This is a rush transcript from "The Five," June 26, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Andrea Tantaros, along with Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling, Dana Perino, and a carrot.
It's 5 o'clock in New York City and this is "The Five."
TANTAROS: Apologies are hard to come by in Washington. But in Hollywood, it's become a new trend to say, I'm sorry. The latest celeb on an apology tour is after Gary Oldman. He defended anti-Semitic rants by Mel Gibson and some ugly words from Alec Baldwin. Baldwin was lashing out at hypocrisy and political correctness in Hollywood to "Playboy" magazine.
Activists and the media now pressured him. And within 48 hours, he was apologizing on Jimmy Kimmel.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GARY OLDMAN, ACTOR: I said some things that were poorly considered. And once I had seen it in print, I could see that it was offensive. From my heart, I am profoundly, profoundly sorry. And I'm deeply apologetic.
I'm a public figure, I should be an example and an inspiration. And I'm an A-hole, and I'm 56, and I should know better.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
TANTAROS: OK. I understand the point he was trying to make, Greg, about the political correctness. But he did try and defend the indefensible with the Mel Gibson rant. So, do you think it was smart for him to come out and apologize?
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: I don't see how this was offensive at all. It was in "Playboy." Nobody reads "playboy." How did that --
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Speak for yourself.
GUTFELD: Well, yes, except for you.
Yes, you know what it is? I said this before. It's important to be right, but it's more important to be persuasively right. And I think he ruined a good point, which is that we all have unsavory politically incorrect thoughts.
And the fact that we're very preoccupied with attitudes and not action, and feeling and not fact is very dangerous, and every apology somehow reflects a hapless, timid America that used to be bold. But he went too far, and his outrageousness ruined what was a good point. So, even though you hate the politically incorrect, it doesn't mean you have to defend him.
I'm tired of these apologies. We need to start a business called mix sorry, which does it for you. Like McDonald's but for apologies.
PERINO: You can pay for it.
TANTAROS: What about an app? You could make a lot of money with an app that apologize --
GUTFELD: Exactly. Or just preemptive apology.
TANTAROS: And your first customer is sitting to my left, literally and figuratively.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: You know, I'm thinking about that, Steve McQueen never would have apologized. There are a lot of people who -- think about the actors back in the '50s and '60s. They would -- Elvis Presley wouldn't have apologized for something like that. But the point --
TANTAROS: But why do you think he did, Bob? Your brother's an actor in Congress.
BECKEL: I think he got a lot of pressure -- I mean, being in Hollywood, when you're talking about anti-Semitic remarks, there is a very, very acute reaction to it. It's happened to people I know.
I think people said, look, 75 percent of the studios here have ownership is Jewish and you better be careful what you say if you want your own career.
TANTAROS: Why do some people get away with it? Alec Baldwin has made homophobic, allegedly, statements that have been inflammatory. Some actors are perceived as getting away with it and others are not. Why?
BECKEL: I don't -- Gibson went through pretty much hell when he did that. You can carry this over into politics in a way. It always amazes me why I think apologies in politics makes sense, because they always try to cover themselves up by saying -- and get themselves out so far, they're screwed. The best politician, just say I'm sorry.
TANTAROS: But they never say it, Dana. We were talking about this. Can you think of an example of working for any candidate or any politician, I couldn't do it today, anyone I worked with that actually came out and said, "I'm sorry." What's so bad about saying I'm sorry? What happens when they do say I'm sorry, like in sex scandals?
PERINO: Well, if you're up for reelection and you probably think that, as soon as you say you're sorry, especially if you say it on tape or on video, that that is going to be the campaign ad that runs against you for the next two or six -- every six years if you're in the Senate.
But I think that this all goes back to that, you remember the book that everything I need to know, I learned in kindergarten? By the time you're 5 years old, you've been taught by your parents if you do something wrong and you say you're sorry, that absolves you of any more berating about it. Then your parents are not going to continue to beat you over the head with it.
So, I think in some ways, our instincts are to apologize because we are taught, and maybe that's a good thing, right, just for civility sake, there is a way for us to get past comments that are said, even if they're said in "Playboy," or "Esquire.," like Phil Robertson. Remember?
This is an interesting for me, there's parallels here where people do interviews, they must be very good interviewers, because they get people comfortable. They start saying what's on their mind. They talk --
GUTFELD: Get them drunk.
PEIRNO: -- they use their inside voice. Now, all a sudden, four months later, it's like, that didn't look so good in print, and they end up having to apologize.
TANTAROS: The difference, too, Eric, is typically when most people apologize, and they do it as sincerely as, say, Gary Oldman did, I think that was sincere, they don't repeat the behavior. But in Washington, with the IRS, you have a woman who has a history of targeting conservatives dating back to when she was running an elections board, Lois Lerner, in Illinois. Never apologize. She keeps doing the behavior.
Is it arrogant? Is it that she thinks it's justified? I mean, people in Washington, they don't even apologize, this they just keep repeating the bad way (ph)--
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Right. I think that's -- there it is right there in a nutshell. If it's repeated, you know, there's something there there. If it's done once or twice -- I mean, there are a lot of -- I've had to apologize on air. Bob, we've all had to kind of apologize.
But you don't do it again. You learn from your mistakes and move on. And if you forgive if someone says something that's offensive, and they apologize, accept the apology.
The thing with Alec Baldwin, and we -- you know, took him apart here, because it kept happening. It wasn't once, it wasn't twice, it was five times. He was consistently going after female reporters, saying derogatory remarks about gays, and whatnot. So, it was a repeat offender.
Can I just make something out? You make a very good point. Matt Lauer today, did you see the interview with the CEO of G.M.? Female CEO of G.M. He asks her, hey, if you're a CEO of such a big important company, do you still have time to be a good mother?
Now, everyone kind of looked back, but again, it's NBC, it's Matt Lauer and it kind of went away. If I had done that interview or Greg had done it, or anyone at this table had done that with a female CEO of G.M., a conservative host asking that question to a female, the Republican war on women, here it is again in the media.
Will he retract that or clarify what he meant? What, you can't be a mother and a CEO?
TANTAROS: I agree. I think that's a fair question to ask, and a lot of people are asking it, because of Marissa Mayer, the Yahoo! CEO falling asleep and missing a meeting. A lot of people buzzing, I mean, it's a different topic, but can women be mothers and CEOs?
GUTFELD: But, can I --
GUTFELD: But this thing about what is offensive, I don't think -- I - - maybe I'm in the minority. I'm not offended by anything. I'm not offended by anything that is said to me. I guess except that the fact that people are offended or outraged by words. But they aren't offended or outraged by actions.
The symbolic rage is easier and more attainable than sincere rage about horrible things that are happening. A feminist in America will come out about something that you said, like that. They'll be mad about that.
But they will completely ignore female circumcision in Islamic countries because that -- they ignore action, because that's too hard. So they go after words. That, to me, is actually an act that is offensive. Words, we're so hurt, you don't die from words.
PERINO: I thought of another reason why in politics it's different than for somebody like Gary Oldman. So, he's dealing with his career and fan base, and possible, you know, recriminations for his words. But on Capitol Hill, or in Washington, the IRS, let's take Lois Lerner as an example, what happens if she says she's sorry, instead of pleading the Fifth? That means she could be prosecuted and could end up either doing some jail time, or maybe, you know, paying some sort of outrageous fine that would prevent other people from doing it again.
So, I think in Washington, that might be a little bit of the difference, that they're afraid of prosecution.
BECKEL: Let me say, very quickly. I had a candidate for Congress, she was an incumbent, Ike Andrews from North Carolina. He had gotten sober for a year and he got on this thing about highway drunk driving, that was his big issue. He's driving back to North Carolina, and he stops at the liquor store and gets drunk, gets picked up for drunk driving.
The story came out that he had seven DWIs. I said, you've got to apologize. He said, no. What are you going to do?
He finally got in front of the camera and apologized and won. People said that was a sincere apology and he did the right thing. Where other politicians, for some reason they talk their way out of it.
TANTAROS: Don't you think from a political standpoint, if politicians, like, say, a Bill Clinton came out and said, I am sincerely sorry -- because you're right, when they sincerely apologize, we're a very forgiving country, especially about sex scandals and that type of thing, but they don't do it. It would be an interesting way to turn it around on the Republicans to say, don't you preach forgiveness? I mean, a lot of Christians, that's what it's based on, wouldn't that be, as a political strategy, a way for people to say, I said I'm sorry, you're not going to forgive me?
BECKEL: That's an example you could come up with Clinton. I mean, if Clinton had said I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I've embarrassed my wife, my daughter, end of the story. But he couldn't bring himself to do it.
BOLLING: A week thing we've been doing -- I've been doing every Friday, the first one was Chris Daughtry. Now, I put him out there for he did something up that I thought was kind of egregious on "FOX & FRIENDS" that morning. Let me tell you, he did a four or five-minute apology video, put it out there. I think it went viral for a while. And it was a sincere apology.
You know something? He's more popular now after making what I perceive as a mistake, apologizing, he's got a huge fan base who say, that was stand-up. That was great.
It's OK to say you're sorry. Just, we have to also be forgiving, too, when you hear it, too.
GUTFELD: The thing is, though, what makes you say you're sorry is pressure. So, when -- whether you're a conservative, whether you're a celebrity, the pressure is applied on you to say you're sorry. There is no pressure to apologize in many of our modern political leaders, like President Obama. Mainly because the media is so pliant, it makes pizza dough look like granite. There's nobody actually asking for responsibility in our government.
TANTAROS: That's true.
GUTFELD: But if Alec Baldwin does something stupid, or if Mel Gibson, or if this British guy, whose name escapes me -- Gary Oldman, if he says something that everybody will jump on it, but not jump on the IRS --
TANTAROS: But why, Greg, because to your point, what they're doing in Washington is far worse. They're doing -- I mean, you've used puns before, you know, they'll apologize for sexual acts that they've committed against their family, but they won't commit against legitimate crimes against the people who elect them that they're elected to serve. Is it because no one cares? I mean, Dana --
GUTFELD: The --
TANTAROS: Yes? I mean --
GUTFELD: If the modern culture is more aroused by personal infractions than by bureaucratic force. Bureaucratic force is boring, which makes it more dangerous. The things that kill you are the things that are boring. The things that are exciting -- excite your attention span briefly, but meanwhile your rights are being stripped.
BOLLING: What is it, are we intrigued by the, OK, he or she said this, or let's see how he or she reacts now that --
GUTFELD: We like people failing.
BOLLING: Or we want to see how they handle being called out, right? Some people do it well. Some people don't do it well.
BECKEL: You know, I promise I would never talk about this subject, so I won't use the word. But here's a classic example. If Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama came out and said, we blame this on a film and it turned out to be wrong, end of story.
GUTFELD: That's my point. All they had to do was admit it.
TANTAROS: But they did apologize to the Pakistanis, remember? They made those commercials, Dana, and they apologized to the Pakistanis, not the American public. They do apologize sometimes, it's wrong.
BECKEL: It's taught by consultants almost automatically, never admit you're wrong, which is crazy.
TANTAROS: Dana, you said earlier from a PR perspective, it stops the bleeding. I mean, think about when someone's truly apologized to you.
PERINO: To apologize, the headlines -- they're going to stop. It does tend to go away. I would say also if people are going to do interviews with these big magazines, that their staff or they themselves need to listen to your inner instincts and not say stupid stuff.
GUTFELD: I don't want an apology --
PERINO: It really shouldn't be that hard.
GUTFELD: I don't want an apology from the IRS, I want action, I want jail time.
BECKEL: You guys know when Tylenol came out in the shelves, they've got that poisoned Tylenol, and their CEO gets every piece of advice from public relations got on the air and said, I'm sorry about this. We're going to pull every one of them off the shelves, and it went away.
PERINO: Except for Harold Burson who run that, the head of Burson- Marsteller, and that was his advice to the CEO.
BECKEL: Was it?
TANTAROS: And now, I have to apologize to the control room because they've been yelling at me to tease. So, I'm sorry.
Next, this is not a joke --the president of the United States said the World Cup is affecting foreign policy moves. Eric has the details on that unbelievable remark. You won't want to miss this, up next.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I believe that we will win!
CROWD: I believe that we will win! I believe that we will win! I believe that we will win! I believe that we will win! I believe that we will win! I believe that we will win!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: That was Will Ferrell.
Everyone was watching the World Cup today. I mean, everybody. Seattle, Washington, Hermosa Beach, California, Chicago in Illinois, including President Obama who took time out of ruling the world to watch a little football onboard Air Force One.
But get this folks, George Stephanopoulos just tweeted this. Quote, "POTUS tells me that World Cup schedule affecting some foreign policy moves."
I'm not kidding, President Obama just put Iraq, Iran, Syria, and Mexico on hold until he's finished watching soccer.
PERINO: I don't think that's what he meant.
BECKEL: No, he didn't mean that.
PERINO: I don't think that's what he meant. I don't.
BOLLING: Dana, that's what he said.
PERINO: No, what he means is that, what I'm assuming that he means is that the rest of the world, if you're trying to get an international contingent together and a coalition to do something about anything, which I kind of doubt they're doing anyway, but I think he's saying those leaders are unresponsive.
BOLLING: Can I read that one more time? Can I just read? I've got to read it one more time. Hold on.
Stephanopoulos, quote, "POTUS tells me that World Cup schedule affecting some foreign policy move"?
BECKEL: That's right. I'm shocked how people take -- countries are taking this seriously? They don't work in a lot of places. The government takes time off.
So, I'm sure it's tough to get somebody to make a decision in Iran who's not following Iranian soccer.
PERINO: Well, hopefully, it's not Iran that he's talking about. Like the Germans, possibly, the Germans.
TANTAROS: When I read that tweet, the first thing I thought is, oh, boy, the Clintons have officially declared war on President Obama. George Stephanopoulos knew what the president was getting at. But the fact that the former attack dog for the Clinton machine tweets out something, that we are talking about, making the president, if you don't assume the goodwill that Dana and Bob have given him, or I have given them, is true, they're saying, I think the Clintons are saying, listen, this is a presidency that is sinking. And we are going to distance ourself from it. And you're going to start to see the Carvilles, the Begalas, the Stephanopoulos --
PERINO: I don't think George put that much thought into it.
TANTAROS: Oh, I definitely do. And you saw the Ed Klein excerpt from his new book, basically saying that Hillary Clinton personally blames Benghazi on the president. I predict you're gong to see Hillary Clinton start to distance herself, not just on immigration like we saw, but on the V.A. scandal, the IRS scandal and I'll bet you see some Clinton-friendly Democrats start the investigation.
PERINO: Can I point something on the Hillary and the Benghazi thing and that Ed Klein excerpt where it says that she's blaming him and distancing. I don't think it will bear out, because it's several days later when she goes to Dover and she repeats the lie to the families --
TANTAROS: I agree, but they're going to try. I agree. But they're going to try.
BOLLING: Hold on, hold on, I'm going to have to apologize to the viewers. We wanted to stay on World Cup soccer here.
Greg, your thoughts on --
BOLLING: Let's stay on this.
GUTFELD: In soccer, the only highlights are in the players' hair.
I came up with a drinking game for the World Cup that members of Alcohol Anonymous can play. You drink every time there's a score.
BOLLING: I get it. How about -- oh, yes, more?
GUTFELD: That's enough for me.
BOLLING: Let's do this one. Ann Coulter not buying the hype as soccer is what's wrong with America lately, saying, writing, quote, "Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay, individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. The blame is dispersed and almost nobody scores anyway." (INAUDIBLE)
BECKEL: I mean, I agree about nobody scored. But this woman gets away with saying the most outrageous things. It was a definitive statement, you know? That the world, the United States is falling apart because of soccer?
GUTFELD: Who else would say something like that, Bob?
BOLLING: Who else would come up with outrageous comment like that?
BECKEL: Well, yes, I mean, not that.
BOLLING: You know, maybe not thinking things out before he or she said --
BECKEL: I know people like that.
BOLLING: You do?
Your thoughts on the moral decay of America, soccer?
TANTAROS: Well, just think about how -- and I don't mind soccer. But think about how un-American, what happened today is. They lost, but yet they win. So even if you lose, you get to advance to the next round.
It's so different. In our sport, if you lose, you lose, you're done.
BOLLING: Greg, we lost to Germany but we moved on. So, this is a great day in the Obama administration. We get to move on and we don't have to apologize to another country.
GUTFELD: It's beautiful. The World Cup should be called the rest of the world's cup. For America, it's like NASCAR goes.
But I will say this, I've got to defend soccer and you have to defend soccer because it exists, because all you need is a ball, which is why there are so many countries that find joy in it, because it's not like America where you can afford yachts and race cars and football helmets. All you need is a ball.
So, that's why the world stops. They're watching it, because they grew up playing it, because all they needed was a ball. Or in some countries, like Pakistan, or Afghanistan, a goat head.
BOLLING: Or in some radical Muslim countries, a human head.
BOLLING: Dana, you want to talk about this one a little bit?
PERINO: About soccer?
BOLLING: Yes, and Coulter's moral decay?
PERINO: I think she's joking. That's what I think.
BECKEL: I don't think she is. She never (INAUDIBLE)
BOLLING: All right. Do we have the full screen of the possible outcomes if team USA wins or loses by this score or that score? We don't have that?
PERINO: Are we that dumb that we can't understand this is a tournament? It's like a three-week-long tournament. So, then, of course, that's like -- you can't put yourself --
BOLLING: But we've lost and move on.
PERINO: No, this is not the rules like -- it's not the final four.
BECKEL: But the rules are the rules. You knew going in if you scored more goals --
GUTFELD: Tim Lincecum threw a no-hitter, he threw a no-hitter. That's American.
BOLLING: And they won.
GUTFELD: And they won.
BOLLING: And someone won.
Do you have that? Do you have that? Yes or no.
Look at this. These are possible outcomes. Along the top is if Team USA wins. Along the bottom is if it's Germany wins. Along the sides if Uruguay -- I'm sorry, if Ghana wins, or portugal wins. They're like 200 different outcomes. Yes, we go on. No, we don't go on.
You need a grid, Dana. You need an encyclopedia.
TANTAROS: It's just so different than we do things here, I think.
PERINO: Well, I get it.
BOLLING: Here's the thing. Within 10 minutes of us going down 1-0, we realize Team USA game didn't matter anymore for us to go on. We had to see whether or not Ghana was beating Portugal or not.
PERINO: But there will come a time in the tournament when it will matter.
BOLLING: How about this one? Team USA coach Jurgen Klinsmann gave a get out of work free card today. And while doing research for this segment, Porter and I were cashing in our free cards. Check out who we bumped into also playing hooky, front row, Hemmer, Martha, Allen, producer, that's Porter on the left, upper left, there's Kilmeade on the back, myself, and that's Steve Hayes over there.
I'm going to tell you something, Bob.
BECKEL: Where is this?
GUTFELD: That was at a bar.
BOLLING: Maybe I was supposed to say that. It was about, I don't know, 1:00 or so.
GUTFELD: Can you imagine people drinking before "The Five"?
PERINO: That would be crazy.
TANTAROS: I was wondering when I saw that picture. Then I thought, Bill's worked a day's work. So's Martha, so's Brian, all right? Steve Hayes, I guess he's not doing "SPECIAL REPORT" if he was tossing some back, we won't out Steve Hayes.
But my problem is, he was encouraging the German coach, people to play hooky and not go to work and watch the World Cup, which I think it is disturbing in New York to walk by bars and watching people not working.
PERINO: But they're buying stuff.
TANTAROS: It reminds me of Europe --
PERINO: They're having a little bit of fun. Fun killers.
GUTFELD: We do this with the Super Bowl and World Series. Come on.
BOLLING: Yes, it's great for business.
BECKEL: Yes, but it's once every four years. A lot of these are poor countries. This is the biggest thing that's going to happen to them in four years, let them have a party.
GUTFELD: By the way, the best thing about the World Cup, four years. Everything should be four years, the World Series, the Super Bowl. Your birthday should be four years. Imagine if you were 28 for four years. And then you're 32 for four years.
TANTAROS: Actually, I've been 28 for four years.
BOLLING: That's a very good point.
GUTFELD: Everything should be four years.
BOLLING: All right, folks, in TV, this is called a tease, a really, really deep tease here. Are you ready? All right. Only 70 days until real football starts.
BOLLING: Coming up, some controversial rulings handed down by the Supreme Court this week. We're going to weigh in on them when "The Five" continues.
BASH: The Supreme Court handed down some major decisions this week, including a unanimous one striking down President Obama's recess appointments.
Yesterday the high court also ruled that police don't have the right to look through a suspect's cell phone after an arrest, unless they get a warrant. Privacy advocates are happy, but law enforcement is not.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What value is a cell phone if someone's arrested?
ANDREW SMITH, LAPD COMMANDER: You're thinking about gang members, or you know, gang members with guns. Sometimes we'll find out -- be able to find out who their associates are. Maybe find out some information about the crimes that they've just committed. If we arrest someone for robbery and he's got some associates, it would be helpful to know who he was talking on the phone with earlier that day, who he was texting and what the content of those were.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BASH: Chief Justice John Roberts defended the decision, writing that "a cell phone search would typically expose to the government far more than the most exhaustive search of a house. A phone not also contains in digital form many sensitive records previously found in the home: it also contains a broad array of private information, never found in a home in any form."
And Andrea, I can see the policeman's point of view, because their job is to get bad guys. But I also think that the court made the right decision here, that the phone has changed. It's no longer just something that you use to make a call. Your whole life is on here, which is why you guard it with your life.
TANTAROS: I think the court, what it did today should be very encouraging to most citizens. Because the Fourth Amendment is very clear in the Constitution. It's designed to be a hand tied behind the back of big government. And this is at a time when progressives -- progressives are trying to seize more control, more control. So the court's doing its job. It's reaffirming people's civil rights.
And we've seen this with the court. I mean, it's actually doing the job that it was intended to do. And big issues. Not just little small due process cases. This is high school history stuff that's going to be in history books going forward.
And I don't think it's a coincidence that this is happening. If you look, Dana, also at the other decisions today, too, where they allowed people to protest outside of abortion clinics in Massachusetts, we've seen the court ruling on the Citizens United case.
This court more and more is reaffirming people's civil liberties, reaffirming the Bill of Rights, and I think people should be very excited at the direction that the court is doing. It's doing its job. It's enforcing the Fourth Amendment.
Otherwise we would have the government kicking down our door. They would be able to do unlawful searches and they would be able to search through your phone. They would love to be able to do it, but the court's there to stop them.
BASH: Bob, you run hot and cold on the Supreme Court. What are your feelings today?
BECKEL: I give them a lot of credit. I think Roberts is right. First of all, if they get into my cell phone...
PERINO: I can't imagine.
BECKEL: ... it would be...
GUTFELD: They would actually catch something.
BECKEL: Probably. But, you know, it is true. What this policeman was saying was it may have been a gang member; he may have -- well, if you have that information, then go get a warrant. Right? Otherwise, you don't have any right to get in somebody's cell phone. It's ridiculous.
Again, he said, maybe he's got friends who've got guns. Well, fine. If he's got friends and known associates who have guns, maybe get a warrant for it.
BASH: I think that the police's point, Eric, is that they want -- there's an immediacy of trying to get something done immediately, to try to prevent other bad things from happening. But I assume you're happy with the decision?
BOLLING: And I am. You're right, Dana. Listen, I'd like to give the law enforcement all the tools that they constitutionally deserve and can use and important, what is constitutionally.
I think the court did a great job of upholding, saying, "You can't go into the cell phones." I just wish, and they say you need a warrant. I just wish they would kind of relook at what the NSA is claiming to do, saying it's a blanket warrant for everyone who is a Verizon customer, or a T-Mobile customer, and that accounts for everyone. I think the individual is important, and being violated with the blanket...
BASH: Anyone here have a -- you don't even have a dissenting point of view on this, do you?
GUTFELD: No. It's the right call legally. But you have to be ready to handle the consequences. Judges have to be ready to handle lots of search warrants. A phone is no longer a phone anymore. It's your sock drawer, diary, locked basement. Your video library.
So I get it. It just means, although you've added another hurdle, it's probably right to add this hurdle, but you've got to be ready to handle the consequences, because we make laws often in a vacuum. And they aren't in a vacuum.
TANTAROS: Are you ready to handle the consequences when they penetrate your locked basement, what they will find?
GUTFELD: Well, the things they'll find -- well, they won't leave.
TANTAROS: Or the people, the co-workers they will find.
GUTFELD: It's a trap. Yes.
PERINO: Ahead, the EPA has an internal pollution problem. And it takes the term government waste to a whole new level.
PERINO: I'm going to leave it there. I'll let Greg fill you in on the dirty details.
GUTFELD: So in some places like Asia, "The Five" airs during the dinner hour, so I must warn you that the next topic is unsavory. So if you have a weak constitution, I urge you to kill the volume and look to my left at soothing footage of slow loris eating rice. Adorable.
So this monologue is about the EPA, or rather the E-pooh-A. The Denver office is urging employees not to use its hallways as a place to do a do-do. Yes, the people in charge of fighting pollution are propagating poohlution. The website called Government Executive discovered an e-mail sent to its staff, which mentions incidents, including clogging toilets with paper towels and a hallway littered with human waste.
The agency actually called a workplace violence expert who says this is a health and safety risk. Behold our government, a bureaucracy so burdened by idiocy, that they must call in an expert to tell you that defiling a hallway is bad. No wonder we went from No. 1... to No. 2.
And how -- why did they call it workplace violence? I guess if the shooting at Ft. Hood is workplace violence, why not pooping in a hallway? This is also yet another agency that lost subpoenaed emails due to a computer crash. Sound familiar? The IRS, the ATF, the DOJ, the V.A., the EPA; it's an eye chart of incompetence.
Everywhere you look, in the Obama administration you realize so much of it is crap. In this case, however, you can even step in it. Maybe they should appoint a poop czar.
PERINO: That was a good job.
GUTFELD: That would be a good job. I would be really good at it, Dana.
PERINO: Although I would call it somebody else.
GUTFELD: Yes, you would. Dana, how can they police our environment when they can't police their own?
PERINO: Well, I think it's because government is clearly too big, unmanageable, and it's quickly losing the confidence of the American people, whose taxpayer dollars are going to pay for people that actually would do that in a hallway and then, just incredibly, they call in a workplace violence expert.
I'm glad you made the point of Ft. Hood. I mean, this is -- they said Ft. Hood was a workplace violence...
PERINO: ... situation. That basically means that they're equal.
GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly.
Eric, the EPA also lost these e-mails that were belonging to a former employee, due to a crashed hard drive.
GUTFELD: Due to. The guy -- by the way, the guy that lost his e- mails, he's in New Zealand now. He's gone.
PERINO: I'm surprised not in Moscow.
BOLLING: Maybe he has Lois Lerner's hard drive, or e-mails.
BOLLING: The EPA, besides spending tens of billions of dollars of our money, they regulate businesses and they cost us hundreds of billions of dollars in our economy.
The GSA, remember that scandal where the guy is drinking wine at...
BOLLING: ... conferences? How about the IRS making videos of "Gilligan's Island," on whether -- why you should pay your taxes?
I mean, you're right, it's just bureaucratic -- when you have a $3 trillion mess going on, you're going to find stuff like this. So look, defund them.
BOLLING: If there's one to defund, defund the EPA. That would be -- that would be No. 1.
GUTFELD: Yes, Bob.
BECKEL: If you don't mind me saying, because of the EPA and because of the Clean Air and Water Act, we have cleaner water in this country and cleaner air than we had...
TANTAROS: Thank you, Richard Nixon. Thank you, Richard Nixon. Right?
GUTFELD: They're not flushing.
BECKEL: That's right. Richard Nixon did do that. He created the EPA. And I congratulate him on that. Now that he's dead, I guess.
But here's the point. I don't know how, Dana, you equate a bunch of poop in a hallway with big government. That -- I know big government's a problem for everybody. But there's probably a lot of places -- maybe not a lot, but I've been in some joints that there's been that stuff around.
PERINO: My point is when Greg runs through the list of all the places where there's complete mismanagement and corruption and questions of how they are spending taxpayer money, that that is when government has become too big.
GUTFELD: See, it -- we've talked about bloated government over and over again. They must be bloated if they're doing this.
TANTAROS: There's so many puns...
GUTFELD: I know.
TANTAROS: ... that are running through my brain...
GUTFELD: I know.
TANTAROS: ... that I'm just resisting. When Bob says how can you not compare bloated government to pooping in a hallway. How can you not? There are so many ways to do it.
And to Dana's point, they compare Ft. Hood workplace violence...
GUTFELD: I did.
TANTAROS: Oh, you did?
GUTFELD: I'm saying that was workplace violence, and then they get workplace...
TANTAROS: But that's the problem. They compare something as atrocious with pooping in a hallway. And then people hear the pooping in the hallway story, and they just assume that everyone in Washington is bad; and that's why people don't care, and they're busy taking Buzzfeed quizzes and watching soccer.
But I do sympathize with the EPA on one thing. Every workplace has a bathroom terrorist.
GUTFELD: Yes, that's...
TANTAROS: And it's a problem. I mean, it's not a workplace violence situation, but it's a problem.
BECKEL: You probably haven't been in one of these places, but there's a lot of crack houses where you could find...
GUTFELD: That's great, Bob. OK.
PERINO: You're so right, Andrea.
BOLLING: There's an easy face to this.
GUTFELD: They're yelling at me.
TANTAROS: Am I right? I'm right.
BOLLING: ... a paper trail.
GUTFELD: I've got a paper trail. Nice.
A father of a missing boy finds out about the fate of his son on live TV and is stunned to learn where he was found. That's up next.
BECKEL: The old saying goes, if it's live TV, anything can happen. Just look at us. Last night, that adage was proven true. While conducting a live interview with Nancy Grace, Charles Botheull was informed that his son had been found after missing for 11 days. Exciting news, right? Well, here's the twist.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
NANCY GRACE, HLN HOST: Charlie, we are getting reports that your son has been found in your basement. Sir? Mr. Botheull, are you...
CHARLES BOTHEULL, FATHER OF MISSING SON: What?
GRACE: Yes, we are getting reports that your son has been found alive in your basement.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: That's unbelievable. And the father denies any knowledge of his son's whereabouts.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BOTHEULL: For anybody to imply that I somehow knew that my son was in the basement is absurd, and it's wrong. I love my son.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: All right. Well, this is -- first of all, I think it was a "Saturday Night Live" scene with somebody playing Nancy Grace. But maybe it's just true. Maybe the kid was running around within the basement, got out of the basement. I mean, you know...
GUTFELD: How long was the kid gone?
BECKEL: Eleven days.
GUTFELD: Eleven days? Yes, this ain't right. There's something stinky going on here.
By the way, Nancy Grace is a human car alarm.
BOLLING: So you know...
GUTFELD: I don't know.
BOLLING: Everyone's, like, pointing the finger at this guy, like oh, maybe he's doing this so he could be on TV. What if Nancy Grace set it up?
BECKEL: Let me ask you about this. If you had to tape a gut reaction about what happened, do you think the old man knew he was down there?
PERINO: Not necessarily. I think maybe the kid was hiding.
BECKEL: Yes, that's right.
GUTFELD: For that long?
BOLLING: I can't believe they brought dogs in.
BECKEL: And they couldn't find him.
PERINO: Or maybe he really wanted to be on TV. I mean, I can understand.
BECKEL: The kid was down there, right? And the Detroit police came in with dogs. The FBI came in with dogs. Nobody found the kid down there. And then they found him a few days later. He was behind a barricade where they had a bunch of food. So maybe the kid was pulling a scam.
TANTAROS: It sounds like -- I agree with Greg; there's something more sinister at play here. Because this kid ran away from home two years ago. It sounds like he's hiding from his father, which makes me wonder why. What is the father doing to him?
The one twist, though, is the barricade he put up. Police say it doesn't look like he could have formed it himself. That to me doesn't make any sense. But I have to say, I love Nancy Grace. I do.
GUTFELD: That makes one of you.
TANTAROS: I know. But I just think she's really funny and good at her job.
BECKEL: She appeared...
PERINO: Good interview.
BOLLING: No, she's all good. I think she headlines. She's fun. I just don't love her drama, though.
"Sir, you've just been informed. We've found your son in your basement."
TANTAROS: Sir. Sir.
BECKEL: That must have been a really -- I mean, this guy -- he looked to me like he was shocked. Honestly. He didn't look to me like he knew his kid was in the basement. Did he?
GUTFELD: I don't know. Can you imagine what's in Nancy Grace's basement? Thousands of human -- thousands of wigs made of human hair.
BECKEL: You're about the last person making that statement.
GUTFELD: That is true.
PERINO: About wigs?
BECKEL: I want to go around the table and get out of here. Do you think the father was involved in this?
GUTFELD: I think somebody was involved, and probably him.
BECKEL: OK. Dana.
PERINO: I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. No.
BOLLING: Yes, I think the father was somehow involved.
TANTAROS: I think the father instigated the child to hide from him. For some nefarious reason.
BECKEL: I'm ducking this. I have no idea. Maybe it was his old lady.
"One More Thing" is up next.
TANTAROS: Now it's time for "One More Thing." And I will kick it off. So remember Triumph the Insult Dog from Conan O'Brien? Well, he's back to make fun of the World Cup. And he's not sparing any ethnicity, poking fun of Colombians and Greeks. Take a listen.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRIUMPH THE INSULT DOG: Only if the teams are done jogging and warming up, they are going to start the game. Oh, wait. I've just been informed that this is the game, and I've actually been watching soccer for the past two hours.
Drinks for all these guys on me -- if your last name has fewer than five syllables.
You're drinking in a bar in the middle of the day. When did you two realize that you didn't have any goaaaaaaals?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
TANTAROS: It's very, very funny. He came out with another video today. You should watch it if you want to laugh. Very funny stuff -- Dana.
PERINO: I discovered something on WallStreetJournal.com, that if you're a history buff or not and you want to learn more about it, there's something amazing that the Wall Street Journal has done. Fifty reporters worked on 100 different legacies of World War I. The war started 100 years ago this Saturday. It was known as the Great War at the time, so you can go through, and there's a -- there's 50 -- I'm sorry, 100 photographs, and then there's little stories that are digestible. It's a great thing to show your children or if you just wanted to learn more about the war. Lots of fun facts and figures. Fun facts -- I mean, there are facts. And they're kind of fun to know.
GUTFELD: You're a harsh person.
PERINO: Facts about war aren't necessarily fun, but you get my point. I really urge you to go to WallStreetJournal.com.
GUTFELD: War monger. War monger. You have upset my carrot.
TANTAROS: I love that Dana just said "facts are fun."
PERINO: Facts are fun.
TANTAROS: Actually, facts are fun.
GUTFELD: Why don't I keep finding these things?
TANTAROS: Greg, would you and, like, your carrot like to go next?
GUTFELD: Oh, yes, please. So today I had an interesting afternoon. I went to Kathie Lee Gifford's home to record a podcast with her. It was absolutely amazing. I have some pictures.
Here is Kathie Lee and I having glasses, getting ready for wine. Those are actually normal-sized glasses, to show you how ridiculously tiny we both are.
And then I ran into Cody, her son, who has grown. There he is, holding me. You don't want to know what happened after that. It was disgusting. And actually, had a lovely time.
So anyway, this podcast is going to be Wednesday, I believe, July 2. And you can get it -- or it will be released on July 2, on Wednesday on iTunes, Podcast 1.
PERINO: Do you say anything you're going to have to apologize for?
GUTFELD: I think six things.
GUTFELD: Six things.
PERINO: You want to get ahead of any of those?
BOLLING: Gorgeous home.
GUTFELD: The house is ridiculous. Yes. It's like a two-bedroom, one bathroom condo.
TANTAROS: Is she really as fun as she seems?
GUTFELD: She's a blast. She's a -- I think she's a barrel of laughs, but she's like five barrels.
BECKEL: Was he there?
GUTFELD: Who, Frank?
BECKEL: Frank, yes.
GUTFELD: I did not see him. That's how big the house is.
TANTAROS: Or maybe how small you are.
GUTFELD: Aw. That was hurtful.
TANTAROS: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt people's feelings -- Eric.
BOLLING: OK. So you know I've been outspoken about sending more of our Americans into battle in Iraq. I want to assure you that I'm immensely grateful to the military. I'm very proud of our military. That has never changed. I hate terrorists. They killed a lot of my friends. And lastly, I'm uber conservative. I believe in small government, free markets, capitalism, drilling our own oil.
But do me a favor. Listen to Iraq's Special Forces captain, who was in Iraq. This sums up my thoughts perfectly. Listen.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I don't think there is a military solution, particularly in taking sides -- to this.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So let the Sunnis and the Shias sort it out?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think Iraqis have to be the one to sort this out. We're trying to piece something together when there's nothing to piece together.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We're at square one. We're at square one.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's exactly right. There's no military solution to it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: I want to say thank you to Captain Lewis Moore (ph) for his service and his honesty. By the way, Captain Moore is a special advisor to Kanye West.
BECKEL: You know, I have a tendency to jump on the Chinese, and for good reason. They hack our computers. We educate them, we take them, they send them back to China. They hack into our computers. And the reason they're so good at what they're doing, that's all our stuff.
But anyway, we've got a new problem. "China's dog eaters (ph) told to lay low as Internet howls. Authorities in southern China have thrown a bone to an angry public and put the annual Yulin dog-eating festival on a somewhat tighter leash. There are 10,000..."
TANTAROS: We've got to go. Sorry, Bob.
BECKEL: ... dogs eaten every year.
TANTAROS: OK. Enjoy your dinners, everybody. And don't forget to set your DVRs so you never miss an episode of...
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