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UN climate chief says communism is tops at fighting global warming

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," January 17, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Hey, hello, everyone. I'm Greg Gutfeld, along with Andrea Tantaros, Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling, and she once shot a butterfly for snoring, it's Dana Perino.

This is "The Five."

(MUSIC)

GUTFELD: The U.N. could be the worst thing ever to contain the letters "U" and "N" since untreated rabies.

Case in point, their climate chief says communism is tops at fighting global warming. Christiana Figueres claims that America's political differences prevents passing laws to fight rising temperatures. While in commie China, "They actually want to breathe air that they don't have to look at. They're not doing this because they want to save the planet.
They're doing it because it's in their national interest."

Translation, to get what we want, we need a dictator because then we can murder the dissenters.

It's the same logic behind left-wing fantasies here and abroad. A dictator Obama could take our guns and make us watch PBS. Why not? So, never mind that in China, the smog is thicker than Michael Moore's thighs, for with the U.N., evidence is a drag and so is history.

Communism slayed in the 20th century over a hundred million dead, 65 million in China alone. They're the McDonald's of massacre.

But I get it. Think of how much less carbon is emitted when the emitters are reduced to crushed bone. Using this logic, not all killers are environmental heroes. Genghis Khan becomes a tree hugger, and Hitler wrote the first "Inconvenient Truth" called "Mein Kampf." Perhaps Ted Bundy was killing locally but thinking globally.

But look, the desire for someone or something to take over and fix things, even if millions die, is not new. It's the nature of the left. If you wish to remake, you first must undo, which spells doom for me and for you.

ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: That rhymes.

GUTFELD: I know, Andrea. I thought, hey, let's end on a rhyme because on Fridays, rhyming is fun. This is -- it's rhyming Friday. It is rhyming Friday.

Since I've -- let's go to you first.

TANTAROS: OK.

GUTFELD: What do you make of the U.N.'s suggestion, kind of revolutionary, don't you think?

TANTAROS: Yes. So many people would love to live in China where they control how many kids you have.

But this is about control. If you could control people's lives, then you win, at least in the mind of a liberal. It's the same argument, too, and I laugh at it, when they come out and they say, you know, fat people, if they would just all go away, if they would just die, we could fix the climate change issue.

So then climate change, I guess, in their mind, if you're an anorexic, then you're also an environmental hero because you're not eating food, so no truck has to travel with the food you can digest and blow a hole in the ozone.

MIT's Richard Lindzen, he's making a lot of headlines. He's this famous professor, he needs to get a food taster for what he's saying out in public. He studied at Harvard. He studied at a lot of other schools.

And he came out recently said and, you know what, there's just not a lot to this catastrophic argument that they're making, and if you look, he says, this is all about money. All the funding for this comes from the government. So they're doing this to keep their funding sources alive.

And he is an expert. I mean, he spent his entire career studying climate change.

GUTFELD: Yes.

Bob, here's the thing -- the debate is not between us. It's not over if man has an impact on the temperature. I happen to think it -- they do, and you do, too, but the problem is with the exaggeration and the inaccuracies in predictive models.

Is that what leads to this kind of conclusion, let's go to communist China? Is that the issue?

BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Well, I mean, the communist China thing is ridiculous. I mean, we just watched an Olympics over there where they had to clear the streets off for about four weeks and clear the smog out of the streets. So -- and China has a terrible, terrible reputation on environmental issues.

And -- I mean, you know, we have some problems ourselves, but nothing compared to that. But having said that, so we don't get into a big argument here, NASA released their -- redid their report which we had this debate about --

GUTFELD: Right.

BECKEL: -- where 97 percent of climate scientists agree that the temperature is rising.

Now, Eric, you can sit there and laugh, but you and a bunch of people
--

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Flat earthers.

(LAUGHTER)

BECKEL: No, I won't say flat earthers. I was going to try to be nice. But when you talk about NASA, the American Medical Association, you go through this list of people who actually believe this is true and it's the highest temperatures since temperatures have been recorded, you've got to say something is going on, don't you?

GUTFELD: It's not the highest --

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: Well, 130 years ago, temperatures have increased 1.4 percent.

BOLLING: How old is the earth?

BECKEL: How old is the earth? I was here at the beginning of it.

BOLLING: Hundreds of years, thousands of years, or millions of years?

BECKEL: Probably millions.

BOLLING: Right. So, you're going to go on a study that shows a minuscule increase in temperature over 130 years, which, by the way, has gone up and it's going down, and right now, this snapshot in time --

BECKEL: Not minuscule.

BOLLING: It's not 1.4 percent.

BECKEL: I tried to do my research.

BOLLING: It's less than 1 degree is what it is, over 100-some years.

BECKEL: Yes, 1.4 degrees.

GUTFELD: Yes, go ahead.

BOLLING: Communist China is ridiculous. Bob is right. Beijing Olympics, it was like four or five months prior to the Olympics that people were not lowed to drive a car around the city of Beijing because of the smog problem.

It's also the reason the U.S. doesn't get involved in things like the Kyoto Protocol, cap and trade, because China, the biggest polluters, the biggest emitters on the planet, won't play ball. If we're going to go ahead and cut our pollution and force our businesses like coal-fire power plants, which Obama wants to bankrupt, if we want to go ahead and put onerous regulations on them, and China is going to emit whatever the hell they want, it's one globe.

As I said before, pollution is fungible like money is fungible. If they're polluting in China, we're going to breathe it in Cleveland.

BECKEL: So, what are you saying -- if they're polluting in China, we should pollute here?

BOLLING: No. I'm saying, why should we be the only ones who adhere to put onerous regulations on our businesses so it costs us more to do business and to power our homes and plans when they're not doing it.

BECKEL: We're the biggest economy in the world and I think it probably makes sense for us to take the lead on this, don't you think?

BOLLING: No, I think the biggest polluter in the world, which is China, they should, too.

BECKEL: Well, I agree with you, but you can't force them to do it.

GUTFELD: Dana, President Obama says the climate is warming faster than ever, which is what Bob just said. It's a huge lie. Climate change predictions have been wildly exaggerated.

I want to show you this shot of an EPA administrator who can't say what is going on, interviewed by Jeff Sessions, I believe is his name.
Thank you, somebody said yes. That's his name.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SEN. JEFF SESSIONS (R), ALABAMA: It hasn't increased faster than predicted or not?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don't know what the Senate is -- I mean, the president's context was for making that. I do know that --

SESSIONS: Whether you believe the temperature has increased faster than predicted?

Do I not have the right to ask the director of EPA a simple question that is relevant to the dispute before us? Is the temperature around the globe increasing faster than was predicted, even 10 years ago?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I can't answer that question.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: The issue here is that nobody can really answer this question, Dana?

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Nobody can answer that question, but they all know the answer. OK?

GUTFELD: Right, yes.

PERINO: So the answer is, client change, yes. Global warming, yes.
More money for it, yes.

Actually, the answer to climate change or any other energy issue is not communism. It is the private sector and capitalism because the only way to grow yourself out of this is to have a lot of economic growth where you have companies or governments that have enough money in their treasury to be able to pay and fund for new projects will actually be scalable, they will actually work so that you could replace coal and oil.

You can't actually do that now, but the best thing is actually to get America back to work, so we have more money in our own pockets so the companies can invest appropriate.

BECKEL: Well, it took the government, you know, to get clean air and clean water, to get the corporations to clean up their act. If we leave it up to the free enterprise system --

TANTAROS: Who created the EPA?

BECKEL: It was Richard Nixon. Leaving that aside --

TANTAROS: I thought he was evil.

BECKEL: If he didn't pass the Clean Water and Clean Air Act, which, by the way, every -- well, never mind, I won't get into how Republicans are attacking that, because all it's going to do is get another big argument.

But the fact of the matter is anybody who denies that this country has polluted and is taking massive steps to correct a lot of that and that we have coal-fire plants that are good for us when they're polluting the atmosphere.

PERINO: Coal-fired power plants have done an amazing job of getting new technologies in there to scrub out as much as they possibly can. It's not entirely risk-free, but they have done a ton. Not just because of the government telling them to do so, but it makes good business for them.

So, again, I go back to the private sector is better answer than communism.

BECKEL: Well, what we ought to have is nuclear power. That would be the best we can do.

TANTAROS: Could I just make a point about Gina McCarthy, the woman that we just saw? She was at a hearing in November and was asked about the Keystone pipeline and gave a similar answer to the one that she just gave.

GUTFELD: Right.

TANTAROS: She was hammered, why is this bad for the environment? And she couldn't answer it. In fact, she sounded more like an advocate for the Keystone Pipeline, and this is Obama's own person at the EPA, short on answers on why we shouldn't develop our own oil right here at home.

BECKEL: Does anybody know how much oil that Keystone -- I'm not arguing here.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: Seven hundred thousand barrels a day.

BECKEL: A day, per day?

BOLLING: Yes, anybody -- I'm sorry, Dana. But part of the problem, Keith Ellison, Representative Ellison was on the other network this morning. I was listening to him, and they were talking about other things, and Ellison said oh, definitely not the Keystone Pipeline.

And I'm waiting, one of those idiots to say, well, why not? Just ask the question, and no one could do it because there's no answer. There's no
-- he's talking about creating jobs. He said definitely not with the Keystone. Just why?

PERINO: Also for safety. Because earlier this week, there was a big report and a lot of news articles about the hazards of moving all this energy by rail.

GUTFELD: Right.

PERINO: If you had Keystone Pipeline, it's a safer way to do that.
But that doesn't enter into their --

BECKEL: Well, you've still got to move by rail, though, right?

PERINO: Not as far.

BECKEL: OK.

GUTFELD: I have a feeling that this topic is now over.

PERINO: Dead.

GUTFELD: When we start to talk about how oil is moved --

BECKEL: Why did you pick this topic, by the way?

GUTFELD: I didn't. They told me to do it.

No, they didn't.

Anyway, I love climate change.

Next on "The Five", the most awkward "Today" show moment since Matt Lauer ate that squirrel. Remember that? We'll show you what happened when reality ice queen Kate Gosselin sat down with an interview with her twins -
- those were her children. It did not go well.

Plus, feisty former First Lady Barbara Bush does not hold back. When asked about whether she'd like to have another one of her sons in the White House, her answer when "The Five" returns.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BOLLING: Welcome back, everybody.

Because you demanded it, the fastest seven minutes in news, cable, or otherwise. Three exceptional stories --

TANTAROS: Who demanded?

GUTFELD: Nobody demanded it.

BOLLING: -- expeditious seven minutes, one ecstatic host.

First up, Kate of the "Jon & Kate Plus Eight" fame, Kate Gosselin appeared on "Today" show touting her great relationship with her kids.
Somebody should have told the kids the topic before they were live on TV, awkward.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You're out because you want to let the world that you're doing OK. Maddy, what would you want to say about how you and your sister and your family are doing?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Uum --

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Maddy? Your words?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It's hard. It's a hard question.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: What about you, Cara?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: So this is their chance to talk. This is the most wordless I have heard them all morning.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don't want to speak for them, but, Maddy, go ahead. Sort of the things you said in the magazine that years later, they're good. They're fine. Go for it.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You just said it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BOLLING: Cringe-worthy.

Bring it around the table, Greg, your thoughts?

GUTFELD: That is an animosity sandwich. She was the meat in the animosity sandwich.

What's wrong with obscurity? Go get a normal life. These kids, they're going to turn, in ten years, they're going to be so bad. Give them a normal life. Gosh.

BOLLING: You can imagine, OK, come on. We're going to do the "Today"
show. The first thing they ask, how is your relationship with your mom?
Now, what?

(LAUGHTER)

PERINO: It's almost as if they were being polite. They didn't want to say anything bad. They knew enough not to say, well, actually, things suck.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BECKEL: I tell you, Perino, you are really stinking this down in the gutter. You got to reverse yourself here.

PERINO: I didn't mean it. I was quoting. I was quoting.

BECKEL: No, no, you have gone way down in the gutter. You're down there in my area. Well, not quite.

BOLLING: You want to weigh in on that awkward moment?

BECKEL: I didn't follow the story about who the people are, but I will say this -- it looks like two kids who got together before they went out there and said, we're going to screw mom.

BOLLING: Perhaps, perhaps.

Ands, thoughts?

TANTAROS: I feel sorry for the girls. Their silence was deafening.

PERINO: Yes.

TANTAROS: You know that they have friction with their mother.
They're probably going to grow up and hate their mother.

She seems really difficult, too. She does. I mean, these little girls didn't ask for it. Neither did the other kids she has, and they just thrust them into the limelight, and you know that things aren't good between Kate and Jon, their dad.

So they're put on the "Today" show for what? More money? And they're just -- I think they're sick of it.

BECKEL: Did you hear what the old man said, by the way?

BOLLING: Can we do this? This is the (INAUDIBLE).

BECKEL: Yes.

BOLLING: Next up, if I had a son, he would look like -- never mind, but if Barack Obama had a son, he would definitely sound like this guy.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How is it going?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Fantastic, how about you?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Good, good. What's going on?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Doing great.

People have to tell you who you remind them of?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. I hear that every now and then, but go ahead.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's got to be our president.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, goodness. Let me be clear.

(LAUGHTER)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, you have to understand. That we live in a nation that is completely torn and we must stand together as one nation.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's phenomenal.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: A little something.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's so great. You won me over already.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BOLLING: That's a great moment.

Ands, your thoughts on that one?

TANTAROS: A little deeper, and he would have sounded just --

BOLLING: He did sound like him, didn't he?

TANTAROS: When he said, let me be clear, he did. But if I were Lorne Michaels over at "SNL", I would bring him in right away for an audition.

BOLLING: He does a better Obama than --

TANTAROS: He does.

BECKEL: It's funny. There's very few people can do Obama.

PERINO: There's few people who are willing to take the risk to do Obama because they are afraid of being ridiculed.

BECKEL: A lot of people did George Bush.

PERINO: Yes, because they're not afraid of being ridiculed because he
knew how to laugh at himself. Remember when he got on stage and did --
who was that?

GUTFELD: Will Ferrell?

PERINO: Will Ferrell. Yes, it was Will Ferrell and the president, they did the dual thing. Remember that?

TANTAROS: Plus, I think they like him so much, they don't think he does anything worth criticizing or making fun of.

GUTFELD: The point of every impersonation of him is never insulting.
There's never any mockery of his beliefs, his ideology. It's his mannerism.

Whether it was Reagan or Bush, they attacked his person. They attacked who he was.

PERINO: Because they thought he was stupid.

GUTFELD: Right.

PERINO: So, then you can make fun of somebody if you want to make -- if you want to say they're not as smart as the left would like him to be, then that's where the ridicule comes in.

BECKEL: I think Obama has had a pretty tough time on the late night shows.

PERINO: No.

TANTAROS: Come on.

BECKEL: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: Making jokes about, but that's standard.

BECKEL: The ObamaCare thing has been brutal. How do you --

TANTAROS: As it should be.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: All right. How about this one? Finally, mother knows best.
Former first lady and first mom Barbara Bush has some sage advice for political families like the Bushes, Clintons, and Kennedys.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BARBARA BUSH, FORMER FIRST LADY: I think this is a great American country, great country. And if we can't find more than two or three families to run for high office, that's silly. There are a lot of ways to serve, and being president is not the only one. And I would hope that someone else would run. Although there's no question in my mind that Jeb is the best qualified person to run for president.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BOLLING: Like a mom, she got that in there.

D, your thoughts in this?

PERINO: First, she looks amazing. I heard she's doing great.
There's a reason that families end up -- have this expectation of service, and I think what she was saying there is that there's a lot of different ways to serve. If you look at Neal Bush, Marvin Bush, Jenna and Barbara Bush, George P., they're not necessarily going to run for president, but I had to throw that in there.

BOLLING: There's a lot of them.

PERINO: But -- there are a lot of them, and when she said he was the most qualified, I think that is probably true on the Republican side with experience.

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: First of all, I think when she came back and said Jeb was the most qualified, she stepped on her own line about that, but I'm sure she does think he is the most qualified. But this is not the first time -- go back to the Adams, go back to the Roosevelts. I mean, there have been families who seems to dominate American politics for a long time and I suspect they will.

I suspect Jeb Bush is going to run.

PERINO: I don't think so.

GUTFELD: She makes a great point. A population of 310 million, 315 million, we can find another family. We've got Kardashians. We've got Baldwins. We've got Perinos.

Please, find a winner. Find a winner. Channel Al Davis.

PERINO: We have a winner.

GUTFELD: Winners.

BOLLING: We have Doocys right here.

Ands?

TANTAROS: I tend to agree with what Greg said. I do think the public looks at it and goes, really, Bush versus Clinton again? Although I will say, that was a really nice quote from a mom. Don't you think?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TANTAROS: I mean, she has to endure watching her sons get ridiculed like we were talking about, it's not easy. She knows that. She was a first lady herself, but then she doesn't want to undercut her son by saying he was the most qualified.

I thought that was a perfect quote coming from a mom.

PERINO: Did you see Jeb's response on Twitter? He wrote, "What day is Mother's Day this year? Asking for a friend." I thought that was cute.

GUTFELD: You're wearing the same shirt.

PERINO: I try to be like her.

BECKEL: If Barack Obama's mother was still alive, you don't think -- and watching the show, how do you think she'd feel?

BOLLING: You know, he makes a very good point.

PERINO: What?

BOLLING: Are the Obamas --

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: Will President -- will the Obamas be the next big political family? We have heard Michelle may have some interest in running for an elected office.

PERINO: I don't think Michelle Obama has any interest at all in running.

TANTAROS: I don't think so.

So, what's your point about what would his mom say?

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: His mother -- you said, the cringe that Barbara Bush had to put up with the attacks on George Bush. I was just saying, if Mrs. Obama, I think that was her name, was alive and watching this show, you think she wouldn't cringe?

BOLLING: I don't know.

PERINO: Right, because her son was being ridiculed.

BECKEL: Ridiculed.

PERINO: Yes.

BOLLING: All right. We're going to leave it all.

Coming up, a patriotic goalie for Team USA is forced to remove the Constitution from her custom-made hockey mask before she heads to Russia.
We the people on "The Five" have something to say about that Olympic fail next. I wasn't sure, Sochi (ph) or Sochi, let me know.

BECKEL: Sushi.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

TANTAROS: Well, the Olympic Games give athletes from around the world to proudly represent their country. Team USA women's hockey goalie Jessie Vetter was so proud to represent America at Sochi, she just had a custom mask made to wear when she's there.

Now, it features a picture of the U.S. Constitution of it, but the patriam (ph) police on the International Olympic Committee say it has to go and they're forcing Vetter to paint over it, citing IOC guidelines.

Greg, this isn't the entire Constitution. It just says we the people on the mask. What's the big deal?

GUTFELD: Did Todd Starnes (ph) create this story? This is like the ultimate FOX News outrage.

BOLLING: The war on the Constitution.

GUTFELD: The war on the Constitution. It's a combination of the hockey, patriotism, and women. I don't know.

If I had an Olympic helmet, it would say I brake for unicorns. If they made me take it off, I would, because you're not supposed to put stuff on helmets.

However, I will say this, what if it was an Islamic sign? What if it was a sign of rainbow for tolerance? I don't know if they would have acted the same.

TANTAROS: We should try it. We should try and do something, and create another FOX News story of outrage.

Dana Perino, the IOC says this is, quote, "propaganda," corroding the United States over other countries. Isn't that the point of the Olympics, though?

PERINO: I was trying to think of how that's different from what they have on the uniforms. They have a flag on their uniform. Every country has some sort of representation of their country on the uniform.

But I get the rules. That's fine. I understand that politics and self-expression at the Olympics go hand in hand. But one of the best ways to have influence if they really want to is to win. If you win, you get more attention and you can go on "Today" and all those other stuff, and get more exposure for whatever your views are.

TANTAROS: Yes, she can dress up like a Founding Father at the ceremony while she's accepting her gold medal and have the scroll of the Constitution.

GUTFELD: She should do that while she's actually engaged in the sport.

TANTAROS: That would be amazing if she could win in costume.

Eric Bolling, it looks like this isn't the fist time. Four years ago, goalies Ryan Miller and Jonathan Quick, they had to change their masks, and also, it said Miller time on their masks. And quick had to drop the words "support our troops" before. So this has happened before.

BOLLING: They're very specific. They can have their flag, they have some representation of the country, but they can't have wording.

The issue is with wording, and I'm fine with it. Like Greg said, I don't want, you know, Sharia law across the Iranian goalies if they have a hockey team there.

(LAUGHTER)

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: No, kill `em all, right?

BOLLING: Kill `em, right.

Remember the soccer player who shot a goal into his own goal?

BECKEL: At Columbia, they shot him dead.

BOLLING: They killed him. That happens in Iran.

GUTFELD: Did they play cricket with a headless goat? I mean, the goat's head? The headless goat.

PERINO: In Afghanistan.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

TANTAROS: Soccer balls are very expensive.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TANTAROS: Robert Beckel, do you think this law applies to maybe people like you, if you get into the Olympics and you want to put something on your helmet, like I heart bobbies and that could be distracting?

BECKEL: I think this is an absolute outrage, that they would take the United States of America, our constitution, and not allow us to show it at Sochi. Sochi this. Sochi this!

Now, I think the idea, why not be able to do it? In fact, she should have something inside her helmet that plays the "Star-Spangled Banner", and then, just leave us alone, will you? You keep beating up on this (INAUDIBLE), we're the biggest country in the world and the smartest and the biggest economy. We have a right!

(LAUGHTER)

BOLLING: All right.

TANTAROS: Keep that energy level up.

BOLLING: Well done, Bob Beckel.

TANTAROS: Because we have more outrage for you. You will not believe what happened in Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin. Look at this picture.

A high school basketball players suspended for doing a symbol which they said means three points, but a lot of parents getting very concerned these could be gang symbols.

Greg, really? Now these kids can't play in the game on Friday night because some parents said this could be a gang symbol?

GUTFELD: I don't -- I mean -- oh, there it is. You know what's weird? Yes, they should be suspended. It kind of is disturbing that gang symbols are seen as kind of lighthearted and fun, you know? Almost like high fiving.

Gangs kill people. They kill people.

BECKEL: But these aren't real gangs. They're not real gang symbols.
That's the problem.

TANTAROS: It's for a three-pointer. They said LeBron James does it.

GUTFELD: I have no idea. You think I follow sports?

TANTAROS: You follow gangs.

BECKEL: You were in the Crips. Didn't you have your own signs?

GUTFELD: That's true. We did, for miniature golf.

BOLLING: We used to use a sign for a free throw, a one-pointer. It wasn't this one, the other one.

PERINO: I thought this was the three-pointer.

BECKEL: The what?

PERINO: Three pointer. Get it?

BECKEL: Read between the lines.

PERINO: I know.

BECKEL: I see, the three pointer. They're not a gang.

TANTAROS: They're not real gang signs.

(CROSSTALK)

TANTAROS: They're supposed to mean three pointers. The ACLU is getting involved. This is one topic I agree with them on. They said, look, this is ridiculous. It means three pointer, and a lot of parents are saying, come on.

PERINO: I don't like the ACLU's statement. One of the things they say in here is that it appears as though the school district and police department are unprepared to respond to the increasing diversity in the schools.

As if it's about racism. That's what the ACLU is alleging.

BOLLING: Could you put the picture up again?

GUTFELD: I see what you mean. If they were white and doing the three-pointer, that wouldn't have been a problem.

TANTAROS: Right, so it does make sense.

BOLLING: I could be completely wrong about this, but the Bloods and Crips, the two major gangs in America --

BECKEL: That's not their symbols.

BOLLING: This is the Crips, the C, and the Bloods -- I could be wrong, but the letter B. I could be wrong.

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: Can I rename this segment? This is the longest seven minutes.

(LAUGHTER)

TANTAROS: If the players were white, if they were white, would we be having this discussion? Would parent think it was gang related if they weren't black? Probably not.

PERINO: Maybe.

TANTAROS: Next, should workers be allowed to smoke e-cigarettes at the office?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TANTAROS: But before we go, an important primetime programming note, folks.

Don't miss the "KELLY FILE" tonight. Megyn is going to have a chat with her old friend, ah, yes, Anthony Weiner, for the first time in three years. That should be very interesting.

Bob, zip it.

Tune in at 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Back in a moment.

You zip it, too, Anthony!

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

PERINO: All right. Many states have bans against smoking in the workplace, but now with the rise of e-cigarettes there's a lot of debate about all they should be banned, too. The battery-powered devices and then the vapor that most claim is harmless, but some critics call them a pollutant.

You're looking at Greg and Bob enjoying a few of those e-cigarettes in the workplace during our show last month.

But this is becoming kind of a thing because smoking, people had to go outside, they banned smoke in the workplace and airplanes and most restaurants. So, smokers were heading outside, but now you have the opportunity to smoke at your desk.

Should they be allowed to?

GUTFELD: You're looking at me?

PERINO: Yes, because you smoke them.

GUTFELD: All right. Number one, businesses will save about an hour of time for each worker who no longer goes outside, or goes inside. They will be here. That's a great thing for productivity.

Number two, a lot of the anger about the e-cigs are not facts.
There's no such thing as second hand vapeing. It's more about feeling.
It's people that look at you when you're smoking and it bothers them.

You don't outlaw or ban things because it bothers you. In fact, laws are made for the things that bother you. So, you don't ban things.

And as long as people are confused -- and I use this metaphor, you can't ban women who wear dresses because you might mistake them for a woman. You don't do that, so why can't I smoke a cigarette and wear a dress?

BECKEL: What about --

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: Bob, if you had e-cigarettes you wouldn't have to sit outside every day.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BECKEL: Well, first of all, I smoke real cigars, not these
(INAUDIBLE) things.

And, secondly, the problem I have, even though I went along with the stick when we did it on one of the shows, is there are a lot of people who don't want to smoke those things, they're quitting smoking and they see people smoking those, it's tough to keep their regimen of not smoking.

GUTFELD: That got me to quit, Bob.

BECKEL: Well, it got you to quit, but you still -- didn't you tell me you had four packs of nicotine?

GUTFELD: By accident. I accidentally smoke four packs of those because I didn't know the nicotine level.

But I haven't had a cigarette --

BECKEL: You were on the jog, you were like on a methamphetamine run.

GUTFELD: I killed 16 people. But no, it got me off -- and there's no tar, and there's no tobacco. It's like nicotine oil.

BECKEL: Now that you explain it to me that way, in this country, we have a right to do what we want to do. If we want to smoke those things, we're going to smoke them. Now, can I smoke my cigars in here?

PERINO: Well, I actually think, I was going to ask Eric this -- from a business standpoint, do you think companies are having to actually wrestle with this in the HR department, to think about -- what is the problem if it is just -- what's difference between vapeing, which is a weird word, but that's what they call it, and chewing gum?

BOLLING: V-A-P-E-I-N-G.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BOLLING: I'm guessing this is where it comes from. Not that the vapor, which is a form of water vapor, right, that is the problem. It's what is happening is a lot of people, not only kids, people are retooling these e-cigarettes to put weed in them. Now, you can't tell the difference is someone is smoking --

PERINO: That doesn't emit an odor?

BOLLING: I literally don't think it emits --

TANTAROS: I have a hard time believing you cannot smell the marijuana if you smoke that in the e-cig.

GUTFELD: Unless, if it's THC have some of kind -- if it's the chemical, I don't know. Yes.

BOLLING: I don't think they light weed inside of it. I think they use the chemical.

BECKEL: They better go outside. Let's face it, when they go outside and they're all smoking, in Washington on K Street, half of them are smoking joints.

GUTFELD: Really?

BOLLING: Times Square, my friends.

TANTAROS: So, now we know why D.C. is so messed up, because they're all just high. They're high as kites?

BECKEL: Well, one person's high is another person's low.

PERINO: Andrea, this is actually a big public policy debate in Washington. The FDA has not yet regulated e-cigarettes, but they're thinking about it. Do you think they're going to have a hard time, though, proving the science to say that people shouldn't be allowed to emit water vapor when they walk around?

TANTAROS: It's the new fight, right? Not climate change, it's e- cigarettes. I don't see the difference in having an e-cigarette at your desk or having a vaporizer.

GUTFELD: Or tea, which has steam.

TANTAROS: Maybe not tea, because I have tea here. It's a little different.

I do think -- what's the difference if it's emitting a vapor? But I do think it can be distracting to people in the office. I'm the business -
- can I finish? If I'm the business owner, I think I would say, you can smoke them in the office because then you get your work done and you're not taking cigarette breaks, but maybe designate an area so they can do it so it's not distracting your coworkers.

BECKEL: Do you know 97 percent of scientists say these things are dangerous.

TANTAROS: Here we go.

PERINO: And three out of four dentists approve.

BOLLING: One-point-four percent increase.

Very quickly, is nicotine a health hazard?

GUTFELD: They actually do studies. They have done studies with nicotine that show it helps with Parkinson's patients and may help with Alzheimer's. It should be studied and see if it has.

But I think you could overdose on it like you could overdose on water.
You can drown from water.

BECKEL: It may have some benefits, but let's face it, it's still a drug. I mean --

GUTFELD: It's a great drug, a marvelous drug.

BECKEL: For you, a lot of things are great drugs.

PERINO: If I could end this by saying my mom was watching my Twitter feed this morning. She saw we were going to do the story and she wanted me to make sure I let everybody know some electronic cigarettes when they're getting their batteries, they overheat and people have ended up in the emergency room.

GUTFELD: It's happened twice.

PERINO: I know.

BECKEL: Thank you for telling your mother's story. You just got a minute out of my segment.

PERINO: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

PERINO: But it's going to be a great segment. Coming up, two of the greatest quarterbacks of all time are about to face off in the final push for a slot at the Super Bowl. Who will lead his team to victory on Sunday, Peyton Manning or Tom Brady? Our predictions and my expert analysis when "The Five" returns.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BECKEL: Whoever picked that song, man, just squash it.

This weekend, superstar quarterbacks Peyton Manning and Tom Brady face each other for the 15th time, as the Broncos and Patriots battle for a trip to the Super Bowl. The San Francisco 49ers also play this weekend, taking on Seattle.

Self-proclaimed 49er fan Nancy Pelosi used yesterday's press conference to discuss the game and former 49er great Joe Montana.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. NANCY PELOSI (D-CA), MINORITY LEADER: All of these questions are just subterfuge to get around to sports, right? So I'll just put my bracelet right out there. Joe Montana's jersey, No. 14. Well, anyway.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECKEL: All right, Nancy. Take that bracelet back, because Joe Montana was No. 16. As for that current Q.B., Colin Kaepernick, Pelosi is quite a fan.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

PELOSI: We love our quarterback. We like the tattoos, the big arms.
The whole deal.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECKEL: I wonder if Nancy has got tattoos herself.

Now Dana, let's turn to our sports -- resident sports expert here.
Give us your guess at who's going to win these two games, what's your prediction?

PERINO: Well, I'm not going to pretend to be a sports analyst. But I will say I love Denver. I was young when the Elway years were big, and I love that, and I think that them being at home will be a terrific advantage for them.

BECKEL: So you're picking Denver.

PERINO: Yes.

BECKEL: How about the Seahawks and 49ers?

PERINO: I'm going to go with the Seahawks because of Scott Stanzel, my friend.

BECKEL: Let's go to our next resident expert on sports, Greg.

GUTFELD: Well, it's got to be the 49ers, because Tom Brady and I went to Serra High School in San Mateo, so you've got to stick together. Serra Padres. Also, Pelosi, the only sport she knows is co-ed Botox.

BECKEL: Did you really go to a school named Sarah?

GUTFELD: Sera. Junipero Serra. Is it -- did I pronounce it correct?

PERINO: Tom Brady. That would be the Patriots, not the 49ers.

BECKEL: She knows nothing about the sport right here. Andrea, what's your predictions and why?

TANTAROS: Well, this is a tough one, because Manning is really good.
He's one of the only quarterbacks in the NFL that actually calls his own plays.

Both are total studs. Let me be clear.

But I do think Brady plays better in the big, big games. But this is an epic matchup, I have to say. As for 49ers/Seahawks, I kind of want the Seahawks to win because, I don't know, they don't usually win.

However, I'm with Nancy on that quarterback, Colin Kaepernick, he is great, and he has a tremendous story. And he does have big arms, and I give Nancy a pass for flubbing that jersey number because we all make mistakes. Let her go.

BECKEL: A big one on that one. Eric, tell me why you pick the ones you're going to pick.

BOLLING: First, I wish I had seen Nancy Pelosi finish it, I love Colin Kaepernick, his big arms and then do the -- where he kisses both arms. That would have just been great TV.

I'm going to go with the underdogs. I'm going to take -- I like the Patriots at Denver, the 49ers at Seattle. I just like the numbers of point spreads, five and a half to three and a half. Take them both, move the point spread. But think about what happens if the Broncos and Seattle win.
Two states that legalized marijuana. NFL could go pro-legal.

BECKEL: That's perfect. I'm going to go with the favorites. And I'll tell you why. I think that Brady, first of all, having to go to the mile-high state.

The last time they played together, you remember Denver had a 30-some- point lead or a 20-point lead, and the Patriots came back and won in overtime by three points. That's going to be a lot different out there.

I watched Denver. I watched Denver play over at Dana's house. They are were in there. Pretty crowded room. But it was a good game.

Yes, the reason I like Seattle is their defense is much stronger than people give them credit for. And Brady and Manning both have had -- I think Manning has won -- Brady has won, what, 16? A lot more when they played face-to-face, or head to head, rather, except this the last time, the last six games, it's been Manning over Brady.

BOLLING: So you've got the favorites; I've got the dogs. We'll work it out.

BECKEL: We'll do that. We'll work it out. "One More Thing" is up next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: All right. "One More Thing." Two quick things. I'm hosting "O'Reilly" tonight. You've got Dana, Gavin McInnes, Kennedy, Andy Levy, Lou Dobbs, Geraldo and Howie Kurtz. Whoa.

"Red Eye" tomorrow, 10 p.m., 5 East Coast time, and I hate these people.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I hate these people!

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: All right, dude on the 18th floor, you've got to stop talking on your phone in the bathroom. It's disgusting. I mean it. It's just like it ain't right. I mean, you know what he does? He cradles it here.

TANTAROS: Oh, my gosh.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: In the bathroom?

TANTAROS: He touches it before he washes his hands, too.

GUTFELD: You're assuming he washes his hands.

TANTAROS: Oh, he doesn't.

GUTFELD It's just like come on, you can stop. It is -- don't use the phone in the bathroom. It's grotesque.

The people on the other line can hear what he's doing.

BECKEL: Did you really have to bring that one up?

GUTFELD: All right, Andrea.

TANTAROS: I'm sure Andy Levy washes his hands.

OK, so I took to Facebook to get some ideas for "One More Thing"
today, and I got this great one. I got this great one. Check this traffic cop out from south Mississippi. Diamondhead police officer Darryl Hughes, this is how he directs traffic. He's been doing this for over a decade.

He's from New Orleans and he said, "Look, this is just how we do it.
The traffic cop, or the job of directing traffic, is really boring, so I have to put some boogie into it." And he sure does. I love this guy. So very cute.

GUTFELD: Dana.

PERINO: You know I love dogs?

GUTFELD: No, really?

PERINO: Sometimes dogs like to carry sticks...

TANTAROS: You love dogs? What?

PERINO: What would this week be -- it's not Jasper, don't worry.
Watch this.

GUTFELD: He can't get through?

PERINO: No, he can't get through. He keeps trying.

GUTFELD: Aw!

PERINO: Watch this, though. He comes in, and then he goes back to get it and tries it again. I mean, this is the kind of perseverance that we need in America. If we are to make it back.

GUTFELD: Dogs are stupid. Dogs are stupid.

BECKEL: Dogs -- dogs are just, like, let's face it, their brains are very small.

GUTFELD: Their brains are very small?

TANTAROS: If more people were like dogs, we would be better off.

GUTFELD: Ninety-seven percent of scientists agree, dogs' brains are small -- Eric.

BOLLING: OK. So last night, I went on Snap Chat, and it was fantastic. I got about 900 of you to follow me. I'm going to take a Snap Chat right here, take a picture. I'm going to press all 900 or however many other people sign up tonight. Sign up there: EB2016.

PERINO: I want to know why the 2016.

BOLLING: I just absolutely love this app.

PERINO: Why the 2016? Do you have something you're going to announce?

BOLLING: I had to come up with something on the fly. I don't know, maybe 2016. I figured it out.

Also, tomorrow morning, "Cashing In" at 11:30 a.m. This little show was the No. 2 rated show on all the weekend programming, any -- any network, you pick it, the little show that's making the big waves. Check it out. And Bob was on last week.

TANTAROS: It's the fastest 43 minutes in Saturday television?

BECKEL: Could I just say, is it my turn?

GUTFELD: Yes.

BECKEL: I have nothing to promote, because I don't host anything, so it's OK. I want to congratulate the first lady of the United States, who turns 50 years old today. Michelle Obama.

Now watch this. This woman is just -- she doesn't look 50 at all.
She goes out there. If I tried to do that with my knees, I'd be in a rehab hospital for I don't know how long.

GUTFELD: You know what's horrible? They're stepping on little bugs.
Little ladybugs.

BECKEL: She is a -- she is a remarkable person. She started out having a rough reputation about her and then she...

PERINO: Why? I didn't think so? She's always had a good reputation.

BECKEL: The first campaign, she did, but she's turned out to be great. And now here she is with her AARP card. I have one of those myself. It's a great thing to do. You can go to, you know...

PERINO: I'm sure the discounts on hotel rooms will be helpful.

BECKEL: Anyway, congratulations, Michelle. You are a great first lady and a great person for the kids to look up to.

PERINO: Happy birthday.

BOLLING: Happy birthday.

GUTFELD: All right. Is that it? Anything else? Got ten seconds.

All right.

PERINO: Read slowly. Don't forget to set your DVRs so you never miss an episode of "The Five." We will see you here back on Monday. Have a great weekend.

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The Five, hosted by Eric Bolling, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Greg Gutfeld, Dana Perino, Juan Williams, and Andrea Tantaros, airs on Weekdays at 5PM ET on Fox News Channel.