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President Barack Obama: These kinds of things keep on surfacing, in part because you and your TV station will promote them.
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You know, if I were a thin-skinned person, I might start getting angry now.
If I were particularly paranoid, I might be thinking, "What does he mean by that now?"
If I were overly sensitive, I might be saying, "Enough is enough, now."
But I'm not sensitive. And I'm not paranoid. And look at me? Do I look remotely thin-skinned anything?
Of course not.
So it's a good thing I have a stiff upper lip and I'm not reaching for a stiff drink.
Because if this were a drinking game and I took a shot every time the president took a shot at Fox.
I'd be, A) drunk out of my mind.
And, B) delirious with power.
I'd also be getting really cocky.
I might start thinking I can single-handedly control a major healthcare law's fate.
That I can personally call all my CEO friends and tell them to junk their health plans.
Or force millions of Americans out of their coverage because of the added costs of those plans.
Why, I might start bragging I'm behind all these enrollment snafus.
And taking credit for personally hacking the system. Not the hacks who actually made the system.
I might start insisting, I warned on this very show years ago that if you like your doctor, that doesn't mean you can keep your doctor.
That if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
Never mind I actually did say that. Would the president ever admit that?
After all, that would assume I knew math. And the president did not.
Because he's the president. And I am not.
Who would be so arrogant?
But if I were so arrogant.
Why would I stop there?
Why wouldn't I take a bow for an IRS that deliberately targeted conservatives?
Rather than simply blame some bone-headed bureaucrats who had no agenda to go after conservatives.
Here all this time, I thought I was just reading a prompter for a living.
Who knew I wielded such power?
Enough power to make a big deal out of four Americans killed in Benghazi. And not let the President of the United States get away with never explaining what the hell happened in Benghazi?
Who knew yours truly, was truly a super hero?
Well, all of you knew that all along.
The president just confirmed it.
And now, well, now, I guess I must admit it.
This unassuming, chunky, anchor is the lynchpin for all that ails the most powerful man on earth.
Because the most powerful man on earth himself just said so.
And right after this show I'm marching up to my boss' office and letting him know it. And have it!
Because apparently I don't only report the news. I make the news. I am the news! It's like I leverage myself!
So boss, before you say, "With your bad self," get this through your executive skull.
I'm the financial factor.
Don't believe me?
Take it from the President of the United States.
Who's apparently in the mess he's in because of me.
So, here's what I'm thinking, boss.
All the chicken wings I want for life.
On my desk on my FBN set tonight.
You've got a few hours.
Get the deep fryer and get frying on that.