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Watters' World: The Key West edition

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," December 9, 2013. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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O'REILLY: "Watters' World" segment tonight. If you've ever been Key West, Florida, you know it is the end of the U.S.A. in more ways than one, a notorious outlaw town.

It was also a place where Ernest Hemingway and Harry Truman liked to hang out. For my money, there is no place more colorful in America than Key West. So, we sent Watters down there to check it out.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS CORRESPONDENT: What are you doing down here.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 1: I moved here in 1999 and I'm just wasting time.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 2: You come to Key West on vacation, you leave on probation, you come back on violation.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 3: I've been here about eight years now.

(LAUGHTER)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: (Gasping).

(END VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE 1: It's all island.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

LLOYD BRIDGES, ACTOR: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 4: Let me talk.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 5: In New York, everything is yesterday. Everything is "Come on, let's do this." And down here, it's "I'll get my mail tomorrow."

WATTERS: When you wake up in the morning, what's your main objective.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE 2: Objective?

WATTERS: So, what's fun to do around here.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 1: Hookers and blow.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: You promised me you wouldn't do that anymore.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: How many margaritas do you knock back during an average sitting.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 6: Five or six.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 7: Fox.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE 3: Whoa!

WATTERS: Oh, man.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE 3: I've got too much stuff in my hand.

WATTERS: You spilled the Bud Light.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CAMERON DIAZ, ACTRESS: Oopsie.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: So, what do you guys do out here.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 3: Usually drink and chase women.

(LAUGHTER)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JASON BATEMAN, ACTOR: I don't think so.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: Ever worn a suit?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 8: You've got to sometimes when you've got to go to court.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 7: You need to wax your eyebrows.

WATTERS: Could you do that for me he in the parking lot.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CHRIS FARLEY, ACTOR: This is a little awkward.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: Are you on food stamps.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 4: Yes. I trade the stamps for beer and vodka, and cigarettes.

WATTERS: You know you are supposed to spend it on food.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 4: Right.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

VINCE VAUGHN, ACTOR: It is not flattering on your character.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: What about these tattoos, what do they represent.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 8: Just my life. This is actually a two-headed dragon.

WATTERS: A two-headed dragon.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 8: Yes.

WATTERS: How does a two-headed dragon signify your life.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 8: I just feel like my life is like a dragon, you know.

WATTERS: In what way.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 8: Where people sit there and, you know, always sit there and think that they -- you've got -- they have your back and stuff like that.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JUDD NELSON, ACTOR: What are you babbling about.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: Do you know what the Internet is.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE 3: Hello, I'm from Key West and I'm not stupid.

(LAUGHTER)

WATTERS: Wow. Do you think America is in a good place right now.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 9: Probably not. I'm in a god place, so that works for me.

WATTERS: How is America doing.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE 4: Frankly, we don't give a damn. We're waiting for Cuba to open up.

WATTERS: So, we need to emulate the Cuban system.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE 4: Why not.

WATTERS: How is America doing as a country.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 5: Well, you see, when you live in Key West, you forget about the rest of the country.

WATTERS: Have you signed up for ObamaCare yet.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE 2: It's the first thing on my list of things to do after I have my coffee and my beer.

(LAUGHTER)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CESAR ROMERO, ACTOR: (Laughter)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: Have you tried signing up for ObamaCare.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 4: What's that.

WATTERS: Do you have insurance.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 9: Do I have -- I have car insurance.

WATTERS: What do you think about Joe Biden.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE 3: I don't know who that is.

(LAUGHTER)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE 5: Hi.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, 47TH U.S. VICE PRESIDENT: Hello, New Jersey.

(CHEERING)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: Do you vote.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 9: I vote, yes.

WATTERS: Yes? Who did you vote for last time.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 9: Jill Cranney-Craig for mosquito control.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: What?!

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: What do you watch on TV.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE 5: Cartoons all day long.

WATTERS: Do you know who I am. I'm Watters.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 6: No.

WATTERS: Do you ever watch "Watters' World."

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 5: Is that you guys.

WATTERS: I'm Watters. And this is my world right here.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 5: OK.

WATTERS: Yes.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE 5: Just don't pee on me.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(ROOSETER CROWING)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE 4: Yes. Give them hell, Bill.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE 3: Here's to you, Bill.

(LAUGHTER)

WATTERS: You've got some hair on your hands.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(SLAPPING SOUND)

CHER, SINGER AND ACTRESS: Snap out of it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(END VIDEOTAPE)

O'REILLY: Oh, yes. Here's Watters. Now, I sent you down there because I've been going down there since 1971.

WATTERS: You go down there a lot.

O'REILLY: I go down there undercover though.

WATTERS: You should.

O'REILLY: Oh, yes.

WATTERS: You should wear a mask.

(LAUGHTER)

O'REILLY: But, you know what, they wouldn't know me anyway.

WATTERS: No, they didn't.

O'REILLY: Nobody watches TV or the news.

WATTERS: No one watches TV. They don't have telephones, the Internet.

O'REILLY: No.

WATTERS: They don't even have bank accounts.

O'REILLY: This is for Americans who just want to say, "Enough."

WATTERS: Right.

O'REILLY: "I just want to be left alone to do whatever I want."

WATTERS: They're running from the law most of the time.

O'REILLY: And in Key West, they'll let you do whatever you want.

WATTERS: I didn't see one police officer when I was down there. Someone told me in analogy, it's like, if you shake the country, --

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

-- all sediment winds up in Florida. And then if you shake Florida, the rest --

O'REILLY: Goes down to Key West.

WATTERS: Goes to Key West.

O'REILLY: It's a beautiful place.

WATTERS: Very pretty.

O'REILLY: But, you know, people on vacation with kids, --

WATTERS: Right.

O'REILLY: -- No!

WATTERS: They have to watch out.

O'REILLY: No!

WATTERS: Right. There are some jackals --

O'REILLY: OK. You go to Isle Mirada, you go to Key Largo, fine.

WATTERS: Right.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

O'REILLY: That's it. No.

WATTERS: You may wind up --

O'REILLY: Not even a day trip.

(LAUGHTER)

WATTERS: No, not even a trip.

O'REILLY: But they were nice to you. Nobody bothered you, right.

WATTERS: Very nice to me. I got out alive, so --

O'REILLY: OK. Did you get the eyebrows waxed.

WATTERS: No. You know this is the second person that said I had bushy eyebrows.

O'REILLY: I don't know why.

WATTERS: I'm starting to get the hint here.

O'REILLY: All right, Jesse Watters, everybody. And we would like to remind you, we have a new Billoreilly.com poll question. And this is for the folks in Key West, too.

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