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The Five

President Obama orders Pentagon to prepare for complete troop withdrawal from Afghanistan

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," February 26, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Greg Gutfeld, along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling, and she uses an inch worm for a neck pillow -- it's Dana Perino.

This is "The Five."

(MUSIC)

GUTFELD: So, think of the world as a neighborhood. In this neighborhood, there are good neighbors, bad ones, and nut bags. We're the best neighbors ever. For proof, everyone is always trying to come over, often uninvited. It's a burden being the best, but it's one we can never relinquish, and the reason we're the best is because we're the deadliest.

So, when our politicians proclaim that we aren't the world's policemen, this assumes the neighborhood already has one patrolling the globe with radio cars on every corner, but it doesn't. This is why the "world's policemen" is a dumb phrase.

We aren't cops, but in this rough neighborhood, we provide safety and security for the same. And if that means having a big, beautiful army that crushes creeps, so be it. It's something we must relish. Imagine telling your family that you're planning to cut your home alarm system because you haven't had a break in for months.

That's the White House, arrogant enough to predict the future. They put us at risk. And for one reason only, to pay for those entitlements enjoyed by those who voted for President Obama.

Sadly, you can't have the freedoms or the programs without a physical threat that protects all that stuff. Obama's OK with the buying, not so much with the protecting. Why else is he cutting the troops?

Felons love this logic. Studies show they're less likely to rob you if they think you're armed. Any idiot knows this, almost any.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: What are you laughing at?

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: I get that last part.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: I get it. I got it.

GUTFELD: Bob --

BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Yes, yes, Greg.

GUTFELD: -- Bob, I'm coming at you because alarming fact for you.
China, 2.2 million troops. We're going to go down to, what, 440,000?

BECKEL: Yes.

GUTFELD: That's got to alarm you.

BECKEL: Not particularly.

GUTFELD: You sit here and yell and scream about China --

BECKEL: I think that the Chinese, first of all, the Chinese are going to attack Russia, first. Just so you know --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Good to know.

BECKEL: They are. If I were the Russians, I'd be careful about that.
I said this over and over again. The Chinese are the single, biggest threat to this country but it's not because they've got 2 million troops.
They got 2 million -- they don't have 2 million bathrooms in that country.

But they have troops --

(LAUGHTER)

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Certainly no bathroom dividers.

BECKEL: What they are getting, and something we got to pay some attention to, they're getting drones which they steal from us, the blueprints for it. They're buying flat top carriers from the Russians. I mean, they're growing a naval presence that has the Pacific in its sights.
That worries me, but we don't need to have as big an army as we had now.

PERINO: What you just said what the Chinese -- that's what the Chinese tell you that they're spending. They're probably spending more.

Plus, remember, all the people in the army are conscripted. They're not like ours is a volunteer army, so that you go into it because you care for your country, you want to do well, that's a career that choose,
(INAUDIBLE) for a while, national guard.

But there is a difference. China isn't being honest about how much it's spending on its military.

GUTFELD: They could move away from China, Dana.

PERINO: OK.

GUTFELD: Is the world more or less safe?

PERINO: Right now, today?

GUTFELD: Than say pre-Obama years?

PERINO: Well, Last week, we were talking about how the world is on fire. You did a whole monologue on it and all the different regions of the world.

What bothers me about this, I want to be on the winning team. I want to be on the team that people look at and say, when we say to them "don't mess with us," not the "please don't hurt me" team. I want to be strong, and to me, maybe I'm wrong, but to me, military strength provides me a level of satisfaction and a conviction that America is still the best.

GUTFELD: Yes, what bugs me, Eric, is not so much they're cutting the military but why. I feel like it's -- the reason they're doing it is to pay for all this other stuff.

BOLLING: Or they're just trying -- the administration is catering to the base. Let's cut the military. They love hearing that. Meanwhile, we'll grow entitlements.

So, last night, I said I was OK, I agreed with Bob. I was OK with dropping the level of troops in the military, and people flipped out on me.
They thought I was crazy.

But hear the rest of the story. I think I'm still in the camp where I say OK, cut the level of troops, but spend more money. Don't cut the defense budget.

Spend the same amount of money. Spend more money developing the technologies --

BECKEL: What?

BOLLING: -- the infrastructure. Spend more money the military --

PERINO: Pay them more.

BOLLING: -- so that we don't have to worry about 2.3 million boots -- troops in China or a million troops in Iran. That won't matter if we have the baddest, the strongest, smartest, and the best equipped for the next big cyber war, the next war.

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: Exactly right. Why don't we stop building tanks? The last tank battle was with Patton.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: We had tanks in Desert Storm.

BECKEL: A few tanks.

GUTFELD: That's why they surrendered, Bob.

PERINO: Remember Baghdad, Bob. They were saying there were no tanks and the tanks were behind them.

GUTFELD: Baghdad Bob.

BECKEL: Baghdad Bob, I like --

GUILFOYLE: Here's the problem, and this is why, Bob, I would hope you would join me on this. You should be concerned because right now if we do these cuts, we're going to be heavily reliant on the technological edge that we have right now over places like China that they're quickly narrowing in on with this. And I think that's the problem, because if you rely on that, they're not honest on what they're doing or their spending or what the new developments are. And as you pointed out, they like to borrow some other people's technology.

So, if we're just fully putting ourselves in that section to say, OK, we're going to fight smart cyber wars or go from a technological advantage, I think they were making a mistake. We're not covering our back. We're leaving ourselves open to attack and vulnerable, and I also think the purpose behind this is because they don't like how the U.S. looks to the rest of the world. They want to make us less provocative.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BECKEL: The most dangerous time, they say it's the most dangerous time? The answer is no. If you weren't old enough to live through the Cuban missile crisis, that was dangerous. That's when the United States and the Soviet Union were up against each other in the Cold War, and the real missiles were pointed and some almost got launched. We're nowhere near that today.

I mean, what we've got is a bunch of regional fights around and we've committed our troops to them.

My only question is, do you think the American people are prepared to go to Ukraine or someplace else?

PERINO: No. Please, I will give you -- I will give you the balance of my time for the rest of the show if you can tell me one person, just one person who has suggested we should send troops to Ukraine. Just give me one and I'll shut up for the rest of the show.

BECKEL: I believe the Texas congressman -- who is the goofy guy?

BOLLING: Here's the point --

GUILFOYLE: You think they're all goofy.

PERINO: Taking back my time.

BOLLING: Let's talk about this intelligently. Where would we send troops?

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: Well --

BOLLING: I contend we would send it along our northern and southern border. Maybe help out Mexico and Canada if you want to. But beyond that
--

PERINO: In addition, also, our National Guard troops. OK, we ask a lot of the men and women who are participants in the National Guard. They serve two masters, the federal government and also their state. They provide a lot of homeland security protection that we don't even know about. They come under a ton of pressure.

For example, what if there was a pandemic flu? Who are you going to call? Not Ghostbusters. You call the National Guard, that's going to help you shut down your borders so you can distribute medicines appropriately.

GUTFELD: Why do -- why do we care about a flu that affects pandas?

BECKEL: You know, the answer to your question is, would we go into Germany if Germany was attacked? Yes, with NATO, we would. Would we go to the Philippines if they were attacked? Yes, we would. Would we go into Japan? We have to by treaty.

So, there are some places when we have a commitment to do that. But we're not going to go into Africa. But we're not going to go into the Caucasus anymore.

GUTFELD: All right --

PERINO: I have another point -- I have another point that I thought of last night that I want to bring up.

GUILFOYLE: Thank god you took your time back.

PERINO: Yes, one of the things you talked about yesterday is we should use more drones and I agree with that. Here's the thing I was wrestling with last night. From where are you going to launch those drones? They can't fly like a 747 halfway across the United States. They have to be launched from some place closer because they can't get there.

That's actually one of the conversations about Benghazi. Where were they positions? You actually need American troops available on the ground in a lot of different places so you can protect our national interests.
Whether you're protecting other people, but if you're protecting yourself, you have to have ships, lots of them, lots of troops.

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: We've got ports in India. We've got ports in Bahrain. We've got plenty of places to put drones down in our planes and our ships.

GUILFOYLE: Well, we've got great development with ships I hope they don't cut.

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: -- in the Indian Ocean, which is a huge operation.

BOLLING: Yes, you put three or four aircraft carriers, which I think we have two right now, in the Persian Gulf, and you can launch a whole, you can access a lot of the bad countries that frankly don't like us with drones and with aircraft.

PERINO: And look at what Putin did yesterday. I've got military muscle. I'm going to send it right on down to Ukraine, and basically is able to fight a war without ever having to fire a shot.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's a good point, Kimberly, Russian army, that's conscripted. They scrambled jets. They sent troops to western Russia.

You can do that when you have a strong military. Aren't we sending the message that we're not even going to rattle our sabers?

GUILFOYLE: Loud and clear, like we might as well post it in Times Square. That's a problem I have with this. There's no fear of repercussion. They're not worried about American military strength. I believe, at least not under this administration. They might be worried, you know, a few select individuals, high value targets, about a predator drone strike coming their way, but other than that, when they hear about these cuts and they hear about we're pulling out of places, that does not send the right message.

BECKEL: We've been in three wars. Another thing is the Russians don't have a very good military. We've been in three wars for over a decade. I mean, how much more are we going to do?

GUILFOYLE: I'm not suggesting or wanting war. I think you can prevent wars by having the force and threat of a military presence that is world class.

GUTFELD: Walk softly and carry a big stick.

GUILFOYLE: Yes.

BOLLING: But also, I disagree with Bob. I don't think China or Russia are our biggest threat. I think Iran is our number one biggest threat on the planet.

We haven't fought Iran in hand to hand combat. You know how we beat Iranian -- how we took down their last round of --

BECKEL: With Saddam Hussein.

BOLLING: No. No, we didn't. We went in there with computers. Our -
-

BECKEL: Yes, that's right. We did do that.

BOLLING: The Israelis and --

GUILFOYLE: We sabotaged it.

BOLLING: We did -- we took down their centrifuges. That was so much smarter than putting, you know, 40,000 or 50,000 troops on the border.

GUILFOYLE: But guess what? You have to have a wide array. You can't just go to the same go-to every time. It's very predictable. It doesn't serve all the military purposes.

So, drones are great. Let's have a multifaceted approach so they never know which way we're going to hit.

GUTFELD: I agree with you.

Dana, quickly.

PERINO: I have three points.

The first one is if you look at any survey about America's trust in any institution, it's always the military. That's the place where there is the most trust. So, if I were President Obama, I would want to put more resources into the military. That's who they trust.

Number two, yesterday, he said he was going to cut the military.
Today, he announced he's going to a big infrastructure spending.

We might need infrastructure spending, but who does infrastructure spending help? Anyone around the table?

BOLLING: Unions.

PERINO: Thank you.

Number three --

BECKEL: Oh, come on.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: She's on fire.

PERINO: You have no idea.

GUTFELD: That's true.

BECKEL: I mean, first of all, do you really believe that we need
1,000 generals and admirals? There's not enough row boats for admirals.
That alone --

PERINO: I want more generals. I want more generals everywhere in my life.

BECKEL: Why? Have you ever spent time with them?

PERINO: Yes.

BECKEL: They're horrible people.

GUILFOYLE: Dana and I like to go to dinner with them, actually.

BECKEL: Well, that's fine. You have a good time, you like guys with uniforms on and like to take them out, that's fine.

GUTFELD: All right, Bob, you're for big government except when it's about the military. Military is part of the government.

BECKEL: I'm for spending more money on troops and less on equipment and things like all these generals and an airplane we don't want, big new tank that we don't need, another aircraft carrier.

PERINO: But you know what I'm for?

GUTFELD: What?

PERINO: I'm for our enlisted men and women getting more money in their paycheck and better benefits.

GUTFELD: Exactly. We spent on all these entitlements here, they're getting their benefits cut.

BECKEL: Stop spending boondoggles on --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Solyndra should have gone to the troops.

PERINO: Absolutely.

BOLLING: Sixty-five billion drawdown on defense spending over the next 10 years. $65 billion increase in food stamps since --

BECKEL: You think drawdown $65 billion, that blow the defense budget?

GUTFELD: By the way, we have 283 ships right now. In the '70s, what did we have?

PERINO: Five ninety-five.

GUTFELD: Five ninety-five, so we cut back.

BECKEL: I think that was the '80s.

PERINO: 1973, when you were in the Philippines, I checked.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BECKEL: OK, well, fine. OK, good. Go.

GUTFELD: By the way, Dana, you said a good point. We don't know who our enemy is. We never will. We never do, Bob.

PERINO: Who do you think -- what do you think they would have said on September 10th who is our enemy? Right? September 11th, it was clear who the enemy was.

BECKEL: It was clear before September 11th.

GUTFELD: I keep saying we have to go and I start it up again. It's like saying we'll have one more beer.

All right.

BECKEL: If we'll tell you the tension.

GUTFELD: President Obama says his volunteers are doing, quote, "God's work" by pushing his botched health care law. That's an insult to being botched. Is he right?

And later, often considered by many to be Dana's fantasy dream date, who is Alex Trebek?

GUILFOYLE: Correct.

GUTFELD: Dana's favorite game show host from "Jeopardy" will be right back with us. We're here with us the studio, ahead on "The Five."

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BOLLING: Welcome back, everybody, to the fastest seven -- three intriguing stories, seven incredibly quick minutes, one intrepid host.

First up, preachers and teachers do God's work. My bartender may also. That's another story. But there's one group I would never say is doing God's work -- community organizers. Then again, I was never a community organizer. I worked for my living. President O., not so much.

(LAUGHTER)

BOLLING: Here's the world's most famous organizer rallying the minions.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: We're going to make a big push these last -- these last few weeks. But as I said, I can talk.
You know, my team can talk here in Washington. It's not going to make as much a difference as if you are out there making the case. The work you're doing, you know, is God's work. It is hard work.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BOLLING: God's work. Community organizing -- God's work.

BECKEL: It's a lot more God's work than anything you participated in.
(INAUDIBLE) oil and gas --

BOLLING: Stop it, Bob.

BECKEL: These organizers, a lot of these people do wonderful things.
They do Meals on Wheels for senior citizens. Community organizers do more work for people for no money.

BOLLING: That's not what he's talking about.

PERINO: It's about government.

BOLLING: He said go out there and sell ObamaCare.

BECKEL: That's because a lot of these people in these communities where they serve don't have health insurance.

BOLLING: Wow.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: That's a stretch.

GUTFELD: I don't think you should blame Obama for saying this when for the last six years he's accrued a following more rabid than the Hare Krishnas. You can't blame him for assuming a god-like status.

ObamaCare is his loaves and fishes, except it gave everyone food poisoning.

BECKEL: You guys just get nervous because ObamaCare is starting to work.

BOLLING: Can I bring it around?

Pushing O-care, God's work?

GUILFOYLE: Nothing would surprise me at this point. You know, so what I love is he's actually being very consistent, you know, seeing himself in this role as some kind of deity, and if we could all be smart enough to figure out what is good for us, we would listen and stop giving him so much trouble.

BECKEL: Do you think community organizers are communists like Eric does?

GUILFOYLE: Don't try to bait me, Bob.

BOLLING: If it was so good, if ObamaCare was so darn good, would he have to be giving these speeches to organizers saying get out there --

PERINO: And coordinating with HHS to announce a figure that the media just took and read and didn't even question and say, could we see the figures? Nope? OK, fine.

In my opinion, government cannot do God's work. Government can't heal a heart, they can't love somebody. You know, I learned that from President Bush.

BOLLING: By definition, right?

PERINO: I think that the Little Sisters of the Poor might disagree with President Obama, and they are doing so in the Supreme Court, and they're likely to win.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: All right. Let's do this one. Ashton Kutcher is known for "That '70s Show," being in terrible movies and as a stint as Mr. Demi Moore, but what you may not know about him is that he's one heck of an investor. Here, he explains to Jimmy Kimmel the stranglehold regulations have on small business.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ASHTON KUTCHER, ACTOR: There's only cities where there's bizarre old like antiquated legislation that doesn't allow it to exist there. Which basically is like Mafioso, like village mentality of we're not going to let the new guy come in.

JIMMY KIMMEL, COMEDIAN: Right.

KUTCHER: Like in Miami, it doesn't exist because of some dumb regulation that says it can't exist there.

With like Uber cab or with Airbnb or new peer to peer networks, you have like old school monopolies and incumbents and old governments that get kickbacks from various people that don't want the new guy to come in, so they try to kick them out of their city. But the people are going to have what the people want.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BOLLING: So, Greg, you don't typically hear this message coming out of liberal Hollywood wilderness.

GUTFELD: Yes. No, you know what? Celebrities love easy causes like climate change makes everybody cry. He gets it. The cause here is the value of work.

He describes government in a way that we all understand here, it's like a demented school yard bully who likes your shiny new toy, but doesn't know how it works so he breaks it open.

That's the way government looks at technology now. They don't get it, and he's articulating far better than I am.

BECKEL: This is a guy that invested in something called Uber, which puts taxis around. Certain cities don't allow them to come in. He's talking about his own bottom line.

BOLLING: Of course, he is.

BECKEL: You listen to this guy, why isn't he owning up to it?
Because he's full of it, that's why.

BOLLING: He's pointing out there are cities that are so hamstrung by regulation that you can't do anything.

GUILFOYLE: That's true. That's true. Why are you arguing with that, Bob?

BECKEL: Because my experience with Uber is it sucks.

GUILFOYLE: OK. So, you're mad about his personal investments but you're skipping and skirting the issue about overregulation stifling new business. What he's saying, people want to come in and try and have part of the American dream and come up with innovative ideas.

BECKEL: We should have regulations that allow my company to get in, that's what he's saying.

BOLLING: Or any company to do business, Dana, a free or open more business-friendly environment.

PERINO: Having somebody like Kutcher go out and say something we have been trying to say, what he did last night was more powerful times 20 of anything we have ever said.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: Can I show you something from last night that is not anywhere near as powerful as that? Joe Biden, may be the most frequent visitor to the fastest seven. The VPOTOS never fails to entertain when he hits a podium.

Last night, no exception.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOSEPH BIDEN, VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I told the president next game I have him. Just remember, I may be a white boy, but I can jump.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BOLLING: Thank you, Joe, speaking at a Black History Month event.

K.G.?

GUILFOYLE: You know, he has a certain charm to him, doesn't he?
Poor guy. He gets a pass. What do you expect from him? It's going to turn into a plan. If you expect him to not put a foot in the mouth or both feet and both hands at the same time, please?

BOLLING: But I've got to guess if it was someone on the right that said that, boy --

GUTFELD: You know what? That's not the terrible thing that he said.
He called the voter ID bill proof of racial hatred. His quote was about proponents of the voter ID bill, "These guys never go away, hatred never goes away."

So, is he talking about Democrats because they were the original pro- slavery, pro-Jim Crow racists?

BECKEL: We've moved a little beyond that now.

GUILFOYLE: Well, but don't forget the history.

GUTFELD: But he kind of basically said --

BECKEL: Let me put it this way -- Joe can say that and you couldn't.

(LAUGHTER)

BOLLING: But why?

PERINO: I think you could say that and it would be funny.

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: It'd be really fund, you'd be lynched. Equal --

GUILFOYLE: Bob, Bob. Let's just -- you didn't mean that, Bob.

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: No, you can't jump.

BOLLING: I got a vertical jump higher.

BECKEL: You know, this is the problem with you guys. You're so --

BOLLING: Directly ahead --

GUILFOYLE: I can jump.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: Some Muslims very upset at a new song --

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: What, Bob? What is wrong with him?

BOLLING: And later, "Jeopardy Villain" is back at winning again, using his controversial strategy. Alex Trebek will be here to weigh in on the so-called evil genius. Don't go away. You don't want to miss this.

GUILFOYLE: My gosh.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BECKEL: Top superstar Katy Perry under fire for the Muslim community for this controversial scene from her new music video for her hit song "Dark Horse." Watch.

(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)

BECKEL: All right. In case you missed it, this was part of the video. It has upset her Muslim critics, accusing Perry of, quote, "blasphemy" because it shows a pendant inscribed with the world Allah that gets zapped.

Muslims worldwide are petitioning to ban the video from YouTube.

What they're not petitioning worldwide to do is protest the fact that
59 Christian kids were killed in their sleep by a bunch of Islamic cowards and once again, not one of you, not one head of state of a Muslim country or a cleric or imam has said anything. Now, I don't question it anymore.
You're a bunch of cowards.

GUTFELD: It's 29.

BECKEL: No, 59.

PERINO: Fifty-nine people.

GUTFELD: Is it 59?

BECKEL: Yes.

You think Muslims go easy. If they can get every one they can get, they'll do it.

GUTFELD: Don't you think, though, Bob, that the petition to ban the video was totally in line with our government, since we also blame a video.
Maybe we should put Katy Perry in jail to prevent riots and Susan Rice can go out and say, whew --

GUILFOYLE: So, what's the difference? Why don't they? How come the filmmaker still in jail in Los Angeles?

BECKEL: Are you not going to talk about 59 kids being slaughtered?

GUILFOYLE: I am going to talk about it.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: We prepared for that topic.

GUILFOYLE: The problem here is that there is serious lack of regard for humanity, for lives, for young women, for children, for boys slaughtered, and nobody is saying anything about it because they're too afraid that there's going to be some kind of repercussion against them.
That they're going to be killed or they're going to get a fatwa. I mean, you know, God bless you. You don't seem to have that worry.

BECKEL: By the way, the other silent party in all of this is Barack Obama and his administration.

GUILFOYLE: I was going to say that, but we were getting along.

PERINO: But one thing -- she's very good at getting attention. She's sold tons of records. She's extremely talented person. She found the best way to get attention, which is to offend Muslims.

You're guaranteed to get a lot of attention then.

GUILFOYLE: You think she intended that?

BOLLING: Well, no --

PERINO: Yes, I do.

GUILFOYLE: Interesting. Kind of like a Beyonce move.

BOLLING: The 2014 Grammys about a month ago. It wasn't this. It wasn't this. It was she had a cross, she had a red lit cross on her chest, and there were people who were upset with that, too, but they didn't go -- you know, the Christians weren't in an outrage saying pull the video. They said we're upset with it. We don't like it. I get it.

GUILFOYLE: She wore the American flag dress.

BOLLING: Stop, just it's art. Let her do her thing. We shouldn't be jailing the filmmaker, which, by the way, YouTube has been told to pull down that video off YouTube, which is absolutely asinine, absolutely ridiculous.

Free speech, First Amendment, do it. Do your thing. Stop complaining about it.

PERINO: Bob, another group of people you have not heard from on the Nigerian side are the new crop of African leaders speaking on behalf of the African Union. Yes, I do think President Obama could use diplomatic muscle in the region, but there's also a lot of leaders there that get a lot of support from the United States that perhaps they could bring pressure to bear on the Nigerian government to actually try to rid that country of such extreme people that are willing to murder on behalf of their ideology.

BOLLING: Greg, what do you think?

GUTFELD: Well, I would just go and I commend what you said about the silence from our own administration. This administration is paralyzed by political correctness.

GUILFOYLE: Totally true.

GUTFELD: They don't -- they would rather just sit back and be perceived as Islamophobic. That's their big fear, is to be seen as bigoted. That's not a big fear when people are dying.

PERINO: They don't worry about that when it comes to Republicans.

GUTFELD: No, Republicans are evil.

BECKEL: You know, if I could just -- I could say one thing. Anybody out there who can identify a moderate Muslim who has said something about Christian children being killed, any Christian being killed in Muslim countries, please let me know about it, will you?

Or maybe a head of state or a cleric or imam or --

BOLLING: Or CAIR.

BECKEL: -- or CAIR, you all are upset because of a Katy Perry, who I didn't even know who it was, video, and you don't care about kids being burned to death in their beds?

GUILFOYLE: Awful.

BECKEL: I mean, if your prophet wanted that, you might want to look other places.

All right, up next, it's the moment we've all been waiting for.
"Jeopardy" host Alex Trebek joins us live here on "The Five."

Don't go away.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUILFOYLE: Well, "Jeopardy" contestant Arthur Chu has some fans up in arms over his questionable strategy on the hit game show. The so-called "Jeopardy Villain" rolled to his sixth straight victory using his signature style of bouncing around the board when he's picking his squares.

Now, Chu weighed in on how host Alex Trebek handled his unusual style of playing.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ARTHUR CHU, JEOPARDY CHAMP: I don't think I saw any reaction from Alex. I mean, it takes a little bit longer probably for him to go through his index cards to find the answers, but he's so -- he's such a pro at it.
You know, he's done this job for 30 years, and he didn't skip a beat when I started dancing around.

Alex, it was great working with you and I look forward to working with you again on the tournament of champions.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: All right. Fantastic.

Now, we're honored to have Alex Trebek here with us on "The Five."
"Jeopardy" is celebrating its 30th anniversary.

Congratulations on the enormous hit.

ALEX TREBEK, JEOPARDY HOST: Thank you.

GUILFOYLE: Great show and we're all big fans.

And, of course, our Dana Perino --

TREBEK: Yes, she was on the show. I'm very nervous because I have been trying to figure out why you guys invited me here today. It was either because you couldn't get Pat Sajak, or you wanted me here to bolster Bob's side so this would be true fair and balanced reporting.

But from what I have seen, Bob doesn't need any help.

BECKEL: (INAUDIBLE) fair and balanced?

GUILFOYLE: He's on fire today, that's for sure.

BECKEL: Do you like this dude?

TREBEK: Yes, he's a good player. And I think the accusations against his style of play have no merit to them because the same strategies have been employed by Chuck Forest (ph) in 1984, Ken Jennings (ph) in the late '90s.

GUILFOYLE: I remember him.

TREBEK: He won 74 games using to a great extent the same kind of strategy.

Now, when you guys watch the show, you watch it because you're competitive. You want to see how well you do compared to the contestants.
But also, as a minor side to that, you watch because you want to see -- you'll pick a favorite. You want to see if this guy succeeds or she does better than him. And if you don't like a contestant, and obviously, there are a number of people who have taken a dislike to Arthur Chu.

GUTFELD: It's his hair.

TREBEK: Then it's going to come out, and in this day and age of Twitter and everybody has a cell phone, everybody is communicating immediately, then the story gets blown out of proportion.

BOLLING: He's so good. But I think people like the logic. They like to see a row finished, move on to the next. He said he's going all over the place.

(CROSSTALK)

TREBEK: He's looking for daily doubles.

GUTFELD: He plays the way my mom shops at the grocery store. She never has -- she's always going one place. It drives me crazy.

TREBEK: She doesn't have a list.

BOLLING: Logically, he's got no higher percentage odds of picking a daily double if he does it that way or going up a row.

TREBEK: Last night, for instance, he found both daily doubles in the double jeopardy round, and they both happened to be in the $200,000 boxes, which is very unusual for us. We don't usually have both of them in the last box.

BOLLING: So you're changing the game for Chu?

TREBEK: No, we're not. It varies.

BECKEL: How much is the most somebody has someone won on your show?

TREBEK: Well, Ken Jennings won $2.5 million in regular competition.

GUILFOYLE: Yes.

TREBEK: Brad Rucker from Pennsylvania won our $1 million tournament and our $2 million tournament in addition to what he won in the regular game, so he's the leading money winner with about $3.5 million.

BECKEL: Dana, we could have made all that money.

PERINO: Yes, right, I was terrible. Do you notice any gender differences in terms of risk when it comes to willingness to risk more money or the daily double, things like that?

TREBEK: I have talked about that in the past. Women contestants, when it comes to a daily double, seem to want to wager because they figure, oh, this is the household money. This is the grocery money, the rent money.

Guys say, wait a minute, I'm playing with the house money. I'm not taking any money home unless I win the game. So, I can go whole hog on this wager, and women are more cautious in that regard.

But it's changing. We have attracted more women to the show. Now, I think there are more women playing "Jeopardy" on air than there are men.
And that's good for us.

And they're getting a little more adventurous when it comes to wagering.

GUTFELD: That's exactly how men and women act when they're at a bar when they're single. The woman is very careful, and the guy is like, yes!

Hey, I have a question, Alex.

TREBEK: I have an answer.

GUTFELD: A lot of people, some might say, watch jeopardy and think, wow, this is a horrible reflection of capitalistic greed. Instead of money, have you pondered the idea of replacing cash categories with things like hugs or daily affirmations?

GUILFOYLE: Oh my gosh. Ridiculous.

TREBEK: Let me move closer.

(CROSSTALK)

TREBEK: Greg is going off on one of his tangents again.

GUILFOYLE: Exactly.

TREBEK: No, I think the "Jeopardy," and I have said this on a number of occasions, is really a reflection of America.

BOLLING: That's great.

TREBEK: It's a reflection of America.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TREBEK: And Americans are very competitive. America is the land of opportunity. And we provide opportunity for our contestants.

If you're bright, if you know how to play the game within the rules, if your reflexes are good and you're a little lucky, you're going to do well.

PERINO: Did you have to arm wrestle Pat Sajak for the America's game title?

TREBEK: No, not at all.

PERINO: When they do "Wheel of Fortune," it says time for America's game.

GUTFELD: That's insinuating your not America's game. That's how Pat Sajak rolls.

TREBEK: Don't try to start a fight between Pat and me.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, don't try.

BECKEL: That's exactly what he's doing.

BOLLING: I think a lot of people want to know. I mean, clearly, the shows are owned by the same production company, right?

TREBEK: Right.

BOLLING: Do you guys get along with Sajak? Do you see a lot of him?

TREBEK: No, not very often.

GUTFELD: Not anymore.

TREBEK: We record promos together each year.

PERINO: Once a year.

TREBEK: We're very friendly when we run into each other. We're going to get together soon with a mutual friend for lunch.

PERINO: Who is that?

TREBEK: There's no great competition.

BOLLING: Vanna?

TREBEK: No.

PERINO: Who's the mystery guest?

GUTFELD: Martin Dale (ph).

TREBEK: Well, you were asking in the break if I played "Trivial Pursuit."

PERINO: Yes.

TREBEK: The last time I played trivial pursuit was with one of my bosses. He and I took on eight other people.

GUILFOYLE: Wow.

TREBEK: And we beat them to a pulp. Because my friend knows all that can be known, and I know the rest, so we made a great team.

GUILFOYLE: How fun. It seems like you really enjoy it. People love you. You're an iconic figure. Game show history, for like 30 year anniversary. I mean, if you can sum it up, what does all the success --

TREBEK: You hang around for 30 years on daily television, and you'll become an iconic figure also. You remember the old Indian test pattern?
If that's up there long enough --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Alex --

TREBEK: No, I'm not politically correct in a lot of ways.

GUTFELD: Hey, Alex, I said this to you in the green room. There are certain categories you never go to. I came over the list.

TREBEK: OK.

GUTFELD: Mythical animals that begin with a letter U. Horned beasts that are awesome, and things that rhyme with municorns.

What do you think?

(CROSSTALK)

TREBEK: Don't give up your day job. Don't apply to be one of the writers on "Jeopardy."

GUTFELD: I could do that show.

TREBEK: You think.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: Bob, you have something real quick?

BECKEL: Do I have something real quick? I wanted to ask a lot of questions but we're supposed to take a break. I have serious questions to ask him.

Is it my block?

PERINO: No.

BECKEL: I don't think so.

GUILFOYLE: Bob, what is wrong with you?

BECKEL: I was taking up --

TREBEK: Maybe I can do it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GUILFOYLE: Go ahead.

TREBEK: More with Alex Trebek when we come back.

PERINO: Good.

GUILFOYLE: He's hired.

TREBEK: Thank you.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)


PERINO: All right, back now with our special guest, the Emmy-Award- winning host of "Jeopardy," Alex Trebek.

Alex, I've got some questions for you. I wanted to start with my experience on "Jeopardy" for "Celebrity Jeopardy." I had the best time.
Your staff was amazing. I did so poorly. Although I was winning going into the break.

But I wanted to say, who decided -- who thought it was a good idea that I be on next to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?

TREBEK: Well...

PERINO: Could we take that picture of me and Kareem? Look at that.

GUILFOYLE: Dana was like his pocket square.

PERINO: And I was in 5-inch heels and standing on a 7-inch box. Look at the picture.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.

PERINO: Do you get involved in any of that?

TREBEK: No, but if you had done the shows in Los Angeles, we have hydraulic lifts which would have helped balance it off a little more. We didn't have enough Apple boxes in Washington, D.C...

PERINO: No.

TREBEK: ... to get you high enough to be at eye level.

BECKEL: I watched that. I watched. I was in the audience when Dana was on. And I must say, are you sure that those buzzers go at the same time?

GUILFOYLE: Uh-oh.

BECKEL: Really?

TREBEK: Yes. We have computers...

BECKEL: Because I heard a delay.

TREBEK: We have computers backstage that monitor that and alert our producers if there's any malfunction. And we're dealing with thousands or ten thousandths of seconds.

What happens -- and it may have happened in your case, Dana. I can't recall. But as you know, you can ring in when I've read the clue in its entirety.

PERINO: Yes.

TREBEK: That's when the system is armed. Quite often, players get a little nervous and say, "I know that," and they ring in a fraction of a second too early.

PERINO: Then you have to wait.

TREBEK: And you lock yourself out for part of a second.

GUILFOYLE: I think that happened to Dana.

PERINO: Yes, let's be kind to me.

GUTFELD: She also had been drinking at a local pub.

But I have a question for you. Does being good at home translate to being good on the show?

TREBEK: It can, depending on whether you're subject to nervousness.
Depending on whether -- nobody has a ballpoint pen here.

PERINO: I have a uniball. It's pink.

TREBEK: A lot of people play at home, and they practice with their ballpoint pen. It's a reflex action, and you get used to it.

GUILFOYLE: Is that a good idea?

TREBEK: Yes. Absolutely.

GUILFOYLE: I like to play it in the back of the cab. Like they have "Jeopardy" on the back of the cab. That's how we do it.

GUTFELD: Do people read books beforehand? Are there...

TREBEK: Some do.

GUTFELD: ... almanacs or things?

TREBEK: One of our champions, a fellow named Bob Harris, who was very good, wrote a book called "Prisoner of Trebekistan," in which he related his experiences on our program. And he has appeared as a contestant on "Jeopardy" on a number of occasions.

And he would check out when we were taping and when the shows that were being taped that day are going to air. And he'd say, wait a minute, these shows are going to air Thanksgiving week, so he would read up on all kinds of things that have to do with Thanksgiving. And that holiday.

PERINO: Smart.

TREBEK: He wound up winning a lot of money on that show.

PERINO: Eric, last question.

BOLLING: Very quickly, I play along and I'm lucky to get 15 or 20 percent of the questions right. How many do you get right?

TREBEK: Well, I go over...

BECKEL: He has the answers.

BOLLING: I know, Bob, but clearly, he could probably answer a lot of them.

TREBEK: I'll give you my standard response. I used to test myself on a regular basis for about 15 or 16 years. We would prepare four new quizzes each year for prospective contestants, and I would ace all of those. And finally, I said, "I got the job. Why do I have to keep testing myself?"

But in the games, the games are more difficult now because there's more pop culture, and I'm not into pop culture.

PERINO: It's all hip and happening on the college one.

BECKEL: We're honored to have you here. It's really good to have you here.

PERINO: We love it that you watch "The Five" when you can. Love it.

TREBEK: Not when we're taping.

GUTFELD: He thought this was "The View."

PERINO: But he had so much more fun. OK, thanks, Alex.

"One More Thing" up next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: It's time for "One More Thing." And it's time for...

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: Greg's hero.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Today, first one, Robert Van Sweenen. Do you remember this guy? California college student at (UNINTELLIGIBLE) college was blocked from handing out copies of the Constitution on campus because it wasn't in a free speech zone. He sued. He got a 50 grand settlement. Not a fan of the whole suing thing, but he got the school to revise the speech codes, which makes him...

BOLLING: Your hero.

GUTFELD: Greg's hero!

Thank you very much, guys. OK, who's next?

GUILFOYLE: We can't afford a voice over.

GUTFELD: I know, I have to do my own.

GUILFOYLE: I love it when we go low budget.

OK. Because we haven't talked about "The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon" quite enough, we're going to talk about it a little bit more. He was actually pretty entertaining. He's the key of, like, the lip syncing, Milli Vanilli. But Paul Rudd and Jimmy Fallon faced off, and this is very cool. Take a look at this, and you'll see the performance.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(MUSIC)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

Fantastic. And then, of course, Jimmy Fallon did "Jukebox Hero,"
which I think is pretty great, and then he declared Rudd the big winner.

GUTFELD: Speaking of big winners, Dana?

PERINO: OK. I'm going to -- I'm going to save my "One More Thing"
until tomorrow, because I wanted to show you this one picture of what Greg was talking about earlier. This whole, like, thing he's got with mythical animals. I think we've a picture up here that "The Five" photo shop did for us. There he is with the unicorn when he was $550,000.

TREBEK: "Get Gutfeld on 'Jeopardy'."

PERINO: Yes. And so that was my goal. I want him to be on "Celebrity Jeopardy" one year. He's so nervous about it.

GUTFELD: I would not make it through. I'd have a panic attack.

PERINO: OK. I have a question for Alex, and that is, do you ever feel sorry for people who get the answer wrong?

TREBEK: Yes, I do.

GUILFOYLE: You do? That's so sweet.

PERINO: That's so nice, isn't it?

GUTFELD: Eric.

BOLLING: OK, Eric. Quickly, transitioning a little bit, I have a huge soft spot in my heart for animals, for shelter dogs, shelter animals.
My wife along with the IAMS pet food people got together. They delivered
26 tons of food...

PERINO: Wow.

BOLLING: ... to various shelters in New York and New Jersey. It's just an amazing what they've done. It's called the IAMS Bowl of Love program. My wife is sitting over there on the right side with her friend.
Awesome, awesome people.

BECKEL: That's very good.

TREBEK: She couldn't get away with delivering tons and tons of food to poor people, because the government agency would step in and say, wait a minute.

BECKEL: I was having a good time, Trebek, with you, until right now.

OK, there were a couple in California. They're walking their dog on their property. The dog stopped to take a -- you know. And he -- and the dog, speaking about dogs, and he starts to dig around. And what happens?
They find $10 million in coins minted in 1847 to 1892.

So I guess it makes sense that some people have dogs. I still don't want a dog. If it gave me 10 million bucks, I would, though.

TREBEK: To borrow a line from "Bonnie & Clyde," don't ever get rid of that dog. Don't ever get rid of that dog.

GUTFELD: All right. Don't forget to set your DVRs to never miss an episode of "The Five." We'll see you back here tomorrow.

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