This is a rush transcript from "The Five," July 4, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Happy birthday, America.
I'm Greg Gutfeld, along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling, and she surfs on a popsicle stick, it's Dana Perino.
This is "The Five."
GUTFELD: Some think July 4th is the time to show your patriotism. Not me. To me, it's like drinking on New Year's Eve: You should do it year round.
Patriotism really is the celebration of luck. You are lucky you are here and not there. Is it necessary to express such pride? Yes, because so many others don't. In this unbalanced world, your patriotism cancels out those who find it uncool.
Younger people need to see that it's OK to love this place because in pop culture and on campus they are taught that it's far cooler to denigrate than elevate. Mockery masquerades as risk. But cookie dough is edgier than that. Which leads me to this stat: The Pentagon says 71 percent of Millennials aren't qualified to serve in the military. Some of the hurdles are tattoos and corks in your earlobes, as well as prescription drug use. I hear that.
To which I say, time to change those standards. A tattoo of me on your neck doesn't make you any less patriotic. It might make you look odd, but so does the hair on our politicians. It amazes me that bad hair plugs can get you elected but a tattoo won't let you fight.
As for drug use, everyone is on something. To deny opportunity to serve one's country because of treatment is to deny that reality. And often the cure for most things is purpose, service and achievement. The one place left for that in a world succumbing to a femoral satisfaction is the military. It's still the only place where you can kill infidels with a dolphin tattoo on your ankle.
All right. K.G., you got a lot of tattoos all over the lays.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Invisible tattoos
GUTFELD: You're like an atlas.
GUILFOYLE: Just for the record before we spread for Bob-like rumors, there's no tattoo on this body. It's a temple.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: That's not true.
GUTFELD: You have a tattoo of your body on your body.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: No, that's Bob.
GUILFOYLE: In case I forget.
BECKEL: You do have tattoos.
GUILFOYLE: No, I don't, Bob.
BECKEL: Just be honest with viewers.
GUILFOYLE: All right. This is going --
GUTFELD: You actually have a tattoo of tattoo from --
GUILFOYLE: How did you know? "Fantasy Island" I used to watch that all the time.
GUTFELD: All right. I have a question for you. Should tattoos keep young men and women from serving?
GUILFOYLE: No. It matters what's in your heart not what's on your skin, right?
GUILFOYLE: To me -- I don't care. Pull the cork out maybe that's a little bit excessive, it can get tangled on something. That's your body art, that's your expression. I don't see how there's a direct correlation defining you un-foot serve. There's plenty of people that are in the armed forces that we're happy we have them where they are and they have tattoos.
So, what is the rationale here?
GUTFELD: My friends in the military are covered with tattoos. And I think it looks scary. I think that actually frightens the enemy.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Yes, very good point. Why is it you can't have tattoos and fight for your country, but you can have tattoos and be an elected official.
BOLLING: I mean, that is absolutely insanity. And the hair, I agree with you on the hair thing too. You know, culture has changed. It's time, I would say, in my opinion, maybe it's time for the military to rethink that philosophy.
I do understand one what they get to. That's why you get the short hair cuts. They want you focused on the goal.
BOLLING: The goal is to kill infidel not necessarily look at the other guy's tattoos. And maybe could be distraction. However --
GUILFOYLE: We have women in the military.
BOLLING: American culture has changed. More and more people have tattoos.
BOLLING: I'm not sure, I might agree with Bob, maybe Kimberly does. Maybe a little heart or strawberry somewhere, no? No?
BECKEL: She does --
GUILFOYLE: I don't have little strawberry, what are you talking about?
GUILFOYLE: Where do we get that?
GUTFELD: That might be a birth mark.
GUILFOYLE: Strawberry Shortcake --
GUTFELD: I do have a tattoo of a birthmark, in case anybody is asking.
GUTFELD: -- what about prescription drug use? Why should that prevent people from serving?
BECKEL: I have no idea. One of the things they talked about was anything to do either Ritalin or Adderal for attention deficit disorder. And it would seem to me that if you have attention deficit disorder, where a lot of people do, they're taking prescription drugs to focus that in and get focused in. I don't understand why that's a problem.
I can understand why if you're doing 200 Vicodin a day, that might be a problem.
GUILFOYLE: Oh my God. How --
BECKEL: But if you're talking about -- no, they're specifically talking ADHD. And so, I don't understand that. Tattoo thing I heard somebody argue in order to stay as an organized force and everybody following like the hair cut, a tattoo is an expression -- they want uniformity. But I mean, I can't remember the last time I went out with a girl who didn't have a tattoo.
GUILFOYLE: Well, look who you go out with, besides --
BECKEL: I know. Yes, that's OK. But, you know, tattoo on the arm from here to here. That's the problem.
GUTFELD: Dana, tattoos and let's say, the -- what do you call, they're called ear gauges, which you used to have them years ago.
PERINO: Yes, they are really small, though. You can hardly see them.
GUTFELD: Yes, when you were in a biker band. These are high-risk behaviors or they resemble high-risk behaviors. Couldn't somebody who gets tattoos or get piercings be ideal for the military, because they're an adventurous type?
PERINO: Well, I do think that the people at the Department of Defense have thought about all of this. But they're not looking to turn people away necessarily. They would like for people to be able to pass all of these tests in the military.
PERINO: On tattoos, it's very specific. It's -- no tattoos on your fingers, your neck or your face. So, if you want to get the dolphin tattoo on your hip bone -- I mean, you know, knock yourself out. That's not going to disqualify you from service.
On the Ritalin piece, I do think the military has to think in the long term which is if ever the troops are out in the field and they get cut off from everybody and you can't get your Ritalin or your Adderal and you're responsible for the well-being of your comrades then maybe that is going to be a problem. So, they are probably being overly cautious.
PERINO: But I don't think -- it's not without some thought.
GUTFELD: Believe me, in Pakistan, there's a Walgreens on every corner.
PERINO: You can't have the things in the ears because, like, what if the enemy grabs you by the ear.
BECKEL: Is that what they mean by ear plugs --
GUTFELD: Yes, we have a picture of it, which we'll throw up now. But it's this thing, it's a very thick --
PERINO: I don't understand that. I don't understand the appeal. Why do people do that?
GUTFELD: It's just something -- you know, you start with a piercing and move up to a different kind of piercing and then you move up to these things. It's just about --
GUILFOYLE: But it is. Usually, you see it in like tribal communities, like, what it is --
GUILFOYLE: -- in Africa.
BOLLING: I'm looking at this pie chart and they say 28 percent of them are -- don't qualify because of medical reasons, obesity one of them. But here's how fortunate we are. We have what 2 million active military members or so. We have a national guard. We have all that. It's all volunteer, so, we can be selective like that.
BOLLING: You know, I mean, that's the beauty of the American military. And hats off to our military because --
GUILFOYLE: Volunteer force, yes.
BOLLING: -- volunteers and they step up. And we have 2 million the strongest military in the world.
PERINO: And also, it's a great place to learn a lot of leadership. It's a great career if you choose to do that for the long haul. Great way to see the world.
The sad thing is, like, listen to the requirements for a 17 to 21-year-old male. All you have to be able to do is 35 push ups in two minutes, 47 sit ups in two minutes, I don't know where they get the 47, and you have to be able to run two miles in just over 16 minutes. That doesn't seem like too much to ask.
GUTFELD: No, it doesn't. But I don't know --
PERINO: Not that I could do what a 17-year-old male could do, but I could --
GUILFOYLE: We should all trying.
PERINO: For women, you have to do 13 pushups. I could 13 pushups right now.
GUTFELD: What do you think about an arrest record for stuff like pot possession, Kimberly?
PERINO: They're going to have to get over it.
GUTFELD: They're going to have -- I mean, they're just too many people.
GUILFOYLE: Look, I mean, it's for possession a small amount for personal use. I mean, I recommend to people they get those things expunged off their record.
GUILFOYLE: Hire a good lawyer. After a certain period of time it goes off the record.
BECKEL: They don't have any of these requirements during Vietnam. You know, when they're drafting people, you could have all the tattoos you wanted, they just needed bodies to throw into it.
So, I guess in a volunteer army, you can be more selective. But the way you have a situation, if we had to have draft back, I wonder where they hold these criteria then?
BOLLING: Well, that was the point I was trying to make, is we're so fortunate that we have such a strong volunteer army, we don't need to lax these restrictions. Maybe it's working. Maybe it's working.
GUTFELD: Well, let's go around the table.
GUILFOYLE: Kind of a cheerful segment so far.
GUTFELD: It really is. Well, we all know that what makes America great is the military.
GUILFOYLE: That's correct.
GUTFELD: If it wasn't for the military we would be nowhere.
Go around the table -- what do you think makes America great, Kimberly, besides its shoes?
GUILFOYLE: I believe our diversity. Only in America you can meet people from all over the world, different background in life and two people who start out with very different circumstances, come from very different families could end up in the same place like the White House.
I think that's what's amazing. That's why everybody wants to cross our borders. They want the American dream. They want to be part of the life that we're so fortunate to be able to enjoy. I get the motivation but we also have to preserve the way of life for everybody who is here and do it in a legal and orderly way.
BECKEL: I like the freedom to be able to be opposed to military action and that's -- I have to pay a punishment for it. But, you know, I oppose a lot of military action. But that's my right to do that.
BOLLING: Hundreds of thousands have died for you to have that right to do that.
BECKEL: Do you have to throw that pressing comment in?
BOLLING: Well, no, but that's the beauty of America, you're right, you can do that, even though people are dying on the battlefield so you can do that.
The -- what makes America great for me is our capital system. Free market capitalism generates more wealth, more strength, more power than any other country in the history of the planet. And, hopefully, we continue to have elected politicians that even though they try to screw it up, they can't. It's that powerful.
What about you, Dana. Dog parks?
PERINO: Well, I was thinking -- oh, dog -- yes, but, you know, there's really not enough of them. So, we need to work on that.
GUILFOYLE: We need to organize.
PERINO: In the next election, it should be one of the platform pieces for the Republican Party.
In addition, I like it that America, it protects your God-given inalienable right to be free. So, that's the most natural state of being -- everybody is conceived with that right and it's only governments who take that away. In America we've been able to protect it for over 200 years.
GUTFELD: I would add choice and innovation. We're overwhelmed by so many options that we're often -- to our detriment, we don't know what we want, because we have so much of everything. We have the greatest culture I think in the world, which is why when people come over here, they have to learn to leave behind the crappie parts of their culture when they come here, and only bring the best. That's why we have great restaurants.
PERINO: And go to the parade.
GUTFELD: And go to the parade. Parades are fun.
PERINO: And you're not forced to clap at certain places where you can just like enjoy it.
GUILFOYLE: Look at the diversity of food you eat every day. What are you having today, Cambodian food?
GUTFELD: Exactly. That explains my food poisoning this morning.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, I agree.
GUTFELD: Oh my goodness. Anyway, thank you, Imodium.
All right. A lot more to come on our July 4th special. Up next, THE FIVE's 2016 presidential predictions. You're not going to want to miss that.
PERINO: The last several weeks, we've been talking about whether Hillary Clinton will run for president and she doesn't look as inevitable as she did even just a month ago. Regardless what she decides, though, Democrats will have to run against a Republican and who that's going to be is anyone's guess.
The presidential parlor game is an all time favorite and this week, "The Washington Post" listed 10 Republicans that could be the nominee. It's top five are Jeb Bush, Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Scott Walker, Chris Christie, rounding out the list, John Kasich, Mike Huckabee, Ted Cruz, Bobby Jindal and Paul Ryan.
PERINO: -- do you think that's the field? Do you think there's anyone else that they haven't mentioned?
GUILFOYLE: No, I think this is a pretty comprehensive list, to be honest with you. I think the dark horse here, Katy Perry style, is Rand Paul.
PERINO: For the Republican nomination?
GUILFOYLE: Yes. I think that's the guy that could really come up and surprise everybody. I mean, you know, when you look at the list, Jeb Bush, always been a fan of. I think there's strong support for Common Core is a little bit of an Achilles heel for him and some of the immigration issues. As talented and smart and capable as he is, I think those two issues could be problematic for him in terms of securing the nomination.
Chris Christie, I still think don't count him out.
PERINO: Bob, do you think this is a strong list or lots of weaknesses? No, but, you see, don't be like a Democrat.
BECKEL: First of all, let me just say I picked out my candidate.
GUILFOYLE: "Fantasy Island."
BECKEL: My man, Teddy Cruz, is for 2016. So, I'm a little biased here.
BECKEL: You know, I'll tell you what I think. That the Republican Party has always had an heir apparent in the wings except last time around it was a little bit shaky with Mitt Romney, but he was still considered the front- runner. There's nobody considered the front-runner right now.
I agree with you, by the way, about Rand Paul. I think if anybody you pick out of here that has some new ideas and interesting ways to draw the demographics. But this is the year, 2016 will be the year when you'll see, I think, somebody like a Ben Carlson, or who is the other guy, business guy --
GUTFELD: Herman Cain?
BECKEL: Herman Cain, somebody of that stripe, coming from the outside, coming in and deciding to run. If there was ever a year to take the Republican nomination without a front-runner, this is the year, coming up 2016.
PERINO: So, the process is interesting, Eric. If you -- given the primary situation that Republicans go through, right, they go Iowa and then New Hampshire, South Carolina and then on through the country, and then they go to the general, is there anyone on the list that you think can thread the needle that gets through primary into the general? BOLLING: That's the point. I outlined the way I see the field. You have Rand Paul, Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio probably the more conservative views, the further right let's call it that, which does very well in the primary process because it goes through the Iowas and New Hampshire and South Carolina, et cetera, and they do very well and get this whole head of steam.
And then for the general election, they say you want to attack to the center which would be more like a Chris Christie, Jeb or Paul Ryan, who kind of play that more both sides further left from the far right group of Rand, Ted, and Rubio. What does the country what? What does the country need? Someone who can thread, I don't know --
GUILFOYLE: What happened to your guy Scott Walker?
PERINO: Well, he's on the list.
BOLLING: He's on the list. Just there were some issues recently that are bubbling up. They may end up going away, I don't know. But for me the top three would be Rand, Ted and Rubio from the far right. Chris Christie, Jeb and Paul Ryan from the center. The problem is how do you square that circle? How do you --
PERINO: Greg, you think that Mitt Romney could come back, but I think that all the tea leaves are showing he probably is going to say no to that opportunity.
GUTFELD: Tea leaves, eh. Tea leaves.
PERINO: I'm not going to let another word be taken away from me. Yes, tea leaves. Do you like anybody on the list?
GUTFELD: I think they are all fine people. I really do. But --
PERINO: Well, that's not going to get you anywhere.
GUTFELD: But they don't like that fire. They don't like that fire. They're not -- I remember, was it 2004, I mean, I saw -- when I was writing for "The Huffington Post" in 2005, I guess, when people were talking about Obama, you sensed fire. You sensed like this was the change. And because they need a pendulum to swing back in that direction from Bush, he was the guy.
The pendulum has now swung back into the favor of Republicans. They need a nominee who cannot just be right but persuasively right. He's got to understand pop culture. He's got to be able to talk about things that people get without making a fool of himself, which has always been a problem for Republicans and older Republicans who don't go to movies, who don't listen to music. They need to be alive in the world today.
GUILFOYLE: What about Allen West? You like him a lot.
GUTFELD: I like Allen West is a lot. Allen West is the anti-Obama. He is the guy that scares the hell out of our enemies and I love that about him.
Remember Obama's running mate wasn't Joe Biden, it was the media.
GUTFELD: They were able to cover up his friendship with terrorist. The Republicans don't have that benefit. So, they are already running with a handicap. They don't have that.
So, they -- that person has to be able to leap past and antagonistic media with a charming personality, who is persuasively correct, who lives in today and isn't a dork.
BECKEL: That's -- you've just --you are now dreaming when you think --
GUILFOYLE: Somebody called Mr. Worton (ph).
BECKEL: I'll tell you one thing -- you can't have two people on this list together and that is to say that Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio cannot both run.
PERINO: Because of Florida?
BECKEL: You can't both be from Florida. Yes. I mean, Florida is too big a delegate batch, too much of a fundraising center. One of the other of them is going to get out of the way.
PERINO: Let me ask Kimberly and Eric this, let's just say -- let's set aside personality, OK? So, forgetting the actual people here --
GUTFELD: That's easy with the Republicans.
PERINO: Is there an issue -- if you were to say there was an issue in 2016 like a policy one, policy platform that you think could actually help propel one of these characters into a good position in the general, what would it be?
GUILFOYLE: For me, it would be the economy and I would like Mitt Romney for that. But, you know, wake me after I'm done crying.
PERINO: Like anything specific. Like a major tax reform push.
BOLLING: I think what happens in November is going to dictate on whether or not will actually be able to be accomplished in 2016 or not because if the Senate stays Democrat, then I'm not sure you're going to get any policy change through because you'll have the same long jam in government.
The one, again, you guys all know I'm a good friend of Rand Paul. I love that libertarian stance of smaller government, small -- free market, free up the markets, free up the engine that made America so great. I think when you travel -- I've been traveling around the country. When you travel around the country, you talk to people they say get government out of our way.
Not just taxes, I'm talking about regulations. And that, we don't -- we don't just talk about it on here.
GUILFOYLE: Well, because it stifles the economy, too.
BOLLING: It's true. People are out there stop with the regulations, stop regulating the farmers. Stop with the EPA, because it really, it does. It makes them almost impossible to do business.
BECKEL: If I was an adviser to the Republicans, which I certainly don't want to do, but I think there's two things here that play to Rand Paul's advantage. The American people do want smaller government and less regulation. I agree with that. I would make that part of my platform. And the other thing is they are tired of foreign policy intervention. And that's where Rand Paul is as well.
I think with all the talk we have about terrorism and all the rest of it, I think they think we can take care of it with drones and with special forces and with police here at home. They don't want to get involved in anything else overseas. That and they want a smaller government.
GUTFELD: I get the small government thing opinion his Achilles heel is foreign policy. And he's got to grow up or he will not have a chance. Foreign policy and borders are the same thing. You've got to combine that vision together. If you're going to retreat from the world stage, then you got to build a moot and a wall. You can't do that. You can't do that.
So, basically, you have to establish an American presence around the world which is what we did after World War II. We decided we were going to be there for decades. And now, we're pulling out every where and we're going to see the world crumble around us.
The point is you got to have an adult on foreign policy and Rand Paul is a child. He's a child on foreign policy.
BECKEL: But you --
GUTFELD: He doesn't know the first thing about terror. He's got -- once he reads the files, he will learn and he will grow like everybody else does. President Obama grew up on foreign policy and started droning.
BECKEL: OK. It may -- there may be something to be said about that. But it is -- there's a little reminiscent. After the First World War, there was America First movement. You know, who didn't want to get involved in the Second World War. They fought Roosevelt up until the time Pearl Harbor.
The country just was not ready to go to war again. I think that's exactly where the country is now. You can call Rand Raul a child but --
GUTFELD: No, on foreign policy.
BECKEL: On foreign policy. You call a vast majority of American people a child because they don't want to be involved in it either.
And we can't -- the other thing is we can't afford. You can't ask for balanced budget and cut a deficit and do that what you're talking about.
GUTFELD: But you know what? Maybe the American people feel this way but maybe they are wrong. Remember, the military exists to preserve our survival. And sometimes, that goes against our own feelings about war.
The fact is they go out and they kill so we don't have to. That is their role, whether we like it or not, whether we don't want our sons out there, the fact is somebody's son is out there so you don't have to. That's the nature of the military.
BECKEL: But you have to convince the American people that we stayed -- for example, we should go back to Iraq and they would disapprove.
GUTFELD: Yes, but see, that's -- no one is saying going in and invading. We're talking about a presence in the world. We had a presence -- if we didn't have a presence in the world, we'd be speaking German, we'd be speaking Japanese, we'd be speaking Korean. We'd be speaking Esperanto.
BOLLING: I don't think Rand Paul is saying we shouldn't have a presence in the world.
BECKEL: Yes, that's right.
GUTFELD: Yes, I feel like he does.
BOLLING: In my opinion -- listen I'm not here as a proxy for Rand Paul. But I think his foreign policy is misunderstood. General public kind of attaches Ron Paul's foreign policy to Rand and he has a far, far different foreign policy --
GUILFOYLE: Than his father.
BOLLING: -- map than his father does.
PERINO: He is vulnerable on that issue. He has a hurdle to clear.
PERINO: Can I give you guys my prediction?
PERINO: It has nothing to do with Rand Paul.
GUTFELD: It's not Dierks Bentley.
PERINO: No. Not a bad choice. No, I think that Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton will compete against one another as candidates in 2016.
GUILFOYLE: Who wins?
PERINO: Not for the presidency. I think they will be on the vice presidential choice, because --
GUTFELD: She would never do that.
PERINO: I've made a bet with somebody I know. Don't put it past her, right? It's eight weeks instead of two-year-long campaign. She'll be the one that could actually get it done for them, especially if it's close and I think she'll be willing to do it.
GUTFELD: As a vice presidential candidate?
BOLLING: To Biden?
PERINO: To whoever it might be.
BECKEL: Very interesting.
PERINO: What do you think, Bob? Not too bad?
BECKEL: I think it's interesting thought. I don't think she'll do it, but I think it's an interesting thought.
One last thing about -- the American footprint around the world right now with the military bases we have is status quo, and it's right. I think that's what the American people are. We're covered around the world. We've got big navies. We've got big military bases around the world. Let them stay where they are. I'm saying expansion of that is something the American people don't want.
GUILFOYLE: What about Condoleezza Rice?
GUTFELD: I love Condoleezza Rice. I love her.
GUTFELD: In more ways --
GUTFELD: She plays the piano.
GUILFOYLE: Dana, call her.
PERINO: Condi, call you.
OK. Ahead on the July 4th holiday, there's at least one of them in every office, the over-sharer -- co-workers that tell you every detail of every minute of their life, like dating dramas and so on.
GUILFOYLE: Bob --
PERINO: We know who you are. We have at least one over-sharer at the table. I used to share an office with him. We'll give you the list of the worst offenders when we come back.
GUILFOYLE: I mean, that is like Felix and Oscar.
BOLLING: Welcome back to "The Five" Fourth of July special. Anyone who's ever had a job can relate to this. In every office there's always that someone who talks too much about their personal life. They're called over sharers. And The Wall Street Journal actually breaks them down in several categories.
There's the blunderer, that co-worker who misses social cues that conversation isn't welcome. Next is the narcissist who sees and shares every detail of his or her life as important or interesting. The patient, one who uses the office to vent and analyze personal problems. The storyteller, they'll talk endlessly about almost any topic. The worrier relieves anxiety through nonstop chatter, and finally, the true confessor.
GUILFOYLE: Bob's all of those.
BOLLING: Exactly. Tends to blurt out the first embarrassing personal experience that springs to mind.
GUILFOYLE: Wait. This is all Bob.
GUTFELD: Bob's segment.
GUILFOYLE: This is a Bob blog.
BECKEL: A big setup is what it is.
GUILFOYLE: It's an intervention.
GUILFOYLE: So you know this is all Bob. This is unbelievable.
All right, Bob, we'll just start with you. Which one of those are you?
BECKEL: It's -- I mean, I qualify for all of them. But I don't -- that's why I think this is a scam. We threw this on the Fourth of July, because you figured I wouldn't be paying attention, which I usually don't. And I'll share with you, that I don't pay a lot of attention.
GUILFOYLE: Over sharing again.
BECKEL: But that's because I've had a well full of experience that the rest of you have not. But I think that...
BOLLING: That's part of it. This is for, like, offices. You do it on air. You share...
GUILFOYLE: He's the over sharer of America. Bob Beckel.
BECKEL: This is my office.
BOLLING: All right. Let's bring it around.
GUILFOYLE: This is your office.
BOLLING: The blunderer, misses social cues. I would say no. Sees every detail of his or her life as important. Maybe.
GUILFOYLE: Me? No.
BOLLING: All right. How about uses the office to vent and analyze personal problems. No. You're secret about that.
The story teller.
BOLLING: Talks endlessly about -- you're willing to talk about any topic. Right?
GUILFOYLE: I'm open that way. Yes, I'll tell a story here or two.
BOLLING: You're a story teller?
GUILFOYLE: Self-deprecating stories, whatever. Just, you know, funny.
BOLLING: Yes, interesting -- Dana.
PERINO: Well, a lot of people don't know this, but when we first started this show, because it was temporary, remember, we -- we had to share offices.
Well, Bob and I didn't have an office, so they put Bob and I together in an office with, like, four computers. That I don't even know, a couple weren't, I don't think, ever turned on. And then Bob would bring in, like, his pastries and croissants. And he'd sit there and he's talk on the phone to talk about his dates from the night before.
And I mean, you'd have to change into your dress before you come on the show? And I ended up having -- my closet was in the stairwell on the 17th floor, and that's where I would have to go to change, because Bob was always in the office.
PERINO: So when I finally said, look, is it possible for me to have my own spot, even if I had to share with a woman?
GUILFOYLE: It was like a reality show. It was like "The Odd Couple."
PERINO: I wasn't there very often. You were there at odd hours.
BECKEL: I haven't been in my office in two months, probably. No, I'd say I was there today.
PERINO: They're going take it away from you.
BOLLING: So I also have to change. And on my floor all the offices are glass walls, and I kept changing. Before the morning show the hosts -- the producers are right there. I'm constantly changing, hiding behind books. Finally, I paid a guy to smoke the glass on my...
GUILFOYLE: Of course you did. Like I know a guy.
BOLLING: All of the -- aren't there any normal workers? I mean, these are...
GUTFELD: Everybody has got -- everybody has something wrong with them. I hate over sharing. Like, for example, yesterday I was getting a mole removed from my butt. The doctor wouldn't stop talking about his psoriasis. Used to drive me crazy. Anyway...
GUILFOYLE: You really don't like over sharers.
GUTFELD: No, but you know what?
GUILFOYLE: Or talking in the hair and makeup chair.
GUTFELD: It's because people are shy and awkward, and therefore, they suffer from kind of an arrested development where maybe they haven't had as much skill. And -- and so they don't know the parameters when they're talking to you; they aren't sure.
I do also think we've gone from a doing country to a feeling country so we encourage people to talk about their feelings. Where we used to be very taciturn. We used to have -- our role models were Clint Eastwood, Robert Mitchum, Lee Marvin and now...
GUILFOYLE: Now there's Twitter.
GUTFELD: Yes. Now there's Twitter, and there's these actors that just -- Russell Brand who won't shut up.
BOLLING: Can you tell an over sharer to stop over sharing or is that going to ruin their lives.
GUTFELD: I think you -- I think you have to leave a note and say, "I heard your conversations when you're fighting with your wife or your husband, and it's grossing me out. Please stop."
PERINO: Well, I actually think this is changing. Social media is changing things, because if you follow your colleagues at -- on social media, they might be putting personal things on there so that, even if they wouldn't have shared it at the office, now you know about it.
BECKEL: Can I can have a slight defense of my indictment here on all these things? One is one of the reasons that I share a lot about drinking and drugging and women on occasion is that I would be outed otherwise.
GUTFELD: Then do the Obama thing. Write the book.
BECKEL: So I put that out, because the right-wing would out me anyway. So now there's nothing that can out me on. Right? That's part of it.
And the second thing about that is it turned out to be helpful to people who have gotten in touch with me about their alcoholism. So that's one thing.
The second thing is coming out of a background that I came out of, which is a very abusive family, you have a tendency to hold back everything when you come out of that family. When you get a chance to get out, and you're...
GUILFOYLE: You spill.
BECKEL: ... anybody that will listen to you. You know, they'll be tired of hearing it. But you want to tell your story. Because if I get told that at home, I'd get the hell beat out of me. I mean, literally get the hell beat out of me. So for 16 years I said nothing.
GUILFOYLE: See how Bob turns this around?
BOLLING: It's an example of over sharing.
BECKEL: Well, no, that's right. But I'm trying to -- I'm trying to defend over sharing.
PERINO: Honestly, though, if Bob didn't over share, what would we talk about in the green room? They're going to have nothing to talk about.
GUTFELD: That's a good point actually. You know what's really scary at the office? The under sharer. The person who doesn't say anything. That's the person who shoots you. All of a sudden, you're like -- he walks into the office and he goes, "You," and then all of a sudden you -- that's the last thing you hear. That's the only time he opens his mouth.
PERINO: And then everybody that says we thought there was something odd about him.
GUTFELD: Each one of us have one of those people on our staff. The quiet, crazy person.
BECKEL: Do you have a staff? I don't have a staff.
GUTFELD: Well, I mean, on "Red Eye" I have a staff. And all of them are...
BOLLING: Sean, you know who you are.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, no. Sean, come on.
BOLLING: I'm just kidding. Sean is OK.
GUTFELD: It's definitely Josh.
GUTFELD: Josh. Josh is just waiting to explode.
BOLLING: When "The Five" -- He is very quiet. He is extremely quiet.
All right. When "The Five" returns, Kimberly has got some important etiquette tips for us for all of us who are glued to our smartphones at times when we probably shouldn't be. So don't miss that.
BECKEL: Good. Finally.
SHANNON BREAM, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: I'm Shannon Bream in Washington with a look at your headlines.
President Obama held an Independence Day naturalization ceremony for more than two dozen foreign-born service members who became U.S. citizens today. The event comes against the backdrop of severe concerns over illegal immigration along the southern border. Republicans are urging the president to visit the border during a fundraising trip to Texas next week.
Hurricane Arthur has weakened to a Category 1 storm. It impacted north Carolina's barrier islands overnight bringing flooding and tens of thousands of power outages, but some areas reported few problems. It is expected to weaken further as it travels up the East Coast.
America celebrates the 4th with parades, parties and fireworks. This is Chicago today. We're going to show you some of the highlights from across the country, like this video from Arlington, Texas.
Please join me on "Special Report" at the top of the hour. For now we'll take you back to New York and "The Five."
GUILFOYLE: We're all probably guilty of it: checking our smartphones at dinner, even though it's really not polite. The Wall Street Journal has come up with some rules for who should be allowed to sneak a peek. Here are four of them. Pay attention, Ricky Lobby (ph).
Only parents with small kids at home with sitters are allowed to keep smartphones face up on the table. That was me.
The first person to notice someone else at the be table checking their phone is allowed to check theirs for one minute. That sounds like Dana made it up.
Photos of babies or weddings may be shown on a phone for three minutes, or never with Greg and Dana. A die-hard sports fan like Bolling may be allowed to check the score of the big game. Everyone else is allowed to go onto TMZ. OK. So what do you think about these rules?
BECKEL: I think it has to start right -- now I can go on the offensive. I don't ever look and check my Twitter. These guys on the break or even not on the break look through their Twitter stuff. And when one of you people out there says something outrageous -- oh, my God. The show should change.
It is the most obnoxious single thing to have that stuff out there. People at the dinner table, it's worse.
GUILFOYLE: Bob, let me tell you something. How many times has your phone even been on during the show, ring during the show, (UNINTELLIGIBLE) during the show, beep during the show?
BECKEL: But I was not looking at it. That was a mistake. I don't ever look at my...
GUILFOYLE: White House during the show.
BECKEL: No, no, no. I don't ever look at my phone during the show. Ever.
GUILFOYLE: Bob what are your talking about?
BECKEL: I don't look through -- These guys go through their Twitter stuff. I don't.
BOLLING: Your phone rings like once every other week.
BECKEL: But that's different than...
GUILFOYLE: You do look, and it's about making bets and making calls.
PERINO: I think he's got a point.
GUILFOYLE: What are you talking about?
PERINO: I think it would be an interesting experiment for all of us not to be -- have our phones on set for, like, a week and just see if it's better. I do like some of the interaction in between, but I think that -- I feel too addicted to my phone, as well. So I side with Bob.
GUILFOYLE: Bob does check his.
BECKEL: No, I don't check it. That's wrong.
PERINO: It's OK if he has a date.
GUILFOYLE: Or a bookie. Go.
GUTFELD: This article was a joke. You know, that was -- It wasn't real. Yes.
And also, OK, by the way, this is -- what we're seeing right now is a new compulsion. We've had -- we've had three major compulsions in our lives. I think it's like food, sex, alcohol or drugs. Compulsions, things in which anything that creates an internal dialogue in your head when you're arguing or battling over the use of it. Like I'm not going to look at the Internet today. I'm not going to do this today. I'm not going to eat bread today. I'm not going to look at certain things on the web today.
GUILFOYLE: You do a lot of that, by the way.
GUTFELD: It's a compulsion when you know nothing has changed on your phone, yet you still look at it anyway. I do that. It's a modern compulsion. And I think it's changing the way our brains work. I really do. And our relationships.
BOLLING: I think -- if my wife is watching right now, honey, don't listen to this -- but at least 50 percent of the time that I'm at dinner and I have to use the men's room, I'm going to the men's room to check Twitter, to check my e-mail.
GUILFOYLE: Well, at least it's that.
BOLLING: What? So the bottom line, she reaches the point where she's like this.
PERINO: I do it in the car. I'm really bad about that, because I don't drive. Peter usually drives. And if I'm riding along, and if I start -- if I'm riding along I sometimes will start giggling, and Peter will always say, "What did Greg say next?" He always knows that it's funny. Because sometimes the conversation you're having online is more, like, entertaining. So you can, like, have an ongoing dialogue. It becomes part of the conversation.
BECKEL: You don't like the dog drooling on you during your car ride?
PERINO: My dog does not drool. Jasper doesn't drool.
PERINO: He's America's perfect dog.
GUTFELD: How do you clean your phone? Like, because I'm assuming that, like, if you took one of those...
GUILFOYLE: The wipes.
GUTFELD: ... pooh light -- pooh lights on your phone...
GUILFOYLE: That's disgusting.
GUTFELD: Because people just bring it into the bathroom. And I bring it into the bathroom.
BECKEL: You know, by the way, that compulsion thing is a very -- I mean, on a serious note, that's a very important point. Because I do think it very much -- it strikes me like drink and drug with me. I don't have the compulsion to read -- look at my phone all the time, but I can imagine right now as I think about it, I think about it, it's just like that. A compulsion.
GUTFELD: It's anything that has an internal dialogue, a struggle.
BOLLING: Have they -- have they discovered that the serotonin levels are up?
PERINO: Well, there's -- every time you -- remember I went to mercy ships in Africa? And there's a neurosurgeon there...
GUTFELD: We never stop hearing about it.
PERINO: I don't talk about it all the time. There's a neurosurgeon there who said that, in his research they found that every time you refresh your screen on your phone you get a little bit of a rush, and so that's why people...
GUILFOYLE: Like Pavlov's dog, classical conditioning, and every time you get a positive response. Unless there's bad things on Twitter. So it's better when you're phone gets...
PERINO: But then you want to check it in case there's more bad things.
BECKEL: You know that's -- you know the thing about that is you said you went through those lists. Alcoholics will always say, "I'm not going to drink tomorrow," right? Or "I'm going to go someplace." People will say "I'm going to go someplace and not bring my Twitter with me" and all that stuff. An alcoholic will go someplace saying, "I'm not going to drink," and then they find out wherever they go, there they are.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.
BECKEL: And they still carry it with them. So I think there's a lot to be said about that. I'm sure glad I don't have that one. Because I get damn near everything.
GUTFELD: The only interesting about this compulsion is that it is not as disruptive because it involves other people. So it's constantly -- I mean, you're talking to people and it's -- maybe you're learning something, whereas you're not in a room alone with pornography or with alcohol. You're actually interacting with other people. To me, it's a compulsion, but maybe it's a healthy one.
BECKEL: It won't kill you, like alcohol will, probably.
GUTFELD: Yes. Unless you're driving.
GUILFOYLE: Hey, Bob could you become addicted immediately to reading the packets? Reading your packets.
GUTFELD: No one is -- but that's the point. Nobody is compulsive about work or the things that you have to do.
GUILFOYLE: It's only pleasure-inducing things. Yes.
All right. Next -- good point. Next "The Five" is going to have an Independence Day barbecue, baby, right here at this table. I'm so excited. Bob is already licking his chops.
And we've been celebrating America's birthday all week here on the FOX News Channel. If you are a proud citizen tweet us at "The Five." Use the #proudAmerican and tell us why.
We're back in a moment.
BECKEL: What we're not proud was that segment.
BECKEL: This July 4th less talk about my favorite topics. Food. We have a whole barbecue here. Now it's now cold. But -- there's a new study that says comfort foods like ice cream or mac and cheese don't actually make you feel better. But I'm not buying it -- Eric. Do you buy into that notion? Does it make you feel better.
BOLLING: We were just talking about it. It's one of those things that sends off that feel good serotonin, fires it off. Boom.
GUILFOYLE: Pleasure principle.
BOLLING: Yes. Of course. Yes, I do believe it. That said, you know, I have some quirky eating habits.
BECKEL: You do. I asked you first. You don't eat what? You don't eat meat?
BOLLING: I don't eat any red meat, and I fast on Tuesdays which is a problem because...
BECKEL: Get out of here, man. Dana. you're a red meat kind of person. Right?
PERINO: Am I a red meat person?
BECKEL: Yes, you like...
PERINO: Yes. Every day I eat meat of some sort. Usually steak, sometimes hamburgers. Little bit of chicken. But I think -- I have learned, as I have advanced in age that things that I might have thought of as comfort food before are no longer a comfort to me, because it's just, like, a moment of pleasure, and then like actually physically feel bad and then I don't eat the rest of the day.
BECKEL: Like what?
GUILFOYLE: ... then feel ashamed. Like why are you having that?
BECKEL: Greg, you and I have a fondness for one particular steak restaurant here in town. You're a big meat eater, right? What about comfort food generally?
GUTFELD: Well, I love McDonald's, but McDonald's doesn't love me. It's like when you eat it finds, like, a shortcut...
GUILFOYLE: I know so much about your G.I. tract.
GUTFELD: It's like incredible. It's like somehow it gets in there. It's like all right. It goes off the road, and it drives across my spleen. It's just firing out into space. It's amazing.
PERINO: That is so gross.
GUILFOYLE: You're trying to get an Imodium endorsement.
GUTFELD: I am. Comfort foods reflects the exceptional nature of our country. Because we're the only place where we have them. Generally people have food to feed. We have food to comfort. In -- there are many countries that, you know, the -- food's a comfort against starvation.
GUILFOYLE: Can I have a rib?
BECKEL: Yes, want a rib? I want one, too.
GUTFELD: The ribs are pretty good.
BECKEL: Wait a minute, do we have -- we have to go? We've got to eat this rib first. All right. Kimberly, I have -- I have a food eating contest here.
GUILFOYLE: Maybe you'll fare better than the last one. Remember when I whooped Bob in the eating contest? And Dana said I must -- I must have eaten my crayons (ph).
PERINO: No, I did not.
BECKEL: No, you cheated. You cheated. That's the whole point.
GUILFOYLE: I ate two at a time.
BECKEL: Next, we're going to have a food-eating contest. We're not going to show it to you. "One More Thing" is up next.
BOLLING: It's part of your show.
GUTFELD: Time for "One More Thing," and because it's Fourth of July, it's time for...
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ANNOUNCER: Greg's Fireworks Tips!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: All right. It's not the normal fireworks. I'm talking intestinal fireworks.
GUILFOYLE: Gross. Again?
GUTFELD: No. Roamin' bacteria is worse than Roman candles. So when you've got potato salad out there on the picnic, according to the FDA, no eggs and mayo should be out for longer than two hours if it's sitting at room temperature. If it's sin the hot sun, you'd better keep it in a cooler in ice, or you're is going to be counting bathroom tiles for the next two days. Trust me on that one.
I like to help America, Dana. Let's see if you can top that?
PERINO: I will not be able to -- well, actually, you know what? I will tell you. If you don't like cities and you like small-town America and you love patriotism of the country, proud to be an American, there are seven small towns that are noted for their best Fourth of July activities. Chatham, Massachusetts, is one. Bristol, Rhode Island, they have the longest running parade and events since 1785. Independence, Iowa. Good name. Harrisville, Michigan. You want to be there, for sure. Natchitoches -- I think I'm saying that correctly -- Louisiana. Prescott, Arizona. That is home to the world's oldest rodeo. It kicks off this weekend. And Aptos, California, as well. It's the world's shortest parade, which could be led by Greg Gutfeld.
GUTFELD: Didn't see that one coming. Miserable little wretch.
All right, Kimberly.
GUILFOYLE: Are we going to get sick from eating that or just your stories?
BECKEL: I'm starting to feel sick now.
GUILFOYLE: OK. This end of the table is not doing well.
This is an amazing story about a dream come true. A young little boy, 7 years old, just like Ronan, Andrew Starr II, he always dreamed of becoming a Marine like his father, who's a retired Marine colonel. And you see a picture of the little boy there on -- this past week on Monday. The dream became a reality, and he received an honorary title of being a Marine, honorary Marine. And this has only been happening; less than 100 people is in 1992 when they started this. And he was beyond thrilled. He said, "I'm just so happy I'm a Marine like my dad."
BOLLING: Very nice. That's a good one.
BOLLING: Better than the royals.
BOLLING: So very quickly, "Cashin' In." By the way, last week was 23 weeks in a row it's trended on Twitter. Also John Oliver picked it up. Watch it tomorrow. We have 28 days left that the House and Senate are in session together between now and the 2014 elections. Twenty-eight days. Yet these guys make 174,000 bucks, plus millions of dollars a year each in bonuses -- not bonuses, in benefits and perks.
BECKEL: You know, I really...
BECKEL: Is it my turn? I've got to go -- I've got to go someplace fast. All right. The -- this is a great announcement to make on the Fourth of July. God bless you, son. The leader of the Mississippi College Republicans resigned to become a Democrat. A smart, smart move on his part. He said he didn't want his party to go the tea, and that's exactly right. Didn't want the way-right wing. Congratulations. We welcome you to our party.
PERINO: He'll be back.
All right. Well, at least we didn't have any partisanship here.
That's it for us. Happy Fourth to all our veterans and troops. Have a great holiday weekend. We'll see you back here on Monday.
Content and Programming Copyright 2014 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2014 CQ-Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of CQ-Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.