This is a rush transcript from "The Five," August 20, 2013. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: All right, ladies, listen up. If you're planning on going to a football game this season, you're going to have to pack light. And sometimes that's no easy task.
For example, I usually carry an amazing purse like this.
BRIAN KILMEADE, GUEST CO-HOST: To a game?
GUILFOYLE: Feel you right now.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Everywhere.
GUILFOYLE: Because you never know, I could be dropped from a helicopter with a pack and survive. Now, it's large enough to fit all my stuff, like makeup, and I've got two different pairs of sunglasses, depending who you're trying to impress.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: It looks like the Sputnik.
GUILFOLYLE: I have footsies that look like ballerina shoes. I have a tan towel, in case I want to, you know, pick it up a little bit if I'm looking a little pale, you get that.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: At a football game.
GUILFOYLE: At a football -- Sanchez looking over. You never know.
(CROSSTALK)
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: What else you got in there? What about that?
GUILFOYLE: I got some frizzies, in case there's bad weather conditions, I'll spray this to smooth out my Boriqua-ness in case it gets a little curly and didn't hold.
So, that's the deal. But the NFL wants me to bring this, which is not so attractive, even though you can get -- Bob, don't touch my stuff. You can this for free, OK, but --
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: It's really a requirement.
GUILFOYLE: And you're never going to get any dates, unless you're looking to date bachelor Bob because all of your personal things are going to show. And then guys are going to think you're high maintenance. You have to have a mystery of non-clear bag.
Would you agree, Dana?
PERINO: I am completely with you on this.
GUILFOYLE: And in my frugalness --
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: Also because how many husbands and children do you know that ask like, oh, can I put my sunglasses in there? And you become the pack mule of the family at the football game.
GUIFOYLE: The key holder, the iPads, the cell phones.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: -- don't ask their wives to carry stuff. I've never asked her to carry a thing. I think this is the greatest thing ever.
GUILFOYLE: You know what you can use? This doesn't have to be clear.
BOLLING: So, it's not always, hey, honey, can you hold this for me?
BECKEL: You know, you're too young to remember this, but there was the first satellite launch of Sputnik, by the Russians, and looked exactly like this bag.
GUILFOYLE: I mean, look at this bag. This is like crazy --
BECKEL: This is for security reasons. You don't need to carry all that crap.
GUILFOYLE: Listen, this is getting crazy. It's so TSA.
BECKEL: What? You have to worry about a tan towel?
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: If you're looking pale. See, this is when you go to a game with Bolling, and it feels like his (INAUDIBLE) you have to have these versions of --
BECKEL: You have to have that.
BOLLING: Brian, could you wear this -- I know you wear a man bag or fanny pack. Could you wear this?
KILMEADE: Number one, I wouldn't do that. You have to understand. Unless you're working the game, this is your liberation.
GUILFOYLE: Why?
KILMEADE: Now, you can't bring a bag.
GUILFOYLE: I want to.
KILMEADE: No, no, it forces you to live in your pockets.
PERINO: No, you need stuff. You need a sweater. You need a hat. You need sunglasses.
KILMEADE: That's what you should buy at the souvenir stand. It's always a --
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: You know, I want to mention one other thing. You say we live in our pockets, men do, women can carry this stuff around. I don't even have a coat jacket.
KILMEADE: There you go.
BECKEL: Because I wear this. Pockets.
GUILFOYLE: How am I supposed to survive? This is my makeup bag!
BECKEL: That's your makeup bag? Let me see that thing.
GUILFOYLE: No way.
GUTFELD: You are going to have to make a choice.
BECKEL: There is no reason -- first of all, women bring these bags in, and they clutter up the whole stadium. Really, I stepped on them before in stadiums.
BOLLING: But can you talk about why, trying to guard against an attack -- a terrorist attack, where you can bring -- Kimberly, hold up your bag. Do you know how much explosive you can fit in that bag?
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: I take out a lot of people when I'm running --
KILMEADE: Kimberly, let's just think about this -- in about 100-plus days, you have the Super Bowl in New York City. You want a magic day for terrorists.
Bring a clear bag. Go to the game. And enjoy the football game. Don't worry about the --
GUILFOYLE: You know what? How about have a chicken wing party at your house. That's the thing --
BECKEL: Excuse me. You were complaining about these toiletries when you have to call your toiletries and bags to go on airplanes.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, I do --
PERINO: No, I complain about that.
BECKEL: Oh, you do?
GUILFOYLE: I totally do.
BECKEL: I don't carry any toiletries.
GUILFOYLE: That's apparent, let me tell you.
BECKEL: Yes, that's very funny.
Listen, most people are not like you and carry four tons of crap. And you don't need it. You don't need it.
GUILFOYLE: I do. I am always prepared for everything.
PERINO: Also, what if you're going this from a practical standpoint, OK? What if you are going to the game, you get invited by a guy, and you go to the game, and you have this bag. OK, first of all, one, that's embarrassing, it is not attractive. Maybe the fashion designers will figure this out, you'll have cute bags.
What if you don't want to go home? This is actually a global warming problem. They're going to cause more transportation because you're going to have to go home, get your bag, then go back out to the Hamptons, for example.
KILMEADE: What about the ozone?
BECKEL: You can see exhibition games they had the policy, people had to stash their bags underneath the cement.
GUILFOYLE: This bag actually reduces my carbon foot print. Did you ever think about that? Calves don't hit me, or people because they see me, and I reflect.
BECKEL: There's nothing that you need to carry to a game that men don't need to carry to a game, maybe once a month.
PERINO: What about a sweater?
GUILFOYLE: God, Bob, you're so -- I mean, really.
PERINO: Oh my God!
BECKEL: Well, it's true.
GUILFOYLE: You're so inappropriate.
PERINO: OK. So, why would put that in a clear plastic bag?
GUILFOYLE: Oh please, Dana, don't get engage. Somebody stand up --
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: You know what? I can't -- Bob, honestly.
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