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The Five

Karzai: Afghan policy is of no concern to the US

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," February 14, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Dana Perino, along with Andrea Tantaros, Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling, and Greg Gutfeld.

It's 5 o'clock in New York City. And this is "The Five."

(MUSIC)

PERINO: Disturbing news out of Afghanistan as President Hamid Karzai release 65 Afghan prisoners who according to the U.S. military are directly linked to the killing or wounding of 32 coalition soldiers. After more than 12 years and over 2,000 U.S. troop deaths, Karzai says Afghan policy is of no concern to the United States.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

HAMID KARZAI, AFGHANISTAN: If the Afghan judicial authorities decide to release a prisoner, it is of no concern to the U.S. and should be of no concern to the U.S. And I hope that the United States will stop harassing Afghanistan's procedures and judicial authority, and I hope that the United States will now begin to respect Afghan sovereignty.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: Last night, George Will mocked the idea that the prisoners will lead a peaceful life upon their release.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GEORGE WILL, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: The Afghan government said these gentlemen have gone to their homes, presumably to wash the car, mow the lawn, and start a small business. If you believe that, then it's no concern to us, but we don't think that's really going to happen. If Mr. Karzai is so concerned about his sovereignty, there's a large, like a 65 percent American majority that wishes to give him all the sovereignty he wants by leaving. I count myself in that cohort.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: FOX News national security analyst K.T. McFarland thinks Karzai is a traitor who does not deserve to leave the country with American treasure.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

KT MCFARLAND, FOX NEWS NATIONAL SECURITY ANALYST: He's been a traitor, he betrayed us, and frankly, I don't think the Taliban is going to buy what he's trying to offer. And so, what should we do?

Well, Karzai is going to show up with a Plan B, his plan B is he's going to have bags of gold, American gold, and he's going to try to get on the last helicopter out of Kabul. I don't think we let him in that helicopter.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: All right. We're going to keep this around and get to another topic.

Bob, do you think Karzai in a way knows that the United States is leaving. Therefore, he's decided to try to appeal to his base, which is in his country saying the United States doesn't respect our sovereignty. That probably helps him there, but do you think that he is actually trying to look beyond the United States?

BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Well, first of all, he's not running for re- election. And the other people who are running to re-election all want to sign the security agreement between the United States and Afghanistan. He does not want to. So, yes, he's trying to appeal to his base. His base is the Taliban and opium dealers.

And the fact of the matter is we put him in power in 2001. This guy was a crook to begin with. He was a crook throughout. KT McFarland is exactly right. He's been stealing American gold. Forget American treasure and deaths -- a lot of that blood is on his hands. To release these people is treasonous, and the son of a bitch ought to be sent into The Hague and tried for war crimes. That's my soft comment.

PERINO: The position of the United States is they want and have to sign the agreement, and, Eric, President Obama said there will be several thousand troops there from the United States to try to keep the peace, but is that even possible in this scenario?

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: I would think not. During one of those sound bites, someone from "The Five" gave the finger to Hamid Karzai, I'm not going to say who it is. But Hamid Karzai continues to give his -- the finger back to us.

Bob is right. He stole hundreds -- personally stole hundreds of millions of dollars U.S. aid that's going into his bank accounts. His brother is an opium -- known opium dealer, warlord.

BECKEL: The biggest.

BOLLING: One of the biggest -- yes, if not the biggest.

BOLLING: OK. So, look at this way, we spent nearly a trillion dollars there over 12 years, there are about 30 million people in Afghanistan. Most of them live outside of the major cities. Most of them live in, you know, kind of villages and whatnot, very poor people. If we were to spend the trillion dollars and give it to the people of Afghanistan, it would be about $100,000 per three-person family, $100,000 per three-person family.

Can you imagine how much they would love us --

PERINO: That would be quite a stimulus program.

BOLLING: And they're still living in poverty and they still kind of hate us. So, listen, whatever we've done, we've done it wrong. Let's get out. Let's pull out and, I think that's right.

PERINO: Let me get Andrea and Greg's take on this, because I got this debate last night between Bret Stephens and Tucker Carlson. They were on with Bill O'Reilly last night, talking about the purpose and the reason that we originally went to Afghanistan.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TUCKER CARLSON: He is spitting in our face, as you said. In return, what? What is the upside exactly? Afghan girls are going to school? That's great, but that's not in our strategic interests.

BILL O'REILLY, FOX NEWS HOST: We're dealing with the real world.

CARLSON: Some conservatives who say the federal government is too organized to run a health care Web site, are simultaneously arguing that it has the power to create a civil society in a Stone Age country? It's ridiculous.

BRET STEPHENS: We should not have been nation-building in Afghanistan. Our job there wasn't, you know, to build roads and schools. Our job there was to make sure that the Taliban wouldn't come back to power.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: So, Greg, I want to get your take on that because the original purpose was, make sure that the Taliban doesn't have a safe haven from which to launch terrorist operations. If we leave now, do you think we are going to back on our word to keep that from happening?

GUTFELD: I don't know. I think Obama should punish Karzai by getting him to enroll in ObamaCare, the first thing. These guys could be misunderstood goat herders, we don't know that, these 65 people. The great news is Eric Holder is going to make sure they can vote, and they're going to get driver's licenses in New York and California. So, that's the upside.

PERINO: But they won't need those to vote.

GUTFELD: The big picture -- OK, Afghanistan is a horrible, horrible place. It's the crazy ex-girlfriend that Russia warned us about. USSR in its late `70s were going, why did I get into this relationship? This is awful.

And then they're like, they get out and they're going, don't go there. She's nuts. She's going to burn all your ties. Everyone is going to be attractive at first, but it's going to be a mess.

And then, what do we do? We go ahead and hook up with the craziest ex-girlfriend of them all.

BECKEL: Not to mention the Brits in the 19th century. The same thing.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

(CROSSTALK)

ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: Then, we buy her a bunch of clothes and stuff and jewelry, and then he throws it back in our face.

PERINO: She may have been the least craziest ones, Andrea. I think one of the sad things is I think our troops have done a tremendous job with the resources that they had and dealing with the Afghans they have had to deal with, and I think they should be proud of what they attempted to achieve there, and I hope that all those gains haven't been lost. What do you think?

TANTAROS: I think it was naive from day one, to turn a place like Afghanistan into Philadelphia, on the eve of a constitutional convention with Hamid Karzai as George Washington. I have said this before. They are a bunch of goat herders. Why would we create a country that is somehow going to mirror our values when just this week, their culture, the Afghan parliament, moved legislation that prevents relatives from testifying in domestic violence cases, which is covering up for abusers.

Now, how are they going to run some civil society? They can barely speak their language. They hate the United States for the most part. So, I do think it was naive to try and promote democracy. I think the minute that Osama's terrorists slipped out of Tora Bora and went into Pakistan, we should have said, OK, we'll see you later.

The next time you harbor terrorists that are plotting an attack against the United States, we will come in and we will flatten you. We will turn you into a parking lot. I frankly don't give a crap if the Taliban occupied Afghanistan. However, if there are people that are there trying to plot another terror attack, we go in, we wipe them out, and we leave. Enough spending blood and treasure, human lives, money, on a country that hates us, that will never be us.

BECKEL: And, by the way, what was Karzai doing in the American war? He was in Pakistan as a refugee and then the United States. He never was in the country until we put him in.

But leaving that aside, this --

PERINO: I don't think that's entirely fair.

BECKEL: -- the guy on O'Reilly said we're not there to build roads and schools. Of course, we built those roads and schools. We built a lot of them.

PERINO: Part of that was also that people that agree with the surge, which is that you have to switch -- you can't just go in and leave a vacuum. You have to create a society.

BECKEL: That's a good idea. But to suggest that we didn't do it is not a fair thing to what we did do.

PERINO: OK. Let's get to one other topic, because this is a fun one. The Obama administration is dealing with a little bit of egg on its face because nominees that they have made for ambassadorship couldn't really pass the test when they went to the Senate. Let's take a look at Jon Stewart's take on it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JON STEWART, COMEDIAN: The ambassadors, appointed by our Democratic president. Surely, he chooses them on their merits.

SEN. JOHN MCCAIN (R), ARIZONA: Mr. Tsunis, have you been to Norway?

GEORGE TSUNIS, NOMINEE FOR U.S. AMBASSADOR TO NORWAY: I have not.

SEN. MARCO RUBIO (R), FLORIDA: Have you been to Argentina?

NOAH MAMET, NOMINEE FOR U.S. AMBASSADOR TO ARGENTINA: Senator, I haven't had the opportunity yet to be there. I have traveled pretty extensively, but I haven't yet had the chance.

MCCAIN: Barber, I take it you have been to Iceland?

ROBERT BARBER, NOMINEE FOR U.S. AMBASSADOR TO ICELAND: Sir, I have not had the privilege yet.

STEWART: Is there a rule ambassadors can't have stepped a foot in the country they're going to ambassador?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: So, every president nominates people that have helped them to be in ambassadorships, but usually, Eric, even if you have a rich donor, they still need to be briefed on the basics.

BOLLING: Yes, you would think like score points, hey, maybe just send them there just to see what the looks like before they're going to find out what they're going to be the ambassador to.

It's one of the more ridiculous -- and both sides do it -- more ridiculous things we do as politic is send high donors, the people who raise money to get you in office, give them cushy ambassadorships. I mean, it's just insanity.

PERINO: Bob, you almost got a cushy ambassadorship in your life. Why did you turn it down?

BECKEL: They did a background check. They hadn't, I've been in real trouble.

But if I could say, when you say all presidents do it, with all due respect to Dana, I have been trying to be very nice to George Bush on this show. But can I point out, two important allies, Canada and Australia, Bush appointed a South Carolina state legislator who gave $200,000 to his campaign to Canada, and to Australia, he appointed lobbyists for RJ Reynolds Tobacco Company.

Now, I mean, this goes both ways. I mean, you can make this case all you want. Every president you say does it, you can always find these nitpicks. And, by the way, to suggest this guy, they want him to say something negative about the country they're going into is something they shouldn't be doing, although they should be brief.

PERINO: They should have some -- 

BECKEL: Although they should be briefed. I couldn't agree with you more.

PERINO: They couldn't even name a national interest, couldn't say what the U.S. national interest would be. How about health, peace, and prosperity? I mean, that's like a standard answer.

TANTAROS: Dana, why should our ambassadors expect to be briefed on countries they're going to when we have a president who wasn't briefed on what was happening at the IRS, didn't know the security in Benghazi needed security. He had no experience being president of the United States as a community organizer, so what does it matter if you nominate some rich guy from Nantucket to go to a country he's never been to? What could possibly go wrong, but everything is going really well with the United States.

PERINO: Greg, does this just prove you can't buy good help anymore?

GUTFELD: Perhaps. The only expertise needed to become an ambassador is bundling. That's it.

Regan had jellybeans on his desk. These are Obama's jellybeans. These are the gift cards he gives out for the bundling.

You know who deserves this job? It's people who have had tough jobs. I don't understand why if you get a purple heart, you should also get this job. It should be a military reward, not a reward for getting somebody into office.

BECKEL: But you recognize they all do that?

GUTFELD: Absolutely, absolutely.

PERINO: But Obama did say he was going to try to increase the ratio to be 70 percent of the State Department civil servants.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: To point out, this thing with the Afghanistan peace and with this piece, foreign policy is really, really hard. You get the impression that President Obama has a distaste for it, and he treats the presidency like a part-time job that supports his work as a progressive activist in order to remake the world. He also has better, more emotionally relevant things to do, like tweeting encouragement to a gay athlete, which is important, but I would think this stuff is more important.

BOLLING: Can I ask a question? Do we know how much an ambassador gets paid? Some of these ambassadorships, these people are raising $400,000 or $500,000. You bundle 500 grand, and you get paid 200 grand a year for the next --

TANTAROS: And they get to pick their own artwork. Did you know that?

PERINO: A lot of ambassadors -- I know a lot of ambassadors do end up spending some of their own money on their own travel. And some ambassadors have waived their salary.

But certainly, it doesn't --

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: They appointed what's her name to Paris, remember? She would have gotten a million dollars.

TANTAROS: How can you broker deals and reach out to the people in a country if you have never been there. I mean, speaking the language should be a minimum, but you have never been there?

GUTFELD: I want to be ambassador to middle earth.

PERINO: That would be awesome. You would be a very good. And you can donate to my campaign and I'll make that happen.

OK. Ahead next on "The Five", back by popular demand, our Facebook free for all. Send your questions to us now at Facebook.com/TheFiveFNC. We'll answer them.

But first, flowers, chocolates, and Valentine's Day cards are ingredients of this day. But some environmentalists are taking aim at cupid for his footprint. Greg is going to explain this bizarre theory, next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Valentine's Day, you go to a drugstore, buy a sappy card, give it to someone. Then, you do it a year later. It's like a flu shot without the benefit, but so what? For many shy people, it's a vehicle to express affection that otherwise would never be.

It helps you say hello, I exist, and I like you. Handsome chaps like me might find it unnecessary, but think of the Kilmeades of the world who would have lived lonely lives without this avenue of contact.

And it teaches kids to take a risk. If you like someone, there's always a risk that they might not like you back. That's never happened to be, but I imagine it's painful. Kids need to learn that rejection is a workout. It's like doing push-ups for your feelings.

But sadly, the day also energizes idiots to write dumb articles. In "The New Republic" greenie weenie Jeffrey Ball claimed this day murders the planet, that the carbon footprint of all those cards creates so much damage, he can't even calculate it. I guess that's harder than writing an article on it, which is also on paper, in a magazine, that prints thousands of copies 20 times a year. How bad is that for the rain forest, champ?

If anything, Valentine's Day is a celebration of capitalism. Only a country so economically awesome can turn a goofy practice that no one really likes into a billion dollar industry. But that's something Jeffrey Ball will never understand, perhaps because he never got my Valentine.

Andrea, wouldn't a tree be happy it's dying for love?

TANTAROS: In the name of love, a tree gives its life.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TANTAROS: That's an interesting way to look at it, if it were a very generous tree, I suppose. I think cards are awesome. I think cards should be given not just on Valentine's Day, but to me, it's the most important thing to see how you feel written down. And I saved every card and I stocked it away.

But the most important thing is 364 days -- be nice, write little notes, write little cards here and there. I think it's very cute, but I wonder what he thinks about Christmas with the cards and wrapping paper. So, he hates everything, basically.

GUTFELD: Yes, unless, it's a politically correct holiday that involved something like a parade, so he will never say anything like that, because then he would be attacked.

Bob, is Valentine's Day kind of miserable because of the expectations?

BECKEL: I think so. They always start with, "you A-hole", and that's the end of it, so I don't save mine.

It's a way to spice up February. It's always promoted by the flower and candy industry. It's fine. It's a nice thing to do. I mean, I find it frankly, I got too many people to send Valentine's to, so I say to all of you out there, happy valentine's day, except my daughter, I forgot today, I should have, sweetie, I will get it to you.

But outside of that, it's a waste of time to send it out, particularly on my list, you know, most of them would be -- well, never mind.

BOLLING: They're probably not expecting it.

GUTFELD: Unless, it's a card with a money thing in it.

BOLLING: Money sleeve.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

BECKEL: Send a card. A $50 gift certificate.

TANTAROS: We're taking donations, Bob, to my shoe fund.

BECKEL: Are you will to take what you get paid for? You better take it back if I were you.

BOLLING: Let's move on.

GUTFELD: Let's just point out, though, it's always like environmentalists who are no fun.

BOLLING: No fun. You're right. This is capitalism. So, all holidays are kind of capitalism. Don't hate them for that. It's fun, a spice of life.

We love these sweetheart candies.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: They used to be better. I don't know what they have done to them.

BOLLING: Ands, first kiss. Bob, be mine. Greg, marry me.

GUTFELD: I thought you would never ask. My wife will be --

PERINO: This one for the next segment. It's called "Ask Me."

GUTFELD: I want to ask you a question.

PERINO: OK.

GUTFELD: Let's roll, I want to roll this, this is on Conan, it's a wonderful take on how the local news handles Valentine's Day.

PERINO: OK.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CONAN O'BRIEN, COMEDIAN: There's an even bigger story that is sweeping our country.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It is 19 minutes past the hour. Welcome back, everybody.

Those without a sweetheart this Valentine's Day may look to their smartphone or tablet to help direct Cupid's arrow their way. While those with a special someone might look to their device to help them say, I love you.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Those with a special someone may look to their mobile device to help them say, I love you.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Those with a special someone may look to their mobile device to help them say I love you.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Those with a special someone may look to their mobile device to say I love you.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Those with a special someone may look to their mobile device to say I love you.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: And those with a special someone may look to their mobile device to say I love you.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I love you.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I love you.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I love you.

O'BRIEN: I love you. I love you.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Dana, I have to ask, how does that happen?

PERINO: Someone wrote a very compelling press release, and they knew they the local news, which I love local news, they were going to be talking about Valentine's Day, and they needed to tie it into something the kids are talking about, the mobile apps, and you marry the two, bingo, and they wrote it so beautifully that the journalists, they don't have to write it for them. It just writes itself.

BECKEL: I need to clarify something. When Andrea put her cup this way, I had no -- she and I work together for seven years, I no way intended that to be -- she would never go out with me, number one. And number two, I said I would make a contribution for Valentine's Day.

BOLLING: Thank you for clarifying that.

TANTAROS: Thank you for clarifying that, Bob.

BECKEL: If anything refer upon that, God knows if you ever try that, you'll be killed.

PERINO: Bob, you're not going to eat those, are you? You can't eat all that. You can have one.

BECKEL: I'm not going to eat because I can't read the damn thing.

TANTAROS: Did you hear about the story this week that the school is so progressive, it doesn't want certain kids to feel left out by getting -- by not getting a Valentine. That was my favorite part of school, that you could send a Valentine. It was stressful, but when you got one, you're look, ooh, who sent it?

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: You know how nerve-racking it was to write those out with your name on it, and try to get it on her desk without her seeing you.

TANTAROS: I loved that.

BECKEL: In high school, I was in love with this girl, and she had a boyfriend, so I sent a Valentine's from him to her breaking up with her, and she was crying on the hallway, she's going crazy, she hit the guy. The guy said, what's going on? She hit him again and she left. It was great.

PERINO: Did she go out with you?

BECKEL: No, she wouldn't go out with me after that.

BOLLING: Can I ask? Has anyone else done this, do you like me? Yes, no, maybe, with the blank boxes?

GUTFELD: I do that to Greg every day.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: True.

BECKEL: I would be afraid to do that.

PERINO: I'm afraid of the answer every day, because usually he doesn't like me.

GUTFELD: That's not true.

BECKEL: Oh, yes.

GUTFELD: All right. We've got to go.

Up next, it's not only Valentine's Day. It's also Facebook Friday all across the country. Send us your questions now at Facebook.com/TheFiveFNC. We'll answer in our free for all. We'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BOLLING: All righty. Time for our Facebook free for all.

You posted your questions. We're going to answer them. We're going to go around twice. We're going to start with Bob.

For Bob from Patrick B. "How much time do you spend preparing for each show?"

(LAUGHTER)

TANTAROS: Don't lie.

BECKEL: I usually start at about 1:00 in the morning and I take a brief nap at 11:00, and I get back to my work, and then I bring my research fellows in. It usually about 20 minutes.

(LAUGHTER)

TANTAROS: Fellows?

BOLLING: All right. Ands, from William M. What type of music do you like to listen to the most and why?

TANTAROS: Ooh, I would say, if you listen to our bump in and bump out music on "The Five", I tend to pick '80s. '80s rock, `80s pop.

BOLLING: Rush, maybe '70s every once in a while, right?

TANTAROS: A little Zeppelin, a little Sheena Easton, Expose --

BOLLING: Why?

TANTAROS: I had older brothers and sisters and I grew up with them playing the music in their Camaros and their cars. I don't know. I like rock music. And I like the modern stuff, as well.

BECKEL: The problem with Camaros is you couldn't make out in the back seat.

BOLLING: Why not?

BECKEL: Too small, man.

BOLLIGN: They have a back seat.

BECKEL: They're not big enough.

BOLLING: Yes, I guess.

PERINO: For Bob.

BOLLING: All right. For Greg, from Ryan M. "When you drink, do you start with liquor or beer? What's your favorite of each of those?"

GUTFELD: I don't drink liquor or beer. I only drink wine. The reason why is because I don't drink socially. I only drink when I work.

This is an important fact for all you young people out there. You should never reward yourself without first having some kind of achievement. When you go and you're going to work. Or you're going to a bar to drink, have an idea in your head that you want to work out, whether it's a story or something, and you reward yourself for the work you have done with alcohol. If you just go and drink, you're going to waste your life.

BECKEL: The answer to that question was everything.

PERINO: Yes.

BOLLING: Do you drink late into the morning?

GUTFELD: No, I will -- I have a three-hour window of writing and working, and I'll drink -- what?

BOLLING: Do you work better with a couple drinks under your belt?

GUTFELD: Yes, it's a reward. When I write three or four paragraphs, I have a glass of wine. It's like an hour glass, wine is an hour glass.

BECKEL: You go through a bottle, right, when you're doing it?

TANTAROS: A couple bottles.

GUTFELD: No, never past one bottle. My wife is going to kill me.

Why did I answer that?

BOLLING: From Pete F., what kind of camera do you use when you're taking pictures of Jasper?

PERINO: It's the iPhone, the iPhone 5 camera. I know I could be a much better photographer if I got an actual camera, but I think the pictures you can take on the camera are great.

BECKEL: I didn't know that iPhone held 15,422 photos. Is that true?

PERINO: They're very good. Look at these.

BECKEL: Please.

BOLLING: The calendar comes from iPhone pictures?

PERINO: The calendar is a mix of pictures. Usually, it's mine phone or my husband's phone. My husband is a good photographer. He also has an actual camera, so he takes every once in a while, he'll bring that out.

BOLLING: For Eric from William M., also. "What do you think about this last episode of the `Walking Dead'?" Which is the first episode after the break? Fantastic. The best show on television, guys. You should be watching it. It was the first episode after the break, it beat the Olympics last Saturday.

PERINO: I actually, I'm kind of afraid of that show, but you persuaded me I should try it.

BOLLING: It's not about zombies. It's about the relationships between the characters. It's awesome.

BECKEL: A relationship with a zombie? I had.

BOLLING: How they're reacting with each other.

GUTFELD: You worked in a morgue, didn't you?

BECKEL: Yes, I did.

GUTFELD: Yes, we won't get in to what happened.

BOLLING: Ew.

All right. From Barbara S., "Does Bob have a date tonight? If so, what special plans does he have?"

BECKEL: It's nice of you to ask. The answer is yes, I do. We're going to dinner. We're going to a movie at my house. This is a woman who is -- I don't want to say this because I get joked about this. This is an honest to God straight woman, OK? That's all I'm going to say.

PERINO: She's young, right? Is this the young one you were talking about?

BECKEL: Anybody over 32 is pretty old.

PERINO: What?

BOLLING: Can we mention the tweet yesterday? Remember the tweet yesterday? Bob's definition of a long-term relationship?

BECKEL: He's paying for the second hour?

TANTAROS: What movie are you going to watch?

BECKEL: We're going to watch "Night of the Living Dead."

BOLLING: Great movie.

BECKEL: It is, yes.

BOLLING: OK. The new one or the old one? Watch the new one. You'll like it.

Matthew, "What is vital for men to do to win a woman's heart?"

TANTAROS: Ooh. Be honest. And be really funny.

PERINO: Funny. Funny is best.

TANTAROS: Honesty and funny. Yes.

BOLLING: There you go.

TANTAROS: And loyalty is pretty good, but I guess that goes with honesty.

PERINO: Pretty much, they need to do everything.

TANTAROS: Yes, pretty much.

BOLLING: Does politics matter?

TANTAROS: Yes, I don't date liberals.

BOLLING: For real?

TANTAROS: I swear. I'm sorry, Bob. It's just -- here's the thing, we're at this date and he says that he voted for President Obama. And we just got the appetizer. I was like, oh, my God. I looked at my BlackBerry, I just got a call. I have to do "Fox and Friends" early in the morning, and I have to go.

BECKEL: You didn't give him a chance.

TANTAROS: He voted for President Obama, that it means that he was bamboozled into hope and change, which means he's naive. I can't respect a guy who is naive, let alone make out with a guy who is a fool.

BOLLING: We've got to move. Probably makes bad decisions, too.

For Greg from Kevin B., "Who is your favorite author? And no, Greg, you can't name yourself." That was him saying that.

GUTFELD: Oh, jeez. Let me think. Definitely Jim Thompson, "Killer Inside Me", "Population 1280." He was a great pulp writer in the '60s. "Grifters" is a great movie and a great book.

If you like James Elroy, if you like good crime, you've got to start with Jim Thompson. He's the best, really brutal, vicious, short crime novels. No, you would like it.

PERINO: I wrote it down, and you said vicious crime. You had me read the Cormack McCarthy book.

GUTFELD: "Blood Meridian" may be the greatest book ever.

PERINO: A beautifully written book --

GUTFELD: The scalping bothered you.

PERINO: It was bad.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: Dana, for you from Phyllis W. "How did you get to meet Dierks Bentley?"

PERINO: Persistence.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: You're a stalker.

PERINO: A little bit. I'm a fan.

GUTFELD: There he is.

PERINO: He's kind of tall -- well, everybody is, compared --

BECKEL: Does he look like he's ready to exit stage left?

PERINO: I think -- I don't know how often they got a chance to watch, but I know that sometimes on the tour bus, they have watched us because they knew about the show, they know about Bob. Everybody loves Bob. They wished I had taken Bob to the concert.

TANTAROS: Everyone loves Bob.

BOLLING: Lynyrd Skynyrd loves Bob.

PERINO: Dierks Bentley's album comes out February 25th. So, I'm like, there's 11 days left.

BECKEL: Can't wait for that.

BOLLING: This is the last one, to Eric from Ron P. "You don't eat red meat. I want to know, does this help you to run five miles a day."

PERINO: Did you write that.

BOLLING: I don't eat red meat. I don't run five miles a day. I run five miles on Saturday and Sunday usually. I try to do some during the week, and with this weather, it's a disaster.

BECKEL: Why do you not eat red meat?

BOLLING: My mom was having chemotherapy on Tuesdays, and I stopped eating it on Tuesdays, and then I felt better.

PERINO: But you want a steak now?

BOLLING: I want a bacon cheddar burger.

PERINO: One of my goals by the end of 2014 is I'm going to get you to eat a steak.

BOLLING: How's this? Let's do that.

PERINO: I'll buy.

GUTFELD: I love pork.

BECKEL: Me, too.

BOLLING: I don't eat that, either. None. It's not white meat.

GUTFELD: It's the other white meat.

BOLLING: Before you cook it, it's red.

BECKEL: They say we've got to go here.

BOLLING: We've got to go. Up next, Bob, another hot button issue. Hillary Clinton will face in 2016 is her age. One respective columnist suggesting she's too old to run for president. Back with the debate, next. (INAUDIBLE)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

TANTAROS: Told you, '80s. Well, Hillary Clinton is under the microscope, and this time, it's not about her politics but about how old see is.

Clinton turns 67 this year and she'll be 69 just before the 2016 presidential election if she runs.

"National Journal" columnist Charlie Cook went there, writing, quote, "If she wins a first term, finishing that term at age 73, and then assuming she runs for re-election and wins, serving four years to end the second term at 77 years of age. How many 67-year-olds make nine-year commitments and what concerns have to be addressed if they do?"

So, similar questions were raised about President Ronald Reagan and Senator John McCain during their campaigns, but is it smart to go there? Greg Gutfeld, what do you think?

GUTFELD: He is so wrong. It's unbelievable. It's not that she's too old. She's too young. What the United States needs right now is a woman in her 90s. Like a really, really old crone with an evil eye like the lady from "Drag Me To Hell", because old ladies never say yes to anything, they hate everything, and they have earned it.

Ninety-year-old women, they won the attendance record for the planet earth. They've seen it all. My mom is 89. She remembers Hitler, says he's an awful guy. This is what you need.

Like we have a president who has only been on the planet for 40-some odd years. He doesn't know anything. Old ladies know everything.

(LAUGHTER)

TANTAROS: I like that idea. She'd be tough on terrorists.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TANTAROS: Dana, what do you think? I'm fearful Republicans might make the mistake of talking about her age or her appearance and fall into a trap.

PERINO: If they're going to talk about it, talk about it now and get it over with. Here's my thing, 70 is the new 60. Being 70, people are still working. There's a lot of active people that are getting up there.

Kidding, Bob.

But look, Gold Meir was 70 when she took office, OK? And that was, how many, about, 30 years ago? So, I don't -- I don't want Republicans to go there.

However, it's OK, apparently, to say that Chris Christie is too fat to run for president. And people say that without any hesitation.

TANTAROS: Because he's a man.

PERINO: I guess. Not only that, because he's a Republican.

TANTAROS: But if he were a Democrat, Eric, and it was a woman, could you imagine if she was criticized on her weight. See, I think, if Republicans go there with Hillary Clinton on appearance or age, there's going to be just an army of women who are going to attack them and shoot them down. If they want to defeat her, the questions now need to be, where are your jobs plans? Where is your foreign worker plan? They've got to start asking her questions? What do you feel Hillary about the employer mandate.

BECKEL: I'll tell you -- it's the most dangerous area -- I'm sorry.

BOLLING: Go ahead.

BECKEL: Having to run against Ronald Reagan twice, I remember when we made the decision in 1980 when Carter was running against Reagan, it was do not talk about age because the voting numbers of voters who were around who vote in big numbers, senior citizens, were absolutely deaf on that issue. There's more of them now.

And Dana is exactly right. They're working later. It's a dangerous place to go, unless something happens like Reagan in the one debate when he sort of he lost a little bit.

But by and large, unless she looks like she's got kind of problem, I'll tell you -- I stay away from it.

BOLLING: That's for campaign and political reasons. I would say don't go there because it doesn't matter. You judge someone based on their leadership, their accomplishments. What you think they can do for the country.

PERINO: Their character.

BOLLING: Not what sex they are, how old they are, the color of their skin. The character, exactly. It's a no win to start going at that.

By the way, how old is Mitt Romney?

PERINO: Sixty-five.

BECKEL: I thought 67.

BOLLING: You're starting to hear the rumblings. Maybe he'll do it one more time.

PERINO: I don't think so.

BOLLING: If you're going to go to age with her, you can't go there with him.

PERINO: I don't think he should, oh.

BECKEL: One of the reasons she will get a primary opponent, though, the reason she won't have a clear challenger if she decides to run, is somebody is going to bet on the Democratic side, something physically is going to happen to her. She's going to be sick or something and they're going to be there to pick up the marbles. I'll tell you, she's not going to have a free run.

TANTAROS: And that is the rumor.

Directly ahead, Team USA pulls off a historic sweep in slopestyle skiing. We'll show the amazing moves that landed the gold, silver and bronze -- up next on "The Five."

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(MUSIC: "LOVE TODAY" BY MIKA)

BECKEL: What kind of music is that?

It was a clean sweep in Sochi in men's slope style skiing as Team USA won an impressive gold, silver, and bronze, making Winter Olympics history. Josh Christensen, Gus Kenworthy, and Nick Goepper crushed the competition with their amazing moves like you'll see here.

All right, look at that. Can you believe how they do that? If I did that, then I would be in intensive care for years.

GUTFELD: Well, Bob, if you did it over and over and over again for most of your life, you could do it.

BECKEL: No, I couldn't. Even I couldn't do that, but it's amazing, these guys. And you know, the fact that they took on the entire world in that is amazing. That's amazing. I think only one other time in '56 or something, we won gold, silver, and bronze in one event. I can't remember what it was. It was probably -- what? OK, I'll stop talking about it. Can I talk about something else?

TANTAROS: Go ahead.

BECKEL: I want to talk about the 19 -- tomorrow is the big match with the Russians in -- against -- in hockey. OK? How many of you were around and old enough to remember the famous hockey game in 1980?

BOLLING: Do you believe in miracles?

BECKEL: Do you believe in miracles? That was amazing.

BOLLING: Al Michaels.

BECKEL: Al Michaels. That made history. You were not old enough.

BOLLING: What was historic about it was that we had all amateurs. We had college and amateurs playing against the Russians, who were the professionals.

BECKEL: And who was the team we beat to get to the Russians first? The Poles or the Czechs or somebody?

BOLLING: I don't remember who we beat.

BECKEL: When he said, do you believe in miracles, it wasn't against the Russians. It was against somebody else, and then we went on to win. What a night that was. That was amazing.

PERINO: Do you remember Marc Thiessen?

BECKEL: Yes.

PERINO: The columnist and the speechwriter. So at the White House, once in a while, you get a group together to talk about who should get the Medal of Freedom, and every single time we had one of those meetings, Marc Thiessen would advocate that that team, the miracle team, should get the Medal of Freedom because of how important that game was, not just to the sport, but to...

TANTAROS: To the nation.

PERINO: To the politics.

BECKEL: Well, I'll tell you, how that united the country. It was unbelievable. It was at Lake Placid, too, right?

TANTAROS: The coach used to go around and say to the guys, since they were so psyched out, "Play your game; play your game; play your game." And they eventually, they won. And I know, Bob, I was 1 year old when it happened.

BECKEL: I know, that's right. But you still remember it. Do you believe in miracles. That was one of Al Michaels. He was a great sportscaster.

TANTAROS: I think ice hockey is me is my favorite sport to watch in the Winter Olympics.

BECKEL: As Eric pointed out, we used to send amateurs, and now -- the rest of them would send their pro players. And now we send our pro players. Right?

GUTFELD: That's the problem.

BECKEL: OK. I just got Bolling again, word count. I just asked him a question. He didn't have an answer for it. But I'm going to say one thing. "One More Thing" is next.

PERINO: What about Greg?

BECKEL: I'm sorry. Greg. Every time we talk about sports, for some reason I automatically do that.

GUTFELD: What has ruined the Olympics -- it doesn't matter.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

PERINO: I didn't hear what Bob was just about to say. It's probably a good thing.

BOLLING: It is.

PERINO: It's time for "One More thing."

I wanted to start today because a very special little bean, Jasper, made Valentines for these guys. Here's an example. Five Fan Photoshops. If you don't follow him on Twitter, you should. He makes these great cards. And I just want to pass them out to everybody. Let's see. There's one for you.

Bob, for you. I thought you would like this one.

GUTFELD: Naked.

PERINO: Yes, that's Jasper's selfie, which is great.

And also, Bob, my dad said that I could regift this because he sent it to me, but he thought that you would like it the most. This is your countdown to Obama's last day, so that you can count the days until you don't have to defend Obama anymore.

BECKEL: Well, that's very nice of your dad. I appreciate that very much. It's very nice.

PERINO: Because he feels for you.

BECKEL: He does.

TANTAROS: We're still going to pound him in the ground after he leaves office.

BECKEL: Sure you are. OK. Who's next?

PERINO: I thought you would talk a little bit more about that, but you can go next.

BECKEL: No, it's very nice. What do you want me to say? I mean, I have to defend this guy every day against these guys.

PERINO: It's 1,070 days.

BECKEL: One thousand seventy days, right.

PERINO: OK. Your "One More Thing" is next.

BECKEL: First of all, I want to say, I didn't get Greg in on the hockey thing. He was going to say that it's too bad we don't -- we have professionals. It was much better when it was amateurs. And I apologize. Now...

GUTFELD: Don't apologize.

BECKEL: I will apologize.

Now, for the greatest day that America observes every year, going to happen next week. And that is the "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit issue. The swimsuit issue is coming out next Tuesday on newsstands, and Jimmy Kimmel is going to have it on his show. It has three models. It is a great, great magazine. And a great, and a particularly great edition.

PERINO: I love the articles.

BECKEL: The articles are wonderful.

TANTAROS: You're interested in the bikinis?

BECKEL: Not at all. It's the lineup.

BOLLING: Not very much bikini showing there, though.

BECKEL: No. Not much, but I'll tell you, guys, if you want to have a good -- something for Valentine's because you know your old lady is going to jump on about something, you might as well go out and buy the swimsuit edition.

PERINO: All right. That endorsement brought to you by Bob Beckel.

Greg, you're next.

GUTFELD: Today is a very special day. It's Flo-ho's birthday, i.e. Florence Henderson. She's now 80 years old.

Now, if you grew up in the '70s, Carol Brady was a font of wisdom. There are specific "Brady Bunch" episodes that change your life forever. Bobby Brady's infatuation with Jesse James. Everybody remembers that one. He had the dream that his family was killed by Jesse James, and that changed his life. There are so many episodes.

There was a very short series, which is by the way, why I like it, but anyway, happy birthday, Flo-ho.

TANTAROS: Did you ever have her hairstyle?

GUTFELD: No, I tried to get it, though. I actually met her.

BECKEL: What was her name?

GUTFELD: Florence Henderson.

BECKEL: Oh, Flo-ho.

GUTFELD: Remember Wesson oil?

PERINO: Yes. Of course.

GUTFELD: I use it, but not in cooking.

PERINO: Oh, my gosh. Oh, my goodness. I can't believe that just happened. Eric, you're next. Please save us.

BOLLING: OK. So tomorrow morning, after you watch USA hockey beat the Russians, head over to "Cash It In." We're going to talk income inequality, income opportunity, and the lap dog media who gives a free pass to President Obama and executive orders. And don't forget: right at the bottom, make sure you hashtag cashing in. We want to trend.

BECKEL: And I was supposed to be on the show.

PERINO: Yes, why don't you talk -- do you want to explain your absence?

BOLLING: Well, we were going to -- Bob was supposed to be on. We taped it, and Bob was supposed to be on for the second time. He forgot to show up. So...

BECKEL: I had it on another date.

BOLLING: See you next week.

PERINO: Andrea, save this show.

TANTAROS: Oh, I don't know if my "One More thing" is good enough for that, Dana, but I'm going to give it my all.

OK. There's a new trend with little children aged 2 to 22. Twenty- two is not that old. Drinking coffee. Kids are now drinking more coffee than ever. The big fear used to be soda. But now all of these medical reports that say that coffee for youngsters stunts growth is found not to be true.

And my colleague over here, Greg Gutfeld, has some thoughts on why kids are consuming coffee and why it's making them nuts. Greg Gutfeld.

GUTFELD: Oh, me?

TANTAROS: You used to edit "Men's Health."

GUTFELD: No, no, I actually believe that kids are stressful because of eating -- of drinking coffee. I never had coffee until I was in college. Now they're working at these places.

BECKEL: So you're the living proof that coffee doesn't stunt your growth?

GUTFELD: Exactly. It's true.

TANTAROS: I still do not believe that this could be a good idea, but they say it can be a substitute for Ritalin and other drugs, the caffeine.

GUTFELD: It makes them -- it turns them into amateur neurotics.

PERINO: Everybody you talk to -- everyone you talk to is like, "How much water are you drinking? Don't drink as much caffeine," but how are you supposed to survive?

GUTFELD: I don't know.

BECKEL: Who's taking us out?

PERINO: I'm taking you out. Don't forget to set your DVRs so you never miss an episode of "The Five." Have a great weekend. We'll see you back here on Monday. "Special Report" is up next.

BECKEL: Happy Valentine's Day.

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