This is a rush transcript from "The Five," October 31, 2013. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. Happy Halloween. I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle, along with Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling, Dana Perino and Greg Gutfeld.
It's 5 o'clock in New York City. And this is "The Five."
GUILFOYLE: Yesterday, President Obama defended his signature legislation despite revelations that millions of Americans will be kicked off their current health plans. Now, instead of an apology for campaigning on the promise that would not happen period, the president offered simple advice.
Just go shopping for a new plan.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: So if you're getting one of these letters, just shop around in the new marketplace. That's what it's for. Most people are going to be able to get better comprehensive health care plans for the same price or even cheaper than projected.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Ay dios mio!
Well, when people go shopping, they might not like what they find. So, listen to a Colorado navigator explain a sticker shock is keeping purchasers away.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REPORTER: How many have you enrolled through the exchange?
JENNIFER ABBOTT, NAVIGATOR: So far, not one. Thus far, everybody has taken a look at rates and they walked out the door. It's sticker shock.
They just can't afford it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: You think so? Well, I said that.
So, how about just shop around? Shop around. Maybe everyone doesn't want to shop around, you might not like what you be find, Mr. Bolling.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: So you went from if you like your doctor, you like your insurance carrier, you can keep it, period, so just go shop around and probably get a different price.
On top of 40 million people who are uninsured and then you add in 14 million to 15 million people who are going to get thrown off, like their insurance, who are going to get thrown off, you have a system where literally 60 million people are going to be looking to try and get insured at the same time, and they can't get on the Web site.
This is a colossal, unmitigated disaster for the Obama administration. And you know what I think? I don't think they should push back. I think as soon as the Web site comes up, everyone should be mandated because the sooner they realize how much this thing is going to fail from a policy standpoint, not Web site from standpoint, the better for Republicans going forward. They can get some new people in the House and get some new people in the Senate, and then, you know, push it that way.
GUILFOYLE: All right.
Dana, what you do think?
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Well, I thought it was curious they would write in the speech that everybody should just go shop around, when at the very same time, people have reports from all over the country that they can't get on the Web site to do that. The deductible increases I think are surprising people and not only out of pocket costs, but when you go to the doctor, there's a certain (INAUDIBLE).
The prescription deductible is now giving people a lot of sticker shock as well. It is interesting that the White House press core has been pressing the White House on this for a while. I am curious, though, how long that's going to last. It's possible that they could get bored with this and try to move on to something else by Monday.
GUILFOYLE: All right. Well, Gutfeld, this is a real Halloween stinker for sure. No good coming out of this trick or treat situation. How do you size it up?
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Well, you know, I looked up sticker shock in ObamaCare law, and you know it's not covered. It's a considered a post- existing condition. I don't know where to go with this.
GUILFOYLE: But that's a good point. It is a post existing condition.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's funny, though. We keep talking about, you know, should we -- somebody's head has got to roll. It's got to be like a cabbage patch in an earthquake. Heads rolling everywhere.
But if you fire somebody, Obama is just going to replace him with somebody
-- him or her -- with somebody worse. He's a bug lamp for bozos. He's a creep magnet. So, Americans have to do the firing.
Republicans are not off the hook, because again to sit here and talk about, oh, this is terrible, this is bad. Well, where the hell are your candidates? Where are your alternatives? Where's your path to winning elections?
It can't just say -- you can't sit there and go, that person should be fired. That's where you start, not where you end.
GUILFOYLE: All right. So, you're saying you can't just be against the other guy. Come up with something to motivate people to move in your direction?
GUTFELD: Well, at least come up with -- come up with candidates who aren't chumps.
PERINO: Well, actually, that's frustrating for me. I saw somebody on our own network last night suggest to a congressman, why didn't you warn us if you knew it was going to be bad? And I -- we get all the press releases, they had been trying for a long time. No one would pay attention until there was a disaster.
They -- there are several members of Congress tried to alert people. I'm sorry, Bob.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: No, no, it's fine.
GUILFOYLE: We heard it on this network. It proves to be true.
Bob, what is the silver lining? Have you been able to find it on this?
BECKEL: Well, I'm still trying to go to the fact that our lead story here,
we took al Jazeera our source, which is good. I suppose that's --
GUTFELD: Isn't that owned by Gore?
BECKEL: It may be.
GUILFOYLE: We stole it for a lot of money.
BECKEL: That's good for us that we get up on al Jazeera. We use it for the source.
PERINO: Very open minded.
BECKEL: If you get back to numbers on this. First of all, if we had a single-payer plan, we wouldn't have this problem. But we don't. And so, this is what we've got. Living with what we got --
BOLLING: Who wants it?
BECKEL: I do.
BOLLING: You want socialized medicine?
BOLLING: You want to obliterate a whole industry?
BECKEL: I do.
BOLLING: Medical industry, you --
BOLING: Why don't you go with air traffic, why don't you do travel, go through construction, make it a communist America? AMERIKA?
BECKEL: You know, Eric, you got everything else (INAUDIBLE)
GUILFOYLE: I think so.
BOLLING: Go, sorry.
BECKEL: OK, thank you. I appreciate that.
GUILFOYLE: I don't know where you go from here, Bob. I appreciate you're in a tough position, to be honest.
BECKEL: I'm not in a tough position. If I'm trying to -- if I have to say something about ObamaCare it is that, the total we're talking about here, people who may or may not get letters is 14 million people.
PERINO: No, that's not --
BECKLE: Yes, it is true.
GUILFOYLE: What is that?
PERINO: On the individual market, that doesn't count the people who's plans are dropped by their employers.
BECKEL: Greg, are you putting that out there --
GUTFELD: Bob, here's the point -- I like you, because you keep bringing up single-payer system, but single-payer means the government pays for it.
That's socialized health care.
That's a difference between right and left.
GUILFOYLE: This is what you look like if you get that --
GUTFELD: The left cloaks their ideology so Americans would accept it. If you said what it really is, they wouldn't like it. And that's the great underlying distinction between the right and left.
The libs are charming liars as an evolutionary adaptation because they have to sell a razor blade, they must put it in an apple. They got to hide the ugliness of their beliefs.
BECKEL: Now, that I'm thoroughly interrupted here, can I ask you? What is that thing, by the way?
GUTFELD: This is my cousin Seth.
BECKEL: OK, looks like you.
GUTFELD: You know what? He wanted to see "The Five". He loves you.
BECKEL: That's very nice. Good to see you, buddy.
PERINO: That is one hideous --
BECKEL: Can you -- maybe somebody can explain to me what it is about when you say the left lies about everything. Conservatives are getting out there saying everybody loves their health care plan. That is a bold ass lie.
PERINO: No. Bob, I think the exact quote from President Barack Obama that was the lie is that if you like your health plan, then you can keep it.
That is not true.
BECKEL: The Republicans say, I go back to everybody loves their health care plan.
PERINO: Please, if you could provide a source on that. You talk to the brain room everyday.
BECKEL: No, all you got to do --
PERINO: If you can show me where any Republican has actually said everybody --
BECKEL: Every one of them in the Ways and Means Committee, the Republicans said it.
PERINO: OK, that everybody loves their health insurance plan?
BECKEL: They said my constituents say they love their health care plan.
GUTFELD: What's wrong with that?
BECKEL: Because they have lousy plans.
GUTFELD: No, but you can't judge that.
BOLLING: You're all right with 14 million people getting thrown off their plan? It's OK - -
BECKEL: My guess is 4 million get thrown off.
BOLLING: No, it's 14 million. The CBO says it's going to be 14 million --
40 to 60 percent.
BECKEL: But that doesn't include the people who will then get new insurance plans.
BOLLING: Yes. But how is it then, you know, you go into sequester and a couple hundred thousand government employees get laid off and it was the end of the world. It was the end of the world for liberals, if a government employee gets laid off, a couple of hundred thousand, 14 --
PERINO: With back pay.
BOLLING: With back pay, 14 million people are thrown off insurance and it's a drop in a bucket.
PERINO: And it's no big deal. And also I think it's completely offensive
BECKEL: People like kids who aren't getting immunized.
PERINO: Oh, see, this is amazing --
BECKEL: Older people who weren't getting Meals on Wheels.
BECKEL: If you guys want -- if you guys were (ph) a prostitute for the insurance industry, go ahead.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, I got something for you, Bob.
PERINO: The insurance industry is actually run by mostly Democrats and gave President Obama --
BECKEL: Bull --
PERINO: That is true, Bob. And the associations prove it.
This is one thing I find completely offensive.
BECKEL: Get it together for what?
PERINO: If I believe that government could provide better health care for me --
GUILFOYLE: Bob, you're on camera.
PERINO: What are you doing, Bob?
BECKEL: My producer knows something.
PERINO: I was going to say that I think it is amazing that Democrats are actually saying now they're having the guts to show their real colors.
It's the actual wolf not just the sheep's clothes that they think they have better idea for what you need for health insurance than what you need.
That's the root of it. This is progressive liberalism.
GUTFELD: That's -- the underlying idea is like it doesn't matter if you think the insurance coverage is bad. That's not your right to choose.
It's their right to choose. And by you saying that you can -- like Eric says, you can go into any industry.
I mean, let's face it. There are 150 million people in America who don't have lawyers. I think --
GUILFOYLE: No more attacks on lawyers --
GUTFELD: No, no, let me finish.
GUTFELD: You should have a right to have a lawyer. The government should provide you with lawyer care. Everybody should have.
BECKEL: On a serious notion -- in this country, we don't let somebody -- if somebody drops of a heart attack and they're not insured, we take them to the emergency room. And we take care of them. And if they have a blockage, we take them upstairs and we give them an operation.
The cost of that is $60,000. It then gets spread around the entire people who are insured, right? So, you're really paying for it now.
But we don't -- we're not a country to leave people on the street. So --
PERINO: Right, that's my line.
BECKEL: Yes, but what we're trying to do here -- the cost of that is astronomically high. If we get them insured, you would save billions of dollars.
BOLLING: Bob, you don't like that theory. If a guy is uninsured we have to pick up the tab for the guy who's uninsured. But that's what ObamaCare is. We who are healthy are picking up the tab for people that don't have insurance, who may be sicker. It's not fair.
PERINO: And even if you were responsible and bought insurance on your own, now you're being told your insurance isn't good enough. You're going to have to pay more. And when he says go shopping around, that would be like going to shop around for goods at a Soviet Union grocery store. The government chooses what you get to shop around for.
BECKEL: I'm curious -- did any of you have gotten a letter? Did any of you have gotten the letter? You got a letter?
GUILFOYLE: From who? I got a lot of letters.
BECKEL: From the insurance companies --
PERINO: They don't buy on individual market, Bob.
BECKEL: Who buys it?
GUILFOYLE: Bolling, I want to talk about this. If you can get this in really quick. This will really put Bob in an even better mood. He might right fall into this, full of candies (ph).
So, take a look at this. Americans on ObamaCare -- OK, overhaul/eliminate
52 percent, Bob, are very dissatisfied with this and say it needs to be completely eliminated or overhauled. That means vaporize it.
BECKEL: I'm surprised it's that low given the kind of attacks it's had on it.
GUTFELD: The disinformation that we're spreading about this incredible achievement.
BOLLING: See what it is? Can you put the poll up for one more second?
Six percent people are satisfied with it and again this is what they're doing.
GUILFOYLE: Working well.
BOLLING: Were they know better, but 94 percent aren't -- don't think it's working well. so, the government says --
GUILFOYLE: That's like Carney and Jarrett that logged on to --
BOLLING: But they're pushing for the single-payer system that we know, we all know it. They might as well just come out and say. I think they have said it.
GUTFELD: But they should stop calling it single payer. It's government socialized medicine. That's what it is.
BOLLING: Government medicine.
GUTFELD: Yes, government medicine. And they're so good at this stuff.
GUILFOYLE: If they can ever log on or get it to work. That's the problem.
GUTFELD: That's what sucks. Social Security is my money being taken. I don't want to do it.
PERINO: It was supposed to be an antipoverty program for the elderly.
It's turned into something more.
GUILFOYLE: Or you can say, let them eat candy, which is now everyone --
PERINO: I've never eaten on this show. I'm eating chocolate.
GUTFELD: Government believes that --
GUILFOYLE: ObamaCare got you down.
All right. Next -- OK, Greg, go ahead, please? I don't want you to be cranky because you're paying for other people and this first (INAUDIBLE) is not working --
PERINO: He's going to make a point.
GUTFELD: Yes, I'm trying --
GUILFOYLE: That's my point. I'm letting you.
GUTFELD: Are you?
GUTFELD: Keep going. Nothing. Forget it.
BOLLING: Those are nice glasses.
GUTFELD: Thank you.
GUILFOYLE: OK. New York City police commissioner has fought for our country. He's also helped prevent another terror attack on U.S. soil. So, why did he get a welcome like this at Brown University?
(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)
GUILFOYLE: Unbelievable. Details ahead.
Now, before we go. Please check out our Facebook page at Facebook.com/TheFiveFNC. And Bob is still eating.
GUTFELD: New York Police Commissioner Ray Kelly went to Brown University to speak on the New York Police Department's amazing crime fighting.
In case you missed it, New York is on the way to the lowest murder rate on record. This drop is outpacing the countrywide decline due to excellent policing. Because crime dropped a lot in minority neighborhoods, Ray Kelly saved more minority lives than Al Sharpton has harmed.
Ray Kelly should have been the shoo-in to head the Department of Homeland Security. He's a marine, cop, a hero. Instead Obama puts forth Jeh Johnson, an Obama fund-raiser. Cronyism. But I digress.
Ray Kelly's talk never happened because students forced the cancellation.
Here are the turds against the words.
(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)
GUTFELD: That was eloquent.
Well, the student, cowards, consider this a victory. They're right if they were in the universe where crushing dissent is rewarded. Oh wait they are, they go to brown.
These students would never do this to terrorist scum like Bill Ayers because they agree with Ayers and those who see America as evil. Hence Ray Kelly who represents the best of what our country produces is shouted down by the worst whiny rags of privilege who wouldn't real achievement if bit them in the pony tail.
Ray Kelly is a marine, who could have gotten rich starting a consulting firm, but worked for the Treasury, Customs and police. He's the only person to be commissioner twice. He came back after witnessing 9/11 from his apartment window. He left his first high paying job to rejoin the police.
So, imagine you're a parent to one of these whiny stupid brats. You spent
40 grand a year on that trash. You should have had the vasectomy.
GUILFOYLE: Oh my goodness. Oh!
BOLLING: You're mad.
GUTFELD: I am mad. That's disgusting to me. This guy has done more for this country than the whole group of punks in their entire life.
PERINO: Will ever do.
GUTFELD: Will ever do.
GUILFOYLE: You're absolutely right, and they're hypocrites, too.
BOLLING: Reminds of Petraeus, when gets shouted down the street.
GUTFELD: It's the same mind set. They're such asses. They make me sick to my stomach. I might just throw up, Bob.
GUILFOYLE: Can you blow it that way, please?
GUTFELD: Bob's got his single-payer.
GUILFOYLE: Can I tell you how much it makes me wish he was going to be the next mayor of New York City?
GUILFOYLE: This man is so deserving, so dedicated and so selfless. I'm ashamed this is the lack of discourse and dialogue the way he was treated.
People that are such hypocrites about their rights of free speech denied him the ability to be able to speak and the rest of the students at Brown.
People that wanted to hear him speak. Listen to what he has to say.
BECKEL: If he could have been elected mayor in a heartbeat, why didn't he run? Does anybody know?
GUTFELD: I have no idea. By the way, they had an extended q and a for protestors. By the way, he's a Democrat, Bob.
BECKEL: I know he is.
BECKEL: I don't disagree. It was disgusting what happened. But I do think you need to add here that most of those protestors were from Providence, Rhode Island, and not students.
BECKEL: Brown should have done was not allow people unless they have a student ID.
GUILFOYLE: Their own campus, there's a lack of security on campus.
BECKEL: You're allowed to go on campus. The point is it's not all students. But that doesn't excuse the fact the guy wasn't allowed to speak. That's what you're supposed to do.
GUTFELD: Eric, what should the school do? Should they invite him back?
BOLLING: Ray Kelly?
BOLLING: Oh, yes. And as Kimberly points out, a little tighter security.
GUTFELD: I mean, you have a right to protest. I mean, there's no question. But have security to remove them. There wasn't enough security to get those people out. Like the Code Pink does with their thing in Congress. Just get rid of them. Go ahead and continue.
I'm surprised honestly that they didn't finish this.
PERINO: I'm surprised he accepted the invitation. That's remarkable about a lot of people like Petraeus.
When he was shouted in the street, it was because he was going to teach a class for which he is getting paid a dollar. And the reason he's being paid a dollar because there was all the complaints from the other faculty because he was going to get paid. He said, fine, I'll do it for a dollar.
That was the treatment he got.
He did say as Bob pointed out students have been great at the University of New York. I think it's interesting question of whether conservatives should -- Ray Kelly obviously is Democrat. Why should you accept invitations from universities anyway if that's the way you're going to be treated?
They get to their goal, which is to shut down conversation.
GUILFOYLE: That's what they said their goal was, to say, we're super happy to the outcome because our whole goal was to stop him from speaking to begin with.
But you know what, Brown University should do better. They have a video tape of people acting inappropriately or breaking student code laws, et cetera. They should have disciplinary hearings and hold them accountable because there was extended Q&A like you said.
This was not civilized. This to me was un-American. That's not the principle of this country.
BECKEL: They can't prosecute people from the city.
GUILFOYLE: I'm not talking prosecuting. I'm talking about student disciplinary action and the review board. Depending, some were.
BECKEL: It is remarkable he accepted the thing. And there are, I'm going to say, I think there are some exceptions on the other side. But most of the case, college campuses, as Greg said, every one of them has a bunch of commie, radical bastards on them and they ought to be not.
BOLLING: Does Brown University president condemn that behavior?
GUTFELD: You know, the student -- it cost 40 grand to go to that school.
PERINO: And also right, as we were coming on, the set we found out the thing they were complaining about actually just overturned by the federal court.
GUTFELD: Yes, they blocked the judge's order requiring changes to stop and frisk. And they removed the judge, Shira Scheindlin --
GUILFOYLE: What did I tell you about that? She was completely biased.
She had no business being on that, presiding over that case. Because it was political activism, bye-bye from the bench.
GUTFELD: That's going to put that de Blasio in a pickle, as I like to say at home when I'm alone.
Anyway, nanny Bloomberg has taken --
GUILFOYLE: Dana --
GUTFELD: What you're thinking about? It wasn't meant to be dirty.
All right. Nanny Bloomberg has just taken his smoking crackdown in New York City to a whole new legal. Some legal adults soon will not be able to buy a smoke. Details when "The Five" returns.
PERINO: Good name where that song comes from, send me a tweet, and they will get maybe a Jasper calendar.
BECKEL: No. No!
GUTFELD: Meredith Vieira has a dog named Jasper.
PERINO: I have one too.
First, I don't know. OK. This is what we're going to talk about. If you're a smoker under the age of 21 and you're planning on making trip to New York City, you better BYOC, bring your own cigarettes.
The city council just passed a bill to raise the tobacco purchasing age from 18 up to 21. Antismoking Mayor Bloomberg has proposed to sign the bill. New York would be the first city in the country to have an age limit that high for purchasing smoke.
So, I put up a little thing. I wanted to see the different ages that the government tells you that you can do. Things, Eric, you'll notice when at 16, you're a allowed to drive a car, 17, you can see an R-rated movie. You can go on down the list.
Eighteen, you can fight for your country, you can vote. At 21, you can purchase alcohol. At 25, you can rent a car. Up until the age of 26, you can still be on your parent's health insurance.
GUTFELD: Have you ever rented an R-rated movie?
PERINO: Have I ever -- probably. I mean, the ratings is all wacky. I did watch "Love Actually." Maybe that was rated R.
GUTFELD: That was R for ridiculously bad.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, you got them started on that.
PERINO: Don't you think it's ridiculous about the cigarettes?
GUTFELD: Here's the thing. You can fight for your country but you can't smoke? That is asinine. You just made it cooler to smoke for a lot of people by raising the age.
But the upside is, teens will have to start buying cigarettes from people like me. And I do charge. If you're over 18 or look 18, you might not need money.
BOLLING: That's terrible.
GUTFELD: Why is that terrible?
BOLLING: What else are you going to do? What can you barter?
GUTFELD: Bartering is fun among attractive people.
BOLLING: Vote and vote the people out who decided that --
PERINO: Yes, but it passed 35 to 10.
BOLLING: Doesn't this stuff go to the people? City council passes it and it goes right to the mayor and stays? It's not voted?
PERINO: You were being represented by the city.
Let me ask you about the guys who run the bodegas here. Putting that kind of pressure on them to ask for ID every time --
BOLLING: They don't enforce that. They'll make it 25, make it 30, doesn't matter. Fifteen or 16-year-olds can walk in and get cigarettes.
PERINO: Really? I never tried that.
GUILFOYLE: Well, it just depends. If you have an undercover cop there.
But here's the irony, smoke all the marijuana you wanted people, but we catch you with a cigarette, you're going to jail.
I mean, this is ridiculous. Look at the double standard. I don't get this.
PERINO: What's the Democrat -- four Republicans voted against this, what's the Democrats -- why do Democrats think they can engineer our whole lives?
BECKEL: The thing I couldn't get from the research was the evidence increasing it to 21 would stop significantly the amount of young people smoking cigarettes.
So, without that, it seems to me you don't have much of an argument. I think they're going to smoke if they want to smoke. They've got to find a way to get it. The same way they find a way to get booze.
It's a teenage right of passage. They'll do it. So, I don't buy the notion that somehow this is going to make a dent in teens smoking cigarettes. If I did, I would before for it.
GUILFOYLE: The prices don't put a dent in it. They're buying them anyway.
BECKEL: What's it cost for a pack of cigarettes?
GUILFOYLE: Look behind you.
GUTFELD: $14.25 for a pack.
By the way, think about the police officers who have to deal with this, because there are other things you've got to deal with. There are muggings, purse snatchings, there's assaults. And yet, you've got to chase people down smoking.
BOLLING: And the other thing is, so what happens if you catch a 17-year- old smoking? You don't do anything.
GUILFOYLE: Don't stop and frisk anybody unless they're smoking.
BOLLING: It's not illegal to smoke. It's illegal --
PERINO: To buy it.
BOLLING: Not to even to buy it. To sell.
GUILFOYLE: OK. So, it's just going to basically punish like you had the bodega people. The whole thing is ridiculous.
PERINO: Let me bring up one other point I think is interesting.
Greg, marijuana popularity on the rise. You have one in four Americans say if it was legal all around, that they would buy it.
GUTFELD: I thought that was low. I assumed it was over half the polls I've seen are OK with the criminalization.
PERINO: No, but it says would you buy it? You might be OK with it.
GUTFELD: I should read these stories when --
BECKEL: The problem with the poll they have an equal percentage of 65 and older that say no, none of them would smoke. Took them out of the marijuana community, it does get to 50 percent.
BOLLING: They don't count?
BECKEL: Well, they count. I'm just saying, when you do a poll like that you try to figure out people --
BOLLIG: Are you saying you don't count?
BECKEL: I don't count. That is correct.
BOLLING: I'm teasing --
BECKEL: Thank you very much for that. I appreciate it.
PERINO: Eric, how do you explain to a teenage son all these different rules?
BOLLING: I don't. I think the rules are ridiculous. We had this exact discussion Sunday. I was like it's illegal smoking. You can't, you're 15, you're 16.
He said, dad, they don't do anything. You can walk past a cop. He's not going to bust you for smoking. He might write a citation, but all it is, it's like a $20 fine or something.
So, why have them -- why even -- who are you kidding? The laws don't work.
Nobody is paying attention. Why do it?
PERINO: Kimberly, can any of these cases hold up in a court of law?
GUILFOYLE: Yes, sure. They're the written law. How much time and research is going to be devoted to this is the problem. As a legal lover and prior lawyer, I love the law.
BECKEL: You're a lawyer?
GUILFOYLE: I love all things legal. I love the laws on the book and laws of the land. So, for me, it's hard because we won't enforce the laws.
Let's make new laws when we don't enforce the ones already there.
BECKEL: You love everything legal, don't you?
BECKEL: Navy SEALs are legal.
GUILFOYLE: All right. You know, Bob --
PERINO: All right. I think we've exhausted the topic.
GUTFELD: Kimberly should be banned, if you're smoking --
BOLLING: Need to be 21.
BECKEL: You smoke dope?
GUILFOYLE: Never. Bob, I take vitamins.
GUTFELD: Vitamin K.
PERINO: I can't hear anybody or if you can't hear me. I'm going to get out of here.
Next up, watch out tonight. The PC costume police are out in full force this Halloween. We're going to tell you who the political correctness officers are going to be, or something like that, when "The Five" returns.
GUILFOYLE: Oh my God!
BOLLING: Well, it's Halloween. And Halloween, kids of all ages dress up in parties, zombies, cowboys, Indian, cop, bad guys, and sometimes celebrities and politicians. So what, right?
Well, not right, at least according to Jennie Stuart Medical Center in Kentucky who is requiring all their employees now to attend diversity training because a guy wore an Obama mask and straitjacket to a Halloween costume party.
Come on, guys. That's funny. Where's your sense of humor? It's a joke.
And Pottery Barn had to apologize for selling these costumes, one depicting a sushi chef and kimono, that an Asian group found culturally offensive.
PERINO: That's how Halloween is supposed to be.
BOLLING: It's fun, right?
PERINO: When I was press secretary, the Bush costume was the number one costume and it was not a compliment. Nobody had to go to diversity training, as I recall.
GUILFOYLE: I fail to understand what's wrong with the Kimono. Japanese people aren't the only people that have those. I have four of them.
PERINO: I call them shorty robes. If you ever come by my apartment, I'm always wearing it.
GUILFOYLE: I wonder where the rest of my collection went.
BOLLING: That's not a shorty is, Greg.
GUTFELD: No, that's how you get around it.
BOLLING: Oh, I see, I got you.
GUTFELD: You know what real weird thing about this is diversity training.
Diversity training exists to provide jobs for diversity trainers. It's a scam. There's no way to prove if diversity training works. It's like government.
PERINO: Remember the clowns that went to diversity training?
BOLLING: You want to weigh in on this?
BECKEL: No, they tried to get know take the test, what do they call those people internal revenue -- I mean homeland --
GUTFELD: Human resources.
BECKEL: Human resources, yes.
BECKEL: They asked me to do tests on sexual harassment and stuff. I flunked.
GUILFOYLE: You were supposed to do a four-hour seminar.
BECKEL: Oh, I was?
BECKEL: OK. I don't get it. I don't see anything there that bothers.
The Obama masks? That happens to every president.
Kimono, I don't know anything about those, Greg (INAUDIBLE).
PERINO: I'm surprised you don't know anything about those.
BECKEL: Aren't sushi chefs Japanese?
BOLLING: So, a question, when a movie --
GUILFOYLE: That's the point.
BOLLING: When a movie character that's a sushi chef and they dress him up.
Is that racist? Do they need to have diversity training for that too?
GUTFELD: It's so bizarre. But you know, only few people who complain. It takes one complaint to get a sponsor off a show to get something to apologize. Companies like Pottery Barn are skittish, so terrified.
PERINO: What would be great and would be endearing and smart for the White House to do is to come out and have President Barack Obama walk out of the helicopter and say, guys, you can wear whatever you want. Halloween isle Halloween. And everybody would love that.
BOLLING: Even better if he wore a Bush has mask.
PERINO: That would be great.
BOLLING: Continuing the apology tour for having a little fun, Jimmy Kimmel got in some water for this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JIMMY KIMMEL, COMEDIAN: America owes China a lot of money, $1.3 trillion.
How should we pay them back?
UNIDENTIFIED KID: You pay them (INAUDIBLE) kill everyone in China?
KIMMEL: Kill everyone in China?
UNIDENTIFIED KID: Yes.
KIMMEL: That's an interesting idea.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Bob, (INAUDIBLE), did you?
PERINO: He was repeating --
BECKEL: But I would repeat this -- that the kid is starting his life the right way because the Chinese are the most dangerous --
GUILFOYLE: Oh my God!
BOLLING: By the way, a couple -- I'm going to save you from this. A couple of days later, Kimmel apologized just for having a little bit of fun with the kids.
GUILFOYLE: He's a comedian. Remember that? He's actually funny. I call him a comedian because he truly is one.
I like his show. I think he's very clever. I don't think he was trying to offend anyone. It's children. Didn't you see the Bill Cosby show, "Kids Say The Darndest Things."
BOLLING: Asian groups found --
PERINO: The Chinese government called to complain.
BECKEL: Well, that's too bad. Why don't you complain all the smog they got? All the times they intercept our weapon systems or all the time they send illegal people in here for human trafficking or when you rip everybody else off with bad toys you make with lead in them -- and you need worry about that?
BOLLING: A lot of times, comedians will step over the line a little bit, but they also say it was just comedy, and people say, OK, it was a comedy.
Jimmy is a comedian. Should he have to apologize for that?
GUTFELD: Well, you know what? I think the thing is, the other lesson here is children are monsters.
Remember the difference between adults and children is that children don't have the power we have. If they had the power we have, they would kill everybody. They have no morals.
GUILFOYLE: This is -- what happened?
PERINO: It was not his original thought. He was repeating the thought of a 7-year-old.
BOLLING: In his apology he said I thought you'd know I didn't agree with that theory.
GUTFELD: Oh, he threw the kid under the bus.
GUILFOYLE: Like you would do.
GUTFELD: Yes, I can walk under the bus.
BECKEL: They should have built the Wall of China a lot bigger -- and a lot taller.
GUILFOYLE: You just like blowing yourself up --
BECKEL: I'm not angry at all. I think the Chinese are the single biggest threat to the United States. I've said over and over again. They make bad toys that poison our kids. They take all our Treasury money. I mean, come on.
BOLLING: You've been angry. We have got breaking news. We're going over to Shepard Smith now.
BECKEL: That's really uplifting music. It's Halloween folks. Let me tell you something.
There are two words that don't go together in life. They are healthy candy.
Check out this new ad by toothpaste maker Crest. It's one of the cruelest tricks on kids that you could ever play.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Who likes candy?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, we're going to replace candy with healthy Halloween treats today.
These are veggie fruit chews guys.
UNIDENTIFIED KID: This is the worst I've ever tasted.
UNIDENTIFIED KID: Not good.
UNIDENTIFIED KID: Mine taste like broccoli. Yuck.
UNIDENTIFIED KID: Mine taste like poo poo.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: They're delicious healthy cupcakes.
UNIDENTIFIED KID: It tastes like (INAUDIBLE)
UNIDENTIFIED KID: This is the worst thing I've ever tasted.
UNIDENTIFIED KID: I think I need some water.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How do you like Halloween without candy?
KIDS: I want candy!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: OK. That really is cruel. Could you imagine this guy handed them some broccoli candy and artichokes candy? What do you think about this?
You bought your kids candy? Did you check it out?
BOLLING: For what?
BECKEL: For knives and stuff?
BOLLING: Come on. It's the package. Stop. Can we not go there?
That's not what this is about. They're talking healthy versus unhealthy.
Obama at the White House is giving out dried fruit. Swear.
PERINO: Didn't you hate when you'd get raisins? There's only like five in there any way.
GUTFELD: Why, because they're black?
You know, can I make two observations? There's never been a case of a razor in an apple. That is an urban legend. Look it up on Snopes. You can't find because who would do that, because you get caught.
Number two --
GUILFOYLE: It's a bad thing to do --
GUTFELD: I'm not -- thank you for pointing that out.
I'm not home right now. I'm doing the show. So, I leave a big bowl of candy in front of my apartment door. I don't want you kids watching this to be greedy.
But I will say this, if you like your candy, you can keep your candy.
PERINO: That's a promise.
BECKE: Are you taking your son trick-or-treating tonight?
GUILFOYLE: We have trick-or-treating in my building. I left a big bowl and a happy Halloween sign. It's all candy. There's absolutely nothing healthy in that bowl.
I'm not sorry. Guess what, they're kids. Doesn't mean they have to eat it. They can collect it. Their parents get to decide if they keep five pieces or whatever, let them decide.
On Christmas, kids don't get candy. It's Easter and Halloween.
BECKEL: Don't come to my apartment because there's no candy at front, because my friend and I bought a whole bunch of them last night and ate it.
OK. "One More Thing" is up next!
GUILFOYLE: If I fall backwards, what are you going to do?
BECKEL: I'm going to save you.
GUILFOYLE: All right. It's time for one more thing. Not a single payer- system, Bob, actually.
In this Halloween themed prank, this is in YouTube, the filmmaker (INAUDIBLE). Passerbys are (INAUDIBLE) like a jack-o'-lantern set up.
Take a look.
(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)
GUILFOYLE: That's what happens when unsuspecting and get the pop dancing jack-o'-lantern.
All right. Eric?
BOLLING: OK. Very quickly. My favorite show "Homeland" love it, season three. One of the actors in there, Saul Berenson is his character. His real name is Mandy Patinkin, fantastic actor. Watch this from last show.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MANDY PATINKIN AS SAUL BERENSON: Senators made a career criticizing the agencies about the lead. His first job in my opinion is win the hearts and minds of men and women in harm's way. Otherwise it's just another political appointee holding up his finger to see which way the wind is blowing.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: You've got to love it. By the way, that wasn't his first role.
Look, one of his earlier roles. That's Hostley (ph) in "Elmo and Grouch Land". Same guy, what range this guy has.
BECKEL: What range.
GUILFOYLE: That would be you.
BECKEL: Yesterday, when I was at the sushi promotion for the Olympics, I interviewed a kid. We only had a little piece of it yesterday. This is a skateboarder. This student, I got a lot common.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: Get up and eat granola?
LOUIE VITO: That wasn't me, though. That was my buddy Chaz. I get up and eat eggs.
BECKEL: What time?
VITO: Depends if I'm snow boarding or working out. Normally, I try to wake up around like 8:00. I get my day started. So, my workouts done before lunch, or snowboarding, you get up to the hill before it gets slushy.
BECKEL: OK, I get up at 11:00 and have pastries.
VITO: Nice. You have a good life.
BECKEL: It is good life. We're living the dream right?
VITO: We are living the dream.
BECKEL: We are living the dream.
VITO: Living it.
BECKEL: Living it.
VITO: Living it.
BECKEL: All right.
BECKEL & VITO: Living the dream.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: He's so cute.
BOLLING: I have to do something.
GUILFOYLE: Don't drop it please? Oh my God!
BECKEL: That was good, Eric. It didn't break, though.
GUILFOYLE: Smashing pumpkins.
All right. Greg?
GUTFELD: Molly Ringwald, remember her. She was in "16 Candles"? She tweeted -- she's in --
She tweeted this, "Support this woman. The next governor of Houston Texas, Wendy Davis. There's no governor of Houston."
Molly, it's been up there 20 hours about the length of her career.
GUILFOYLE: She's very sweet.
GUTFELD: Oh please, Kimberly. Stop it.
GUILFOYLE: I'm serious. OK, whatever.
GUTFELD: I know famous people. My name is Kimberly Guilfoyle.
GUILFOYLE: You've done it. She's sweet.
PERINO: That was cute.
All right. I'm not dressing up my dog for Halloween. I asked people if you were dressing up your dog what it would look like. I've got some good ones.
This is a referee Woody.
BOLLING: That's Robin Beck.
PERINO: There's a pirate. I love that one.
Batman and Superman. These are good Springer Spaniel. Look at those.
I love this panda. How cute is that?
And the bulldog. This wins the prize. Bob, does that look like one of your dates?
BECKEL: You know, I find that insulting. That's my dates are somewhat --
GUILFOYLE: On the serious note, we have a breaking news update. We're going to Shepard Smith at the FOX News desk with the very latest on the story out of Douglas, Kansas, Butler County -- Shep.
SHEPARD SMITH, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Indeed. A school bus off a bridge on the way back from school. We're told 10 or 11 kids were onboard. This is Wichita, Kansas. Right here, this is Douglass, Kansas. And just north and east of there we found the bridge where this bus is off the bridge. It's right here on southwest 190 street outside of Douglass.
You can see that the thing here doesn't have the best of guardrails, but that doesn't tell us much of anything, except that the bus, according to the sheriff, is upside down in the water. Ten kids have been rescued. No other kids to be - believed to be involved. The bus driver said to be still trapped. Updates as we get them. Right now, "Special Report." Chris Wallace sitting in.
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