This is a rush transcript from "The Five," August 1, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle, along with Juan Williams, Andrea Tantaros, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld.
It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is "The Five."
GUILFOYLE: A cease-fire that was supposed to last three days in the Middle East didn't even last three hours after Hamas killed two Israeli soldiers and captured a third.
A short while ago, President Obama held a news conference and addressed the crisis. He says it will be difficult to put a deal back together, but the U.S. will keep trying.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I think it's going to be very hard to put a cease-fire back together again. If the Israelis and the international community can't feel confident that Hamas can follow through on a cease-fire commitment. I think that there's a lot of anger and there's a lot of despair and that's a volatile mix. But we have to keep trying.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Secretary of State John Kerry has come under fire for his messy diplomacy throughout all of this. But the president is staunchly standing by him.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
OBAMA: Let me take this opportunity, by the way, to give Secretary John Kerry credit. He has been persistent. He has worked very hard. He has endured on many occasions really unfair criticism. We should all be supporting him. This shouldn't be a bunch of complaints and second- guessing about, well, it hasn't happened yet or nitpicking before he's had a chance to complete his efforts.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Stop the nitpicking, Greg.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: That cease-fire lasted about as long as Alec Baldwin's talk show. But we knew this because we talked about this earlier this week, that a cease-fire and Hamas means sucker.
But what kills me is watching the media grasp the ruse of the cease- fire on other networks. It's like they're discovering that water is wet. If you're surprised that Hamas used a cease-fire to attack, then you must be shocked every time you wake up and see the sun because everybody knew this was happening. It's crazy -- crazy to be surprised.
GUILFOYLE: So, the president sees already that this is a struggle, that it's going to be tough to put a deal back together but supporting his secretary of state.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: So, the secretary of state has the president's full confidence. The problem is the rest of the world does not. But it's important for the Secretary of State John Kerry, for -- it was important to him and his credibility so that when he goes back to the table and tries again, it's good for him for everybody in the world to know Barack Obama still has confidence in him and that's really all he needs at least to keep his job.
To be effective, I think that's going to be another question. And in particular with the cease-fire, you saw yesterday we broke into this news program, Shepard Smith did, to announce that John Kerry has just announced that there's going to be this cease-fire. And we said, hopefully, you know, like, we hope that will work, but who actually believes that it's going to. It was almost like this exercise in futility just to do public relations.
I think the White House could possibly now -- the best thing they could do now is let Hamas be Hamas and Israel be Israel. Let them fight, stand aside, and do not be complicit in Hamas' ruse and their scheme to call a cease-fire and then to end it and try to pretend in their minds that they are making it worse for Israel. I actually think Hamas is losing the PR battle, far from what the media has said about Israel. I think Hamas is actually losing a lot of ground.
GUILFOYLE: Yes. Where is their credibility, Andrea, because they're the ones that violated the cease-fire five separate occasions and now have gone to the great lengths to kidnap an Israeli soldier? That tells me the situation has escalated because now Israel has no recourse but to destroy Hamas and get their soldier back.
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: But as Greg pointed out, is this really a surprise? I mean, I think that's what was so troubling today was watching President Obama. He sounded miffed at Hamas, and he did sound shocked that they actually broke the cease-fire. They're a terrorist organization, and I think what we've seen over the last couple of weeks, Kimberly, is this administration, which in its comments about this conflict, legitimizes Hamas.
We've heard Nancy Pelosi say that they're a humanitarian organization. Jen Psaki at the State Department, with extreme naivete, legitimizing a terrorist organization. Hillary Clinton doing the same, explaining away why they've put their missiles in certain areas.
They have been bungling this thing from the beginning, and we need to get out of the way. We need to let Israel destroy them. Who cares about the PR war?
From the get-go, arguably the United States has made this worse. You could eve gone back to when the United States of America told Hosni Mubarak to step aside, the Muslim Brotherhood sought ascendancy. The Muslim Brotherhood is aligned with Hamas. Now, they're not in power anymore, but, Kimberly, we've had Gadhafi step aside, we've seen ISIS grow stronger in Syria and now move into Iraq.
We have arguably, because U.S. power is receding, allowed for this vacuum to happen and allowed for terrorist organizations like Hamas to get stronger. And by legitimizing them and brokering the ceasefire that we knew was a joke, we actually I think emboldened them to do to more because they say, look, the United States treats us like we're a serious organization and not a terrorist organization, which is a huge mistake.
GUILFOYLE: Juan, where do we go from here?
JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: Well, I hope that we go back to, you know, persistence with regard to trying to stop the bloodshed, because I think -- you know, I listen to what you guys are saying and I think, wait a second, you know, I think it's more than 1,400 Palestinians dead. Not only, that 63 Israeli soldiers. We got this Israeli soldier now that's missing, again. What do you think the Hamas people are going do? They're going to hold that young man and it's going to be a terrible situation for the Israelis on the ground.
GUILFOYLE: Try and get another prisoner swap. They got a thousand last time.
WILLIAMS: Even though Hamas is a terrorist organization, although I must say they have tremendous support, obviously, we've seen elections in the Palestinian ranks in Gaza, what we need to do is not say it's just about Hamas and Israel.
I think you've got to say -- you got to see the larger implications for the region. Charles Krauthammer had an excellent column today talking about how so many of the Arab nations are not supportive of Hamas. That could open a door in terms of what John Kerry is doing to gain support for Israel. Let's do away with all these arguments about Israel's rights, let's move on, get back to the idea of co-existence and some kind of peace. And I certainly would say to you, don't give Israel permission, then, because we approve of Israel and they're our allies, to just annihilate the --
TANTAROS: Why not? They need to destroy Hamas.
WILLIAMS: No, no, to destroy Hamas, but people -- there are children and there are people there.
TANTAROS: He missed that opportunity, Juan, to go those Muslim countries, John Kerry this messed that up last weekend.
WILLIAMS: No, this is not over.
TANTAROS: The wrong Muslim countries.
WILLIAMS: It's not over.
TANTAROS: It is. We missed that. Our credibility is.
WILLIAMS: It's not a divorce.
GUTFELD: It's worse.
No, that was the point I was going to make, that Kerry went to the people that like Hamas.
TANTAROS: That's right.
GUTFELD: And I think it is refreshing to know that there are Arabs around the world who are disgusted by Hamas. I feel bad for the Palestinians. They're like a family with a horrible thug for a brother and it's a brother who keeps inviting trouble back to their house. He's always there. The cops keep showing up. That thuggish brother is Hamas. And the family, the Palestinians, pay the price.
So, I think it's time that -- and I agree with Andrea and I think a lot of Arab countries agree, just let Israel be Israel. And get rid of this brother.
WILLIAMS: Even though there's violence and --
GUTFELD: But there's going to be continued -- the problem with cease- fire is that actually extend the suffering because it allows them to reload.
GUILFOYLE: It's phony. The cease-fires are a joke. It's like semantic gymnastics. They don't even understand what cease-fire means. They just laugh all the way. They're like, an hour's passed.
GUTFELD: They were joking about it. They were texting Israelis, laughing at them for running.
PERINO: I agree, Krauthammer's op-ed was really good and I agree the point he was making. However, Charles' column was a criticism of John Kerry. So, what he said was Kerry legitimized Hamas's war criminality, which makes his advocacy of Hamas' terms not just a strategic blunder -- enhancing a U.S.-designated terrorist group just when a wall-to-wall Arab front wants to see it gone -- but a moral disgrace.
The criticism of the policies up to now that has made all these Arab countries be on the side of the Israelis.
Now, perhaps that's an opportunity and now the president can say, you know what, John Kerry, let's change our tactic, let's make work with them and push behind the Israelis. But I just want to make sure that it's clear, I think the column is great, but it wasn't suggesting that John Kerry has done this with skill.
WILLIAMS: No, no, no. It was critical, but it has opened the door, clearly, this moment where you have the Arab world opposed to Hamas is an opportunity now I think to put added pressure on Hamas and to build bonds with Israel that would pay off on a deal.
PERINO: And not just Hamas. There is a change in the global war on terror. It is not just Hamas but the conflict in Syria, with the extremists and then ISIS.
WILLIAMS: And fear of Iran ultimately.
PERINO: Actually, we are in -- I actually think we are in World War III. It's the global war on terror.
GUILFOYLE: And, Dana, if we are, then what is the position and the role of the United States? You have a president admitting to broker a deal at this point is going to be very difficult, challenging at best. Take a listen to the president claiming that the United States has not lost its influence.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REPORTER: Has the United States of America lost its influence in the world? Have you lost yours?
OBAMA: Yes. Look, this is a common theme that folks bring up. Apparently, people have forgotten that America as the most powerful country on earth still does not control everything around the world.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: What are we in charge of or in control of in terms of our foreign diplomacy at this point, Greg?
GUTFELD: I don't know. I mean, it's all about leading from behind and this is what happens. Right now, there are Jews being attacked all over the world -- France, Germany, Austria, and even in Boston there were a bunch of students that were swarmed, a bunch of Jewish students were swarmed by a mob of screaming bigots.
You know, I don't hear the president talking about that. But I also don't hear the media. Instead, I hear the media saying that Israel is losing the media war as they help Israel lose the media war. They're propagandists for pain.
And trying to broker a deal between Hamas and Israel, would you broker a deal between an abused woman and her abusive stalker? You wouldn't. You would get rid of the abusive stalker.
GUILFOYLE: You would punish them.
GUILFOYLE: Right, and stop it.
WILLIAMS: I don't think anybody at the table disputes the idea that Israel is by far the superior military power.
WILLIAMS: There is no way Hamas can defeat Israel.
GUTFELD: Yes, but that's that faulty logic.
WILLIAMS: Tell me why.
GUTFELD: I tell you, because just because you're superior militarily doesn't mean you invite attack. Now, I've seen this happen before. There was the guy who runs the Palestinian center, said that Israel is at fault of the broken cease-fire because Israel is far superior. So, no matter what happens, yes, no matter what happens, it's going to be Israel's fault because they're better at killing than you are.
WILLIAMS: No, no, but that's not the argument. The argument would be they are so far superior in terms of military might, that they are at risk of being defeated, that they are in position to exercise some restraint in this situation and help create a peace --
GUTFELD: Restraint of 30 underground terror tunnels. How do you exercise restraint when they're digging underneath you?
WILLIAMS: These people are a guerrilla organization and play by no rules, and nobody's making excuses for them. You can't excuse all the killing.
TANTAROS: So, why is the president -- I mean, you could go back to his speech about `67 borders. You could look at him telling Israel they need to have restraint. President Obama, when he answered the question today, and he denies that we've lost influence, I would say we've had the wrong influence.
And if you look at all these different forces, I went through Egypt and Syria, we seem to be backing the wrong horse and we treat Israel like a frenemy. And that's why we've been all over the place.
So, today, when the president said Israel has a right to defend itself, there's always a caveat there. Israel has a right to defend itself if it uses restraint. Israel is the only country, it seems, that is not allowed to defend itself. It should be allowed to wipe Hamas off the map. This it's opportunity. It has been patient. It's shown restraint. Enough is enough. We need to get out of the way so they can do it.
GUILFOYLE: That's for sure. So, Netanyahu, there's no doubt about side he's going to choose, and that's the side of the people of Israel. He's not going to be worried about what the U.S. thinks.
PERINO: Can I mention one other thing?
PERINO: I know that we probably have to go.
There is a report that's probably not going to get enough attention as it should. It was led by former Secretary of Defense William Perry and United States Army John Abizaid. Basically, they had to look at the military spending of the last several years, the Obama administration's four-year defense strategy. They say it lacks funding need for fulfilling the responsibilities, and then it says the gap is disturbing if not dangerous in light of the fact that global threats and challenges are rising.
It's a very interesting report that if you're a serious policy person, I think you could take a look at that, and in Washington, hopefully, there are some cooler heads that could prevail and come together and say, facing all of these global threats we've all just talked about, what is the position that we should take in the next budget cycle in order to try to right the ship that we have upended?
GUILFOYLE: And get ahead of it instead of coming from behind. OK, great idea.
Next, the president vowed again to act alone to resolve the crisis at the border and, of course, he spent a great deal of time mocking Republicans at the podium. Your immigration drama update coming up on THE FIVE.
WILLIAMS: President Obama also used his remarks today to address immigration. While doing so, he took an opportunity to take some shots at one of his favorite targets, the GOP.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
OBAMA: House Republicans, as we speak, are trying to pass the most extreme and unworkable version of the bill that they already know is going nowhere, and they can't pass the bill. They can't even pass their own version of the bill. This is a message bill that they couldn't quite pull off yesterday so they made it a little more extreme so maybe they can pass it today, just so they can check a box before they're leaving town for a month.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: With so much uncertainty in Congress, Obama reiterated that he is ready to go it alone.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
OBAMA: While they're out on vacation, I'm going to have to make some tough choices to meet the challenge with or without Congress. We're going to have to act alone because we don't have enough resources. We've already been very clear -- we've run out of money and we are going to have to reallocate resources in order to just make sure that some of the basic functions that have to take place down there --
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: So, Andrea, he's saying, gee, the Republicans haven't done anything so I'm going to have to go it alone.
Now, what's interesting to me is yesterday when they didn't do anything, they actually said the president probably should do something under his own authority and I was totally bollixed up because I remember they're mad at him for exercising too much executive authority.
TANTAROS: Exactly what they said yesterday. And I would argue they didn't do anything yesterday. They actually did something and it was bad what they did, was they brought a bill to the floor and they didn't have the votes and they had to pull the bill. There's going to be a vote this evening and I do believe they will pass it. House leadership sat down with Michele Bachmann and Steve King and others that were no votes on this and knocked some sense into them.
I will say this though -- I have gotten the sense that there's a lot of members that feel that they can't sue the president for doing too much and then leave town without doing anything. So they're trying to do something. They're trying to be able to go back in their districts and say they're doing something.
The fact that the Senate is gone just tells me nothing is going to get done on this, and the president couldn't be more delighted that he gets to point to his pen and act on his own. This is exactly what he wants, and it is very upsetting to see the Republicans give it to hm.
WILLIAMS: Yes, that's what I'm hearing in your voice. You're upset with the Republicans.
TANTAROS: I'm frustrated. There's a lot of disorganization and the bill they put on the floor yesterday would have fixed that loophole in the law that would apply to Central American kids, would have provided more border security. It was a pretty good bill. They just didn't have their act together and I'm still shocked they brought it to the floor without the votes.
WILLIAMS: All right. I think I'm going to be quiet because I don't want to get in the way of this.
But, Dana, what is the problem?
PERINO: Well, here's one problem. The president had a spokesperson today tell "The Washington Post" on background, of course, that the president could agree with 80 percent of the House bill.
So, to me, it's not that extreme. If you can get 80 percent agreement, then, reasonable people, leaders should be able to figure out the last 20 percent.
I think that tonight, the rules committee is meeting and they're going to do three basic things. Make sure the guards go back to the border, the children could go back to their home country, and some await reforms.
Here's the interesting thing, though -- the president complains the Republicans couldn't pass a bill. They're going to pass a bill tonight. But guess what? It doesn't matter because it's the Senate Democrats who control the calendar and they're not in town either.
So, we spent all this time complaining about Republicans when the Senate didn't even pass --
WILLIAMS: Wait a second, hold on.
GUILFOYLE: Procedurally, it can't even get done. That's the point.
But he still had the opportunity to blame them, so the GOP looked bad and that's what the mainstream media picks up. They don't understand the rest of the policy.
WILLIAMS: You're upset with so many people but let me just say --
GUILFOYLE: No, not many. Just three or four.
WILLIAMS: Let me just say they know there's no way that the Democrats in the House or the Senate or the president are going to go along with changes to the process --
PERINO: But they have 80 percent -- he said he could have supported 80 percent --
WILLIAMS: Eighty percent in terms of security.
PERINO: Are you telling me that people in Washington couldn't get together and work out a compromise on 80 percent of a bill?
WILLIAMS: That's what I think. I think they should.
PERINO: That's pathetic. And the tone comes from the top in Washington.
WILLIAMS: Wait a minute. It was Republicans who couldn't pass it yesterday, Dana.
PERINO: But they're passing it tonight.
PERINO: Senate Democrats aren't there at all.
WILLIAMS: They made it more extreme.
PERINO: No, they didn't. Not tonight. That's why they're going to be able to get it passed.
GUTFELD: This is why I go back to what I said yesterday, that certain elements of the government has to be run by robots, because the solution to immigration -- the immigration problem is very simple. You build a highway, then you push it up and it's called a wall, and it's very simple. You create tons of jobs, you enhance security, it's fantastic.
Politicians complicate it.
GUILFOYLE: And they take vacations.
GUTFELD: And they take vacations. Robots don't. Robots are immune to emotions and they're immune to rhetoric and ego and anecdotes.
But by the way, back to the president. This is a pattern. Obama cannot operate unless there is a crisis, and he knew this was coming, but he waited until the last minute. And that's the scam of President Obama.
They say he's no drama Obama, but he creates more drama than Dick Wolf. I mean, he's a walking "Law and Order" franchise. Wherever he goes, everything falls apart. Then he is there to go, hey, look, everything's falling apart. Everything's falling -- do something.
By the way, don't you love the "you guys are going on vacation" -- this guy's been on a vacation more times than Chevy Chase.
GUILFOYLE: And going to Martha's Vineyard.
WILLIAMS: All right. Let me introduce some more drama, though. Here's Nancy Pelosi talking about what Republicans are doing to these children.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. NANCY PELOSI (D-CA), MINORITY LEADER: To follow up on their tirade against these poor children, they have a bill that is so bad but it's not bad enough for some of their outside groups. And so in order to sweeten the pie for them and intensify the harm for the children, they've added another bill to follow.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: I'm sorry. That was excruciating, it was so slow --
WILLIAMS: But what do you think about the idea that somehow she's saying Republicans are really beating up, demonizing children?
GUILFOYLE: No, they're not.
WILLIAMS: Just emotions --
GUILFOYLE: She thinks because she says it's true that everyone will believe it.
GUTFELD: You can use this against her. Why does she hate poor children? She's egging them on to travel across a couple of countries.
WILLIAMS: Nancy Pelosi getting those kids to come here.
GUTFELD: She makes the wicked witch look like Mary Poppins.
WILLIAMS: I see.
GUTFELD: By the way, this is --
WILLIAMS: And the drug dealers, they're nice people.
PERINO: She's helping them too.
GUTFELD: She's helping them too.
PERINO: The drug cartels.
GUTFELD: If you were against minimum wage, you hate the poor. If you like Hobby Lobby, you hate women. If you're for the border, you hate kids. If you support Israel, you hate Arabic kids.
Anytime you disagree with a leftist, it's a human rights violation. If I get -- if I don't hand my wallet over to a mugger, that's a human rights violation.
TANTAROS: I actually think she's overplaying her handle and she tends to do that a lot hyperbole. I mean, saying that they hate kids is quite a stretch, especially when the bill that the House tried to pass yesterday provided for the care of these kids. And you could argue, yes, she is not for American kids because these immigrant kids take away services or she's prorate because a lot of these young girls are coming across the border. She doesn't want to fix the loophole and do anything about it. That's crazy.
PERINO: What Andrea just said is actually just the antidote to what Pelosi said. It is not too extreme. What Pelosi is saying, you've heard so it much, that it becomes like you get immune to it.
WILLIAMS: Let me just ask one last thing.
PERINO: There is no crisis that trumps politics for the Democrats.
WILLIAMS: All right, all right. So let's go to politics very quickly before we have to go. Do you think -- and I'm hearing this from some Senate Republicans, boy, you House guys are making trouble for the midterms. Because right now, you're giving the Democrats --
PERINO: You don't think there are Senate Republicans that are making problems for the midterm? I mean, I think they have problems within their own --
WILLIAMS: OK. OK. I just wanted to put it out there. We got to go.
Coming up, President Obama says he wants some people to stop all the - - now, how do I you like this? Hatin'?
WILLIAMS: Hatin', you know, because she's got the genuine accent. But Greg's going to take him to task for that remark, coming up next.
GUILFOYLE: It's Dana.
GUTFELD: So how does President Obama feel about mean people who don't agree with him? I wonder if he said some of the things he's doing without Congress make a difference. But we could do so much more if Congress would just come on and help out.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Some of the things we're doing without Congress are making a difference, but we could do so much more if Congress would just come on and help out a little bit. Just come on. Come on and help out a little bit. Stop being mad all the time. Stop. Stop. Stop this hating all the time.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Applause is his lubricant. Just stop hating.
Obama is now sounding like a whiny pop star who's peeved at critics for panning his last record. And mad at fans who hated his duet with Adam Levine. And Republicans, of course, they are the evil paparazzi. I'm waiting for him to yell, "Do you know who I am?" at a maitre d'.
He says stop just hating all the time. Perhaps one of the most adolescent blurbs ever to spill out from an adult male's face. Seriously, was that lifted from Justin Bieber's blog? Is it the title of a new Katy Perry song? If so, give her for writing it on the inside of your locker with a Magic Marker.
The problem with this whine is that the anger actually began with Obama's own beliefs, born from the polluted canvas that proclaimed that the greatest country ever was actually pretty awful and needed fundamental change. I wouldn't call that hate, but sowing the seeds of discontent was where the president got where he got today. And now the polls suggest people feel the same way about him.
But I'm sure America, a nice bunch of people, would be willing to stop hating if only he would go first.
You know, Juan, how do we stop the hate?
WILLIAMS: I don't know, brother. You know what? Reverend Gutfeld in the house. Thank you, because it would be good if we could stop the hate.
GUTFELD: If we could stop it. But you can't stop the hate, can you? It's too late.
WILLIAMS: Well, it's too pleasurable at this point with the lubricant going on.
GUTFELD; Hate feels good and hate pays.
GUTFELD: You know what I'm saying?
PERINO: It gets applause.
GUTFELD: It does.
GUTFELD: You like that. He's having fun there, Dana. He...
PERINO: Today in the press conference when he asked three times if anyone was going to wish him happy birthday.
PERINO: If the press corps would just break out into applause.
GUTFELD: But does calling people haters, does that elevate the conversation?
PERINO: Oh, definitely. I mean, I really -- when I was press secretary, I should have written that into some of President Bush's remarks.
GUILFOYLE: Could you imagine?
PERINO: That could help bring the country together, get some real accomplishments on the table. Definitely. I'll take that under advisement.
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes. Andrea or Eric, after the reassignment surgery - - well done.
TANTAROS: Thank you.
GUTFELD: It's fantastic.
TANTAROS: I'm not as tan this time.
GUILFOYLE: The hair looks fabulous.
GUTFELD: Hair looks amazing. Where's your lapel pin?
All right. How do you -- how do you argue...
TANTAROS: Lost it in surgery.
GUTFELD: How do you debate somebody if your opposition doesn't think you're just wrong but actually thinks you're evil? Because that's always been the problem is the left, as we've seen in the last few blocks, always said that you hate children; you're evil. So, they're not really disagreeing with you; they're condemning you.
TANTAROS: Right. And it is really tough for Republicans. What are they supposed to say? "I don't hate you, Mr. Obama. I don't hate you. I like you. I just don't like your policies." And then he wins, because he gets them off -- off message.
I've joked that this seems like a student council, but it really does. I mean, you have the spokeswoman at the State Department using Magic Markers and crayons, doing selfie diplomacy. He's quoting from, you know, hip-hop songs, stop hating all the time. It feels very sixth grade; it feels very immature.
Although I know that he doesn't want to lose the Senate on his watch, because he thinks it would be embarrassing. However, it would be the best thing for him politically, because you see how he demonizes a Congress that's only one-half majority in the House of Republicans. If he had a full Republican Senate and House, could you imagine the next two years?
TANTAROS: He could really be -- I mean, "They're just against me." And that's exactly what he wants.
WILLIAMS: So you guys don't give any credibility to the idea that Congress' ratings are in the tank?
GUTFELD: Of course they are.
WILLIAMS: Republicans and Democrats.
GUILFOYLE: He's helped put them there, as well, which is a problem for the people that he actually wants to get re-elected. Why should we stop the hate? There are so many things to hate.
GUTFELD: I know.
GUILFOYLE: Like taxes. Like solar power. Like the regulations. Like all the phony scandals. I'm sorry.
GUTFELD: Wait a minute. I want to get -- we're missing the most important story of the week, and I want to get your feelings on this. Maggie Gyllenhaal, esteemed actress, has come out strongly against e Obama. She supported him far while. Let's look at this tape.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You have said that Obama has broken your heart. Would you like to say why?
MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL, ACTRESS: I really believed in him, and I'm not sure what he believes in anymore.
I root for him. I hope for him. One day I think he's going to come out and stand up for all the things that he promised he was going to stand up for. But I feel a little hopeless right now.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I feel hopeless, too, Kimberly.
GUILFOYLE: I feel so sad. Worse than when I watched "The Notebook." I mean, really? Is she kidding me? I cried about, like, my seventh-grade boyfriend about this. She needs to, like, snap it together here and realize the reality of the situation. He's still trying to please her.
GUILFOYLE: What is he doing that she's so upset about?
GUTFELD: He's not left-wing enough?
PERINO: He's not doing enough.
TANTAROS: Doesn't that just say how emotional -- they are just enraptured by him, emotionally...
TANTAROS: ... invested, not logically. There's no logic to this whatsoever.
TANTAROS: They're emotionally in love with him.
PERINO: They would say that people who are against him are blind, blinded by their hatred of him.
PERINO: So now that's where we -- that's where we start.
PERINO: So maybe we can start inching it back together.
GUTFELD: They are in love, and we are blinded by hate.
GUTFELD: There you go.
I think we solved a couple of problems today, and I think we should just end the show now.
PERINO: Let's stop.
GUTFELD: Ahead, if you want to be happier in life, Dana is going to tell you where to move to. So stay tuned.
GUILFOYLE: Not here.
PERINO: If you've been unhappy for a while, you might want to consider moving. You could be living in the wrong city. The list is out of the happiest city in America. The top five all in Louisiana, and the bottom five are scattered throughout the country.
But the prize for the least happiest city goes to ours truly, New York City. No surprise there, which we'll talk about.
But let's start with Greg. You have a theory...
PERINO: ... as to why Louisiana has the top five spots?
GUTFELD: Well, here's my theory on why -- why cities like New York are miserable and cities in Louisiana aren't. Religion is a factor. Religion, studies show that in religious areas people tend to be happier than the non-religion, and there -- there tend to be more people who are religious than in New York. But also New York is just truly an awful place. I mean, I just hate it.
TANTAROS: What do you hate the most?
GUTFELD: I hate the fact that nothing ever stops, and there's no escape. I lived in Allentown in the Lehigh Valley for ten years. When I moved to Allentown in 1990, it was listed as the worst city in the world, but it was the greatest city, because you could go anywhere that wasn't Allentown, because you could just leave and come back.
New York, you suck. It's a hellhole.
PERINO: A lot of -- a lot of places that were -- a lot of places...
GUILFOYLE: Somebody call a counselor.
PERINO: Well, remember on New Year's Eve, I started a resolution where every day I'd have to write down one thing a day that I liked about New York?
TANTAROS: How's that going?
PERINO: Some days it was a real struggle. Someday, "Well, my doorman says hi to me." You had to, like scrape -- now there are days when New York is amazing and awesome, but typically, it's just kind of a rough place to live, don't you think, Kimberly?
TANTAROS: Poor us. Poor, poor us.
GUILFOYLE: I do, because I didn't know these big window machines that are some sort of air conditioning thing that jut out of your window, that's what they have for air conditioners. I'm from California. I just thought everyone had central AC. That's just the beginning of it.
The other reason why I don't like New York City, gets Greg really bad, is adjusting to the food here.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's true.
GUILFOYLE: He gets really traumatized by his stomach issues, and then we hear about it.
PERINO: The other thing, Andrea, is that most of the cities in the top ten are in southern states, except for No. 6 is Rochester, Minnesota, which could have a religion component. But do you think the weather has something to do with it?
TANTAROS: One thousand percent. I'm a huge weather person, so I love Miami and California, and the weather here on the East Coast is really hard. And it's getting worse, it seems.
It's so loud here. It's just so loud all the time. And it's so hard to get everywhere. Like everything you want to do in New York is difficult. I have a very love/hate with New York. Plus it's very, very expensive.
The best e part of New York, I think, is the food. And when you're like on some rooftop and it's really quiet...
TANTAROS: ... when you're high up and you can see the skyline, you're like, "Oh, this is a pretty nice city when you look up."
GUTFELD: Then you jump.
TANTAROS: The key to New York is being able to get out and leave. You're absolutely right. And that's -- you have to have some...
GUILFOYLE: So the best part is JFK?
PERINO: Or LaGuardia or Newark.
I'm curious, Juan, about how you would compare D.C. to the rest of these cities, because if you -- it's one thing to work there and sort of hate D.C. for what it stands for or doesn't do, but when you live there, it's kind of a nice place.
WILLIAMS: I think it's a lovely place to live. It's a beautiful city. It's one of the most -- I think second to San Francisco in terms of beautiful cities, Washington, D.C.
GUILFOYLE: I think you're right. I -- yes.
WILLIAMS: And the great things, because, you know, I grew up in New York City. I grew up in Brooklyn. But I must say I love the energy of New York coming and going in and out.
PERINO: A nice place to do business.
WILLIAMS: Yes. And to visit and to eat, right. Except for Greg's stomach. But I mean, it's a great place to eat. So just -- you know.
But on the other hand, I must say you guys are so cranky today.
GUTFELD: We are. You know what? Can I -- that's the point. So why are -- why is New York considered so unhappy? Because big cities attract people who are difficult to satisfy. So you're hearing a bunch of whiners right now, but that's -- New York attracts people who are...
WILLIAMS: But you know what it said is in this study, too? It said that the wealthiest areas are the least happy areas. Now how does that compute?
GUTFELD: Well, let's say if you lived in Allentown, where it's inexpensive, you don't have to make a lot of money to actually get the things that you want.
WILLIAMS: You know what I think? If you know your neighbors, if you know the people around you and, you know, you build relationships, it's better. And I think it's harder in New York.
GUTFELD: That's true.
TANTAROS: You get the sun in your face. I was born in Allentown, and I agree with you. It's a lovely place to grow up, but you can see the trees and the sun and it's a slower pace. That's why people like the south. If people stop...
GUILFOYLE: It's all about backyard grass.
TANTAROS: They have back yards.
PERINO: (UNINTELLIGIBLE) You never had one of those?
GUTFELD: There's such a horrible joke there.
GUTFELD: I almost "Bobbed" myself.
GUILFOYLE: We don't want to get caught and called into a meeting, OK?
PERINO: I'm embarrassed to say I don't get it, but Greg will probably tell me on the break what that joke meant.
OK. Katy Perry wants a baby with or without a man in her life. She says it's 2014. So what's the big deal? We'll discuss next.
TANTAROS: Well, singer Katy Perry wants to be a mom, and she says she's going to make it happen one day, with or without a man. The 29-year- old singer just told "Rolling Stone," quote, "I don't need a dude. It's 2014. I love men, but there's an option if someone doesn't present himself."
Perry is role model for a lot of her young fans. So is this a good message to be sending them?
So Kimberly, I get what she's trying to say. She doesn't need a man - - well, technically, she still needs him for the baby batter. But she's worth, what, 40 million bucks, so she doesn't really need one. But should she really be saying things like this to girls who don't have her millions?
GUILFOYLE: You know, I'm hoping she's trying to say it in a way that's empowering, saying even if you're not lucky in love, you don't find someone to spend your life with, you can still fulfill dreams.
However, that being the case, not everybody's Katy Perry that can afford, like, rotating nanny schedule situation, like six a day. You know? Raising a child is a tremendous amount of work and time and commitment and energy and emotion and focus you have to pour in every minute of the day. Maybe she doesn't quite realize that.
So when you have fans that worship and idolize her that are thinking, "Oh, it's great. You know, I'll do this on my own, as well." Because there are people that really do love her and are obsessed with her, then you run the risk of being a bad influence.
TANTAROS: Single motherhood, Juan, is the hardest job, I think, in America. And I think there's probably a lot of people that do need somebody to help co-parent. And it's better with two parents. I mean, I think fathers add real value.
WILLIAMS: Let me just say, you know, she's not talking about the child. I want to hear the child's vote. The child would say, "I'd like to have two parents." The child would say, "I'd like to have somebody to walk me to the park where -- while mom is out on her tour, as opposed to the latest nanny." Please. I mean, talk about someone who's irresponsible.
TANTAROS: What do you think, Dana? Were you -- did you see what she meant? Or do you think?
PERINO: Yes, totally. Well, her first husband was Russell Brand. It would be better for her not to have...
GUILFOYLE: Who would want to procreate...
I have three friends who have made this choice. One adopted and two did in vitro. They are people, not of millions -- they don't have, like, millions in the bank, but they have means in order to take care of themselves and a child financially. And then they have -- one in particular has family that lives right nearby, and they're making it work. And I think that -- I love the father figure idea, but maybe there's just not enough research yet, enough time to find out that women like Katy Perry, if they go through with it, they can actually make it work.
TANTAROS: Greg, I have a theory. If you continuously tell a certain demographic that you don't need them, like Jennifer Aniston...
GUTFELD: Right, right.
TANTAROS: We don't need you, we don't need you, men, we don't need you, eventually men start to believe it and they go, "OK, since you don't need me, I'm just going to sit on my couch and play video games. You go at it alone." So maybe that contributes to the lack of good men that Katy Perry can't find.
GUTFELD: I think that's a fair theory. I do go back to -- I think this is all the aftermath of Russell Brand. I mean, he's a slow loris with an accent. I mean, it's going to take ten years for her to like men again.
I think it illustrates what Kimberly said, too: wealth and fame provides a safety net for risky behavior that everybody else doesn't have. But this -- you know, this is new to women but not so new to men.
In the '70s, and the '80s, and the '90s, a rock star could engage in any kind of self-destructive lifestyle with a range of female groupies. He could do the drugs, have the sex, and then he would leave town. And what's left over is the detritus of all of these people who don't have the luxury, who don't have the doctors, who don't have the money, and they're called the groupies. That's what's happening -- in a sense, she's you know -- she's basically saying, "I can do this, and anybody who follows me probably can't."
But I think fathers are important.
TANTAROS: She can do it. But who would -- who would want to do it? I think if you ask most women, the reason they turned to in vitro or single mother is because they couldn't find their Mr. Right. They wanted them. They wished they could have find one.
TANTAROS: All right. "One More Thing" up next.
GUILFOYLE: Let's get cheery, shall we? It's time now for "One More Thing" -- Juan.
WILLIAMS: All right. So today is August 1. We'll have a little test, everybody. True or false: August 2014 will have five Fridays, five Saturdays, five Sundays. Such an event won't happen again for 823 years.
WILLIAMS: No, not true! Urban legend, Gregory. Not true. It's all over the Internet, but it's not true. In fact, the last one was March of 2013, next one May of 2015. Next time there will be five Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays again in an August, August 2025, 11 years from now. So don't buy this urban legend, America.
PERINO: It's also -- it's also Ed Gillespie's birthday.
GUILFOYLE: Thank God...
PERINO: Happy birthday, Ed Gillespie.
GUILFOYLE: Thank God we debunked that.
WILLIAMS: And my grandchildren.
PERINO: Your twins?
PERINO: Their birthday's today?
GUTFELD: And you led with -- and you led that "One More Thing"?
WILLIAMS: Well, happy birthday.
GUILFOYLE: "One More Thing's" over now, because we used all our time.
PERINO: I did something fun this week. I got a chance to talk to Chris Taylor of Reuters, a great guy, a reporter who's doing a -- they do a series at Reuters about people's first summer job.
So this week it was Jason Mraz, who was a fence builder and said it was sweaty, hard work. Brian Williams was a lawn guy. I was a telemarketer, and I sold a thing called the Nordic Chair, which was part of the Nordic Track combination.
TANTAROS: Is that one of our sponsors?
PERINO: Yes. It was -- it was incredible, the Nordic Chair.
But my favorite was Jose Molina. He's a host of Univision. He was a wrestling photographer. He loved wrestling, and he went and he took photos, and then he would sell them to magazines. Quite an entrepreneur.
So if you want to, tweet me what your favorite first job was.
GUTFELD: You know, for a long time I used to tell people I was a wrestling photographer.
GUILFOYLE: OK, Greg.
GUTFELD: Very disturbing news out of Scottsdale, Arizona. A petting zoo has created a half sheep, half goat hybrid called a geep. There it is.
GUTFELD: There's the geep. The geep it's not -- it's an abomination of nature. The geep's name is Butterfly. It is an affront to me personally. I told you this would happen. First gay marriage, now we have geeps!
GUILFOYLE: OK. That was weird.
TANTAROS: ... follow the geeps, but a story that the mainstream media is missing, CIA director John Brennan, two Democratic senators today, Udall and Heinrich called for his resignation after Brennan lied under oath and said that they did not, the CIA, hack into Senate computers.
All I have to say is imagine if President Bush's administration would have done something like this.
And also we have the best hair and makeup teams here at the FOX News Channel, and we're losing one today, Aseana (ph) Morgan, who has done our makeup for, oh, like, seven or eight years, because she's been with the channel a long time, is retiring. And that's a party that we threw for her. Myself, Dana, Kimberly Guilfoyle and Sandra Smith. And our heart for Aseana (ph). We wish her the best.
PERINO: She got married.
GUILFOYLE: All the best.
TANTAROS: She sure did.
GUILFOYLE: OK. Well, moving on to very exciting, titillating things that include Vice President Biden likes to skinny dip.
GUILFOYLE: Out of my hands...
PERINO: Is that true?
GUILFOYLE: No, it's for real. So apparently this is a very difficult detail. The second worst one is Hillary Clinton -- sorry, bye-bye. Have a good weekend.
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