'The Five's solutions for dealing with current crises

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," July 25, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Eric Bolling, along with Andrea Tantaros, Bob Beckel, Dana Perino and Greg Gutfeld.

It's 5 o'clock in New York City and this is "The Five."

(MUSIC)

BOLLING: As Russia is firing on Ukrainian military and Israeli -- Israel -- Bob, stop -- Israel rejects John Kerry's cease-fire proposal and our southern border is being flooded with illegals, our president is shaking hands and kissing babies. Some say good for him that's what he should be doing others say get back to work, sir.

We "Fivers" each have our own versions of those. So, let's do a little role. Let's play presidential politics "Five"-style.

We'll take around and get President Greg, President Dana, President Bob, Andrea and Eric's solutions to each of the three big crises breaking on the Obama administration as we speak.

Let's start off with Russia. And, President Greg, what do we do with Russia?

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Well, gee whiz, we talk about Putin acting in his own national interest. It's completely the opposite of President Obama who is acting independently without regard to American interests and only to please world opinion.

So, he needs us for us to succeed. He needs to be reminded to put us before the world, because he can't.

He's -- how much does Putin wish that President Obama has a third term because he hasn't just kicked sand in his face, he's dumped a beach on his head. And it's hard to fight Russia when you're on their side in the '80s.

Remember, President Obama was an anti-anti-communist. He's Noam Chomsky with abs. He's Jane Fonda with a 16 handicap.

BOLLING: OK. How about it, President Dana? Your thoughts -- Russia is now allegedly pushed some of their military assets to the border with Ukraine. Time to step up, President Dana.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: OK. This is not -- we don't have to deal in reality. We can do whatever we want.

GUTFELD: Nominate a dog as president.

PERINO: I believe that we would be within our rights to bomb those assets that Russia is moving to the border. I would not allow them to have those military assets on the border and I would take those out and I would also take a page out of Putin's playbook -- bob we're not dealing with reality. That's why I'm saying.

One thing Putin does very well is he creates a problem and then after there's a problem a couple of days later he says oh, I have the solution. Remember when Bashar al Assad had the chemical weapons and Putin comes in and I know how to solve this. Everyone says thank you so much, and he ends up getting what he wants.

I don't know what we could do to cause a problem and then solve it, but I think we should do something like that in his own country.

BOLLING: Dare I say the words, President Beckel.

BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: First of all, I think Dana should be the supreme ally commander of NATO.

ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: I agree.

BECKEL: Actually, I'm not (INAUDIBLE) -- I think NATO has never been stronger, never had more people in its military because they expanded it. The head of NATO has always been by treaty the supreme ally commander is American. I think they should start doing exercises near and around NATO countries and I mean big exercises. What Putin has said, he wants to get some of these NATO countries back particularly Poland.

I would do some serious exercise over there. I think that might get his attention.

GUTFELD: Bob, I said that last week and you said, no boots on the ground, Greg.

BOLLING: That's President bob.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: Go ahead, President Andrea.

TANTAROS: I'm still trying to recover from President Beckel.

BECKEL: I don't blame you.

TANTAROS: I would reinstate the missile shield in western Europe. I would re-examine even if it's possible at this point, Ukraine joining the E.U. That's something that happened a long time ago. Severe financial sanctions.

You've said it, Eric. Frack here at home, export as much as we can to Europe.

I would strengthen military ties with the Poles because they are our best ally since 9/11 and they are likely the next country to fall after Ukraine and we cannot let that happen.

But also, this administration is very adept at demonizing the rich. So, this is not something that I would do for saying demonize the rich. But what Putin is doing right now is he's protecting the former Ukrainian dictator who looted the Ukrainian treasury and spent so much money on these palatial estates that's on the cover of every tabloid magazine internationally. Obama probably knows where this money is stashed and how much it is and where he put it away.

Rather than call out Putin for protecting such a thief, John Kerry is talking about how they violated U.N. charter. If I were president I would hammer home Putin for protecting this kleptocrat dictator and watch Putin's base in Russia squirm, really hit him for why he's protecting him.

BOLLING: Can I be your undersecretary?

TANTAROS: Absolutely.

BOLLING: OK. So, if I were president, here's what I would do. I would that, frack, drill Keystone pipeline right here.

Also, since we provide a lot of money assistance to Israel for their Iron Dome system, why not give one of the Ukraine an Iron Dome as well.

Speaking of Israel and Ukraine and all the things we help out, let's bring it around here.

We're going to stay with you President Tantaros. Israel asking for $200 million for their Iron Dome system. Also we hear there may be some sort of cease-fire, temporary cease-fire in the works. Your thoughts on all those.

TANTAROS: I would call a press conference, go to the Rose Garden, say we unequivocally stand with Israel. I would take a little more wait and see approach but I would be open to sending them dollars. Hezbollah is not incline to get involved this time around, but I do think we send a clear message we stand by them.

But I don't know I would do anything at this point in time other than that.

BOLLING: President Bob, Israel?

BECKEL: I'll tell you what concerns me. Not just the media but in Europe the allies, supposed allies of Israel have stayed silent in the face of what Hamas has been doing and Israel has been taking the hit. Anti- Semitism is alive and well in Europe and has been for a long time and it's growing.

I think the president of the United States needs to stand up and finally say, look, I know I want to get both sides to back off here but Israel is getting a bad rap, Hamas is putting these people in harm's way and nobody else is saying it and it's time for us to say it.

United States stands with Israel in that regard. It's time for the press and frankly for our allies to step forward, particularly Germany, and say it's the fault of Hamas and it's not the fault of Israelis.

BOLLING: That's so very different from President Obama's stance.

TANTAROS: I like that Bob.

BOLLING: We do like that a little bit better.

President Dana, your Israeli foreign policy?

PERINO: Right now, I would say if we as a country say we believe that Israel has the right to defend itself then we should let Israel defend itself. And keep our nose out of it for a minute. Meaning we don't have to always be there trying to bring people to the table, because I actually think, as well-intentioned as it may be, that Secretary Kerry is exacerbating tensions.

Also I think President Obama should try to get France at least to do what Bob was suggesting but the first thing they should do is cancel the two aircraft carriers to Russia as well ask France to take the lead on more of a propaganda piece around Europe. This is never going to happen --

BOLLING: I want to get President Gutfeld in Israel-Gaza conflict.

GUTFELD: Yes. Nor cease-fires. Don't have any more cease-fires.

Built within that word is the idea it's temporary. The pause only helps the losing side. Do you think for a minute Israel was getting clobbered people would call for a cease-fire? They only call for a cease- fire when the aggressor who is getting its butt kicked. You don't call a cease-fire when the bully is losing.

And aggressor lashes out when it knows there is reprieve. Cease-fires don't cease anything. It only puts off the inevitable.

So, why not just allow the inevitable to happen? Let the right side win.

I will agree with Bob, there's one constant in history and it's that people hate Jews, and they do it because they can get away with it.

BOLLING: The anti- -- as you point out anti-Israel sentiment is growing in France. I think some of the --

BECKEL: Yes, let me just make one fast point here. I couldn't agree with Dana more.

You know, the French and British both have stayed very silent. Why. They have huge Muslim population. They are scared to death of the Muslim population.

And I think what France is doing here is basically playing a Muslim role and not wanting to step up for an ally and I think that's disgraceful.

BOLLING: Is that why president Obama has stayed relatively quiet as well?

BECKEL: What Dana said, when you get into these things -- it doesn't help the secretary of state --

TANTAROS: The Democratic Party has had a long history of seemingly siding with the Palestinians on these issues.

BECKEL: No, that's not so.

BOLLING: President Bolling would be a conservative, but this guy would be sending Israel all the $200 million they are asking for, maybe another $200 million. Send a signal to the world, especially to Hamas and Hezbollah if you're thinking about getting involved in it, we've got Israel's back. That one.

OK. Should we move on to the border?

PERINO: OK.

BOLLING: President Dana, you have a border crisis. It's 60,000 kids have come over from Central and South America. Your thoughts on how to fix that problem.

PERINO: I think for as hard as it is to send children back I think I heard Senator McConnell say earlier this week if and when they do go back he can guarantee third trip home would be safer and comfortable than third trip up to the border and they have to be reunited with their families.

I would also try to see if there's a possibility of criminal neglect to be charged against the families who let the children go. That is to keep the families intact because there has to be a deterrent.

Third thing I would do is right now put on the table, take comprehensive immigration reform off the table and pass the H1B visas. That's the one where you have the hi-tech folks who want to come over here, the entrepreneurial visas, and not for just smart engineers that come from India and China. I think that I would increase those to our best friends as well for domestic partners and marriage from Australia, U.K. -- any of those types of countries if they want to come here, we should open up our door a little wider.

BOLLING: President Beckel?

BECKEL: A couple of things. One, I suggested last week that Obama should get together with the leaders of these Central America countries. He's now done it.

And what happened is Honduran president came out and said you're sending mixed signals. That's the problem we got here.

If it were up to me, I would take these children in. I would make sure there's no criminals among them and I absorb them into the United States, and then I would then absolutely dedicate myself to finishing the wall.

BOLLING: Greg?

TANTAROS: The wall?

BECKEL: The wall.

GUTFELD: Fix the laws, send them back. Stop treating citizens like second class citizens. Stop putting illegal immigrants before legal immigrants.

And I want to use -- because I know President Obama loves golf, I want to use a golf metaphor. You can't just climb a fence, run to the green and drop a ball in the hole and call it a hole in the one. Even a golf course, which is not a country, has borders. The only thing that doesn't have borders is Obama's foolishness.

BOLLING: President Tantaros.

TANTAROS: All you have to do is fix the loophole in the law that allows Central American children not to have the same rapid, expedited fashion that we have with Mexican children. So, you can do that. That's something very simple that you can do immediately to send this.

Devote as many resources possible to the border until the crisis is stemmed, put the national guard there. Insure they have arrest power if they need it. I would have a strong, strong warning to the leaders of Central America, invite them to the White House and warn them on an open mic that you can't do this, you can't allow your kids to come here, I would send them the bill so they could reimburse us for the cost.

BOLLING: As President Bolling, I would agree with everything President Tantaros just said, and add one more thing. Take legal immigration up from about a million a year, which we have right now, up to maybe 3 million or 4 million a year and ease that burden. Don't make people wait.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Can I just say this? Was it true that when he met with the president of Guatemala, Honduras and El Salvador, they dressed as children and asked for refugee status?

BECKEL: That's exactly right. You know, let us please keep in mind that it was Ronald Reagan who allowed the El Salvadorians to come in because of a civil war down there, and granted them the right to come to the United States, particularly with children. I think that's what we ought to do.

BOLLING: There's no civil war going on in any of the countries.

BECKEL: Honduras, I would suggest it is --

BOLLING: Is it civil war, Bob?

BECKEL: Yes, I think it is --

BOLLING: We're going to leave it right here.

When we come back -- is President Obama --

BECKEL: OK, thank you.

BOLLING: You're welcome.

President Obama -- you threw something in my opening read -- anyway, is President Obama willingly dropping the ball as the so-called leader of the free world. We're going to analyze.

And later, it's our Facebook free for all. You know the drill. Send in your questions right now for our Facebook.com/TheFiveFNC. Lot's more ahead.

Back in a moment.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Imagine if the title leader of the free world were a wrestling belt and its owner decides to relinquish it. After entering the ring, he finds he doesn't have the stomach or will for winning. So, he gives it up voluntarily. We see it now. The president dressed in ambivalence, asking to be tagged out.

Like the quaint note of exceptionalism and land of opportunity, leader of the free world is a fiction that allowed that Yankee bully to roam the world picking fights for decades.

When it lived, leaders of the free world invites Jon Stewart like smirks, followed by a Colbert chuckle. Who believes such nonsense?

Can Obama give up something that wasn't his to give up? It belongs to us. As president you may disdain the role but that's the role you accepted. The office must remain the same as before, as should the stature of America, the only place everyone else is dying to get into.

It's amazing that citizens of one country are trampling through another without so much as a stop for a Slurpee to come here. Mexico should adopt a new slogan: keep going, it's up there, straight ahead.

It must irk the president. He wants out so badly while others want in. What do people see in America that he doesn't? Perhaps that it was uniquely exceptional much more so than him.

Andrea, don't you feel the office has shrunk deliberately?

TANTAROS: Yes, I do. I don't think he feels it shrunk. I think he feels he reshuffled the priorities of the White House and what he thinks are important. You know, he said at this fundraiser yesterday that people don't care about what happens around the world. They care about what happens here at home. But he doesn't even care about what happens here at home. I mean, he's not focused on the border crisis. He's still no focused on the V.A. scandal.

I just don't think he cares. I mean, we don't have an Israel policy, a Russia policy. Israel beyond '67 borders. No Syria policy. No real Iraq policy.

You know, Charles Krauthammer said the other day this is the closest thing to anarchy since World War II and I would gee.

But I've said this before. We talked about what each of us would do. I think Obama needs to stick to beer summits, birth control, press conferences. I think he needs to do golf, pool. He needs to pay no attention to foreign policy and absolutely stay away.

Help Michelle plan a junket. Refocus, fundraise, do whatever he wants to do. I don't want him drawing a red line that he's not willing to enforce with a man like Putin or Assad or anybody else and have us stumbling into a war.

GUTFELD: So, Dana, is he almost like our Gorbachev? He's opening the door to a new era where like Gorbachev unknowingly caused the disintegration of the USSR.

PERINO: In fact, I just read an article in "Newsweek" that talks about Vladimir Putin's daily life and one of the things he believes is that Gorbachev was an evil person that caused the destruction of their country or their downfall.

He's -- the president is being tagged in almost every column today as being totally detached.

I understand that the White House thinks that's not true. And they will tell you until they are blue in the face that that is not true. But they have a serious problem, because that is the accepted narrative of this moment and he is about to go on a three-week vacation and the world won't stop its chaos for him to have another break.

GUTFELD: EB, 2016. Does America need a nationalist, somebody concerned about preserving our strength in a mad world? Because it seems like we don't have one now.

BOLLING: Yes. We need someone that we all like. We need someone who has a national policy that we can adhere to and like while he's doing it.

The problem is Andrea was on with James Carville on O'Reilly last night. You hear people on the right saying president doesn't care. When you hear James Carville say he doesn't care, but that's OK.

It's not OK. He's right. Obama doesn't care but it's not OK. He's technically the leader of the free world. He ran on, I'm going to take care of America. I'm going to fix America. I fundamentally change America. He had a heart. He cared then.

What happened in the six years between he was elected and now? We have two more years of a guy who doesn't care. That's a pretty scary concept.

PERINO: Well, I think, though, that actually, we are getting what he said he would do. People aren't ready for that because they don't like what they consider the interventionist policies of George W. Bush, so they liked it in 2008. Now, the consequences of it are on that we think, wait, that's not exactly what we were hoping for.

TANTAROS: But doesn't it make you nervous it could get worse if he does get involved. That is my concern. I know the next two years is going to be a very scary prospect. I agree with you.

But, Eric, if he doesn't know what he's doing and other countries have taken notice, I think it's best for him to worry about school lunches and bake sales and the NFL and whatever else he wants to do.

BECKEL: To suggest the president of the United States doesn't care about these things is absolutely absurd.

BOLLING: Carville said it last night.

BECKEL: I don't care what Carville said last night. (INAUDIBLE) Every time he opens his mouth.

The point of fact is that -- what you're talking about is the old American saber rattling. We can't do that any more.

GUTFELD: That's the point, Bob. You're calling it saber rattling.

BECKEL: But it is saber-rattling. What can you do?

GUTFELD: It works. It ended the Cold War. We chased Saddam Hussein out of Kuwait. We won the Iraq war.

BECKEL: Wait a second. All this talk about saber-rattling and I'll go back to Ronald Reagan. And the fact of the matter is, you can't do anything about it.

BOLLING: Can I give you and alternative to saber-rattling and an alternative to not caring. Slap some sanctions on these countries who are bad actors. Slap some sanctions on Russia. Go after Hamas. You can still do that and not be a saber rattler.

BECKEL: How do you go after Hamas?

BOLLING: Number one, you cut off the funding to Palestinian Authority. Number two, you tell Iran, listen, you want to play, we'll play with you, we'll dance with you.

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: I see. You're going eye ball to eye ball with Iran --

BOLLING: Here's how you go after Hamas, through Iran -- the stupid sanctions Obama lifted put them back in place.

BECKEL: By the way, they weren't so stupid. A lot of people (INAUDIBLE) they have been lifted now. They're not in place.

BOLLING: No, no, they were great sanctions. He was stupid for lifting them. Sorry I misspoke.

BECKEL: Well, listen, the fact is you keep talking about the saber of the United States is not nearly as strong as it used to be and it's not Obama's fault, it's the way the world has gone.

BOLLING: The dollars, Bob. The dollar --

BECKEL: And the idea that you throw diplomacy around and say, oh, he doesn't have a plan. I think he's got a lot of plans.

PERINO: You know what doesn't help? In a couple of weeks, we're going to see images of him with the bicycle helmet in Martha's Vineyard and the shaved ice.

(LAUGHTER)

BOLLING: The mom jeans.

PERINO: And the mom jeans.

BECKEL: What is wrong with that?

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You know, Neville Chamberlain didn't like saber-rattling either.

BECKEL: I think that's probably a bad comparison, but it's different time and different world.

GUTFELD: Is it really?

BOLLING: It's a different time, for sure.

GUTFELD: It's a different, for sure.

All right. Coming up, the NFL suspends Baltimore Ravens Ray Rice for knocking out his fiancee and it's not sitting well with a lot of people. Details when "The Five" returns.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

TANTAROS: Back in February, we brought you the horrific video of NFL running back Ray Rice dragging his then fiancee's unconscious body out of an Atlantic City elevator. His punishment from the league: a whopping two games. Test positive for weed or performance-enhancing drugs and it may cost you a full season. Deliver an uppercut to your fiancee, and what will it get you? Just two games.

So, does the NFL need to re-examine its conduct guidelines or is just a symptom of the culture?

Well, listen to Rice's coach, John Harbaugh, who doesn't get what the big deal is.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOHN HARBAUGH, RAVENS COACH: It's not a big deal. It's just part of the process. I stand behind Ray. He's a heck of a guy. He's done everything right since. He makes a mistake. He'll have to pay a consequence. Good for kids to understand that it works that way. That's how it should be. We're not dwelling on it. We're moving forward.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

TANTAROS: Not a big deal.

BECKEL: What an idiot.

TANTAROS: Go ahead, Bob.

BECKEL: Listen to that jerk talk like that and say it's not a big deal and Ray is a heck of a guy. He's not. He's an abuser. He beats up women.

Do you think he's a heck of a guy? And the NFL is a Neanderthal when it comes to this issue. And the fact is this is not the first time this has happened. It's happened many times. The NFL is wusses. They won't deal with it, because you know why, they probably pretty much agree it. I think they are a sexist organization there is in this planet.

TANTAROS: Dana, we ran the footage of Rice dragging the fiancee out of the elevator. It was never made public but the Revel Casino did provide the court the footage of what happened inside that elevator. He knocked her unconscious. It's horrible footage.

Harbaugh, I assume, knows it's out there. How can he say that's not a big deal?

BASH: Amazing to me how people in position of leadership get themselves in situations where it looks like they are insensitive. It wouldn't have been hard to say we're concerned, we're going to talk to him but we're going to focus on the game. Right? If you're in sports, those are the three things you have to say. You don't have to say anything else.

The thing that really bothers me about his statement is he calls his team, in particular Rice, calls him a kid. These are not kids. Right? These are men that are very powerful and they have a lot of money. And they're partying a lot and, yes, they bring in a lot of money for the fans, as well, for the games, but I think calling them kids basically underscores what Bob is saying, is that they don't take it seriously enough.

TANTAROS: Greg, he's just going to an anger management class. He didn't take a plea deal. He pleaded not guilty. But also, on the Ravens, this has happened before. Cary Williams and Fabian Washington, they earned a one- and two-game suspension for the same exact thing. Although there was no horrific video. So this is symptomatic of how they treat domestic violence.

GUTFELD: Well, isn't Ray Lewis still playing?

BECKEL: No, he retired.

GUTFELD: He retired? But he played after -- anger management does not work for anybody. I think that's pretty clear.

The most amazing thing about it is we say that the coach's response is blase. He didn't marry Rice. She married him after this. The woman married him. So I'm going to butt out of this. I think what he did to her was grotesque, but she married him.

My solution for domestic abuse -- I've said it before -- it rhymes with the Second Amendment. A gun is a force multiplier for those who need it, and women need guns more than men.

TANTAROS: Eric, to that point, his fiancee came out after he apologized. She herself apologized. Does that give people like Steven A. Smith at ESPN the license to say things on air like this? Like maybe she provoked him.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

STEVEN A. SMITH, ESPN: In Ray Rice's case, he probably deserves more than the two-game suspension, between both acknowledged (ph). But at the same time, we also have to make sure that we learn as much as we can about elements of provocation -- not that there's real provocation -- but the elements of provocation. You've got to make sure that you address it, because what we've got to do is do what we can to try to prevent the situation from happening in any way. And I don't think that's broached enough, is all I'm saying. No point of blame.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

TANTAROS: Maybe she asked for it.

BOLLING: I've got to tell you, Steven A. Smith, I like the guy a lot and I like where he comes from a lot. But he -- you absolutely blew this one, Steven. I hope you make a retraction of that statement.

To actually indicate that maybe it was her fault for getting punched in the face. There is nothing you can do to provoke a woman to punch her in the face in the elevator, knock her out, drag her out of the elevator. You are so off, Steven A. Smith.

And by the way, very quickly on the NFL, they -- they're (UNINTELLIGIBLE) performance-enhancing drugs mostly because of the signal it sends to children. Don't use drugs. Don't use drugs to get bigger. Well, it's the same thing. If you're going to be harsh for PEDs, you better be harsh for domestic violence.

BECKEL: You know, and domestic violence, there are domestic violence shelters all over America where women leave them and go back to the men who -- is there something about that? I don't ever understand it, but they do. So this is not unique. And it's a ridiculous thing for this guy -- idiot to say.

TANTAROS: Could I just say something real quick? You know, I've not said the White House -- I don't believe that it should get involved in NFL. Now I think it should do that and not foreign policy.

However, it's weird that this White House has weighed in on so many other sports issues. The feds are going after pain killers, head injuries. It's strange that they wouldn't weigh in on something like this, especially when they're talking about a war on women.

I mean, the war on women to me seems like the one in the White House with equal pay, the one with ISIS and female genital mutilation, the domestic violence war. It's just odd to me that this White House would not say anything about this. But I think I know why.

BECKEL: If it was the 1950s, we would be a lot better off.

GUTFELD: I'm done.

TANTAROS: You're done. You've had enough.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BOLLING: Dara O'Connell (ph) was the best year (ph). She married him after.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's just like -- that's why I butt out of this stuff. It's like human beings are so strange and so complex that you can get so angry about something, and then the person you're defending is with him the next day and you're like -- I'm just going shut up.

TANTAROS: All right. We're going to shut up now. But don't move. Our Facebook free for all is up next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

PERINO: All right. Back by popular demand it's "Facebook Friday." We ask you to send in your questions. I get to read them. I'm going to start with Andrea. This is from Bill M.: "What is your favorite vacation spot and why?"

GUTFELD: Stalker.

PERINO: Don't tell him.

TANTAROS: I would probably say Greece or Anguilla. I really liked Anguilla when I was there.

PERINO: Why?

TANTAROS: I love the beaches, and it's very quiet and serene. And...

GUTFELD: Is that Jersey?

TANTAROS: I can run around and not be recognized.

BECKEL: It's south of Atlantic City.

TANTAROS: It's in the Caribbean, Bob.

PERINO: I thought you were going to say Miami.

TANTAROS: That's right up there, too. That's the top three.

PERINO: All right, Bob, this is from Gary T. He says, "Bob, I'm same age as you, 20-year Army vet and lean more conservative. What life event made you a liberal?"

BECKEL: Well, just because I've been -- started out as a liberal. My dad worked in the civil rights movement, and we've always been liberal. It goes back generations. And so I think that's the influence of my father and my mother.

PERINO: OK. Eric, this is from Shari P.: "With all the running you do, do you run in marathons?"

BOLLING: No. No, in fact, I -- the most I've ever run is ten miles. I usually run five miles three times a week. It's the perfect distance. That's enough.

By the way, I got this new Fuel band. I love these things.

TANTAROS: Would you run a marathon?

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: ... your personality.

BOLLING: I don't think I can finish it. No. No.

BECKEL: Dangerous thing to do.

GUTFELD: They're really boring to watch. And marathoners are miserable people.

PERINO: Is it more fun to watch than soccer?

GUTFELD: Executive producer just got in my ear and said, "You're not man enough to run a marathon."

PERINO: There you go. The challenge is on. Now you're going to have to run a marathon. That was his -- that was his ulterior motive, to keep you busy.

BOLLING: Exactly.

PERINO: OK. Greg, from Dianne P., Dianne with two "N's," OK, "At what point in your life did you become interested in politics?"

GUTFELD: When I got hired by FOX. I don't know. You know, I think a lot of people will say the same -- I got interested in politics when I was at Berkeley, and I was a liberal. I worked for the nuclear freeze in high school. And when I got to Berkeley and I saw liberalism at its full bloom, that changed me; that made me a conservative.

But later I would say 9/11 kind of changes you a bit. You become -- it sharpens your focus. I was living in New York, and you just became more -- you just started thinking about things a bit more seriously than you did before.

BECKEL: Who was -- who was your first conservative icon, somebody that you thought was...

GUTFELD: Oh, God. Bob Tyrrell, who was my boss at "The American Spectator." I used to pick up his lunches and some of his medical supplies. (UNINTELLIGIBLE) Let's just say they advertised.

PERINO: Really?

GUTFELD: No, I'm joking.

PERINO: There you go. OK.

GUTFELD: I'm kidding.

PERINO: This one is for me. It is from Bill N. "How long does it take Dana to prepare for each show?" You know, it just never ends. Constant.

GUTFELD: It's kind of true.

PERINO: But I -- yes.

GUTFELD: You are Lisa Simpson.

PERINO: I am.

GUTFELD: You prepare everything. You prepared for this.

PERINO: I did. I was ready. I was ready to answer your questions for your just in case you needed some help.

Andrea, another one for you, from Kevin B.: "What is the best piece of advice, career or personal, that you have received, and if you can say, who was it from?"

TANTAROS: Probably from my dad, and he said choose something you love, because then it won't feel like work. But also never give up. So even if -- you know, people say when a door closes a window opens. I've had to jimmy both open at times in my life or kick some down.

PERINO: I like that. OK.

Bob, this is from Claire L.: "Although Bob doesn't always do his prep, I'm always amazed at his command of history and politics. What was your major in college?"

BECKEL: I was football. But I -- the reason I know a lot about history is that I love history and my father was a historian; and I read a lot of history. And it interests me a lot. And a lot of the political history is fascinating to me, and I think without having a really good grasp of history you can't have a good grasp of politics or to be able to have a grasp of domestic or international issues.

PERINO: You have an amazing ability to memorize things that your recall on books that you read is really good. Doesn't mean...

BOLLING: Can't remember what he said yesterday.

BECKEL: Well, that's a factor of age. The problem is -- the problem is for you history started with 9/11. That's the difference.

BOLLING: Yes, yes, yes.

PERINO: All right. Eric, this is from Eileen F.: "Do you attend mass on Saturdays, too?"

BOLLING: That's the only day I don't. Actually, I don't attend mass every day. I go over and do my thing over at St. Patrick's. I light candles. Sundays, mass. Saturday is my day off.

BECKEL: You don't go to mass when you go over to light those candles?

TANTAROS: No. He goes to the Black Whale at LBI and throws some shots back.

BOLLING: I pray for all you guys. I pray for the viewers.

BECKEL: When was the last time you did confession?

BOLLING: Before Ash Wednesday last.

BECKEL: Really?

BOLLING: Ash Wednesday.

PERINO: Oh, to be a fly on a wall. Kidding. I know that that's against the rules.

All right. Greg from William N.: "Since your wife is from Russia, can you speak and write any Russian?"

GUTFELD: I memorized two sentences in Russian when I asked for permission for marriage from her father when I flew to Moscow like in 2000 and something.

No. It's a very difficult language, and it's better that we don't speak it. Because then she can talk about things that I don't understand, and -- and it's probably better that way.

BECKEL: To tell you the truth, what he does is always "Yes dear."

TANTAROS: I was going to say, do you ever respond "da"?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TANTAROS: You have to know the word for "yes." You just go "da."

GUTFELD: They have letters in their alphabet that I can't even -- I don't even know what they are.

BOLLING: Come on, Greg, you know you know how to say, "Please go get me another beer."

TANTAROS: Yes, right.

GUTFELD: I would be poisoned in three weeks.

PERINO: I'm going to skip over to these last two. I'm going to go last one, No. 12, because it's the quickest one. We have, like, 30 seconds. From Rachel S.: We have mugs on the table every day. "Who drinks what?" Andrea.

TANTAROS: Hot tea.

BECKEL: Water.

BOLLING: Hot coffee.

GUTFELD: Squirrel urine.

PERINO: I don't drink it. I just hold onto it...

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: ... because I'm freezing. It's hot water. And you have...?

GUTFELD: Squirrel urine.

PERINO: So nobody is drinking alcohol?

GUTFELD: No.

PERINO: Is that what we're trying to say? Because you know what? Next is a pop quiz. What do most Americans say is their favorite adult beverage, beer, wine, liquor? Maybe something else? Find out what the answer is to that and what our drinks of choice are when we get back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BECKEL: As many of you know I'm a recovering alcoholic, so my drinking days are over. But I still want to talk about a new Gallup poll which says Americans who drink alcohol pick beer over wine and liquor as their favorite adult beverage. Forty-one percent typically drink beer and 31 percent drink wine, and 23 percent like liquor.

Now I'm going to ask my colleagues here what they like. I will tell you, when I was drinking, if somebody asked this question, I drank vodka in the spring and the summer and scotch in the fall and the winter. The problem was when I quit I was drinking about a quart and a half of both a day. So that's...

PERINO: Of both a day?

BECKEL: About a quart and a half a day, yes. And that's -- you don't want to get up there. That will kill you.

Eric, I know you don't drink a quarter and a half a day, most days.

BOLLING: No, no, no. Not even close.

I love vodka with club soda and sometimes put a little orange wedge on the side. I just -- vodka, that's what I do.

BECKEL: You don't drink straight vodka?

BOLLING: What?

BECKEL: I mean, you don't drink it just on the rocks?

BOLLING: Sometimes. Sometimes. I do probably drink it four or five nights a week.

PERINO: Are you going to stop drinking vodka to protest President Putin?

BOLLING: No, because I drink Absolut vodka, which comes from Sweden.

PERINO: Oh, OK.

BECKEL: Dana, you're not much of a drinker, but tell us what you do drink.

PERINO: Well, everything else makes me ill.

TANTAROS: And why is that, Dana Perino? Is there something you'd like to share with America?

PERINO: Well, I cannot drink a lot of things, including Frangelico, which one time made me really sick.

BECKEL: You don't want to see her drunk.

PERINO: But I like red wine. I drink a red wine. I like champagne. I love champagne, but I can't drink it. Do I get drunk? I'm pretty self- controlled. But sometimes if I don't eat and then I drink, then it's a disaster.

TANTAROS: Dana confessed to me that she couldn't do Frangelico, because she -- I said, "What? Did you have a bad night on Buttery Nipples? Like too many Buttery Nipple shots?"

BECKEL: I don't know.

TANTAROS: I drink it straight.

BECKEL: Let's talk to one of our resident experts on the subject of drinking.

GUTFELD: Alcohol is one of God's gift to the world. In order to appreciate it you have to make sure you can drink it for the rest of your life. That's why wine -- wine is important. Because you can drink half a bottle of wine, and you're not a drunk. You fall asleep before you throw up.

There are two types of beverages in the world. There's nonalcoholic; there's alcoholic. The greatest nonalcoholic drink in the world: chocolate milk. You can drink it forever.

But the weird -- this is my point. All alcohol tastes bad. Beer tastes bad, whiskey tastes bad, wine tastes bad. It's not refreshing. It's bitter. We've somehow tricked ourselves into thinking that this stuff is delicious when in our own common sense, we know it tastes awful. It tastes terrible. That's why you cannot mix good-tasting stuff with bad- tasting stuff, because it screws with my brain.

BECKEL: There you go.

GUTFELD: Alcohol -- alcohol, think about it. Alcohol doesn't taste good.

BECKEL: Let's ask the Greek here. Do you drink liquor?

TANTAROS: Speak for yourself, Greg Gutfeld. I think it tastes delicious, especially after a long night of working with you know who.

BECKEL: What are you talking about?

TANTAROS: Well, Greg said alcohol is God's gift, and I think it's God's gift to me, because I have to work with you all the time.

BECKEL: Yes, but I'll tell you. When I was drinking, it was medicine. I mean, you took it and everything went away.

TANTAROS: I feel the same way. I take my medicine after the show.

BECKEL: That Greek drink.

TANTAROS: Ouzo.

BECKEL: Yes, in the mornings. When I'd wake up, I'd drink about a fifth of that stuff so I could get going during the day. And it was licorice, and I used to carry licorice sticks, or else people thought I was , like eating -- drinking liquor.

TANTAROS: Michelle, who does our hair here, said, "Which alcohol are you going to pick, because you like a lot of them?"

I thought, "Oh, gosh, is that a problem?" But I'm like Bolling: vodka all the way. Vodka, Fresca and a dash of grape juice.

BECKEL: Ew.

GUTFELD: Low calories. Tastes good. You've got to cover it up. Alcohol, it's an amazing thing.

TANTAROS: Tequila tastes yummy.

GUTFELD: Are you kidding me?

TANTAROS: No.

GUTFELD: Thinking about it makes me want to gag.

PERINO: And rum is...

BECKEL: Two drinks that are not distilled, and that's tequila and gin. And they're made out of plants, and they are deadly for you. And I can -- I can vouch for that.

"One More Thing" is up next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BOLLING: All right. Time for "One More Thing." And it's Friday, so it's time for...

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GRAPHIC: Fool of the Week.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BOLLING: This week it was almost Pelosi; it was almost Kerry; and it was almost Hillary, but it was Joe Biden at the National Urban League who said this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I should have one Republican kid go out and make money. But -- so when they put me in the home, I get a window with a view. You know what I mean?

BOLLING: In other words, Joe, Republicans know how to make money. Joe, you're fool of the week.

OK. Andrea, you're up next.

TANTAROS; What about that home that he wants to go to?

BOLLING: Yes. The home. Yes.

TANTAROS: Maybe he can go early.

BOLLING: Not the White House, though. You're up.

BOLLING: I'm next? OK. One of the things that was really fun this past couple of weeks was Weird Al Yankovic. He had his new album. It's called "Mandatory Fun." It has gotten 10 million views to date. Well, actually, it sold 104 albums but 10 million views just for this one song, "Word Crimes," which makes fun of people that don't have good grammar. Watch this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC, SINGER (singing): Word crimes. Like "I could care less." "At least a little." Don't be a moron. Hey, you better slow down and use the right pronoun. Show the world you're no clown.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: It's the best grammar lesson since "Conjunction Junction." I said 104; it's 104,000 that he sold.

And he was asked about why he thinks this one is the best to date, and he said he thought the marketing campaign had a lot to do with it, that it's eight videos in eight days. Congratulations to Weird Al.

BOLLING: He didn't give us credit? We played a couple of them on this show, I think. Andrea.

TANTAROS: OK. This story cracked me up.

There's this criminal named Roger Ray. He committed a crime in Maryland. And the police in Maryland posted on Facebook a wanted poster of his face. There it is right there. Well, he saw the picture. And he decided, "You know what? I'm going to leave a comment." So Roger posts, "Y'all will never catch me."

And so what happened after that? Well, they caught him. Roger Ray, don't do that kind of stuff if you're going to commit a crime.

PERINO: And he looks so smart (ph).

TANTAROS: Yes, he does. He looks like a total genius. Eric, this would have been a good "Fool of the Week." But...

BOLLING: I missed that one.

TANTAROS: I think mine is better.

BOLLING: All right. Greg, you're up.

GUTFELD: All right. We talked about that scum that died from a lethal injection but it took two hours, and it was really upsetting to a lot of people that it took so long that he died.

Here's a tweet from ABC News. It was also based on a manhunt. And it reads, "Victim's family shows no sympathy after killer's execution drags out for nearly two hours."

What do you expect, you morons? They witnessed -- Jean Brown witnessed her sister and her father getting killed by this guy. What do you expect?

PERINO: They expect sympathy.

GUTFELD: Yes, oh, they should have sympathy. So it's on the family of the victims. It's on the family of the victims, you jackasses.

PERINO: Agreed.

BECKEL: You're really hot tonight (ph).

BOLLING: You're up, Bobby.

BECKEL: All right. There's a study out of Britain in "The Journal of Communications" that says for people who work hard all day when they come home and they turn on the TV, they get a feeling of being guilty and have feelings of failure because they should be doing something else when they come back home, but they watch TV.

Now, I don't know about whether you guys feel that way. I don't watch much TV. But apparently, this is a pretty complete study now, and people say I'm a failure for watching TV.

I've got an answer for this. If you'll just all watch "The Five," then it's easy. You don't have to feel guilty; you don't have to feel like a loser, because you're going to get educated here, particularly if you listen to me. And it's just a way to take care of yourself. No failures, not anything else. Don't watch anything else. Particularly don't watch CNN or MSNBC.

BOLLING: Quick around the table. Favorite show?

PERINO: Right now?

BOLLING: Yes. Besides "The Five."

TANTAROS: "The Following" with Kevin Bacon.

BOLLING: Bob.

BECKEL: "House of Cards."

BOLLING: Dana.

PERINO: I do like "Tyrant," but I watched a new one last night, "Longmire," based in Wyoming, and I loved it.

BOLLING: Greg.

GUTFELD: I'm getting into "Drunken History."

PERINO: I like "Drunk History," too.

BOLLING: All right.

Well, so "The Five," "Tyrant" and "Hannity" tonight. Someone's hosting it. Check it out.

Don't forget: Set your DVRs to never miss another episode of "The Five." Have a great weekend, everybody. We're going to see you back here on Monday.

Content and Programming Copyright 2014 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2014 CQ-Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of CQ-Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.