more than that. We've already got troops on the ground. We already need help from our U.K. and European allies and counterparts. I mean, can I just make a special request in the magic lamp? Can we get like Netanyahu and like Putin in for 48 hours, you know, head of the United States? I don't know. I just want somebody to get in here and get it done right, so that Americans don't have to worry and wakeup in the morning fearful of a group that's murderous and horrific like ISIS.

GUTFELD: Eric, we have new developments in Syria. We're flying surveillance missions. We're setting the stage for a bomb -- for a bombing campaign. Is it weird that there might be an implicit relationship with Assad after everything we've been talking about?

ERIC BOLLING, THE FIVE HOST: OK. So we said we are flying missions -- surveillance missions. We also said we weren't going to do that. We've already -- they told we weren't going to do that. What's happen is we have this bipolar message coming out of the White House. On one hand you have Chuck Hagel saying, ISIS is one of the most dangerous foes we've ever, ever, come across. Secretary of State Kerry saying, we have to destroy ISIS. And then you have General Dempsey saying, well, you know, they are not really a threat to our homeland. So you have two messages coming. They really need to get a message. Whatever it is, the American people will get behind you. It's America, it's our people. Whether it's boots on the ground or not, certainly air strikes, I do think you need to send a message to ISIS. Because right now they are going, they don't know what they are doing. (Inaudible), they're not even sure if they wanted to be in this fight or not, so right now, we're recruiting and we're stealing all its oil and making a lot of money. I think you need to do at least three things for sure. Number one, get the Iraqi Military and the Peshmerga the Kurds on board into your fight. Strengthen them. Send them the money they need. Give them the equipment they need. Give them the training they need. Number two, you need to absolutely drone. You know, the old saying, you brought a knife to a drone fight, really mean that. That line as well. And then stop the oil revenue. Whoever is trading oil with them, because someone has to be buying it, whoever is buying oil on the cheap, tell them, warn them implicitly, you want to do that, we'll slap sanctions on you as well as the sanctions that we need to be slapping on -- you know, on anyone who plays in that world. So, three ways of doing it. I'm not sure boots on the ground, maybe, but at least, yeah, open the door.

GUILFOYLE: They are already there though.

GUTFELD: Andrea, what is going on with Europe, and could this actually happen here where you see an exodus of young dissatisfied or intense individuals who go there have passports, can actually come back.

ANDREA TANTAROS, THE FIVE HOST: They have a problem because they invited so many of these former colonies like the French did in Northern Africa of these Muslim countries to work there and be guest workers. And now, the parents of settled and assimilated, but the younger kids haven't. And they're not working. They don't have jobs. They are right for radicalization because they are also not really accepted in the European society. While I don't think we're at that point, yet, I think Europe is in more trouble. We have a real problem on our hands. It looks like Tripoli has fallen to the Jihadists. How many countries can fall during one presidential vacation? It really is astounding. On the drone point that you asked, Eric about, why weren't we flying drones sooner? And why are we telegraphing what we're doing? Why are we letting them know? Last Friday, Admiral Pickering said, we don't telegraph our punches. Yeah right, of course, we do. I just think that this started with the Arab Spring that the democrats championed. The Arab Spring has honestly turned into a Jihadist coming out party and we are supplying the music, people. This is a huge problem. We got rid of Gaddafi in the name of democracy. That was a bipartisan effort, by the way. John McCain and President Obama, let's get rid of this guy, they didn't care that the cookie leader had jumped off the global Jihadist bandwagon. We should have kept him in power. We shouldn't have meddled in Egypt. Now, we have a huge problem and we don't want to deal with it. It's really astounding. We have caused a lot of this.

GUTFELD: You had an interesting, Bob, though. It's almost -- we're beginning to realize, or a lot of people are realizing that dictators are not as bad as Jihadists.

(CROSSTALK)

BOB BECKEL, THE FIVE HOST: Well, that's a very, sort of a -- there's so many things that I would like to say about what's been said here, that seems remarkable. I mean, first of all, you changed tactics in war. That's what happens. This crowd that everybody is talking about ran like scalded dogs off that dam and they are in retreat right now. They're watching (inaudible). So I'm not saying that they are not a threat, but they certainly when they are confronted with real force, they have found that they can just not march through things they really want to. The other things, they may thought about let's assume you're in Britain and you've got a passport. You take off for Syria. You take off for Iraq. You think that their intelligence services are not going to know exactly who those people are. And it's actually silver lining here. Every radical Islamist in these countries -- that are citizens of these countries are now putting themselves on record as going out. So if it's up to me, I would see them go out.

GUTFELD: I agree with you. And in fact, there was just an American that was found dead, I believe in Syria. And thank God, he was killed over there without causing any problem.

BECKEL: In Syria, let's remember who our biggest ally was in the Middle East in terms of the radical Muslims in the '80s. It was Saddam Hussein.

BOLLING: Very good point. Saddam Hussein, Mubarak, Gaddafi, we facilitated all those removals and look what happens, a country blows up. As you point out, the terrorists see the opening and they take over. So, the question is, what do you do with Assad? You have Syria, who is just like Saddam Hussein or just like Gaddafi. Do you facilitate his removal because of humanitarian reasons and than risk the whole, you know, Iraq and Syria blowing up, and than even work?

GUILFOYLE: They can't do it right now.

TANTAROS: I mean, Assad is a vicious thug, but he is not a threat to the United States of America. We need him to stay in power to crush the Islamists. It's awful what he does to his people. It's terrible thing, but I'm sorry, this U.S. policy that's been, you know, hugging this concept that we're going to turn the Middle East into a constitutional republic is pure fantasy. It's caused so many disasters in the Middle East that are coming back to haunt us, and until we abandon this idea of inky fingers and hearts and minds and turning everything into the Philadelphia on the eve of the constitutional convention, it's a joke, it's a fantasy, end it, too many die...

BECKEL: I think I have avoided this Bush bashing more than most of the liberals have. But let us not forget that this was the strategy of George W. Bush, the democratization of the Middle East. He was behind it. He gave speeches on. He encouraged it. And that led to the Arab Spring.

GUTFELD: But wait a second, who else was behind that. I seem to remember the Clintons as well.

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: I'm sure but the idea you're suggesting this is a liberal thing. It's certainly in the Bush administration.

GUILFOYLE: I know, but you're trying blaming Arab Spring on George W. Bush. I want to know...

BECKEL: You're trying to blame everything happens now on Barack Obama.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: I want know if you're ever gonna your guy even...

BECKEL: I have minded it. I thought...

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: But the idea is to let George W. Bush off the hook on this absolutely historically wrong.

BOLLING: Bob, I don't think anyone is saying, all liberal is on this. I think we're pointing a finger at a bipolar (ph), bifurcated Obama administration...

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: I think we're pointing it at Barack Obama, not all liberals. I mean, clearly...

BECKEL: Come on.

BOLLING: John McCain.

BECKEL: Sorry about that.

BOLLING: He wanted to take out.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You did a fine job there. Speaking -- while Bob is answering his bookie, this is what President Obama had to say about Assad over the last few years maybe.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: President Assad now has a choice. He can lead that transition or get out of the way. I'll say it again. Assad will leave power. It's not a question of if, but when. I have indicated repeatedly that President al-Assad has lost legitimacy. That he needs to step down. The only way to bring stability and peace to Syria is gonna be for Assad to step down.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: Crazy.

GUTFELD: So, K.G.

GUILFOYLE: I mean, it's just so -- it's just so crazy. I mean, you hear these things. You couldn't even script this in Hollywood, take the sound bite and these stuffs city says. Unfortunately, we need to leave Assad there now, OK? So that's it. Because dynamics are always changing, you have to be able to pivot. And I'll telegraph and like send him a, you know, a road map from Tripoli, you know, it's exactly what you're doing.

BECKEL: Can I go back to the substantive historical question for you?

GUILFOYLE: Oh please.

BECKEL: The Arab spring was the direct result of democrats who supported George Bush but you are always wanted to say that Barack Obama is in the White House, it's his policy. That was George Bush's policy.

GUILFOYLE: I didn't say that.

GUTFELD: Wait, wait. But I have to just -- there was one major thing you're leaving out and that was what happened in Iran. There was a possibility for a real green revolution...

GILFOYLE: That's true.

GUTFELD: ...and Obama let it slide.

BOLLING: Can I have one more? Can I have one more thing that happened? Prior to the Arab spring, President Obama in Egypt, June 2009 said, look, we've had this thing all wrong. America is not an exception country. You're one of us. Islam is a religion of peace, his words in the speech. And then that opened the door for, wow, wow, maybe this is an opportunity for an Arab spring. Absolutely, Bob.

TANTAROS: But I do agree with Bob. I do have to back him up on this. This has been a bipartisan effort. I said that from the very start. George Bush did a lot of democracy promotion. He was right. At least he had the wherewithal to continue to fight and kill these terrorists where we lost track was trying to win the hearts and mind. But you look at these fantasy democracies. Iraq, Libya, Syria, we have created...

GUILFOYLE: Egypt.

TANTAROS: ...all of these disasters ourselves telling Hansi Mubarak to step aside.

GUILFOYLE: Right.

TANTAROS: Because we believe that they want what we want here in the United States. It's just not true. And now Assad is telling us we need to ask his permission if we want to kill ISIS.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yeah. And that don't agree to.

TANTAROS: Unreal.

BECKEL: We did ask this on other side of the general...

TANTAROS: Bob, President Obama urged him to step aside. And Nancy Pelosi and all the democrats jumped up, up and down and said how great it was.

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: The idea that you guys think...

BOLLING: No, no. Stop, stop. Hold on. Time out, time, time out, Bob, President Obama drew a red line. He drew a red line for Syria. The line was crossed. He said well, maybe we...

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: And then he put some liquid paper on it and crossed it out.

BECKEL: That was a terrible mistake. And my come -- the idea that somehow the largest country in the Middle East, Egypt, with a very large military that somehow we could have stopped Mubarak from being thrown out of office, and where millions of people in the square every night and there we ghetto who've got...

GUILFOYLE: Oh my God. We facilitated the whole thing.

TANTAROS: Joe Biden has said the Muslim brotherhood will never rise to power. Hansi Mubarak needs to step aside. Look what happened, we've got the Muslim in one minute...

BOLLING: You know, I honestly think we didn't facilitate the change of guard in Egypt?

BECKEL: Absolutely not. Then also historic sophomoric and bankrupt, then suddenly we're talking about...

GUTFELD: Let's agree on one thing because we're yelling any -- this is the -- ISIS is the first radical terror outfit born from political correctness. This is where modern academics basically condemned any criticism against Muslim extremism. That's how it grew in Europe.

BOLLING: Obama, we must support democracy in Egypt. I will never forget that line. Hope you don't.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah. Democracy...

BECKEL: I don't. And it came directly from George Bush.

GUTFELD: When The Five returns in the wake of the Ferguson, Missouri unrest some lawmakers urging the president to appoint a federal police czar. But is this the best solution to solving tensions between the black community and local law enforcement? Details, next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BOLLING: Welcome back, everybody. Two days after Michael Brown was shot in Ferguson, a white 20-year-old male who friends say was unarmed who was shot dead by a cop who was politically correctly called not, quote, not white. And over the weekend an ex-marine was followed to a restaurant parking lot and beaten into a coma who witnesses claim were 20 black men. Neither of those stories made headlines or prompted congressional action. But in the wake Ferguson a congressional black caucus is demanding federal oversight of local police departments. Is it me or is this a terrible idea. The last thing we need is Eric Holder, Valerie Jarrett, and Barack Obama handcuffing our extremely capable law enforcement. K.G., can we start with you. So a federal law enforcement czar.

GUTFELD: Wow.

GUILFOYLE: I mean, this is maybe, maybe the worst idea they've had yet. And I cannot believe the amount of interference and the way that they obstruct justice. I mean, seriously, make a mockery of the justice system. They have no business getting involved in this way. This is just another flagrant thumb in the nose of state and local officials that should be running their jurisdiction as they see fit according to the needs of their constituents who have a better idea. They're closer to the field. Instead now we're gonna have a justice czar to meddle and like stir up the pot? But you know what? They engage in selective justice. That's the problem.

BOLLING: Is there anything the feds do better than the locals do, Bob?

BECKEL: Sure. Many things.

BOLLING: Just a good Idea.

BECKEL: We can give a long discussion about this. And look, I think the idea of taking all the police departments and putting them on the wonder Rubik (ph) and say when one person, look, you know, because some of them are very good and there are others like the Ferguson Police Department that was turned down by the Missouri state -- safety department for coming up with the worst lousy crime statistics in any department in the state and they threw it back at them. Ferguson Police Department is in need -- they might not need the oversight from Washington. They could probably use oversight from Newark. I mean, some departments needs some help and others do not.

BOLLING: That is the issue. Andrea, the feds -- are the feds gonna make Ferguson better?

TANTAROS: Oh, no. I mean, with this idea of a law enforcement czar, you look at the problem, the root of the problem are the feds. They have created this culture. So they're not exactly...

BECKEL: How can they begin woops (ph) in Ferguson.

TANTAROS: ...who are -- are going to be able to help fix this culture. And I do think that that law enforcement czar will have such an anti-police culture that eventually police departments will pull out of certain areas where they're needed the most. Like Chicago to their job and they'll go into more suburban communities where they are more welcome. However, I do think there is an issue with certain police forces and the tactics and the culture that we are seeing across the country. I mean, you look at the video of the woman who was on antidepressants and crashed into the White House. Did they really need to pump her with six rounds of bullets in front of her child?

BECKEL: Exactly.

TANTAROS: We've run videos on the Fox News Channel of a woman who was speeding and by the time the cops pulled her over in front of her mini van full of kids, they beat her to a pulp. I mean, there's something going on in this country. I don't think it's black and white and cut and dry, I think it's complex. But I do think it will change when law abiding citizens, not people who follow the Al Sharpton finally express...

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: I wish people would not lay down and say every cop in the world are great persons, does great things. A lot of them are bums. GUTFELD: Well likewise...

GUILFOYLE: Who said that?

GUTFELD: ...not a lot of them are bums.

BECKEL: You do.

GUILFOYLE: You know what, Bob? You're so rude.

BECKEL: There are a lot of people who were talking in Ferguson.

GUILFOYLE: Wait until the day you need a police officer. It's so rude.

BECKEL: I have needed police officer many times.

GUILFOYLE: If there is a reputation of police officers men and women that serve...

BECKEL: You think there are bad police officers in the world?

GUILFOYLE: There are bad people in every job.

BECKEL: Are there bad policeman in Ferguson?

GUILFOYLE: I never said that there weren't. What I'm saying is you make blanket statements...

BECKEL: I didn't make blanket statements. You're the ones -- it's always the democrats or all the liberals...

GUTFELD: All right. Can I make a point about this? When rhetoric gets extreme over racial issues, it is better to walk away and then be happy that from these consequences arose a middle ground. Which I think is happening. There are people from all sides who are agreeing. And there might be solutions coming from some common sense where we start eliminating the extreme voices. But you know it's bad, you know it's bad when a left wing cummy scum name Russell Brand actually weighs in. He actually lectured Jason Riley, who is black, on how to be black. He accused Jason Riley of betraying his racial roots because basically he asserted some conservative perspective about what was going on. He also said that Jason Riley probably lives in a white neighborhood and then he went on to mock Jason Riley's white-sounding voice. The interesting thing is Brand went after me as well. But he didn't mentioned my race, he only mentioned Jason's race which makes him a racist. Now meanwhile while this is going on, while Russell Brand is lecturing the United States on bigotry, the deadliest form o bigotry, radical Islam is spewing from his homeland but he's too much of a coward to actually focus on that and to say something like that because he dressed as Osama Bin Laden on Halloween after 9/11. He's a coward. He should talk about what's going on in his home and not in ours.

BECKEL: What's his nationality? Where the hell did he come from?

BOLLING: May I? Can we get this in here?

GUTFELD: England? No.

BECKEL: All right. Oh it is?

(LAUGHTER)

BOLLING: So can I say this? Harvard law -- Harvard professor, I'm sorry. We understand talked President Obama has compared Michael Brown and Martin Luther King. Listen.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CHARLES OGLETREE, HARVARD LAW PROFESSOR: This is just like the assassination of Dr. King in 1968, when everybody was very upset trying to figure out what was going to happen. This reminds us of exactly what happened years ago when I was a young kid to the great man Emmett Till, the young kid who was killed in Mississippi for allegedly whistling at a white woman.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BOLLING: And we need to this quickly. Bob, go ahead.

BECKEL: I just have it, my dad, haven't been involved and see those cases for him to say (inaudible) my dad and compare this to Dr. Martin Luther King or on itself is absolutely ridiculous. If I were him, I would go back to school and learn something about the history of the Civil Rights Movement. I don't understand that you -- as tragic as this was, the idea of comparing this to one of the great leaders of the world, Martin Luther King, is absolutely idiotic.

BOLLING: Go ahead, Andrea.

TANTAROS: And Martin Luther King spoke in a black church in St. Louis when he was alive, not far from Ferguson. And I doubt he would agree with that sentiment. Because his message was very, very different about uniting and taking on and getting rid of black crime in their community.

GUILFOYLE: And just quickly, as a Harvard law professor, he should know better. Shame on him. He's being the one leading the charge of rush to judgment against the police officer. Not waiting until the facts are in. Not waiting until the grand jury and justice has spoken. Grow up.

BOLLING: Final thought?

GUTFELD: I don't know. I mean, this is what happens in these -- in these conflicts. Like I said, there's gonna be extreme things said on both sides and you just try to go like this.

BOLLING: There you go. We'll leave it right there. Up next, what happens when Walter White and The Veep share the stage? One hot make-out session, it's the kiss from last night's Emmy everyone was talking about. Plus, other must-see moments when The Five returns.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SETH MEYERS, HOST: We're doing the Emmys on a Monday night in August, which of I understand television, it means the Emmys are about to get cancelled.

JIMMY KIMMEL, HOST: Why is Matthew McConaughey nominated for a television award? And no offense but how many of those speeches of yours are we supposed to sit through?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: Well, that was Seth Meyers and Jimmy Kimmel cracking jokes at the 66th Primetime Emmy Awards last night. Some of Hollywood's brightest turned out to honor the best in television. The night features some kisser, losers, and singers.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Julia Louis-Dreyfus over her career she's won five Emmys and had 18 nominations.

RICKY GERVAIS, ACTOR: I lost again. That was good. Well done to Jim Parsons there. I would have preferred to have won it but, you know. Also I have come a long ways, probably local.

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC, MUSICIAN: With terrorists, beautiful woman, ugly crying. Inigo Montoya grew a beard.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: Wow. All right. The one controversial moment of the show came after "Modern Family" star Sofia Vergara appeared on a rotating pedestal. Some critics blasted the stunt as objectifying women. We report. You decide.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We'd love for you to stand on this revolving platform. Our Academy is more diverse than ever before, both in front of and behind the camera. What truly matters is that we never forget that our success is based on always giving the viewer something compelling to watch.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: I love it. Vergara's response to the critics, quote, "lighten up a bit."

Andrea, I want to get one for my apartment immediately.

GUTFELD: Like you don't already.

GUILFOYLE: I know. Wink-wink.

TANTAROS: Could you imagine?

GUILFOYLE: I could be like a hologram. We have one of those already.

TANTAROS: She's beautiful. This was a great idea. Who would slam her? They said that putting her on a pedestal objectified women and...

GUILFOYLE: I think it's amazing.

TANTAROS: Me, too. She's a total 10. She's gorgeous. And I think she handled it perfectly.

GUILFOYLE: Haters, go away.

Anybody else? Guys, help us out.

BECKEL: You want that thing in your apartment, you're going to have to take...

GUILFOYLE: Oh, good heavens.

BECKEL: ... get rid of the stripper pole, because there's not enough room for it, but...

GUILFOYLE: You know, I mean...

BECKEL: I'm sorry.

GUILFOYLE: Get him.

BECKEL: Yes, never mind. Never mind. I thought it was -- you know.

GUILFOYLE: Shut up, Bob.

BECKEL: Can I just say what she said? Lighten up.

GUILFOYLE: All right. Bolling.

BOLLING: I agree. That was fantastic. I'm sure she was thrilled to be chosen to be on the rotating platform.

I've got to be honest: I didn't watch the Emmys. I did see -- I was in Miami last night. I was watching kind of a little bit. Ricky Gervais seemed pretty funny, and I saw Weird Al. And honestly, I didn't get it. I love Weird Al. I love all his work. I didn't really get what that was all about last night with Weird Al. Was that what you saw?

TANTAROS: It was Weird Al. I think it was a noble effort.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, there you go. There you go.

GUTFELD: It was a noble effort.

GUILFOYLE: Anything else you want to say about it? Then I want to play something.

GUTFELD: You know, I thought the big winner was Lena Dunham's dress. I don't know if you saw it. But it looked like -- do we have a picture? It looked like a fish made out of a cake hate half a girl. And by the way, she pulled it off quite well. I thought she looked marvelous in this thing. It was like a Barbie doll and a bag of cotton candy. I thought it was gorgeous. And there's the boyfriend. Anyway, enough from me.

GUILFOYLE: I'm not feeling that dress, but I was feeling this. Billy Crystal with a very touching tribute to Robin Williams. Take a listen.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BILLY CRYSTAL, COMEDIAN: Well, as genius as he was on stage, he was the greatest friend you could ever imagine. Supportive, protective, loving. It's very hard to talk about him in the past, because he was so present in all of our lives. For almost 40 years, he was the brightest star in the comedy galaxy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: Really special. And I'm sure his children, his family, his wife appreciate the touching comments, especially coming from Billy Crystal. Anybody?

BOLLING: All you. I'm teasing. Go ahead, Bob.

BECKEL: I'm just going to say that so many people who suffer from depression who turn to alcohol as he did and drugs and then got off, it was a brave move. First of all, to get sober like that, I give him a lot of credit for that. But then to go on, to continue on doing comedy, I mean, I don't know how comedians go on straight, but I would imagine not many. Well, you know that comedy club scene better than I do. There's a lot of that, right?

GUTFELD: No comment.

Can I make a point overall about the Emmys? If you watch it, what's very clear is this is, like, the best time for television in history. I believe the number of shows is incredible.

And why is that? You have FX. You have AMC. You've got HBO, Showtime. It's -- it's competitiveness; it's competition. And if Hollywood sees this effect in entertainment, why can't they see it in other arenas? Why must they denigrate the idea of choice? These are big -- these are big cable networks beating the noncable networks in productivity, producing amazing products. That should be seen as good.

GUILFOYLE: Bolling.

BOLLING: Why was it on Monday night? Isn't it usually a Sunday night event?

GUTFELD: That's a good point.

GUILFOYLE: The VMAs.

GUTFELD: Oh, because VMAs.

BOLLING: Oh, so they couldn't get it together. They couldn't split the Sundays? The VMAs going to take it next week, or the Emmys take it next. That had to be it.

GUILFOYLE: Weird, right? Andrea, any moments that stood out to you? And what did you think of the Billy Crystal tribute?

TANTAROS: I really didn't watch. Got to be honest. But I did watch the highlight reel. And I thought it was fine.

I agree with Greg. I think TV is really in a golden era. And it's way better than the movies that are coming out of Hollywood.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TANTAROS: And the networks are going to have a hard time competing, because you have such creativity on channels like FX and HBO and Showtime. They can do a lot more than the networks.

GUILFOYLE: A lot of really great shows coming on.

BECKEL: You know what else you can think about this. Because there are a lot of great actors and actresses out there who before were limited in the roles they could get, because there were so few of them. Now are able to act. And you're seeing some great talent coming forward.

GUILFOYLE: Some really good stuff coming forward. One of my favorite movies that I saw was "Devil's Advocate." That's going to be coming to television. Arnold Kopelson, the producer on that. I'm looking forward to it.

Next on "The Five," when it comes to the laws of attraction, do women prefer bad boys, Andrea? And where do nice girls finish? Andrea took to the streets to get reaction to that new study when we return.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

TANTAROS: So do nice guys really finish last or is that a myth? Nope, not a myth.

According to a new study, women do prefer those bad boys. But when it comes to men, nice girls finish first. I went out earlier and asked people what they look for when they're looking for a mate. Take a look.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

TANTAROS: Do nice guys finish last?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I think they don't, but they can't be too nice in the beginning.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Women love bad boys.

TANTAROS: Do women love bad boys?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes. I have one.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I think initially we do, but then deep down, we kind of want them to be good guys at heart.

TANTAROS: Why do you like him?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: They do different tricks.

TANTAROS: Do you think that women like bad boys and men like good girls?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No, it's the opposite.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I think in the 20s probably.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I know that she didn't until she met me.

TANTAROS: Men really like the bad girl?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, yes.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Not to marry but to date.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Behind closed doors, you know, you want a bad woman.

TANTAROS: A lady in the street but a freak in the bed. Say yes!

So you're a good guy?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm a good guy.

TANTAROS: I guess you two are living proof that the study is right. Nice guys do not finish last.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Absolutely. I think I finished first with this one.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

TANTAROS: All right. So very different answers on the streets of New York. Kimberly Guilfoyle...

GUILFOYLE: Is my mom watching?

TANTAROS: ... focus group of one, do you like...

GUILFOYLE: Whoa.

TANTAROS: ... bad boys or good boys?

GUILFOYLE: Can I ask you something?

TANTAROS: Yes.

GUILFOYLE: Is it possible to have both?

TANTAROS: Yes, at different stages in your life.

GUILFOYLE: No, at the same time.

BECKEL: Five marriages.

GUILFOYLE: It's two marriages. And by the way, I think it's possible to have both in one guy. Just like it's possible to have it with the woman, right?

GUTFELD: The example is one of the first romance novels of all time. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. That was all done because a woman wanted a good guy but a bad guy. So he invented the serum, which he took so he could be the bad boy. And then he could, you know, provide for her. It's a beautiful tale. I think it's on Hallmark Channel.

GUILFOYLE: Wasn't he a murderer?

TANTAROS: A woman should find a man with a split personality...

GUTFELD: Exactly.

GUILFOYLE: ... so she can have both?

BOLLING: Batman. Bruce Wayne, nice guy.

GUILFOYLE: I like that. I prefer that. I prefer Batman than Mr. Jekyll.

BOLLING: You guys are looking for Batman, aren't you?

TANTAROS: I think that women like bad boys. And they grow out of that phase, and then they want a good man. It's true.

BECKEL: Well, I want to -- I want to side with...

TANTAROS: You have always wanted a bad girl. Sol..

BECKEL: I want to side with Kimberly on this. I'm a -- I'm a nice guy that likes good girls. And a bad guy that likes nice girls. So -- and you put the combination together, which has happened.

GUTFELD: Here we go.

GUILFOYLE: Derailed.

BECKEL: I think it's great. Is anybody really a nice guy completely and doesn't have a bad side to them? Seriously.

TANTAROS: Oh, my gosh. What are you doing?

GUILFOYLE: Aren't you supposed to weigh in on bad girls versus good girls?

BOLLING: I think that one gentleman was right. When you're dating, you're probably -- you're attracted to that bad girl. You know...

TANTAROS: Like the Usher line that I quoted.

BOLLING: Can I read the line that...

TANTAROS: You have a super sexy wife. Right? I don't mean bad girl in a bad way, but spicy, fun.

BOLLING: ... are sexually attracted to women who show interest in them, who are responsive during the day. It took a study to find that?

GUTFELD: That's the real point.

BOLLING: A lot of this stuff is pretty much logic. Right?

GUTFELD: The real reason for this study is so researchers can talk to girls. Because generally the people that do these studies are lonely.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.

GUTFELD: So they come up with this premise, and they go, "Now we can go to bars or go on campus and talk to girls."

GUILFOYLE: You used to send people out to do that for your magazine. You have the Gutfeld Institute.

GUTFELD: The Gutfeld Institute does this. But oftentimes they go missing.

BECKEL: The best combination, as far as I'm concerned, is a nice girl outside -- outside and a bad girl inside.

TANTAROS: That is the Usher line I quoted during the video.

GUILFOYLE: You sang it, actually. It was pretty cool.

BECKEL: A lady inside the house -- outside the house.

TANTAROS: You want a lady inside...

BOLLING: In the street.

TANTAROS: ... and a freak in the bed.

BECKEL: Yes.

GUTFELD: By the way, aren't we sure we're told that the word "bad." I mean, we're not defining what bad is? And perhaps we shouldn't.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, perhaps we should leave it right there.

GUTFELD: I don't know what it means.

TANTAROS: I think they mean naughty.

GUTFELD: OK.

BOLLING: You want to further define?

TANTAROS: Naughty or nice?

BECKEL: Who said naughty?

TANTAROS: And do you think nice guys finish last? I do. BECKEL: You do?

TANTAROS: I sure do.

BECKEL: Well, a lot of...

GUTFELD: How about guys who are niece (ph)?

TANTAROS: Directly ahead, Bob, like many others, isn't shy about letting out a real belly laugh from time to time, like he did on Friday. Jokes aside, we'll break down the surprising reasons why people sometimes crack up, next on "The Five."

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BECKEL: Well, that was Queen, everybody.

You may have noticed that I have -- I've had some laughing fits on our show lately like this one.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: Oh, yes right.

GUTFELD: Peter has given up on being right.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: He asked me if I'd rather be right than happy. And if they're not the same thing.

GUTFELD: We're losing Bob.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECKEL: I've got to tell you something. The reason for that -- actually, let me finish reading this. There's a connection with a study that's out. It looks like I'm not the only one at this table who's got a case of the giggles.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: It's 5 p.m. in New York City, and this is "The Five."

GUTFELD: Look at this. How can I talk without my notes?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECKEL: Funny business aside, what causes us to chuckle? The No. 1 reason for laughing isn't a joke. It's interacting with other people. Probably why we have so much fun here on "The Five."

Now, the reason I laughed so hard was Dana, the question was about relationships. Right? And Dana says, "You don't always have to -- you have to admit that you're wrong sometimes. Or that, you know, it's OK to be wrong."

I've been to Dana's house probably ten times. And poor Peter. I have never, ever heard Dana -- I mean, she does the wrong things once in a while. But she's...

TANTAROS: Her husband has a saying. He said, "I married Mrs. Right. I just didn't know she'd be right all the time."

BECKEL: Is that what he says?

TANTAROS: That's what he says.

BECKEL: All right. Now Greg, is that what your wife says?

GUTFELD: No. I'm always -- I'm always fascinated by the need to make noise when you laugh. When I'm at a movie theater, I don't make noise. I'm completely silent, which would be terrible if everybody at a comedy club were like me.

But what's interesting is that the reason why you laugh is to let somebody else know that you understand that they're not being serious, which is why there are so many fights on the web and on Twitter, because no one can actually see the cues or understand the cues. So without the actual laughter when you make a joke, that's when you have people screaming at each other and then driving 3,000 miles to kill you.

TANTAROS: But don't you think that's why "LOL" is over utilized? Because you want people to know the context.

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes. LOL after a horrible thing, like sorry about your -- your family illness, LOL.

BECKEL: Have you ever heard comedians just get along with just jokes? Some of the old ones, Henny Youngman did and all those people back then. But now you don't see a comedian who does it off jokes alone, do you? Have you ever seen them? You go to...

BOLLING: Louis C.K. is probably one of the funniest people on the planet.

BECKEL: And it's one joke after another.

BOLLING: He's got a great stand-up routine.

GUTFELD: Do you mean like -- do you mean like, "So three guys walk into a bar"? Is that what you're talking about?

BECKEL: Yes, I mean, most of the guys that I hear, they have -- they play off -- what's funny is they play off of human fallibility.

GUTFELD: Observational comedy.

BECKEL: Whatever they say. Right, exactly. You're funny.

GUILFOYLE: Thank you.

You know, I love laughing and making fun of myself, enjoying situations like this.

BECKEL: Not -- making fun of me. Not yourself.

GUILFOYLE: Very serious. I particularly enjoy that. Yes.

Yo, I think it's actually healthy for you. There's a study that says that.

TANTAROS: Burns calories.

GUILFOYLE: Perfect. Burns calories.

BECKEL: Listen, we've got...

GUILFOYLE: Releases, like, endorphins. Love it.

BECKEL: We've got a little -- a few minutes -- seconds. Greg, you actually know more about this business than others. Am I wrong or do people who are good comedians play off of life's dramas?

GUTFELD: Yes. Because you find -- you have to find humor in the suffering of the world. Andrea knows more about this than I do.

BECKEL: I'm sorry. Andrea, I completely forgot about you. I was looking at you laughing. Go ahead.

TANTAROS: I'm sorry. We laughed so much today in the studio during the commercial break.

BECKEL: Yes.

TANTAROS: And I will say, I laughed the most on the show watching you laugh.

BECKEL: Well, yes.

TANTAROS: It's pretty infectious. I laugh the most, I know. Around a certain group of people.

BECKEL: Many, many different inflections (ph).

Have you ever done comedian -- stand in front of a group, tried to do comedy?

TANTAROS: What do you think?

BECKEL: No. I did it -- I did it in Washington for two nights at the Washington comedy club. They had amateur night. The first night I had people like rolling. Next night, nothing. Absolutely nothing. So I quit.

All right. OK, time to go. Right? Yes, sure, time to get out, Bob. Fine. "One More Thing"...

GUILFOYLE: That's next.

BECKEL: ... is next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: "One More Thing." I'll go first. I love closed captioning, because sometimes it makes things I say more intelligent than they really are. For example, I was discussing Islamophobia on "Red Eye," and it came up as this, "easy llama phobia," which I believe is a fair of promiscuous llamas. And I do believe that is a problem in America. We need to -- we need to stamp that out.

GUILFOYLE: It's a problem over there.

GUTFELD: Especially around me. They love me, those llamas -- Kim.

GUILFOYLE: You know, they'll spit in your face.

BOLLING: I have to attest to that (ph).

GUILFOYLE: They're kind of nasty. But they look cute. But they're not that innocent.

But today...

BOLLING: Easy llama phobia.

GUILFOYLE: OK, pull it together, people. We can put a bow on this if you cooperate.

Today is National Dog Day. And even if you have divided politics -- Democrats, Republicans, confused, you've been questioning, independents, or Greg -- you can all enjoy Dog Day, OK? So let's take a look at some of our dogs. That's Rodig -- what?

BECKEL: Don't mention -- don't mention Dana's.

GUILFOYLE: There is Burrito, Eric Bolling's dog. Ah, what a good boy. America's dog. And of course, people...

BECKEL: No, no, no. Don't mention it.

GUILFOYLE: Jasper Perino.

BECKEL: Let's do one show without it.

GUILFOYLE: America's dog.

TANTAROS: And he also has his own calendar. And our dog on "The Five" -- Bob.

BECKEL: That's fine. But that dog, I've heard enough of that dog.

GUILFOYLE: That's called a dirty dog.

GUTFELD: We've got to move on to Bob.

BECKEL: First of all, this day in history, August 26, 1939, the first televised Major League Baseball game, between the Cincinnati Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers, at Ebbets Field in Brooklyn. A double header. The Reds won the first, 5-2. The Dodgers won the second, 6-1.

And I want to thank the fan who sent me the Elvis glasses. I will wear them proudly.

GUILFOYLE: They're nice, though.

BECKEL: I had them on to do this segment, and the wussy producers said, "No, Bob, take them off." So I'm going to leave them on now.

GUTFELD: Eric.

BOLLING: OK. So very quickly, first the screen, please. Warren Buffett and President Obama got together a couple years ago, and they were talking about the Buffett Rule, which was a 30 percent tax on anyone making more than a million dollars. In other words, he wanted to raise taxes on the individual.

We heard this weekend, today, yesterday that Warren Buffett will now try and facilitate a move from headquarters of Burger King to Tim Hortons, which is a Canadian firm.

But rather than calling Buffett out on it, let me do this. Warren Buffett, great job. You're doing exactly what you should do. You run companies. You're there to make money. And that's the thing that would probably wake President Obama up. Instead of calling it anti-American or, you know, unpatriotic, that's what we need to do. Fix the tax code.

GUTFELD: All right. Andrea.

TANTAROS: Well, the government has decided to waste $1 million of your tax money to monitor what you're saying online under the guise of preserving debate. Yes, they're giving Indiana University 1 million bucks to try and monitor what you say to basically create an algorithm to monitor hate speech. Pretty terrifying, don't you think?

I think they could spend the $1 million on -- oh, I don't know -- monitoring ISIS, of -- I don't know -- maybe Putin or perhaps sealing the border. But nope. Be very careful.

BECKEL: Have you noticed how much of this has been going on in this country? I mean, it's unbelievable. They took the Patriot Act, which by and large is a pretty good act, and took advantage of it, the intelligence community. And they're sneaking into our back yards, into our back rooms (ph). It's just horrible. And it's -- I don't know. You guys are -- you just shouldn't do it, man. It's bad for us.

GUILFOYLE: Democratic administration.

BOLLING: Let me point out that 5:59 and about 20 seconds or so on this, you said that the Patriot Act was, by and large, a good -- a good act, a good bill.

BECKEL: I said except for that part of it.

BOLLING: I just want to remind you some day that you said that.

GUTFELD: All right.

We've got to go. Set your DVR so you never miss an episode of "The Five." "Special Report" is up next. See you tomorrow.

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