GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Almost a disaster.
Hello, everyone. We're at our new North Pole studio in Milpitas, California. Can you believe it?
I'm Greg Gutfeld, along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling -- and she snow-skis on a wish bone, it's Dana Perino.
Surprise, this is "The Five."
GUTFELD: Oh, dear.
Anyway, the White House has spoken: The ObamaCare website is a success, and by their measure, why not?
Look at other government "successes": the Postal Service, the DMV, green jobs, the war on drugs, the IRS. ObamaCare hit rock bottom in record time. It's the Usain Bolt of incompetence. A high-speed train to failure. It makes Cash for Clunkers look like the polio vaccine.
But is it really a success even by their own claims? Maybe, much like a one-dimensional town in a "Gun Smoke" episode is -- it looks real but don't lean on it, it could fall.
Signing up for ObamaCare is like poking road kill with a stick. The only movement you see is from the stick. The security, the processing, everything is a joke. That's the back end. And like mine after five days in the Tropics, it ain't working.
So, ObamaCare's real success is showing the gulf between public and private standards. Private profits from pleasure, so standards are high. Public insures survival for the powerful, so standards don't exist. Failure unmeasured blossoms, requiring more bureaucrats to manage the disaster. So, instead of putting out a fire, we simply hire more arsonists. And with a loving media, it's arsonists with publicists.
But Democrats shouldn't fret because this may pass, if the Republicans chase sillier stuff. Small pointless battles help the media deflect from Obama's hell. Right now, the president is Monty Hall and he just gave the right a brand new car. It's on them if they choose what's behind door number two, instead. Do you sound like you're yelling?
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Yes.
GUTFELD: I know. It's quite a turn --
PERINO: But we look amazing.
GUTFELD: All right. Thank you.
Great to be back.
Dana, I'll go to you first. So, they're saying this is a success. It's working 90 percent of the time. So, if you're working in an airport, that's 90 percent if only -- if nine out of the 10 planes stay in the sky, that's a success.
PERINO: Success. I mean, they should get a raise for these things like that.
So, themselves up for the deadline. November 30th, no matter was it looked like, unless it was -- of course, it got better.
PERINO: How many more millions of dollars and hundreds of people working 24 hours a day. Of course, it better gets better.
PERINO: At some point, if they believe, if they keep saying it, it's going to be true.
PERINO: Why are you laughing at me?
GUTFELD: These shots are a little odd. They're coming at you when you're talking, and I can't pick my nose.
PERINO: I have four points that are going to be very quick, then you can move on to someone who doesn't look so weird.
I think that they have deeper problems than this Web site. And those are beginning to show themselves.
The first one is the price. The sticker shock is a problem. As you said, ObamaCare doesn't cover sticker shock.
It's not just on the premiums. It's on the deductibles and people are surprised about that.
The number of young people not participating, which is key to the success of ObamaCare, that is going to continue to be like the Jenga game - -
PERINO: Pulling that piece out.
The third one is choice. You were choice of doctor. People are starting to see how narrow their choices are going to be.
The fourth one is the legal challenges which are mount up. When the Supreme Court decides to look at one key part of it, that also makes it more difficult to get on message and to stay on message if their policy isn't working out.
GUTFELD: I counted five things.
PERINO: Well, you know, that was a bonus. Bonus round.
GUTFELD: OK. Good.
So, Eric, they said 125,000 people signed up versus a prediction of 800,000. That's like a pitcher's batting average. That's not a --
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: I'll take it one step further. What they're saying now that it's working or 80 percent or 90 percent of the time is that they can handle 50,000 people at a time and they hope to handle 800,000 in a day. Just a little point of reference, FedEx will deliver 22 million packages today. Amazon Web site handled 1.1 million requests per hour, 1.1 million per hour. Walmart.com processed last Thursday 400 million page views. And eBay will have over 4 million page views in a day.
So nowhere near what the private sector can do. It's a perfect example. If you're in college and you're going to business school and you want to go, how does government stack up compared to private industry? Take a look at these, the numbers are right in your face.
And, by the way, wait until the security problems start kicking in.
BOLLING: One of the boxes you have to check to sign up for doc-gov for health care is that you agree that you have no reasonable expectation of privacy.
PERINO: That should have been my sixth point.
BOLLING: They're giving you every reason to believe you have no reasonable expectation.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: And here's the point, like I always say, what good is the front end if you don't have a back end? And that's what the problem is.
BECKEL: You ain't got that problem.
GUILFOYLE: I'm telling you, because so far, the front end of this is working, the back end is not. Individuals are not able to verify that they, in fact, have coverage. Greg is afraid to make eye contact with me.
GUTFELD: I'm just thinking that you work the front and the back end equally.
GUILFOYLE: I try. I try to do my part. This website doesn't. That's the problem for Americans that are relying on coverage or for doctors to get the proper information, to collect information. You won't be able to verify that you have coverage. That's the problem.
BOLLING: The back end.
GUILFOYLE: The back end.
PERINO: Speaking of the back end --
GUTFELD: Bob. No, Bob is --
GUILFOYLE: Poor Bob.
GUTFELD: Unnecessary, Bob. At least that wasn't me. That was Dana.
PERINO: Unnecessary roughness.
BECKEL: I'm used to it. That's OK.
GUTFELD: She took an easy shot. Kathleen Sebelius, her tip was to use the Web site during peak hours. That's like saying shop for Christmas in March.
GUILFOYLE: Right. Big problem.
BECKEL: I've got few points to make. Number one, my ear piece is too loud so I don't listen to anybody else, if you're trying to talk to me, I took it out.
GUILFOYLE: That explains a lot.
BECKEL: Secondly, let me just say that all this doom and gloom you all predict, it may happen, it may not. But in California, it's been a raging success. Kentucky, it's been a raging success. People who never had health insurance before now have it. Washington state, the same thing.
Interesting about those states, they're the ones where the Democratic governors set up their own computers for exchanges, where the Republicans governors who are hell-bent on stopping people from getting health care reform. It screwed up and put it on the federal government.
I grant you the federal government couldn't handle it but if the Republican governors and their legislatures had stopped playing politics and agreed to do something --
PERINO: Then the Web site would have worked?
BECKEL: There wouldn't have been as many people on the Web site.
BOLLING: Can you define raging success? Is 90 percent failure away from your goal a raging success? Because so far they've only signed upped technically 110,000 or so --
BECKEL: They signed up about 43,000 --
BOLLING: OK, but how is that --
BECKEL: Who have not had insurance before.
BOLLING: Bob, they needed 7 million by March.
BOLLING: They may get a million by the end of December --
BECKEL: You keep saying it's going to be cost, costs. You know with these new insurance policies --
BOLLING: I'm just using your words, where do liberal, get off calling this a raging success?
BECKEL: I said in states where it wasn't Republican obstructionism.
GUILFOYLE: So, you blame it on Republicans?
BECKEL: Of course, I do.
GUTFELD: Can you imagine what constitutes a failure? What could be a failure?
BOLLING: Kentucky, two Republican senators.
BECKEL: Excuse me, the number of people getting these insurance policies, yes, they have to pay higher premiums, but they will be spending much less for health care because they had lousy insurance policies they had before, they had to shell out a lot of money out of pocket, and on these new plan, they won't have to. And that's going to save hundreds of billions of dollars.
The last thing I'll say, I talked to a guy over the weekend, who had 400 employees, he said, Bob, this talk about throwing employees off their health insurance -- he said, nobody's going to do that. He said it's crazy. The 100 million, whoever that came from, they were raging idiots.
GUTFELD: I have to say, I like your science there. Some guy you talked to told you that.
BECKEL: He owns a company, with 400 employees.
BOLLING: Hundreds of billions of dollars.
BECKEL: He owns a company, with 400 employees.
GUTFELD: But we can't use vivid video as an example.
BECKEL: They have more than that.
GUTFELD: I want to talk about Obama's polling number. He was interviewed by I think her name is Barbara Walters, a delightful woman, about his polling numbers and his popularity and his trustworthiness.
Let's roll this, shall we?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARBARA WALTERS: Are you worried that you won't be able to get things done because of this lack of support?
BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Well, Barbara, if you remember, I've gone up and down pretty consistently throughout. The good thing about when you're down is that usually you got nowhere to go but up.
WALTERS: It's hard to sit opposite you, Mr. President, and say this, but a lot of the criticism, it's personal.
WALTERS: People just don't think you're trustworthy.
OBAMA: Well, I don't think that's true, Barbara. You know, the truth of the matter is I got re-elected, in part because people did think I was trustworthy and they knew I was working on their behalf.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Strange answer.
PERINO: Strange answer. Strange prep for that answer, I have to say.
GUTFELD: Really, what would you say?
PERINO: I think -- well, I think what he could have said instead is, Barbara, I've seen those numbers and they concern me. I want the American people to know they can trust me and I'm working hard on their behalf. Something instead of "Well, I don't think that's true."
PERINO: It's Barbara Walters looking at the Gallup poll.
BECKEL: It's amazing to me, in today's American politics, things move rather rapidly, and I will guarantee the Republicans figure out a way to do something that will increase Obama's poll numbers.
GUTFELD: I agree, I agree.
And also because, Eric, the Republicans will always be the viable villain for the media. So, they're going to find something that the Republicans do next that will take away, that will go Obama -- because Obama is their guy.
BOLLING: Hopefully, the Republicans are smart enough to stay out of ObamaCare. You wonder why it's the topic every single day, because it needs to be --
BECKEL: How about something of their own?
BOLLING: But it shouldn't be contraceptives, it shouldn't be gay marriage. It should be Healthcare.gov, ObamaCare going forward, because this is an epic fail on Obama's part.
GUILFOYLE: And it needs the attention.
BOLLING: And, by the way, as soon as the Web site's back up and rolling, then you get into the real problems with ObamaCare.
BECKEL: Can you tell me what the Republican agenda is for the next year?
BOLLING: It should be ObamaCare.
PERINO: We have 30 seconds left.
BOLLING: That's what it should be. That's what it should be.
BECKEL: No, I'm talking about all for next year. Nothing? Nothing?
PERINO: That's not true.
BECKEL: That's their job --
GUTFELD: I think it should be climate change.
GUILFOYLE: Greg, the problem is Dana hit it on the head, because this guy is a discounter. He's not going to acknowledge any kind of failure. He can't even accept the fact that perhaps the American people distrust him or part of this is personal.
She asked a great question. He dodged it and missed a great opportunity to connect with the people, to let him know that he actually cares, to show some humility, that he cares about what they think that he wants to earn their trust, and say something about how he's going to do that. Because just blaming it on the Republicans and everyone else all the time or bad polling isn't cutting it.
BECKEL: He should have done something different. Or take the opportunity to say, by the way, my trust numbers are down and I can understand why the Republican trust numbers are down to 9 percent which is --
PERINO: I think that hurts him, though. I think the more that he does that, the more people go, oh my gosh, we have heard enough about that. What about you? What about what are we doing -- you're president for the next three year, let's get going.
GUILFOYLE: If the election were today, he would not be re-elected.
GUTFELD: That's the thing, he's not --
BOLLING: I'm sorry, if you're a trend reader, and you are, you're a trend guy, the polling trend is down. He's under water 11 percent, his disapproval over approval rating. And it's getting wilder and worse.
You can't step up and say, well, this is it. I'm going to show you I'm trustworthy. He has to wait until he bottoms out. He hasn't bottomed out yet.
BECKEL: There's only two ways to bring your number back up like that. Do something significant, which I don't think there's much to do.
BECKEL: Or have the opposition party screw up. And I think they will.
BOLLING: Or war.
BECKEL: Or war.
PERINO: Or good economic numbers, which they could get some better ones this week possibly.
BECKEL: Yes, they said the economy's supposed to grow, according to Baron's. It was supposed to grow 1.7 percent or 2.7 percent --
GUILFOYLE: Or find another bin Laden.
GUTFELD: Here's some good news that might change everything. This is David Fluff (ph), is that his name, David Fluff?
BOLLING: Close enough.
GUTFELD: On this week, talking about when we expect Obama care to work. I think this is a bright part of the rainbow, whatever that means.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DAVID PLOUFFE, FORMER OBAMA ADVISER: It may take until 2017 when this president leaves office. You're going to see almost every state in this country running their exchanges and expanding Medicaid. I think it will work really well then.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: There you go, 2017.
PERINO: Right around the corner.
GUTFELD: That's right around the corner, kids.
PERINO: I thought they said it was working now.
GUILFOYLE: I love it. It's going to be awesome when he's out of office, that's what he's saying.
GUTFELD: Yes, if we just believe in the greater good, this will work out.
BECKEL: Just remember, it took Medicare a good six or seven years before it got settled down to work. So, some of this --
BOLLING: It works?
BECKEL: It works, it works, it works.
BOLLING: Now, it works?
BECKEL: Yes, don't you think it does?
BECKEL: So, you want to privatize it, don't you?
BOLLING: I would like to.
BECKEL: You and Paul Ryan.
PERINO: That's not what Paul Ryan says.
BOLLING: Actually, let's not minimize what it is. I'm saying let people keep more of their own money in taxes and let's not fund a program that, frankly, isn't working, and rife with waste, fraud and abuse.
BECKEL: And vouchers, right?
GUILFOYLE: What's wrong with re-examining it and taking a closer look and being more fiscally responsible, while at the same time providing good quality care for Americans?
BECKEL: I think it's fine. I think you should put the Ryan voucher program and see what happens.
GUTFELD: Exactly. But the thing is, any time a Republican offers some kind of option, it is demonizing as being greedy or pushing grandma off the cliff. It would be great if both sides analyzed what options were out there together equally.
PERINO: They did that. They tried that with Simpson/Bowles and look what happens.
GUTFELD: I don't know. I don't know what that is.
PERINO: You don't remember?
GUTFELD: No, I have a short term memory loss.
OK. Directly ahead, for some reason, today is Cyber Monday. Could drone delivery be in our new future? That's a drone. Looks like a model airplane.
And later, Barbara Walters, a saint, releases her list of the 10 most fascinating people of the year. The burning question?
BECKEL: She is.
GUTFELD: Why do we care? That debate and more coming up on "The Five."
PERINO: All right. Cyber Monday is here and while online shopping is already very convenient for millions of Americans, and we should know, could you imagine if your Christmas packages were delivered to your doorstep in a few minutes by a miniature drone? Sounds like science fiction but it could soon become reality.
Amazon's CEO Jeff Bezos unveiled his amazing plan for the not-so- distant future last night on "60 Minutes."
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JEFF BEZOS, AMAZON CEO: These are octocopters. These are effectively drones, but there's no reason that they can't be used as delivery vehicles. Drops the package.
CHARLIE ROSE, CBS NEWS: There's the package.
BEZOS: Come and get your package. We can do half hour delivery.
ROSE: Half hour delivery?
BEZOS: Half hour delivery. We can carry objects up to five pounds, which covers 86 percent of the items we deliver. Could it be, you know, four, five years? I think so. It will work and it will happen and it's going to be a lot of fun.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: All right, Kimberly, that's the free market at work -- lots of innovation, ideas coming out of Amazon. This one, though, really got people bothered.
PERINO: Just a little background. The PR people at Amazon told "60 Minutes", I have a big surprise for you. And "60 Minutes" staff is like, you know, we've seen this all before. You wouldn't be able to surprise us. It can't be that big.
But it was and it got everybody talking. But you like the drone idea? You're well in the middle of --
GUILFOYLE: I love shopping. I love Amazon.com. I'm a prime member. And I love drones against bad guys. If they want to bring presents, they can do that too.
I love the idea of innovation. I mean, I love the fact you can order something, the immediacy of it. I think it's good for the economy and retail confidence. I like the technology behind it. I'm sure they'll work it out.
BECKEL: They're going to need an air traffic controller at your house to take the number of drones that are coming down.
GUILFOYLE: You ain't kidding, Bob. I love it.
PERINO: Let me ask Eric first -- does this give you hives, the idea of the private sector and drones and the ability of anybody to do this?
BOLLING: No. Honestly, I think what he did was -- he doesn't really think he's going to be delivering packages in 30 minutes via drone. I think what he's doing is saying we're going to continue to innovate. We're going to continue to find the next best thing to bring things to the customer faster, cheaper, better, in interesting ways.
This doesn't look logical. I mean, how are you going to get something 30 minutes?
GUILFOYLE: You get a pizza from Domino's, 30 minutes or your money back.
BOLLING: You don't even get that. They pulled that offer because they were giving away too many pizzas.
But I think Bezos is very smart. Think about Bezos for a second though. Amazon doesn't even make a profit. It's making all time highs. It's worth, you know, hundreds of billions of dollars and can't turn a profit yet. But what they're doing is they're showing the world they can innovate.
PERINO: And a long term view.
BECKEL: They don't make any money.
BOLLING: Nope, they're not profitable.
PERINO: Greg, just in time to save the day, government announced they're going to be holding hearings about this. You think that's a good idea?
GUTFELD: Really? You know what's a good idea, if these are indeed miniature drones, you should be the spokesperson.
PERINO: Great. I could like fly around on them?
GUTFELD: That was an insult.
PERINO: I know, I'm thinking it could be job security. Better than elf on a shelf.
GUTFELD: I'm looking way ahead. This isn't about delivering things. It's about you going places you don't have to go to.
If you have to go to a meeting, a drone, which is equipped with a camera and a speaker, you can go to a meeting as your drone. Everybody will have their drone. Pretty soon, there will be drone parties, because I don't like going out. If my wife wants to go, she can go with my drone. My drone can sit there and just listen to Kimberly drone on and on about whatever, and I don't have to be there.
GUILFOYLE: You wish you got invited to my party.
GUTFELD: Drones will replace people for actions that we don't want to do.
BECKEL: Drones are going to start drinking and it's going to be a terrible night.
GUILFOYLE: Bob, you can date a drone, it's going to be exciting.
BECKEL: I've dated plenty of drones, believe me.
PERINO: Let me ask, Eric, though. Aside from the drones on -- when it comes to the innovation in the private sector, do you think -- I was thinking last night watching that because there's such a contrast between Healthcare.gov and ObamaCare versus what they innovate and can do at Amazon and some of those numbers that you mentioned earlier.
BOLLING: I think what's happening is you're seeing the elimination of the human being in the system, in the sale cycle. People want -- Amazon delivers groceries to people's homes. So, you don't have to go to a brick and mortar grocery store anymore. It will be delivered from a distribution center.
BOLLING: So, technology is replacing the human being with drones and trucks and things like that. So -- but it is more efficient. So, listen, I'm all for it.
PERINO: So, we have a second great topic. I'm going to ask if we can hold this for tomorrow, and talk about the minimum wage, because if we have a rousing debate.
I'm going to ask Bob -- have you done any online shopping, Bob?
BECKEL: I do all online shopping. I don't need to go to the nearest store. I can't stand them. I can't the people. I can't stand the teenagers with their pants down around their ankles and all the teenage girls look like hookers, and all the baseball capped turned on sideways. I can't stand it.
GUILFOYLE: Remember you bought that $600 tanning cream thing online, you got ripped off?
BECKEL: No, I didn't get ripped off.
GUILFOYLE: You did.
PERINO: They're out there.
Speaking of that, though, Kimberly. That's a good point. Let me just --
BECKEL: Let me ask Eric a serious question --
PERINO: Tips to avoid online scams.
BECKEL: Can I ask Eric a serious question? On a serious note, it's not contentious.
PERINO: You bet.
BECKEL: How many people you think are going to lose -- how much will it replace people, these mechanical things?
BOLLING: The retail? I know where you're going with this, Bob. That's the reason why ObamaCare can't create enough jobs --
BECKEL: No, no, no, I'm not arguing. Because productivity's getting so much better.
BOLLING: Productivity is better. Innovation has improved --
BECKEL: So, that means there's going to be people --
GUTFELD: You know what's worse, when the better robots replace the older robots. What about the older robots? Where are they going to go? They have feelings too.
What about the toasters? We replace toasters with the robot toaster.
BECKEL: They go to your basement.
GUTFELD: That's where they end up. That is true. The things I do cannot be mentioned.
PERINO: Well, let me tell you, I lost total control of this segment. If you go on the Facebook.com -- what is it, "The Five" Facebook -- "The Five" Facebook page, we have tips to avoid scams that can happen to you if you're shopping online. You're going to show it quickly here, but you can find it online as well.
All right. Up next, the lightning round on three hot topics in the news. Bob and I are taking victory laps after calling winners of some big games this weekend. Ron Burgundy does the local news in North Dakota. And new details about the tragic death of "Fast and Furious" star Paul Walker.
All that and more on "The Five."
BOLLING: All right, ready for another installment of our fast, fierce and fun lightning round. Three provocative stories in the news today, rapid fire around the horn.
First up, best football game ever. If you missed Alabama at Auburn, here's the unbelievable winning touchdown off a missed field goal against the national champions oh, by the way, with no time left on the clock.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And Chris Davis takes it at the back of the end zone. He'll run it out to the -- 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 45 -- there goes Davis!
UNIDENTIFEID MALE: Oh, my gosh!
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Davis is going to run it all the way back! Auburn's going to win the football game! Auburn is going to win the football game!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: All right. Mr. Bob Beckel, you won the bet, take your victory lap, my man.
BECKEL: First of all, that guy, that announcer man, I'll tell you -- he's not going to be able to speak for weeks. It was an incredible football game.
The thing I got to ask, why did the Alabama coach after having his place kicker miss two field goals from 30 yards decide to do that from 56 yards out? But because we had the bet, for the dinner, I would ask you to take me per say, whatever that --
BOLLING: Per say.
BECKEL: Per say or --
BOLLING: Per se, it's the most --
BECKEL: -- which you can afford. But it's French. I don't like French, so I'm not going to go.
PERINO: I think I could be invited to go because I correctly predicted that Auburn would win because my friend Susan Wheaton (ph) and Robert Gibbs went there. Don't you remember? I don't get any respect around here for my football knowledge.
BOLLING: Can I show you guys something, though? Bob -- we had a hidden camera in Bob's den. Look at how happy he is just over winning a dinner bet. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Go, go! You can run it out! You can run it out! Go, go, go! Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! Oh! Oh, my God! We did it! We did it!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: We've all been there, Bob. Congratulations. Good job.
BECKEL: My sister's granddaughter got killed in that --
GUILFOYLE: Oh my gosh.
BECKEL: I'm only kidding.
GUILFOYLE: What is wrong with Bob?
BOLLING: Quick thoughts on Alabama-Auburn.
GUILFOYLE: I love college football because it's exciting, you never know what's going to happen. They play it much more, you know, fast and loose, take chances which makes it exciting to watch.
BOLLING: Great game. Dana, you called it.
PERINO: I did.
GUTFELD: I think it's disgusting that as a show we would celebrate a violent sport whose only primary goal is to win. I feel bad for the losing players. I don't think in these games, there should be scores. There shouldn't be contact. And there shouldn't be a ball.
I find this whole thing repulsive. By the way, the greatest game ever, 1982, Stanford-Cal, big game with the play. This is nothing.
BOLLING: I'll take this over that because that was --
GUTFELD: You didn't see that game.
GUILFOYLE: Look how awesome American sports are.
BOLLING: The band came on the field, (INAUDIBLE) that game as well.
Anyway, let's move on.
GUTFELD: It wasn't there.
BOLLING: Ron Burgundy is a fictional anchorman in a hit movie serious with that title. Star Will Ferrell has been an amazing brand builder, doing Dodge commercial, the Leno show, and this weekend, he delivered a full local newscast in character. Folks, "Anchorman."
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
AMBER SCHATZ, TV ANCHOR: I'm Amber Schatz.
WILL FERRELL AS RON BURGUNDY: And I'm Ron Burgundy. Thanks for joining us tonight.
Amber, you look lovely tonight.
SCHATZ: Thank you, Ron. You, too.
FERRELL: Are you married?
FERRELL: Well, I am. So don't get any ideas.
SCHATZ: There's also mo-vember for mustaches.
FERRELL: I'm fond of those.
SCHATZ: Ron, I was wondering. How about that?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How long did it take you to grow out that bad boy?
FERRELL: About 20 minutes.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Impressive.
FERRELL: You guys did a good job tonight. I can't wait to do it for real. That was a good warm-up.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: OK. Let's bring it around the table.
GUTFELD: I guess it's funny but I don't need to see this because I see this every day.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, what time do you see this, Greg?
GUTFELD: The funny thing about this is the joke is on them. That's the funny thing.
GUILFOYLE: It is. I thought it was very humorous.
PERINO: That's true.
GUTFELD: It is true.
PERINO: It is true. The thing is -- I love local news. I love it. I love watching local news.
GUILFOYLE: I love New York 1.
GUTFELD: For us to sit here and go, ha, ha.
PERINO: I thought she was great. She was hilarious.
GUILFOYLE: What happened to your sense of humor? You left it out of the country?
BOLLING: What about you, anchorman?
BECKEL: I thought he did a great job. No reason -- no problem with going to North Dakota. They've got some great anchor people everywhere. Great news people around America.
I mean, when that kid was jumping up and down, he pulled that kid next to him on to the floor. I didn't mean my sister's granddaughter got killed --
GUTFELD: We got the joke.
GUILFOYLE: Bob, wow, wow, wow.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, I'm excited to see it. I think he's super-talented and funny. And he's a hard worker. He's a great promoter.
BOLLING: Great point. This guy makes the "Anchorman" brand bigger and better.
PERINO: I actually might go to the movie theater.
GUILFOYLE: I don't need it to be bigger.
BOLLING: I need him to turn down the emotion a little bit. We really want to get this in the show. A tragic life imitating art. Actor Paul Walker was the star of the hit movies "Fast and Furious." Paul was in the passenger's seat of his friend's speeding Porsche Carrera when they hit a pole, killing both.
Walker, 40 years old, died tragically in the very same style his movies embraced.
K.G., a big loss for a lot of people.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, I'm a big fan of Paul Walker and not for the obvious reasons.
I think he's a really good actor. He's a great father. He has a little girl he's leaving behind. So, I'm very sad for her to grow up, you know, without her father. I know what that's like from my mother's side.
But, you know, he'll be missed. I thought he was talented. He was, in fact, making one of the installments of the "Fast and Furious" series at the time of his death.
BOLLING: Bob --
BECKEL: The only movie I saw (INAUDIBLE) in the last 10 years was the one where they pulled the bank vault down the street -- I thought he was a good actor, and it's very sad.
BOLLING: Crazy he died in the same way, same genre as his movies. Your thoughts?
PERINO: Yes, I'm -- OK, here we go again. I never saw the movie. I do feel bad for his family. He had a lot of fans.
GUILFOYLE: He did. And Vin Diesel, I'm sure he misses him.
BOLLING: Greg, thoughts?
GUTFELD: I guess -- yes, it's sad when people die. It's not tragic. There were four people that were killed in a derailment in a train who weren't racing. They died randomly in a horrible way. It injured 63 people in New York City. It was a very, very bad accident.
Why are we talking about this guy? Because he's famous and he raced cars. Those people on the train, they weren't famous, they didn't race cars.
So, it's sad, it's sad -- but tragedy is when it happens randomly.
GUILFOYLE: It sounds like the train was speeding, this is a FOX News alert, because 82 into a 32. The latest news on that.
BOLLING: Directly ahead, what do Miley Cyrus, Pope Francis, and Willie Robertson and the stars of "Duck Dynasty" have in common? They're on the list of Barbara Walter's list of the most fascinating people of 2013. Who else made the cut? And who do we think should be crowned the most fascinating of all?
Find out, next on "The Five."
PERINO: I have a particular feeling.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, yes.
The Robertson family of "Duck Dynasty", NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden, reality star Kim Kardashian and fiance Kanye West -- well, these are some of Barbara Walter's most fascinating people of 2013, and it was announced today.
Also on the list, Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Lawrence, "GMA" anchor Robin Roberts, Miley Cyrus, Prince George, the royal baby, long distance swimmer Diana Nyad and Pope Francis.
Now, Bob, I know you're incredibly excited about Kim and Kanye.
BECKEL: To put those people on the same list as the pope, it's unbelievable to me. First of all, I feel sorry for their kid to have Kanye, North, and Kardashian plastic as their mother. But maybe they cannot survive all that.
But beyond that, Miley Cyrus, are you kidding me? I mean, look, they got a porn convention every year in Las Vegas, she could win out there. Leave it alone.
GUILFOYLE: So glad we started with Bob.
BOLLING: So, interesting list. You know, I'm trying to figure out -- it's supposed to be the most fascinating people. So is it the most fascinating celebrates? If you eliminate celebrities which is what I would do, it would leave it down to -- it would come down to -- by the way, like the "Duck Dynasty" people.
It would be one of the two. It would be the pope. I think he's amazingly fascinating. He's got 1.3 billion Catholics around the world.
GUILFOYLE: That's my choice. Yes.
BOLLING: He would be my number one.
Number two would be Ed Snowden. I mean, here's a guy who literally changed what's going on in American politics.
GUILFOYLE: Bolling, look at your picks back there on our banner. Most fascinating in 2013. You got Snowden, Pope Francis. I hope the winner is in the middle because Miley, my goodness, interesting.
PERINO: I look forward to the Barbara Walters special every year because -- I know Greg's going to say this is lame, but I like those end of the year lists to say, OK, look back and say, OK, what was, you're nodding, I know that you would like that.
GUILFOYLE: I like them.
PERINO: I do think the Miley Cyrus pick was purely for ratings and not for content. I don't find her fascinating.
BECKEL: There's content there but it ain't in the brain, I can tell you that.
PERINO: I do think she missed an opportunity to find somebody in philanthropy. And maybe pick somebody obscure or somebody -- like a younger person that's doing something amazing around the world like this Pencils of Promise we learned about, Adam Braun's organization, or someone from Mercy Ships --
PERINO: Also, there were several Medal of Honor recipients that could have been chosen and highlighted as well. They don't make the list. They're not on the cover of "People" magazine.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, Miley and Kim Ye, Kim Kardashian and Kanye.
Anyway, please? It can't be them, there's no way.
Greg, please say something nice and contribute to this segment.
GUTFELD: Oh, I'm not.
GUILFOYLE: OK, pass. Human beings don't walk around and say I'm fascinated by something. You don't sit around and you go, oh, look at that, that's fascinating.
Fascinating is a fake word created by people in print and in TV when they have nothing else to say. It's a stupid fake word. Persons, individuals in and of themselves are not fascinating.
Phenomena are fascinating. Why we're living here on this planet. That's fascinating concept.
But when you look at a person, you don't go, ooh, that's fascinating. I hate stories like this. I hate the idea of doing it on the show. It's stupid. It's a waste of time.
BECKEL: Did you ever play the Grinch before when you were --
GUTFELD: Yes, I did, on "FOX and Friends" and they edited it out, it was so bad. Come on, do you walk around and go, ooh, that's fascinating?
BECKEL: Certainly about Miley Cyrus --
GUTFELD: -- have nothing to say when --
GUILFOYLE: I think it's more like the idea of people are interesting --
BECKEL: You think Miley Cyrus is interesting?
BOLLING: Try to kick a 57-yard field goal when it's never happened by this kicker in Alabama history.
GUTFELD: That's interesting.
BOLLING: That's kind of fascinating.
GUILFOYLE: Dana, since you like to participate in these segments, I'm for sure going to miss it because I love watching these Barbara Walter specials. I find them interesting and fascinating.
GUTFELD: Oh, yes, because she's important.
GUILFOYLE: Well, I think she is important for what she's contributed to journalism, especially as a woman.
However, Dana, we know a lot of these people. But 2012, the winner, General David Petraeus. That was a great choice.
PERINO: Yes, well-deserved. He'd won it before as well in 2010.
GUILFOYLE: Little trivia right there.
BECKEL: Now you got Kim Kardashian. Do you want a comparison --
GUILFOYLE: Michelle Obama, Barack Obama, J.K. Rowling, Nancy Pelosi.
PERINO: Laura Bush.
GUILFOYLE: Laura Bush, Karl Rove, Hillary Clinton, Lance Armstrong. Mother Teresa, very good choice. Prince Williams, we like the royals.
GUTFELD: He's fascinating.
GUILFOYLE: Adam Greenspan. Bolling, you'd like that.
And Nelson Mandela.
Barbara will pick a winner again this year. Good choice. Pope Francis.
BECKEL: -- whatever her name is.
All right. Coming up, a disturbing new poll shows Americans don't trust each other very much anymore. We're going to try and figure out why when "The Five" returns. Stay with us.
And Greg will be cheerful.
GUTFELD: Ha, ha. Not true.
BECKEL: One of the nutty things that makes America great is that we're, for the most part, friendly people. Easy to get along with, trusting and trustworthy. But that may be eroding.
According to a new AP poll, in the past few decades, surprisingly one- third of Americans say most people can be -- not be trusted -- can be trusted, as opposed to '72 when almost half the country felt that way. Forty years later, a record high say you can't be too careful in dealing with others.
It's interesting, too, that this is when the crime rates are down all over, which I would think would be one thing that would contribute to this. Crime rates are down all over the country. There's got to be a reason for this. What do you think, Eric?
BOLLING: Well, I don't know that the crime rate's high. I think violent crimes are down. I'm not sure, you know, trusting crimes, the thefts and the Bernie Madoffs and those types of things or not. I'm not sure if they are, but I will tell you that I don't trust liberals. And I don't trust anyone with my medical records. So I'm really screwed at the moment.
BECKEL: You had to bring it to that. OK, go ahead, Dana. See what you...
PERINO: I think these numbers track the way people feel about the general direction of the country. Is the country on the wrong track or the right track, and I think this is similar.
But I also think that it has to do with the major institutions failing people. So you can look at the Catholic Church and what happened in the '80s and '90s. I think that that affected a lot of people.
Government doesn't live up to expectations. And then even if you look at the financial crisis of the fall of 2008, people felt like even that institution would let them down.
So it's -- I don't know if it's in the personal relationships, your neighbor to neighbor, but certainly institutions have fallen -- fallen away.
GUTFELD: I think it's a couple of things. One, I think it's the -- it's our fault; it's the media. Consumer reporters have made it impossible to trust anyone. Whenever -- they're always doing something where they're catching somebody trying to rip you off.
Think about all the health scares and the media scares of the '80s and the '90s, whether it was heavy metal being satanic or the daycare centers and pedophilia. They were things that -- we were supposed to be wary of anybody who was a stranger, a stranger with candy. And in point of fact, it was relatives you have to worry about more. Hitchhiking was bad; food scares are bad.
We've created a divisive nation. We have people that are more interested in who they are in ethnicity or gender or whatnot instead of what they do, and I think that creates a lot of resentment between people.
GUTFELD; I think that's a huge thing.
Then I also think maybe it's not a bad thing. Maybe it's OK to be skeptical.
BOLLING: Agree with that. Totally agree with that.
BECKEL: What do you think?
BOLLING: What's wrong with -- what's wrong with not trusting?
GUILFOYLE: You wouldn't know how to exist without being skeptical. It would throw you completely off your game. What do I do now? Hey.
Well, this is not a surprise to me, because we had pretty much six years of economic downturn. We had Wall Street collapse. We had bank bailouts. We had chronic long-term unemployment. Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but these are the things, the realities of the everyday life and existence of Americans. So of course they're going to be a little skeptical.
Plus they're more well-informed in terms of the ability to get news and information from a wide variety of sources, whether you go online or whether you have cable news or whether you read newspapers, et cetera. So it's all out there. And I think if we continue to pull ourselves out of this and prosper as a nation, people might get a better attitude.
BECKEL: Yes. My view of it is it has a lot to do with isolation. I think people are spending less and less time engaging one another. They're in the Internet. They're sitting at home. They're going on Twitter. They're doing all these things that keep them away -- I mean, when was the last time that you saw anybody write a personal note to somebody, handwritten note?
I mean, the idea of engaging people, I think you've got to trust people when you engage them. If you don't engage them and you're hiding out in the Internet or playing those ridiculous video games, I think that's part of it.
GUTFELD: I think that's why a lot of crimes get in -- when we talk about Cincinnati or is it Cleveland, neighbors weren't looking out for each other.
BECKEL: Right. Exactly right. All right.
GUILFOYLE: I want to trust you. I want to trust you.
BECKEL: Just because this is a big studio -- We're borrowing this studio, by the way, because we got thrown out of ours for another, lower- rated show. OK, the -- "One More Thing" is up next.
GUTFELD: It's time for "One More Thing." Let's start with K.G. You have something very deep.
GUILFOYLE: I have something deep and important.
GUILFOYLE: I'd like to take the next four and a half minutes. Please don't interrupt me, because it's your birthday, baby. Happy birthday, Britney Jean. It is her 32nd birthday today. She was born December 2, 1981.
BECKEL: Who's that?
GUILFOYLE: Britney Spears.
GUTFELD: I love Bob doesn't know her. Thank you, Bob.
GUILFOYLE: She's releasing her next album, called "Britney Jean," after her middle name, tomorrow on December 3. It is her eighth studio album.
BECKEL: She looks like Cher.
GUILFOYLE: No, she doesn't, Bob. At all. I mean, they don't even have the same hair color. What are you talking about? Anyway, she's amazing and great.
PERINO: Have you heard...
GUILFOYLE: Featured on Miley Cyrus's new album.
PERINO: Have you heard her sister's new single? It's fantastic. I was surprised. I didn't even know who that was.
GUTFELD: What are we turning into?
GUILFOYLE: Dana, thank you for contributing to my "One More Thing." I like it.
GUTFELD: Are we turning into "Entertainment Tonight"?
BECKEL: All right. I went down this Thanksgiving, as I always do, and I put together my Christmas decorations on my house. This will be the last time I will do this at a home. I will have the best decorated apartment in New York City, that's for sure.
But I also had Thanksgiving, believe it or not, at my ex-wife's house, who's a very good person, who didn't feel well. She's feeling a lot better now. And her very, very good husband and my two kids. It worked out very well. But it's sort of sad to do this last time at a house, but we'll have more the rest of the week.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, you got emotional.
BOLLING: So don't make it your last.
BECKEL: What, you're going to let me do your house on the Jersey shore?
PERINO: You couldn't afford...
GUTFELD: Do a stranger's house. I do that when I'm drunk.
BOLLING: Oh, boy.
BOLLING: I had a Twitter war with someone. I really don't want to mention who he writes for. Oliver something.
GUILFOYLE: You're drinking from the cup?
PERINO: I know.
BOLLING: It has nothing to do with that.
All right. So here are the real numbers. Here are the facts. These are the real numbers.
OK. Under President Obama, four years Obama's economy, he's created 1.4 million jobs. But get this: 927,000 of those jobs are part-time jobs, leaving only 456,000 jobs in four years.
And in -- during that same period of time -- check this out -- 11 million people...
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.
BOLLING: ... have left the workforce, given up, guys. So you do the math. If that's success, I hate to see what failure is.
BECKEL; Oh, yes.
GUILFOYLE: Look at Bob snoring, stretching, burping.
BECKEL: Gee, that was interesting, Eric.
BOLLING: Thank you, Bob. D.P. (ph)
PERINO: All right. So something happened over the weekend you might not have heard about, but you can help participate for people who care about freedom.
And they are the Ukrainian brothers and sisters who peacefully protested in the Ukraine today in Kiev over the weekend, because their government's moved to try to move them away from Europe and closer to a Russian position. That is not what the people of Ukraine want.
There is a Twitter hash tag, #euromaiden, #euromaiden. Now today, I understand they're in a tough spot. They have to use diplomatic language about fostering a better environment for a protest there. But I think that if you care about freedom, you can go on and, as the American people, you can show your support through Twitter, #euromaiden. Or call your newspaper. Call anybody, but try to help them. Don't help Putin.
GUTFELD: This is such a hard story because it's complicated.
PERINO: It's complicated, but I try to tackle the big stuff.
GUTFELD: You did. No, I'm glad you talked about this. It's important, but nobody is covering it. You know?
BECKEL: Yes, you've only got 20 seconds for yours.
GUILFOYLE: I feel badly.
GUTFELD: All right. Banned phrase.
GRAPHIC: Greg's Banned Phrase. Today's Phrase: Going Viral.
GUTFELD: I can't believe I haven't banned this.
PERINO: I thought you did.
GUTFELD: I thought I did ban this.
BOLLING: I thought you did, too.
GUTFELD: No, I didn't. I didn't -- I don't. I checked it out. I've never banned "going viral."
PERINO: Well, re-ban it if you did.
GUTFELD: It should only being used in a medical office. It should not be used when describing something on the Internet. It just means something has gotten popular.
PERINO: You didn't even say what it was.
GUTFELD: Going viral?
GUTFELD: I lost interest.
All right. Don't forget to set your DVRs so you never miss an episode of "The Five." We're going to see you back here tomorrow.