This is a rush transcript from "The Five," January 2, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: It's so funny. It's just a rash and it's going away.
Hello, everyone. I'm Greg Gutfeld, along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Beckel, Eric Bolling, and her New Year's resolution is to stop eating butterflies - - it's Dana Perino.
This is, of course, "The Five."
GUTFELD: So, surprise, surprise, a new poll shows that we Yanks have almost no faith in government. And only one in 20 say our government is OK. That person is in scientific terms a moron. He may be hosting at MSNBC. Cheap shot.
So, how can big government thrive when we've seen all the messes it lives? Detroit, D.C., Oakland, Stockton, Harrisburg, Cleveland, Baltimore, on and on, progressivism brings poverty. Yet, as it necrotizes all it invades, we still let it infest New York City. How come?
Well, if you want to sell something bad, you've got to change its name. Wealth redistribution is called fairness. Strangulation becomes regulation. Tax is revenue.
Carter can then become Obama and Marion Barry is regifted as de Blasio.
Left success is re-inventing failure by disguising disaster. I call it heck change surgery. So, now, we have the same old crew salivating over the Big Apple in New York City. Mayor Giuliani and Bloomberg built a bionic magnet for business, while slashing crime and saving thousands of minority lives. It was an amazing feat.
So, what do we hear this inauguration day? A chaplain for the sanitation department, they have one, calling this city a plantation while Hillary looks on smiling.
And so, the same old canard returned about the ignored poor and the greedy rich. As you remember the dead cities, the test subjects who died in their left wing labs. We let another Dr. Frankenstein disguised as Dr. Wilby (ph) gets his hands on our healthiest patients. And when this apple rot, they'll once again call it progress and move on to another victim.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Well, happy New Year.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, I was gone for a week.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Nice to have you back, Greg.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Yes, self-lifting (ph).
GUTFELD: But, Bob, come on. OK, I don't know, did you watch any of the inauguration?
GUILFOYLE: I did.
BECKEL: Watch the de Blasio inauguration?
BECKEL: No, I was flying out to New York City.
GUTFELD: I heard. By the way, Bob did a great job with you and had to walk home at 5:00 a.m.
BECKEL: That's correct.
GUTFELD: Because there was nobody to pick you up. You couldn't get a cab.
BECKEL: That's right.
PERINO: It is $64 a minute.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: I supposed that's what happens when de Blasio takes over.
GUTFELD: Yes, see, first guy hurt is you, the rich.
PERINO: Wasn't it NYPD cop that recognized you, though, and let you through the crowd?
BECKEL: Yes, they're very helpful. Police were very helpful.
And Kimberly did a terrific job. It was -- believe me when I'll tell you, it was complicated.
But anyway, you know, to dump all over government -- it's funny about government. Nobody likes government unless they need it, unless they use it.
GUTFELD: That's a good point.
BECKEL: And if you ask people who are farmers if they want the agricultural subsidies, they'll say yes. You ask the senior citizens if they want their Social Security, they'd say yes.
But if you ask them about government, look, in the face of all the stuff you've been hearing, of course, you're going to be negative about it. But the last time they were positive about government was 50 years ago.
GUTFELD: But here's -- OK, let me ask Kimberly, because there was somebody you knew there that was applauding de Blasio, Mr. Newsom. De Blasio is vowing to bring progressive vision to New York City. Can you tell me where in New York City there is no progressivism?
GUILFOYLE: Well, that's the problem. This is why I was so disappointed when I watched all of this inauguration today because I found it to be very negative, not even acknowledging the tremendous accomplishments and the progressiveness in New York City. I mean, it was just so -- you saw Bloomberg sitting in the front. The look on his face said it all because they ran him into the ground, they New York City, people that live here, everything was just like garbage, you know, you're not good enough. You don't do anything. This is a plantation.
My God, if they think New York City is like that, what they must think of the rest of the country.
GUTFELD: That's -- you brought that up when we were in the green room. What they said in front of Bloomberg, what's --
PERINO: A mayor who worked for $12. That's what he earned over eight years, he got $12 -- or 12 years was it?
BECKEL: Well, he's a multibillionaire.
PERINO: Right. This is a guy who gave -- he did all these great things from New York City. Yes, we make fun of the big gulp ban and from lifestyle things that he tried.
GUTFELD: We're allowed to rip him.
PERINO: But the crime rate stayed down, and there wasn't a terrorist attack. And you actually have -- after the major recession of the financial shock, business is coming back into the city. And the stock market just ends with its best year. That's partly business climate he helped to create.
And then you have a prepared speech that insult him while he's sitting there. There's just no grace. There's no manners.
GUTFELD: Yes, it was funny.
GUILFOYLE: And he paid for their house that they're going to live in now. Basically he out of his own pocket he remodeled the mansion. They're going to move in and enjoy it. Guess that's not bad.
BECKEL: That's chunk change.
GUILFOYLE: Why don't they live in their own house? Benefits too grandiose.
GUTFELD: Eric, I don't want to be too gloomy about this. I mean, look, he appointed Bratton, which is a good move. The city is not going to let him fail or he's going to be out right?
BOLLING: The city is not going to let de Blasio fail?
BOLLING: Well, here's the problem, I don't -- clearly, it's a very liberal city. But the problem is it's a test case for every other liberal mayor in the country who wants to see how it works. If you really push progressivism, further and further left, see if the city embraces, see if business leave.
Really, we have -- we've made fun of Bloomberg over the years pretty harshly on this show and elsewhere, but only for social issues, only for his goofiness with big gulps and bans on salts and cigarettes and things like that, but not for his business climate, not for what he did for the economy.
Dana points out and makes a very good point, that businesses -- they felt comfortable coming back to New York after 9/11 because Bloomberg made it a business-friendly environment.
De Blasio is not that guy. De Blasio is the opposite of that. De Blasio is the guy who's going to raise taxes, and businesses, right now, especially Wall Street is going to go, what do you mean you're going to raise it even more? We're already paying 4.5 percent. City tax along, you jack that up even more for the corporate tax --
BECKEL: Where they're going to flee to? They're going to --
GUILFOYLE: Florida, New Jersey, Texas.
BOLLING: They're going to flee Fort Lee, New Jersey, across the river. They'll flee to Hoboken, New Jersey --
BECKEL: And they had tax increases, right? And they had tax increases.
BOLLING: Well, if they're going to increase taxes, they're going find a place that doesn't increase taxes.
BECKEL: You know, there's one thing about revenue, which is that in order to do what you need to do to make the government work, you need revenue. If rich people have to pay revenue, screw them. They ought to pay it.
GUTFELD: You're going to run out of rich people. How do you make a rich person if you keep punishing them?
BECKEL: They get a percentage of what's available. Those in the middle and the bottom fall.
GUTFELD: So, they pay the majority of the taxes if you look at the actual --
PERINO: And then to the larger point of the monologue in regards to people feeling distrust in government at large, I think part of that is because it's not -- I think there are some rich people who have said count me as somebody that wants to pay more taxes if they thought the reforms were going to actually work.
PERINO: But the problem is people are distrustful of government because big programs that get ran through don't work.
And one of the things that he's -- that de Blasio is focusing on is education, pre-K through 12th grade education, and free preschool for everybody.
PERINO: The problem is the schools that work, the charters, are the ones that are basically going to get -- the ones that are working are the ones that are going to hurt in all of this.
Speaking -- let -- I want to play this sound on tape. First, it's Clinton and then it's de Blasio from yesterday because de Blasio said says something I think is interesting.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
WILLAM J. CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENT: I strongly endorse Bill de Blasio's core campaign commitment that we have to have a city of shared opportunities, shared prosperity, shared responsibilities.
MAYOR BILL DE BLASIO (D), NEW YORK: We are called to put an end to economic and social inequalities that threaten to unravel the city we love. So, today, we commit to a new progressive direction in New York. And that same progressive impulse has written our city's history.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: OK. God, I'm sorry. I almost swore.
It's like 1980 or something. He's talking about social inequality threatening to unravel the city we love. Is he talking about New York City?
GUILFOYLE: I don't know what he's talking about, like another planet. Not here. Somewhere else in the solar system.
That's why it didn't make any sense. I felt like I was trapped in some kind of bizarre time machine. I was like, what is this guy talking about? Does he even know anything about New York City or all the accomplishments?
This is the place where everybody wants to come and live until now --
PERINO: What does he mean? Financial inequality, OK, I wrap my head around that. But the social inequality in New York City?
GUILFOYLE: What is he talking about?
PERINO: I don't get it.
BECKEL: I just -- you know, the thing that just amazes, when you say things like that my dear friend, the fact is that you're talking about -- people want to come and live in New York. Where they want to live? They want to live in Manhattan. They want to live in Soho. They want to live in the East Side.
Do they want to live in the Bronx? Do they want to live in Brooklyn? When you say it's easy --
GUILFOYLE: Yes, they do. You know how expensive property is in Brooklyn?
BECKEL: Yes, parks are open. Look, those are --
GUILFOYLE: Don't hate on Brooklyn.
BECKEL: -- people in this city are losing ground and the wealthy are making up more and more money.
GUTFELD: Under Obama, right?
BECKEL: Yes, sure.
GUTFELD: OK, I was glad we clarify it.
BECKEL: The obscene amount of money, the obscene amount of money that Wall Street has been bonusing their people.
GUILFOYLE: Here we go. Occupy Wall Street again, Eric.
BOLLING: Yes, go ahead, trash Wall Street, have Wall Street go somewhere else, have Wall Street live the city. You know what's going to happen? The place would be broke. This would be a dust town, tumble weeds going up and down the Sixth Avenue.
BECKEL: You think Wall Street is going to live? No.
BOLLING: Bob, Wall Street doesn't need the trading floor downtown anymore. I got news for you, Wall Street can be any street in any country around the globe right now.
GUILFOYLE: They should go to London.
BOLLING: They'll find the most friendly business environment that they can possibly find. De Blasio is saying he wants to go to more progressive direction, which can only mean we need to tax the wealthy more. That's the only thing he can talk about because this is a socially progressive place already. The only thing they have left to do is redistribute more.
GUILFOYLE: Taxes, yes.
BOLLING: That's your heads up to all you corporate out there CEOs who are wondering, stay or go.
BECKEL: You feel comfortable with the fact that people at the upper income level in this city are making 150 times more than everybody else is?
BOLLING: Again, let's do it again. Rising tide raises all boats.
BECKEL: The problem is the other boats haven't risen. The yachts have. Yachts are doing great.
GUILFOYLE: So, everyone is entitled to make as CFO and whatever?
BECKEL: No, not the same amount of money, but they ought to be able to share in some of these --
GUTFELD: They pay roughly half of all taxes.
BOLLING: They pay more.
BOLLING: I think the upper 5 --
BECKEL: What percentage of the income do they take?
BOLLING: What's the difference?
BECKEL: What's the difference?
BOLLING: No difference at all.
BECKEL: Don't say they pay over half of it. They make 75 a percent of profit --
BOLLING: You should be thrilled that someone is making $1 billion on Wall Street.
BECKEL: I am thrilled.
BOLLING: They're paying $500 million.
BECKEL: I am thrilled, to see you get $700 million. We'd be fine.
PERINO: Really, like we've been -- like what's really going to change if they get more money? I think that's the point of people's distrust of government. What is actually going to change?
BECKEL: Do you believe that what he's going to do with education is going to work? So far, what's happen with education reform in this country has not worked. So, the question is, has preschool proven to be in certain areas, has proven to be successful in areas? Here in this city, it's not here. Can he do something about that? I just wouldn't prejudge the guy.
You know, here --
PERINO: You prejudged everybody else.
BOLLING: No prejudging. He's basically saying it, Bob. We're going to more progressive direction. We know what progressivism is.
BECKEL: Is he raising tax increases on you?
BOLLING: A day in the office. But he'll pay higher taxes too.
BECKEL: I know.
BOLLING: You live here and earn here, you're going to pay a lot more.
GUILFOYLE: Whatever you do, don't buy property in New York. Forget it.
GUTFELD: All right. We've got to go.
BECKEL: You mean, actually around --
GUILFOYLE: I'm right. I'm saying in Manhattan, do not buy --
BECKEL: In Manhattan.
GUILFOYLE: And the real estate taxes.
PERINO: All right. The Chamber of Commerce is going to call us.
GUTFELD: I know.
OK. Ahead on "The Five", Beyonce's last supper scandal. We'll show you the Instagram photo that's got people upset with the singer.
And later, Kimberly and Bob went to Times Square to find each other a mate on New Year's Eve. But did they find themselves instead?
GUILFOYLE: We're breaking up.
GUTFELD: I don't know.
BOLLING: Welcome back, everybody.
Time for the fastest block in cable news, three peculiar stories, seven precipitous minutes, one precautious host.
First stop --
GUTFELD: What's wrong with you?
BOLLING: Beyonce is at it again last week. We told you about Mrs. Jay-Z using the Challenging disaster audio in her new song. Now, the first lady of diva sits her well-known back side in the chair Jesus Christ sat at during last supper. Bey, Bey, that's a no-no. We'll bring it around the table.
K.G., your thought. Love Beyonce but come on.
GUILFOYLE: Yes. No, I don't know what she's doing. I think what happened is she went to try and make too many songs at once. She recorded like what 80 or something for this album. She just let a little bit of fact- checking, appropriate checking that fall through the wayside, because this doesn't make sense. Why is she acting like this?
BOLLING: Why put herself in Jesus' seat at the last supper?
BECKEL: Well, probably because she's not very educated and didn't know about it.
I would just request, all my fellow Christians, don't buy her albums.
BOLLING: That's going -- that's stepping out there.
GUILFOYLE: Did you call for a boycott?
BECKEL: Yes, I did. I call for boycott. It should be boycotted.
BOLLING: All right. Dana, you're hosting Greta in the show, you did the thing with the audio, they Challenger disaster. That, too. Couple that with this Kimberly points out, same album, little too much?
PERINO: It's a strange thing when somebody who's an international icon, and known all around the world for her singing ability and her talent and all the things that she brings to the stage that she's so desperate for attention, or somebody on her team is so desperate for attention, that they continue to do things that have these minor dust ups?
GUILFOYLE: It's becoming now not a coincidence.
BOLLING: Greg, you're shaking your head.
GUTFELD: No, no, when you're a celebrity, everything around you is a prop. It doesn't matter where it's from. There's only one exception, if that prop belongs to Muhammad -- you will not use that because you want to live.
BOLLING: (INAUDIBLE) I don't think I've ever seen the Prophet Muhammad.
PERINO: That would be very bold of her to do, though, do something about the Prophet Muhammad.
GUTFFELD: No one will ever do that.
BOLLING: Because they're smart.
Let's do this one. Next stop, Melissa Harris-Perry made some profoundly stupid comments regarding the Romneys adopting of a black grandchild.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MELISSA HARRIS-PERRY, MSNBC: A lot of people had emotions about this baby picture this year. This is the Romney family. And, of course, there on Governor Romney's knee is his adopted grandson who's an African-American, adopted African-American child, Kieran Romney. Any caption for this one?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think this picture is great. It really sums up the diversity of the Republican Party.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Well, Mrs. Perry is no stranger to spilling verbal sewage, spewage, whatever, is now asking for forgiveness, saying she was just kidding, after all, I'm a Mormon too, so she says.
Greg, your --
GUTFELD: Two points. One, she suffers from liberal consensus disorder. What that is if you spend all your time around people who agree with you and laugh at your jokes all the time, you don't know when you're saying something that's not decent. So, you make a joke like that and you assume everybody is going to laugh, which they do, but the rest of America is like going, you're kind of a jerk. That's liberal consensus disorder.
The bigger point is, everything for left is the personal is political. They didn't see a great picture. They saw a political theater.
BOLLING: She's no stranger to some of these comments. At the one point she said, the right using the ObamaCare is kind of like using the "N" word.
PERINO: Yes. So, she's no stranger to having to do some sort of like cleaning up. But I think she does that to get attention as well. So, there's a theme to this block.
I would, though, I would accept this apology because to me it seems sincere. I also don't want any child -- black, red, green, whatever, whatever color -- I don't want them to suffer from more of this. I think let's Kieran Romney enjoy his great new family, and all the love that's going to come his way. And forget Melissa Harris-Perry and let her -- forgive her that one crime.
BOLLING: At one point, she said wouldn't it be, I believe in 2040, she said wouldn't it be funny in 2040 if Kieran Romney was married to Kanye West's daughter Northwest. The Romneys would be hanging out with Kanye.
BECKEL: She's black, isn't she this woman?
BECKEL: Well, she's a Mormon.
PERINO: She was adopted (ph).
BECKEL: She must have joined the church 10 to 15 years ago before they allowed black people into the church.
But I would say this to what she said as a liberal -- the idea that you would dump on anybody who adopts a black child, there are hundreds of thousands of black children in this country and others who need to be adopted.
BECKEL: So, shut your mouth. Be happy that child has got a place to be. Be happy they've got a place to live, some food on the table, and they're being housed and clothed and they'd be given the kind of education they need. So, (INAUDIBLE) --
BOLLING: Are you boycotting the MSNBC show she hosts?
BECKEL: Yes, I boycotted all --
GUILFOYLE: Why doesn't she adopt a child, OK, and bring love and positive energy into the world, instead of spewing hate against children? Shame on you. I do not accept your apology.
BOLLING: We've got to go quickly.
And, by the way, my niece has adopted five children, some -- of all races and ethnicities. They're just fantastic.
GUTFELD: I've adopted 60 children.
BOLLING: Our favorite free (INAUDIBLE) fat boy (ph), Mayor Rob Ford, is announcing his re-election bid today. Ford hopes that Canada forgives his crack-smoking drunken stupor-inspired antics, do you?
GUILFOYLE: Oh my gosh.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REPORTER: Mr. Mayor, given everything that you've been through since you were elected, why should people ever trust to reelect you?
ROB FORD, TORONTO MAYOR: My entire record speaks for itself. The lowest taxes in any major city in North America. We've done a great job. City is absolutely booming.
I want to see someone get a union deal like we did, get rid of taxes like I have, save the city a billion dollars.
You know, these are the facts and they speak for themselves.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: All right. D, your thoughts on this guy?
PERINO: Well, here's the thing, he's been a lot of fun for all of us and everybody making fun of him around the world and enjoying his antics and coming to kind of like him. But I think that the voters of Toronto will have their wits about them and he will not win reelection.
Sort of like when Eliot Spitzer tries to come back and Anthony Weiner, they don't elected, because people really want their government to work. They don't want antics.
BECKEL: I think, first of all, (INAUDIBLE) it's on Toronto, it's not even in this country, one. Two, that boy could use weight watchers help like I have.
GUILFOYLE: Bob --
BECKEL: Three, he's a crack addict. The guy is an addict. He needs to get help.
GUILFOYLE: He may have a substance abuse issue, but I mean, it's not -- it doesn't seem his big issue is crack. I think it's other things.
BECKEL: I have substance abuse problem, that boy, we can tell. That boy is an addict.
BOLLING: Greg, Mayor Ford?
GUTFELD: I think, you know, he's got a great track record and a better crack record.
BOLLING: Very good.
GUTFELD: And, you know, the thing is, he did say he quit drinking. He hasn't said what he's quit drinking.
But the great thing, when you're that -- when you have that many problems, it's easy to come up with resolutions.
BOLLING: And if I'm not mistaken, property values and unemployment have gotten better under Mayor Rob Ford --
GULFOYLE: I like the dancing.
BECKEL: Maybe everybody ought to get into crack. They'd be much better off --
BOLLING: Porter is yelling at me. Can I go? Susan is yelling at me, too.
Ahead on "The Five", the "Duck Dynasty" conclusive. The Robertson family spoke to FOX News about controversy that nearly made them walk from A&E.
Plus, an update from the FOX weather center on the blizzard getting ready to smack into the Northeast. We'll be right back.
PERINO: And, Greg, that is not just appropriate for the blog. It's actually the Colorado state song.
GUTFELD: I know that. We're so unpredictable here at "The Five".
PERINO: All right. What we're going to talk about pot and lots of it. Lots of long lines at the stores yesterday in Colorado, but not to return Christmas gifts. Shoppers turned out in droves to buy the first legal recreational marijuana. Anyone over 21 years of age can get it.
And here's some of the customers who braved the freezing temps to get stoned.
BECKEL: Yes, man.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: In line to buy something legal, let's do this. That's all I'm saying. Let's do this.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I don't know if I'll ever smoke it. It may go in a frame on my wall somewhere.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We have won. I'm so proud of Colorado for being first in the country, first in the world. Prohibition is over.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Got some legal weed.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: OK. So, hoorah for Colorado.
Eric, what do you make of this? Let's talk about this from the business perspective. The businesses there ending up raking in a million in the first day.
BOLLING: I think it's very interesting. Remember, everyone said, you legalize it, the price is going to go down. It quadrupled. Now, I understand, there's a huge demand when t it's first sold.
Here's the thing though, what's going to happen -- this is a great profit center for them. They're going to make a lot in taxes, a lot of money if they're taking the piece of the action.
What's going to happen when some liberal lawmaker says, you know, let's raise the tax on weed?
PERINO: Oh, and they will.
BOLLING: And they will. And they have to. And then, what's the liberal mentality going to be about that? It's cool to do it because it's just weed? Or I still --
PERINO: Maybe it will be you can only tax rich people who want to smoke weed.
BOLLING: Yes, right.
GUILFOYLE: People on Wall Street, evil business people, making money -- that's all we need more stoned people being useless, not working, getting benefits.
BECKEL: Oh, come on.
GUILFOYLE: Greg, do you think -- there's a lot of activity getting a lot of press because it's the first time. But do you that think this will -- the novelty will wear off after a bit?
GUTFELD: This is -- this is -- the big problem with the spot smoking in general are spot smokers, because they treat the habit as a novelty. Like if you saw the dudes in line going dude, look at this, you're the reason why it's illegal, because you treat it like it's something special when you should be treating -- like when you're drinking a martini, you don't stand out on your front lawn going dude, martini, check it out.
GUILFOYLE: You've done that.
GUTFELD: I hate drunks and I hate pot heads. I like people who enjoy their stuff recreationally and they don't talk about it and they treat it as a mundane habit. I can't wait for bud tender school, where there's got to be a bud tender school where you learn to be a bud tender.
GUILFOYLE: That's because you're more of a quiet angry drunk. You don't go dude --
GUTFELD: I never get angry.
GUILFOYLE: No. You're quiet and sitting there with your red wine.
PERINO: One of the things the law changed for recreational use. One thing it hasn't changed, a lot of businesses still require a drug test. If you've smoked marijuana, then you actually don't get to work there.
GUILFOYLE: Well, we all make our choices in life. And then they can be like, I couldn't get a job because I was doing something that was legal, smoking pot --
BECKEL: You can say you've never stoned before.
GUILFOYLE: That's why I'm so awesome and a winner, Bob, because I go to work, I do all this stuff, I mean, look at me.
BECKEL: When you use heroin, you get --
GUILFOYLE: I'm just saying. I haven't smoked any cigarettes. I've never done any drugs. So, there you go.
GUTFELD: Do people that do drugs are losers?
GUILFOYLE: No, not --
BOLLING: No, no, but there's an important thing here. Businesses should have a right to check for whatever they want. I'm not saying it should be legal.
GUILFOYLE: That's the free market.
BOLLING: Great. It's a free market. I'm all for legalization of pot. Knock yourself out. If you can drink, you should --
BOLLING: Yes, you should be able to smoke a joint. But businesses should be allowed to say I don't want an alcoholic or drug use.
GUTFELD: It's harder to test with off duty use, because off-duty when you're drinking, you sober up. Pot would still be in your system.
PERINO: Right. For several weeks right?
BECKEL: You don't want an alcoholic. I mean, that's against that law.
BOLLING: My point was the businesses should have the right to test for whatever they want.
BECKEL: If they want alcoholics, I wouldn't have a job for the last 40 years.
PERINO: Hey, Bob, let me ask you, because there's other states looking at the position of making recreational use legal, like Colorado has done. Is that good, winning strategy for liberals that want -- for Democrats that wanted to run?
BECKEL: I'm not -- you know, from the beginning for this discussion, because I am a recovering drug addict and drunk, I have always been leery about -- I started using dope and marijuana. Now, the difference is it's now so much more potent. The names that they've got for these things -- they cross-pollinate it. In their basements, grow with lamps.
It's perfect --
PERINO: It's genetically modified pot.
BECKEL: It's perfect weed. And here's the problem, how they going to take care of highways? It's -- when you're really stoned, you think you're driving 90 and you're striving 15.
GUILFOYLE: That's what I said.
BECKEL: If big crowds of people are backed up, it's because there's a couple of old ladies up front that were hippies back when I was, they're going to be sitting and they're going, oh, man, Martin, you're driving too fast here. They're going 15 miles per hour.
BOLLING: That's a good thing.
BECKEL: There's going to be a population explosion.
GUTFELD: It's Bob Beckel science.
BOLLING: Isn't it the opposite when you're drinking, when you're doing --
GUIFOYLE: What is bob talking about?
BOLLING: -- 90, you think you're doing 15? It's the opposite. Go faster.
GUILFOYLE: Yes. All the 90-year-old ladies are going to get pregnant -- what are you talking about?
GUTFELD: I think the statistics show that there's far more fatalities due to drunk driving than marijuana.
BECKEL: Very few people died from driving under marijuana --
GUILFOYLE: Because they just stay home.
BECKEL: There's a law of a certain level of marijuana in your system. Most cops won't know how to test it.
BOLLING: Here's what you have to ask yourself. You got a kid, 16, 17, 18? You want them driving under the influence of weed or alcohol?
PERINO: Well, that would be illegal.
BOLLING: Neither, obviously neither but guess what? That's what they're doing.
GUILFOYLE: Both show impairment behind the wheel.
PERINO: One last question to Greg -- is pot an aphrodisiac?
GUILFOYLE: Why are you asking him that? Why do you want to know?
PERINO: Is he serious?
GUTFELD: Yes, for a lot of people, it can be.
GUTFELD: For other people, it can mean you're having sex with Doritos.
PERINO: I had no idea.
BECKEL: It's an aphrodisiac man. I'll tell you, you get --
GUILFOYLE: Dana, why are you even asking that?
PERINO: Because Bob said that and I don't know anything about pot, and --
BECKEL: If you get stoned on a Friday night and you're going to be on the raft early.
GUTFELD: But, Bob, the only thing that's the problem with this legalization is how do you manage the potency of the drug? Because the drug is so intense, because if you don't know what you're doing --
BECKEL: This stuff is now as strong as hashish is when we were younger.
GUILFOYLE: Let's not advertise.
GUILFOYLE: I feel you're selling it. This is potent. No, it's like --
BECKEL: Did you ever take hashish? Did you ever shoot heroin?
GUILFOYLE: Bob, don't be ridiculous.
PERINO: I got to get going, because we want to actually talk about Kimberly and Bob and the next segment. They've become TV's adorable odd couple, Bob and Kim co-host the first hour of FOX's All-American New Year Extravaganza on Tuesday night and something very special happened between them after the clock clucked.
Happy Thursday at midnight. Trust me, you're not going to want to miss this. So, stay tuned.
GUILFOYLE: Well, Bob and I had a blast on Tuesday night, ringing in the New Year with all of you from Time Square in New York City.
Now, I know some of our co-hosts, yes, got a kick out of this after the clock struck midnight.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: This is unbelievable, isn't it?
GUILFOYLE: It is absolutely unbelievable. So happy to spend it with you, Bob. Happy New Year. Happy 2014.
Now, you found a lot of husbands for me tonight. None of them stand up to the fine man that you are, Bob Beckel.
Incredible way to start 2014. That is for sure. I'm so happy I'm doing it with you.
BECKEL: Absolutely Kim.
GUILFOYLE: All right. Happy New Year. I choose you over all of them.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Bob was the big winner. Let me tell you something, it's amazing what hypothermia and frostbite can do.
PERINO: Bob looked shocked.
BECKEL: It wasn't the fact that you're the one who initiated the kiss because everybody thought, when the still picture, they saw the figure it was me for a good reason because of the dog I am. But I didn't, you initiated it. It was the tongue that bothered me.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, you're such -- I mean honestly. You saw that shot. There was nothing like that involved.
BECKEL: That was great. It was a lot of fun.
GUILFOYLE: Thank God our lips didn't stick together.
BECKEL: It was so cold. It was a lot of fun.
At midnight when it came down, all the confetti, it was a terrific time. It was so cold. I got back home at 5:15 in the morning freezing because my cars didn't show up. It was just a remarkable thing.
Now, the one thing I did notice --
GUILFOYLE: Oh my God again.
BECKEL: Everybody knows the front row of those people leaning over the front, none of them spoke English.
GUILFOYLE: That was interesting. We said go talk to the crowd. They're all looking at us --
BECKEL: I was looking for a husband for you and found about 500.
GUILFOYLE: I found that really strange looking woman for you. She accepted.
BECKEL: But you said you offered 500 bucks.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, I tried to pay people. I thought that was the best way to go about it. That didn't work.
Let's look at Bill Hemmer and Elisabeth Hasselbeck who did an outstanding job for the network that night. Here's their reaction to Bob and I gluing ourselves together?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: They just didn't quite what was going on.
BECKEL: Yes, I noticed they didn't reciprocate. It was --
GUILFOYLE: No, they're classy Bob.
GUTFELD: I just hope the kiss is the only lasting memory and nothing else.
BECKEL: Well, I tell you one thing --
GUILFOYLE: -- because I'm Puerto Rican and easily get pregnant?
BECKEL: Kimberly said my thighs -- you said you had to have something.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, yes, yes, came and took these warmers and stuck them to my inside thighs. They were like on fire. It was crazy. You can't make it up. Josh had to go up the dress and stick them like this. It was hilarious. You got to do what you've got to do.
BECKEL: It's a good thing Josh had different persuasion because --
GUILFOYLE: Not after that night.
PERINO: Oh my God.
GUTFELD: Would anybody address the ubiquitousness of Nivea balloons? Why is Nivea -- why is Nivea part of New Year's Eve?
GUILFOYLE: How much did they pay?
GUTFELD: I don't know.
GUILFOYLE: A lot.
GUTFELD: How incidentally relation is lotion to the New Year?
GUILFOYLE: Don't look at Bob, please.
GUILFOYLE: Please don't tell me.
All right. Still ahead, it's January 2nd. Time to check in and see if we kept our New Year's resolution over the last 24 hours. Bob probably is not. Bob is going to lose 20 pounds. Not sure, maybe even 10 years. Have you been to the gym yet?
We've got his answer when we come back.
BECKEL: It's a new year, and you know what that means: time to quit those bad habits, starting yesterday. I've -- 583 of mine have begun. Here are my co-hosts' resolutions.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Happy new year everyone. Greg, Greg?
BOLLING: 2014, I'll finally teach myself how to drive, kiss my wife a lot, pet my dog, continue running, get "The Five" guests (ph) to be more conservative!
TANTAROS: This year, I'm going to stop buying so many pairs of shoes. Yes right.
GUILFOYLE: This year I'm going to say one nice thing about Bob Beckel every day.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: There's a theme here.
BECKEL: I didn't know it was going to start off with a kiss, Kim.
GUILFOYLE: I just got set up there. I didn't know you were running that one.
BECKEL: Have I been to the -- I promised to lose 20 pounds, right, in 2014? And have I been to the gym yet? No. It's only January 2, man. I mean, why rush things?
But no, I have -- I've actually lost a bunch of pounds, because Dana and I went on a sugar diet.
BECKEL: Sugar-free diet. Yes, anyway.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.
BECKEL: She kept jumping on me every time I got near anything with sugar on it, so actually, I've lost some weight already.
And see, this is me doing yoga. Now, the yoga thing is very, very important. This is the dipping dog.
PERINO: That's warrior one.
BECKEL: Yes. The warrior one down to the dipping down dog.
GUTFELD: You know this is not exercise.
BECKEL: It's not?
GUTFELD: It's glorified stretching.
BECKEL: Oh, it is? OK.
GUTFELD: Yoga is glorified stretching, America.
BECKEL: OK, good.
PERINO: Doesn't mean it's bad.
BECKEL: Eric, let me ask you a question, all those things you listed up, I didn't hear him well. Have you started already?
BOLLING: Pretty much doing them any -- what are we talking about?
BECKEL: Resolutions. What are we talking about?
BOLLING: I don't know. Pet my dog, kiss my wife, that kind of thing? I do it anyway.
GUTFELD: More of it?
BECKEL: Why did you make resolutions to do what you already do?
BOLLING: Do more of what I already do. How's that? I'm a good family guy here, Bob.
BECKEL: I understand that. Dana.
PERINO: I said that I was going to go to a yoga class, actually.
GUILFOYLE: But you always do.
PERINO: For glorified stretching.
PERINO: Which I needed. And I was going to start taking more pictures of Jasper, which I did.
BECKEL: Oh, no.
PERINO: Look at the Facebook page. It's incredible.
BECKEL: That's the most photographed dog in the world.
PERINO: It's fantastic. It's unbelievable.
BECKEL: Greg, did you have any -- this is probably a ridiculous question. Did you have any resolutions?
GUTFELD: My resolution is to never take any advice from people in the media about how to improve your life.
BOLLING: Coming from an ex-editor of "Men's Health."
GUTFELD: That's my point. Every place that I worked: "Men's Health" and "Prevention." I wrote for "Runner's World." They're all miserable people. The people that work in the health industry are miserable, sad people. Do not listen to them.
BECKEL: That's why I never run and I never show up at gyms, because everybody is bummed out.
BECKEL: Prozac sales go through the roof when you're in one of those places. Gyms are stinky. It smells.
GUILFOYLE: I think you can get sick there, because yes, they're very dirty.
BECKEL: It's horrible, man.
GUILFOYLE: And a lot of people pick up on you (ph).
BECKEL: Oh, man. Gyms are the most dangerous place to go. There's all kinds of germs everywhere. There's...
GUILFOYLE: That's why you need nine prescriptions. Because you just called...
BECKEL: That's because I'm old. But you don't...
GUILFOYLE: Hey, let me tell you something. I just added five years to your life, big boy.
BECKEL: You put a lot -- you put a lot into that one kiss of yours. Right?
GUILFOYLE: Yes, right.
BECKEL: That must mean that your 15 husbands are all going to live to be 100.
GUILFOYLE: That wasn't my best work. Let me tell you.
BECKEL: All right. "One More Thing" is up next.
GUILFOYLE: What a charming gentleman.
GUTFELD: It's time for "One More Thing." And it's time for...
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I hate these people!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: You see what I mean? Cranky.
GUTFELD: Yes. I am cranky.
So I was away; I was in Sedona. I went to a spa. The place is great. But a spa, you know what the spa is? That's where rich people get mugged. Everybody else gets rich on the street -- gets mugged on the street. Rich people get mugged in spas.
Can I just read you the names of some of these things? Spirit of the New Moon. This is a spa treatment. "The new moon is an excellent time for manifesting your deep desires and wishes. You'll get a full body and scalp massage to stimulate mental function while writing down your intentions for the coming months."
BECKEL: Are you kidding me?
GUTFELD: Here's my favorite, "Intentional Aroma Therapy Massage." What is unintentional? Breaking wind? Makes no sense to me. "Resonating with your energy this treatment combines a dry brush body exfoliation with a light..."
PERINO: I like that, though.
GUILFOYLE: By the way, your wife runs the marriage for sure.
BECKEL: I get that all the time. I get that all the time. The problem is the people are all Korean and they don't speak English.
GUTFELD: "Aura Soma Relationship Reading." This is what we have to do. "The Aura Soma Color Reading offers ways for couples and business partners to learn to recognize and value each other's unique gifts."
GUILFOYLE: I want to do that.
GUTFELD: And you sit around, and you talk about each other. You know what that costs? Two hundred and ninety bucks for an hour to sit around people.
GUILFOYLE: You do it for free here with Dana every day.
GUTFELD: I'm tired of this world. All right, Kimberly.
GUILFOYLE: My turn. All right. FOX New Year's Eve special, which was No. 1, baby. We had a really great exclusive with "Duck Dynasty's" Willie and Korie. Here they are with Elisabeth and Bill.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BILL HEMMER, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: What did you think of A&E's decision regarding your father a couple of weeks ago?
WILLIE ROBERTSON, REALITY TV STAR: We're just glad to be back to work. And A&E and us are fine. We're looking forward to getting back to making some funny shows. And it's a new year. So we're ready to break in a new year. We're starting all over again. We've got a couple of episodes filmed. And we'll be filming forward now, and you know, we're ready to move on.
HEMMER: What's your father doing tonight?
W. ROBERTSON: I reckon he's asleep.
KORIE ROBERTSON, REALITY TV STAR: Watching FOX News, probably.
W. ROBERTSON: You know, he goes to bed early. Probably (UNINTELLIGIBLE) right now.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: I want to do a special thank you to the viewers -- that's you at home -- for watching us and making FOX News Channel new Year's Eve special the No. 1 most watched special on new Year's Eve in all of cable. So thank you to you. And that's TV by the numbers.
BOLLING: OK. I was going to do also a "Duck Dynasty" thing. But you can tell it's really quirky. You can stick around. "Hannity," I'll play it during the "Hannity" hour. I'm hosting "Hannity" tonight.
PERINO: That's a good thing. I'll stay up for that.
I'm on. "Great American Panel."
PERINO: I want to say hello to the newest "Five" fan of 2014.
GUTFELD: Not that dog.
PERINO: It's actually a baby. This is Joe Schwartz. I follow him on Twitter. And his little girl is Holly Isabella Schwartz. They love "The Five." They got to the hospital at 4:50, and the baby was born at 5 a.m. One of the first "Five" fans in 2014. There she is. Holly Isabella.
GUTFELD: That's selfish, to be born that early.
PERINO: What do you mean?
GUTFELD: Wait a couple of hours. Let some people sleep. Babies, they only think about themselves. Bob.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, God.
BECKEL: As you may have heard, former first lady Barbara Bush was taken to the hospital. And -- but now she is recovering and doing great and responding well, according to family and friends.
And then she sent out a tweet.
GUILFOYLE: Forty-one sent out.
BECKEL: Excuse me, George -- her husband, George H.W. Bush, tweeted this: "Barbara thanks @BarackObama and @BillClinton for their get well wishes and is heeding their advice."
Then he adds, "Doesn't happen with every president she knows." I think he was referring to him.
Anyway, I wish her complete and total recovery. She's a wonderful person and is just great to have around.
GUTFELD: All right. Don't forget to set your DVRs so you never miss an episode of "The Five." We'll see you back here tomorrow.
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