This is a rush transcript from "The Five," February 5, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle, along with Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld.
It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is "The Five."
GUILFOYLE: Add this one to the long list of harmful side effects from ObamaCare for our economy. The president's health care law could cost America's job market more than 2 million workers. This is according to a new projection by the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office.
Take note, Bob.
Its director explained why on Capitol Hill today.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DOUGLAS ELMENDORF, CBO DIRECTOR: By providing heavily subsidized health insurance to people with low income and then withdrawing the subsidies as income rises, the act creates a disincentive for people to work relative to what would have been the case in the absence of that act.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Well, the White House, of course, is trying its hardest to spin the news.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This might be somebody who used to work 60 hours because they needed health insurance and now they can get a different job at 35 hours that doesn't offer health insurance, but they're getting it through this. This number itself is a small percentage of the overall economy. Second of all, this number itself purports -- I mean, not purports, is about effectively choices of people. And third, it doesn't reflect the full set of factors that go into it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: And Brit Hume isn't impressed.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BRIT HUME, FOX NEWS: That was a sad briefing, Megyn. That really was.
That performance by Jason Furman was one of the most unconvincing performances I have seen. His answers to the questions were just pathetic.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Nowhere to turn, nowhere to go. Put that poor guy with that haircut out in front of the people to answer these questions, and it just didn't go well, did it, Eric? Because the math is not on their side.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Not Brit Hume.
GUILFOYLE: No, no, not Brit.
BOLLING: Look, Doug Elmendorf, the -- it's supposed to be fair and balanced right down the middle. The CBO scored it. Every time they score something positive for ObamaCare, Obama, any of his initiatives, we heard about it. The White House put it out prominently on the WhiteHouse.gov Web site.
All right. So, here's the deal -- 2 million jobs that we talked about.
But they're trying to spin it in, don't worry, that's a good thing. It's actually reducing the supply of labor, lower supply, brings wages up.
It's wrong. But what it's actually is it's decreasing our labor participation rate. People are giving up hope.
If it were people choosing not to, because you know what, it's time, I'm moving on. That's not the case. They're giving up hope with the jobs.
We're at the lowest rate in 30 years.
Here's the other one though. The other thing that the CBO scored, 31 million people, ten years down the road, 31 million people won't have health insurance, non-elderly 31 million people, the same number that don't have it right now. What the heck are we spending all these trillions of dollars for, losing millions of jobs, if it's not going to help?
GUILFOYLE: That is what they say. Those are the facts.
GUILFOYLE: That's why I took emphasis and time. So you would go that.
You have something to correct it with? I'd love to hear it?
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Just let me give you a second. I can correct it.
I can correct one thing right away. Your trillion dollar -- your trillion dollar figure about what this is going to cost, according to them, it's $8 billion.
BOLLING: No, no, it's $2 trillion over --
BECKEL: Well, they say $8 billion. That's a little bit different, isn't it?
BOLLING: Two trillion, this CBO numbers, Bob. I don't know what --
BECKEL: Oh, you're sitting here bragging on CBO. They're the most impartial group. Now you won't take their numbers.
BOLLING: I'm telling you, it's $2 trillion. It's 2.3 million --
BECKEL: I'm telling you the CBO said it wasn't.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: All right.
GUILFOYLE: They're going to mud wrestle.
GUTFELD: All right. It's easy to kill jobs when you have never had a real one yourself. They don't see this as a sad thing. This is a victory.
This is the desired result of the administration, for every job lost is one more body dependent on the government. This is the serenity of soft socialism. It doesn't come with a hammer. It comes with a handout, and it's just as deadly.
But what is scary about this is that they're saying it's good news, that it's good news that people are voluntarily leaving their jobs. That's like saying starvation is good because it's giving you the freedom to lose weight.
I mean, what does it require for the media to say that what President Obama is doing is bad? What is bad news? He's killing more jobs than E-ZPass.
GUTFELD: I would know the safety -- you know, we always get yelled at because we talk about the safety net. We don't have an issue with the safety net.
But somehow, they believe the safety net is preferable to work. It's becoming a king sized bed for Americans who no longer feel the need to have to go out and work. Work is a soul of this country. If you don't work, you're dead. The only thing worse than working is not working.
This is disgusting. We're talking about this in the green room. This is the only time I have felt despair, that when your government is saying, hooray, 2 million people are moving from making to taking. That's great?
GUILFOYLE: We're going in the wrong direction. So, this is not even a communications crisis, Dana. It's a math problem. It's an economy problem. It's profound and it's going to be far-reaching.
Where do they go from here and why aren't people finally getting it?
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Well, they worked all day yesterday and overnight to try to get reporters to try to defend them. So, you have "The New York Times" editorial page today actually calling this report liberating. This is a liberating thing for Americans because they're not going to be locked in a job that they hated.
The thing is -- also, if you make the safety net so comfortable, if you raise them -- give people so many subsidies that the lowest rung of that first ladder of the career ladder is not necessary to try to reach for, it's just, the law of how people operate. You will not strive to work just if you have this subsidy.
Work is actually what just made this country so great. I felt today like it was defining America down. The truth is that a law that discourages work by giving people a subsidy, it is a bad thing. It's not that I'm not for a safety net, but if you're taking people out of the labor force, you can then not afford to pay for all the other things that you have promised to other people in the country, like baby boomers who are going to need as many people in the work force as they can possibly get to pay for all of the things we have promised to give to them.
GUILFOYLE: It's bad for our development, just like it's bad for little kids to do too much for them when they're little, encourage them to do things for themselves, or just like when you get guests over and if you make the sheets and guest bedroom too nice, they're never going to leave.
Make it a little scratchy and not good towel service --
GUTFELD: I never knew that.
BECKEL: Let me try to understand this right now -- 2.5 million people are going to leave their jobs in order to get health care when they've already got health care, but now they can get health care under ObamaCare and they don't -- I mean, their employer gives them health care, right?
BOLLING: Well, it's not the same people, Bob.
GUTFELD: They have a choice to leave.
BOLLING: It's not the same 2.3 million.
Aggregately, 2.3 million people more will leave the work force that end up coming in.
BECKEL: What I want to -- I'm not being argumentative. I just want to know the numbers.
BOLLING: Look at the numbers. Don't ask me. Ask the CBO -- they score this thing.
BECKEL: Wait a second. I thought you're learned people. I'm the one who is supposed to be not learned. I want to know why it is people leave a paying job just to get health care and then not going to have money to live. How's that figured out?
BOLLING: Because in order to pay for their health care, they couldn't afford to work a part time, or two or three part time job, so they go on Medicare.
BECKEL: So, now, they're going to have health care and they're not going to have anything -- any money to put gas in their car.
BOLLING: Can I do -- Bob, please, this is CBO.
BECKEL: You say they can fall back on the safety net, that's a lie.
GUILFOYLE: We're not.
BECKEL: That's a lie, falling back on the safety net.
BOLLING: So, ObamaCare for people who don't have or can't afford health insurance is, in fact, a safety net. Dana is right. So is unemployment insurance, so are food stamps, all these safety nets, what they're doing is at some point realizing that the GOP has been right for the last 60 or 70 years saying you can't keep extending these payments, these transfer payments to people from the makers to the takers. It disincentivizes them to go work.
BECKEL: So, let me show you -- you leave your job, a paying job, you go and get health care and that's subsidized. You get food stamps and you get
-- maybe unemployment benefits and that's what you get, right? That's the total safety net we're talking about? Which means that they're much worse off, much worse off. I want to know who these people are.
PERINO: OK. Bob, first of all, it would be helpful if we could all be operating from the same information, which is the CBO report, which we've all spent the last two days reading.
The point of this is that there's like -- not 2.5 million people that are just all of a sudden not going to have jobs. It's lots of different things.
For example, one of the things CBO explains is that let's say you have a 40-hour a week job, but you're saying -- you're working 40 hours because that's how you got your health care. But you really don't want to work as many hours because you have other obligations. You want to take your kid to soccer practice, whatever.
So, you decide then to work 30 hours only, which means you get to keep your health insurance if you're working 30 hours. So it's the equivalent of 2.5 million jobs. That's what we're talking about.
It's not like you're giving pink slips to 2.5 million people. It's the equivalent of taking 2.5 million people out of the labor force because they're disincentivized to work.
BECKEL: Are you suggesting that I didn't read the CBO report for the last two days?
PERINO: Because otherwise, why are we arguing about the core basic facts of what the CBO said?
GUTFELD: Yes, I did. But this is how -- this is how the revolution works.
It is not overnight. It is a gradual expansion of government, replacing market services with mediocrity, imposters. Ultimately, work for the poor becomes unnecessary because they get these free things and only the rich will end up getting the quality goods because they're the ones working.
Who knew Obama was a warrior for the 1 percent? He argues about income inequality and what he is doing is he's creating a massive gap between people who can no longer work while bringing in cheap labor from other countries. This is -- this might be the worst thing you can do for the country.
GUILFOYLE: It's crippling to America. That's why people are upset.
BECKEL: The great free market develops great jobs.
GUTFELD: Yes, they can all be feminine bloggers.
BOLLING: Bob, people work fewer hours, in the aggregate of those hours work, a fewer hours worked means there are 2.3 million fewer 40 hour a week jobs. Can I make one quick point?
Nancy Pelosi told us, while they were signing, pushing this law down our throat, that the health care law was going to create 4 million jobs,
400,000 jobs immediately.
GUILFOYLE: Yes. He also said you have to read it to find out what was in it.
BOLLING: This is what happens. You go from create 4 million to lose 2.3 million and none are created.
GUILFOYLE: Because the media doesn't question their math or the ObamaCare policies or even read -- no, this is true. That's why we're sitting here.
We have been the only ones saying it. Now, everything is coming home.
PERINO: I think their spin over the last two days is what has made people more mad. People can deal with the facts. They get irritated about the spin.
And it also undercuts Obama's message on inequality because if -- hard work is rewarded. So, if it's a good thing that people get to make a choice to work less, then what about the people who have to work more and earn more because the only way you're going to improve your lot is if you work harder.
BECKEL: If that's the case, why isn't the median income in this country --
GUILFOYLE: But guess what, Bob? Your team, when you have a bad case, you can't make it, then you bring in these crazy little gimmicks. Take a look.
GUILFOYLE: Take a look at this video.
BECKEL: That's fine, I understand that. It's fine.
I just want to know why it is the freight free market has not created a damn great job for the middle class.
GUILFOYLE: The animal video. I'm begging you.
BOLLING: What are you saying?
BECKEL: That was happening back during Bush and Obama.
GUILFOYLE: Dios mio.
BECKEL: No, look at the median income.
GUILFOYLE: Is that what they call it, called for or begged for? I'm begging for this one.
BECKEL: Shawn, get that thing down.
(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)
BECKEL: Do you hear me?
GUILFOYLE: All right.
GUILFOYLE: Who let, you know, the inmates out of the asylum?
All right. So, what do you think of this video? Let's do a quick round.
You like a lot of animal weird things on your show --
GUTFELD: You know what this is? The animal is a symbolic gesture towards women that somehow this is what will get you into a system. This is -- this goes back to what we were talking about before. These people don't understand what real people do for a living. They think they're all feminist bloggers or going to law school and the cats, and the cats will get them their health care.
Human beings cannot leave productive lives without productivity. We're replacing our soul with slough. And this is garbage.
GUILFOYLE: All right. Well -- I mean, when you have to bring in the animals --
GUTFELD: It is garbage. You should admit this is bad.
BECKEL: It's bad.
PERINO: I don't know how effective this ad would be because I have watched it four times. Every time I look at it, I think it's for pet food.
BECKEL: What is it for?
PERINO: What is it for?
BOLLING: It's for ObamaCare.
BECKEL: Oh, my goodness.
BOLLING: It's about signing a heavy --
BECKEL: Shawn, you're dead.
BOLLING: No thoughts on it.
PERINO: Shawn can't save you. "The L.A. Times" can't save you.
BOLLING: Look, if Adam Levine can't sell ObamaCare, those cats and dogs aren't going to be able to do it.
GUILFOYLE: All right, there you go.
GUTFELD: Gone to the dogs.
GUILFOYLE: Next, want to pick up a pack of cigarettes with your prescription? Well, don't go to CVS because the nation's second largest drugstore chain is quitting tobacco cold turkey soon. Did the Obama administration play a role in that decision?
Plus, some lawmakers are trying to snuff out e-cigarettes on Capitol Hill, and Greg is fuming about it. He's going to tell you why, coming up.
GUTFELD: I don't know what to do with this.
So, what do Dick Durbin, Richard Blumenthal, Sherrod Brown, Ed Markey, Tom Harkin, Barbara Boxer, and Henry Waxman have in common? They're stupid.
I'm sure you knew that, but now it's conclusive. They want to ban e- cigarettes at the Capitol. Yes, they feel they're no different than regular smokes.
Notice how I said feel and not think. Yet they have no research to back this garbage up. They're concerned that others might be exposed to vapor, water vapor.
Yes, people who accused the right of being anti-science are terrified by a substance that's found in fog.
But I guess they should also ban nicotine gum, too, which like e-cigs, are nontobacco delivery systems that replace deadly smoking.
These morons claim it's all about promoting health, but they're too dumb to see that e-cigarettes are doing just that. I don't have a real smoke in months, thanks to e-cigs. Ban them, and people will smoke the real thing.
Maybe that's the point, Henry Waxman wants me dead.
Of course, their cowardly and profoundly infantile defense will always be about perceived danger. That way you don't have to come up with real facts. Hence our new villain is second-hand water vapor, mist.
I guess it's time to rethink teapots and saunas. Better not steam your pant suit, Ms. Boxer. Think of the children.
My advice: forget about second hand smoke or second hand vapor. Worry more about second hand stupidity, which these clowns spread with glee.
This drives me nuts.
GUILFOYLE: That was cheerful.
GUTFELD: No, this is it because they're not even waiting for science or anything.
GUTFELD: Even CVS, they're banning cigarettes, are getting rid of e- cigarettes. This is -- and they're comparing it to second-hand smoke.
This is just beyond stupid.
BECKEL: You know what's really beyond stupid is I have been on Capitol Hill for years and years and years. And every one of these hidden (ph) Senate office buildings are loaded with booze and they start drinking early.
BECKEL: Now, if they want to ban something, why don't you ban your overpriced taxpayer-paid booze and leave e-cigarettes alone? I mean, you know, not that all of you are drunks. A lot of you have some problems, but that's all right.
Just -- you know, just (INAUDIBLE) --
GUTFELD: There you go. This is an angry, angry show.
Eric, OK, CVS is going to stop selling cigarettes. It's going to cost them
$2 billion. Meanwhile, they have aisles filled with junk food. I think heart disease is just as bad.
BOLLING: And booze and they sell other stuff.
Here's the thing with CVS. You defer to the market. See what's going on.
CVS today got blasted. They were down 1 percent. Meanwhile, Walgreens their competitor, every corner has a CVS, the next corner is a Walgreens -- up 3 percent. And the other one, Rite-Aid, up 2.5 percent.
So, people realize it's a profit center. It's a lot of money, and not only can you buy your cigarettes at -- no longer at CVS but at Walgreens, you're going to buy everything else when you're going for cigarettes. Your candy bar, whatever.
BOLLING: Toothpaste, right, exactly.
GUILFOYLE: Your Doritos.
GUTFELD: You can't even find drugs in the drugstore. You can't find the drugs in the drug store. They have two floors now. You've got to go downstairs to find your medicated wipes. And that's wrong when you have issues.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, (INAUDIBLE).
BECKEL: You have to say, they made a decision to go to more medical care in CVS. They're bringing doctors in, they're doing more shots. And maybe it's a little disingenuous to have cigarettes sold. That may hurt --
BOLLING: What about e-cigarettes?
BECKEL: No, e-cigarettes are fine. I don't worry about that.
BECKEL: Well, that's their choice. You're the one who is a free marketer.
GUTFELD: Agreed, that's true.
BECKEL: This was inconsistent with their message.
GUTFELD: Dana, what about smoked meat, smoked salmon?
GUILFOYLE: Oh my God.
GUTFELD: Is that next?
PERINO: Oh, I hadn't thought of that.
GUTFELD: I know.
PERINO: This is one thing I thought of today.
GUTFELD: Oh, good.
PERINO: President Obama praised the CVS decision in a statement.
Obviously, they let them know, they got the pat on the back from the White House. But I just wonder, is this President Obama now saying that corporations are allowed to have values and express them? Because if that's the case, maybe corporations then don't have to provide contraceptive care to their employees through their insurance plans.
GUTFELD: Oh, that's a good point.
PERINO: And Supreme Court justices might want to think about that.
BECKEL: Corporations are people, too. Let's not forget.
GUTFELD: That's a good bumper sticker.
GUILFOYLE: Look at the hypocrisy.
GUTFELD: All right. Kimberly, we're told over and over again because we're not liberals, we're anti-science. We believe the earth is 6,000 years old and we believe Evolution is a crock.
PERINO: It's not?
GUTFELD: Isn't a fact that liberals don't care about real science because it gets in the way of politics?
GUILFOYLE: Is that a real question? I think we all know the answer to that one. That was a layup.
GUTFELD: That's a leading question.
GUILLFOYLE: It was a leading question. As a prosecutor, I like this.
Yes, of course, but it's just -- to me, the irony of it is just so striking and startling at the same time. Because they can just with one turn of the head talk out of the mouth here and support something they believe in and then use the exact argument against it if the right or the conservatives put it forward.
And to me, they just lose any kind of credibility. I just hope that the public sees through it. Now as for CVS, I think they should have the right to make any corporate decisions they want to and let the market correct or let them take it back and decide to sell them again if they want to. If somebody doesn't like it, then yes, go get your honey-do list at the Rite- Aid or the Duane Reade and not stop at the CVS.
PERINO: Why don't they try to ban nicotine gum then?
GUTFELD: That's yes, exactly.
PERINO: People who chew gum with their mouth open are way more annoying than people who smoke e-cigarettes.
GUTFELD: You can get second-hand chew from that.
BOLLING: Second-hand chew.
Where's the consistency? So, now, two states have legalized marijuana.
Twenty states have legalized it for medicinal use. D.C. wants to legalize marijuana now. But you're going to pull e-cigarettes and vapor, because that's more dangerous.
BECKEL: Are they going to pull off those tobaccos --
GUILFOYLE: Are they going to pull humidifiers next?
BECKEL: The patches, the nicotine patches you have on, did you ever sleep with someone with the patches on? They get stuck on you.
PERINO: You know the best way to use the patches to quit smoking? Use two and put them over each eye and that way you can't find your cigarettes.
BECKEL: There's an idea.
GUILFOYLE: Oh my God!
GUTFELD: That is like a "Reader's Digest" joke.
PERINO: I love those.
GUTFELD: That's like humor from the military.
PERINO: Those are the best jokes. That one came from Peter, of course.
GUTFELD: You felt a lot of them were pretty risque, didn't you?
PERINO: I loved the ones about the church bulletins.
GUTFELD: Yes, those truly were hilarious. Where is this going?
By the way I got to -- before I go, they're not just dumb, these politicians, they're dangerous, because this stuff, these e-cigs have the potential more than anything to reduce the number of deaths. Yes, because it feels like smoking. And what they are doing is they're increasing the likelihood of death because they're stupid. They're stupid people.
BECKEL: Has anyone died of an e-cigarette?
GUTFELD: A couple occasions where it might have exploded, but that's part of the excitement.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my.
GUTFELD: You love Fourth of July fireworks.
PERINO: It's smoking roulette.
GUTFELD: It's smoking roulette, ladies and gentlemen. Very good.
All right. Coming up, Stephen Colbert rain into Jesse Watters at a party.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
STEPHEN COLBERT, COMEDIAN: Why aren't you chasing me in my driveway? I'm disappointed that it's not my driveway. I'm not running away from you in my driveway. That's what I always dreamed of.
JESSE WATTERS: No question, no question.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Plus, is Clay Aiken running for Congress? God, I hope so.
And, is the worst band in the world also a bunch of cheating cheaters? All that and more when "The Five" returns.
GUILFOYLE: In the world?
GUTFELD: In the --
BOLLING: Welcome back, everybody.
Three seductive stories, seven speedy minutes, one sprightly host.
The fastest seven kicks off with our friend, Jesse Waters. Jesse caught up with Stephen Colbert at a Super Bowl party. Hilarity ensued. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS CORRESPONDENT: Colbert.
COLBERT: Hey, good to see you again. How are you?
WATTERS: O'Reilly has got a few questions for you.
COLBERT: Good, good, good. I didn't do it. I didn't -- I didn't touch them. I didn't tell -- I forgot -- I didn't mean to tell the kids all those terrible things at the college I teach at. Don't trap me in the elevator.
Whatever it is, O'Reilly is right and I didn't do it and I apologize. And, of course, I'll come on.
WATTERS: Are you hitting the party scene hard, Colbert?
COLBERT: You know me, you know me.
WATTERS: You're an animal.
COLBERT: I'm hitting the party scene all night long.
WATTERS: You just woke up.
COLBERT: I'm not even awake yet. I'm sleep walking right now.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: All right, K.G., kick it off.
GUILFOYLE: Can I tell you? He doesn't offend me at all, I mean Colbert.
GUILFOYLE: Jesse is just Jesse, you know, popped collar and all.
I like Colbert because he's funny and he's cool. He knows how to have fun and doesn't stick his nose up to FOX.
BOLLING: He tries us quite a bit though.
GUILFOYLE: You know what, though? But I think in a loving way. I think he --
BOLLING: In a loving way?
GUILFOYLE: I think he admires us. He knows we're the winners.
BOLLING: Go to the Web site and watch last night's show, see if he wasn't
-- he wasn't so loving. But he is funny.
GUILFOYLE: He's funny. I don't mind him.
GUTFELD: You know who I feel sorry for? Jesse Watters.
GUTFELD: So, Jesse Watters is sent to Howard Stern's 60th birthday party, and his whole thing is asking them what they think of Bill O'Reilly. I mean, come on. Let the guy -- it's like, how egotistical is that? Make sure you ask him if they like Bill O'Reilly. Stop.
PERINO: Just send flowers on somebody's 60th.
BOLLING: Quick thoughts on this one, D?
PERINO: You said hilarity ensued. I didn't think it was hilarity.
BOLLING: I have a low threshold for hilarity.
PERINO: Low T threshold.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my goodness. Oh, my gosh.
BOLLING: Hi T.
GUILFOYLE: I didn't make that kind of reference.
PERINO: You said a low threshold.
GUILFOYLE: Low T is testosterone.
BECKEL: Jesse said he loved Colbert. He thought he was very funny, and it was fine. But four or five other people, he really didn't like, including a certain female sportscaster --
GUILFOYLE: Erin Andrews.
BECKEL: for a network that broadcast --
BOLLING: I think Jesse is going to air all that on FOX News Nation if I'm not mistaken.
All right. "American Idol" runner-up Clay Aiken has an amazing singing voice. Clay Aiken was runner up in season five of "Celebrity Apprentice".
Now, Clay Aiken wants to run for Congress in North Carolina. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CLAY AIKEN, FORMER "AMERICAN IDOL" RUNNER UP: I'm a Democrat, but I do want to help bring back, at least to my corner of North Carolina, there idea somebody can go to Washington to represent all the people, whether they voted for you or not, and maybe we can play a small part in igniting that change across the rest of our country. This is why I'm running for Congress.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: OK, go ahead, D. Do you like this one? Do you like his chances?
PERINO: I think he's got great name ID, but I think runner-up is probably the position he will end up in when he runs in November.
GUILFOYLE: Well, he's the runner-up.
GUTFELD: Sneak into a sample home? I mean, really.
PERINO: There was no decorations.
GUTFELD: That's not his house.
PERINO: Oh, maybe it is.
GUTFELD: I don't know.
BOLLING: He does very well.
GUILFOYLE: But Congressman Aiken sounds good.
GUTFELD: It does. Aiken for Aiken. There you go. He's a self-centered prima donna with bad hair. That makes him a perfect candidate, but he's an example of who runs these days, people who don't know what to do next.
BOLLING: Did you just read his bumper sticker?
GUTFELD: Yes, Aiken for Aiken.
BECKEL: He's running in the eastern part of North Carolina, used to be heavily black. When the redistricting came, they take out all the blacks and moved them out to protect black members of Congress. He's running a district that's almost impossible for a Democrat to win.
And on top of that, I give him credit for saying he's gay, but I will tell you what they're going to do them, the Jessie Helms congressional club, they're absolutely going to destroy him.
BOLLING: Quick thought on Aiken.
GUTFELD: And the Democrats.
GUILFOYLE: I feel bad for him. I'm aching for bacon, not Aiken.
But the thing is, I don't know what his qualifications and experience are, but that seems not to matter very much, anyway, but God bless this country.
Let him go ahead and run. I think it's great and I think he's going to be the run-up, like Dana said --
PERINO: Nobody sang the national anthem at all his events. Save a lot of money.
BOLLING: Quickly, finally, you can imagine the excitement I experienced when it was announced the Red Hot Chili Peppers were joining Bruno Mars at Super Bowl XLVIII. I even Snapchatted that event live.
Now imagine the disappointment I experienced this morning when they admitted to miming their guitars during the performance. Crush.
Go ahead, Greg.
GUTFELD: I have to pay them a compliment because they didn't fake it.
They could have had the cables plugged in, and that would have given the illusion that it was real and no one would have known. But they knew they were pretending so that let that happen.
My bigger question was I don't think they were necessary. Bruno Mars did a great job. It's like adding an extra leg to Gisele Bundchen, you don't need it.
GUILFOYLE: Oh my God. How interesting, a human tripod.
GUTFELD: I thought about it.
BOLLING: Where you let down?
GUILFOYLE: What? I wasn't let down because I thought it was a very spirited halftime performance. Bruno mars was outstanding, and of course, I saw there were no cords. This is what I do in my house. They didn't call me to perform, though.
BECKEL: Is that Bruno Mars right there?
GUILFOYLE: With his clothes on.
BECKEL: I agree with Greg. Most of these days, whenever we hear about lip sync or they don't play their music, why doesn't somebody say it?
BOLLING: They did. They did. This morning, they did.
We're about to play the song, but we're not really going to play it.
BECKEL: We recorded the music and now we're going to sing the song.
PERINO: They were doing what all the Seahawk fans were doing, chanting the whole time without real guitars.
GUTFELD: They're in their 50s, and they dress like they're in German fat camp.
BOLLING: I can't even defend them anymore. I have nothing left.
All right. Next, a new development on the death of actor Philip Seymour Hoffman. Four people have been arrested in New York City who may be linked to the suspected overdose. Dana has the details coming up.
GUILFOYLE: I love Vanilla Ice.
PERINO: An autopsy conducted on actor Philip Seymour Hoffman came back inconclusive today in New York City. The medical examiner said more tests need to be done to determine the cause of death. The Oscar winner was found in his home on Sunday and may have overdosed on heroine. Four people were arrested overnight, reportedly in connection with Hoffman's death.
The three men and one woman have been charged with drug possession and haven't been arraigned yet.
Kimberly, I wanted to ask you about the autopsy. Does it matter, for the people who were arrested that might then be arraigned, does it matter what the autopsy report says when it comes to their court date?
GUILFOYLE: To their court date, no. But to the prosecutor trying to put the case together, you want to get something conclusive so that you can charge with specificity, then that can affect the bail amount, counts, amount of time, the whole deal, and it can also affect the type of representation they get if they are unable to afford to represent themselves.
However, these things can be added on, right, in the future. Make initial charges and then adjust them, adding or deleting depending on what other evidence comes out. But they moved quickly, and shows that other people are cooperating. There are probably a lot of people looking at narcotic offenses. They're very willing to give up information and tie this case together for them to get a lesser charge or something if they're looking at it themselves.
PERINO: So, Bob, they arrests four people that maybe, alleged, involved in selling of drugs. Aren't there just four more drug dealers behind them?
BECKEL: Yes, sure, but the United States now have prosecuted and sent to prison drug dealers for homicide. New York is a state that does not do that, but if they found out that this was not a hot shot, this was not Fentanyl in this drug.
But Greg some something interesting yesterday. This guy had gotten off heroin, and he had gotten himself, you know, relatively clean for a while.
He went back in and started snorting heroin, which is a whole different deal. Then he started to hit it.
When you've got 50 empty bags around, I guarantee that the guy -- there will be a direct connection between the drugs and why he died when the final autopsy comes out.
BOLLING: You think?
BECKEL: That's the way you can prosecute these guys.
GUILFOYLE: They're also waiting for toxicology reports.
BOLLIGN: Dana is 100 percent -- it's not four who are in line. There's
4,000 who are in line waiting to sell guys like that with a lot of money 70 bags of heroin.
I mean, the guy overdosed. He's a great actor but a dope ball. Let's call it what it is.
You know, you're going to go after them for murder. Go after them for the law they broke, which is distribution --
BECKEL: Unless they knowingly are selling a drug that has been proven to kill people.
GUILFOYLE: Here's the deal --
BECKEL: It could be others.
GUILFOYLE: Wait a second, it's one thing you don't prosecutor for personal possession of marijuana, but people who are known drug dealers trafficking in large amounts of heroin, I don't give them a pass.
PERINO: Let me ask Greg --
GUILFOYLE: It doesn't matter. Philip Seymour Hoffman or Betty Sue who overdosed, it all should matter, is my point.
PERINO: Legalization of drugs not just marijuana, the answer?
GUTFELD: I think so, but I think the cause of death here is pleasure. And the lesson here for drug couriers is don't sell to a famous actor because his death is way more important than everybody else's.
Sell to obscure losers. Don't sell to white rich guys because the cops will come and get you. I don't think it's the pushers' fault any more than a bartender is for serving booze.
Essentially, what a pusher is, is a rogue bartender. Some of them are scum bags. Others are business men who sell something that people want but can't get because the drugs are illegal.
Life is hard. People look for drugs. If you legalize it, it may be easier to get a drug you could control and therefore not die.
BECKEL: You know, the interesting thing is marijuana and heroin are both considered equally as class one drugs, and I think (INAUDIBLE) making marijuana and heroin -- and heroin is making a comeback in big ways.
GUTFELD: It's never gone away, though.
BECKEL: It's never gone away but it's coming back.
GUILFOYLE: It's very prevalent right now, a lot of deaths.
BECKEL: And we've been intercepting as much cocaine as we can. In the meantime, heroin is coming in.
GUILFOYLE: Bob, you were right. Bob said something very important, he obviously read his packet and did his research and I'm impressed by that, Bob. For real, I'm serious, because New York doesn't criminalize it -- I'm the dealer, I sell to you, I die and then I'm prosecuted under a specific statute, it doesn't work like that --
GUTFELD: And the thing is -- the user knows there's a risk. He could die.
He accepts that risk. He also accepts that he's risking the future of his family when he takes drugs, when he leaves family behind. That's a risk he assumes. The dealer is providing a service under a society that makes that service illegal.
BOLLING: Have there been any prosecutions of a bartender -- I know there's a rule.
GUTFELD: You can sue bartenders, right?
BOLLING: Bartenders serving somebody?
GUILFOYLE: It's much easier to show criminal specific intent.
GUTFELD: But can't you -- if you get drunk and you hit somebody, you are the one who was drinking. The bartender can't be paying attention to every person.
GUILFOYLE: That's personal responsibility.
BECKEL: They cal this a brain disease. It's not a brain disease. It's a pleasure seeking disease. And that's what -- I mean, he could have gotten off if he wanted to.
GUTFELD: Life is a pleasure seeking disease, actually.
BECKEL: I subscribe to it.
PERINO: So is "The Five".
All right. Ahead, the Winter Olympics are just two days away. But is Russia ready to host the games?
We're going to show you some of the pictures reporters have been sending back from Sochi, and they aren't pretty. That's next.
GUILFOYLE: Not the toilet.
BECKEL: We're just two days away from the opening ceremonies in Sochi. And amazingly, the site of the 2014 Winter Olympics is still a work in progress. Journalists have been some of the first on the ground, and what they have seen is disturbing and comical.
Want to take a shower? Yes, good luck. The water looks like beer.
Want to use the bathroom? Yes, there you go. OK. I hope you don't need to use the toilet paper because they advise against flushing it.
Now, this Olympics cost $51 billion, the most expensive Olympics so far. And nothing is -- six -- three of the hotels for journalists are not ready to move into. And you know what their biggest loss out there is?
Shower curtains. If you had a concession on shower curtains, you could make a fortune.
Russia was not ready for this, were they?
BOLLING: Well, it's amazing they're not ready for it. I mean, they've been talking about it for a long time. This is like Putin's worst nightmare right now.
GUILFOYLE: People are going to be executed.
BOLLING: Right? Actually, I did hear that doorknobs were in huge demand. They were trading light bulbs for doorknobs. The bottom line is, America can do this type of venue right.
BECKEL: Some reporter had to jump out of the second-story window so he could get out. The door was jammed and locked on him.
GUILFOYLE: But this is what I'm saying. Why does it have to be so politically correct? Why don't they just go, "You know what? Sochi is going to suck. Don't put the Olympics there. Put it someplace that can handle it, from a security perspective; they can accommodate all these people, have some toilet paper, have some handles..."
PERINO: Have good snow.
GUILFOYLE: ... have some, you know, shower curtains, all things you can get at CVS.
BECKEL: You know, you have to sit next to each other on the toilet seats, too, you know. There's no position (ph) between the two.
GUILFOYLE: You actually have a weird look on your face like you like that. It really freaked me out. The way you looked at me, that was really gross.
BECKEL: No, no. I did that in the Peace Corps. In the Peace Corps we did this. It was disgusting.
Greg, what do you think?
GUTFELD: It is ironic that the Iron Curtain has no shower curtain.
But that's a throw-back to 1991, '92.
PERINO: We remember.
GUTFELD: Anyway, I kind of feel bad for Russia because, A, I'm married to a Russian, and B, are there any journalists over 50 over there who can slap around these young guys and tell them to stop being babies?
Grow up, you're at the Olympics. Enjoy it; write some stories.
But Russia is like your big, rough ex-con of a brother who's trying to evolve, and they're about 25 years behind us. You've got to, like -- I kind of feel bad for them because they're actually trying. They're still homophobic. They still, like, deny -- they still are just kind of jerks.
PERINO: They still throw journalists out of windows and things like that.
GUTFELD: Yes, they still -- they're roughnecks but maybe in 25 years they'll be there. But we've got to give them some time.
BECKEL: Is your wife watching today?
GUTFELD: No, she doesn't watch "The Five."
BECKEL: She doesn't? Well, I'm sure you're going to pass this on, how much you defended her homeland. Yes, OK. We've still got a little time here, because I've got?
PERINO: I haven't said anything yet.
BECKEL: You haven't said anything? Are you kidding? We didn't go to our sports expert. Dana, please.
PERINO: I just wanted to say that we looked up the two other cities that were in the finals when they chose Russia, and it was -- two other countries. Austria and South Korea. South Korea does have the Olympics in 2018. I so think Austria would have been a better choice.
I do -- I believe at the time that the hope was that Russia was getting to a point where we wanted to continue to encourage the openness that supposedly Putin was putting into place with Medvedev. But what the journalists are getting now is the real Russian experience. But they were never going to get the accommodations that a Salt Lake City or a Vancouver could provide.
BOLLING: You know why? There is so much corruption in Russia still.
I mean, all the way up and down the line.
BECKEL: The billions that Putin got, you know, and how much the toilet paper cost.
GUILFOYLE: Say it in a nice way.
BECKEL: All right.
GUILFOYLE: Say it in a nice way. Say it in a nice way.
BECKEL: "One More Thing" is up next.
GUILFOYLE: Hi, there. Time now for "One More Thing." I saw that yawn, Dana. I caught her.
All right. So let's get a little party. A little party in your pocket.
GUILFOYLE: I don't know.
GUTFELD: I don't know.
GUILFOYLE: The Seattle Seahawks...
BECKEL: Party in your pocket?
GUILFOYLE: Maybe that's just you.
BECKEL: Pool (ph), maybe. Pool (ph).
GUILFOYLE: Take a look at the parade today. The Seattle Seahawks enjoying the taste of victory.
And if there's anything we know from the West Coast is that the Seahawks fans are loud. They like to express themselves, and you had people coming from all over. Some of them from, like, 1,400 miles away to share their jubilation in what really was just a tremendous game by the Seahawks.
BECKEL: What happened to San Francisco?
GUILFOYLE: Don't even talk to me about that. I'm in mourning, still, back-to-back years.
OK. So up next, Bolling.
BOLLING: All right. Very interesting. Tomorrow night, Jay Leno hands over the torch to Jimmy Fallon on "The Tonight Show." So this media group did the analysis of all 44,000 jokes that were delivered over the course of "The Tonight Show." Take a listen, and I'll tell you about what they came up with. Watch this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JAY LENO, HOST, NBC'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO": Bill Clinton and I really have a lot in common. He was elected in '92. I started in '92. I smile when I sit behind my desk. He really smiles when he sits behind his desk.
Laura Bush talked about how her husband, former president Bush, is spending his free time. Take a look.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: How is President Bush doing. Is he proud to be out of the spotlight?
LAURA BUSH, FORMER FIRST LADY: He's doing very well. He's riding his mountain bike a lot. He likes that.
LENO: A couple weeks ago, President Obama called me and told me personally if I like my current job, I can keep my current job. Well -- and I believed him. Yes, I believed him.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: All right, so it turns out Jay delivered 4,607 jokes aimed at Clinton, 3,239 at George W. Bush, and only 1,011 to President Obama.
GUILFOYLE: But he was one of the only people making jokes about Obama.
GUTFELD: After he found out he was leaving.
GUILFOYLE: And his ratings went up.
BOLLING: I'm not being judgmental of Jay.
GUILFOYLE: I love Jay Leno. Love you, Jay. You're funny. Someone should hire you. You have lot to offer.
PERINO: Am I next? OK, I got a lovely little note from Cheryl Hall of Centennial, Colorado. And she even sent a homemade card, like with the aspen leaves on it, which I love, but the gift is something I just wanted to re-gift to Greg, because it is a book called "I'd Rather be Short." And it tells you all the reasons in graphics why you would want to be short.
Like, you can stand in an airplane under the storage units and you
don't even have to slouch.
GUTFELD: Sometimes you can sleep in them.
PERINO: And the food portions look bigger, and that you're never expected to do chores...
GUTFELD: Everything. Everything looks bigger.
PERINO: ... like changing a light bulb. So I just wanted to give that to you for a little self-help.
GUTFELD: Why, thank you. See how big the book looks?
GUILFOYLE: Look at Bob's face.
GUTFELD: All right.
GUILFOYLE: Can you get a picture of the pout? He's pouting. Bob, not you. OK, fine. It's your turn.
GUTFELD: Today is "Red Eye's" seventh birthday. And our strongest ever January. This January, we had one of our biggest months. We beat every CNN show in total viewers. We're at 3 a.m., and we beat every CNN show in total viewers. The closest CNN show in the demo trailed us by 58,000.
GUILFOYLE: And that was...
GUTFELD: I think it's because of the great programming we have.
Here's a clip from a recent "Red Eye."
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: That is really weird.
BECKEL: It's genius.
GUILFOYLE: What is he doing? Sniffing?
GUTFELD: Does it matter what they're doing, Kimberly? Does it matter?
GUILFOYLE: That looks really weird.
BOLLING: You're saying two goats can beat CNN?
GUTFELD: Yes.Two goats and a dog.
BECKEL: I want to thank, in his death now, a gentleman you probably have never heard of, Russell Hemingway, who was a leader in the liberal movement. And he took over the National Committee for an Effective Congress, which was started by Eleanor Roosevelt.
He was the one who brought targeting into political campaigns. He did a fantastic job, and he brought me into political -- liberal politics, and I will miss him very much. He was a great mentor, and I'll see you.
GUILFOYLE: All right. Never miss an episode of "The Five."
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