This is a rush transcript from "The Five," May 9, 2013. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Remember when the mainstream media was all about speaking truth to power and asking questions, rest in peace, you shameless creeps.
With Benghazi, the media hacks across the liberal to pinko spectrum have come together like a Walter Durante version of the wonder twins, morphing into all powerful Obama scandal condom, protecting chairman charm from the horrors that would mar most presidencies.
Here's Rachel calling people stupid for their rage over the death of four Americans.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
RACHEL MADDOW, MSNBC: It's magic. If you say Benghazi enough, if you teach enough people who only type with the cap locks key on Twitter to spell Benghazi, that H is really hard, then eventually President Obama will be impeached or he will resign.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: See, people are dead, but the people who care, they can't spell. Isn't that hilarious?
And you have Jon Stewart playing FNC for his own lack of interest in Benghazi with an H.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JON STEWART, COMEDIAN: You can't understand why everyone else isn't as outraged as you when it's because the rest of us aren't sure if what you're saying is true. And to be quite frank, you do have somewhat of a history of hysteria.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So wait. If FNC wasn't raising alarms, Jon Stewart would have covered it? I don't know. If you're the clown prince of progressive pander, I think you're pretty stoked if FNC gives you the out.
And then, there's Colbert finding the funny in the flames.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
STEPHEN COLBERT, COMEDIAN: Since last September, Fox News has been pursuing this story doggedly, to uncover how the administration blew it, when they blew it, why they blew it, and how they will continue to have blown it. And most importantly, how is this car still burning? I mean, it's been eight months.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: See, it's funny because the car's on fire for like a really long time. People died, but what difference does it make? That's not just Hillary's line but all of them. Note to Massengill, we found your new spokesperson. It's an entire group. They're like face painting groups at Raiders games, they're so impassioned for their side, and they're positively ghoulish.
Stewart and company chose sides long ago and they love playing unopposed. They have reason to cheer. The story will probably die like the four in Benghazi with the lap dog media standing down, making these so-called journalists co-conspirators in the Benghazi cover-up, and that's comedy when you're winning.
So, Andrea, the way I look at it is they refuse to actually cover the story. Instead, they want to cover people who care about the story, because then that kind of absolves them from having to deal with the ugliness.
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: Yes, they don't want to touch the story. But they did jump in to cover the story when Mitt Romney gave a response to the Benghazi story.
Now, they didn't want to cover the four dead Americans, Greg. They wanted to cover the appropriateness and the tone and the timing of his remarks. Now, we know Mitt Romney was vindicated with those hearings yesterday.
Remember, President Obama responded to Mitt Romney's response saying yeah, you know, he just shoots first and aims later. He hit the bull's eye, and then President Obama said, you have to back up what you say with facts.
How dare he say that? Everything that they have said up until this point about the video and beyond and security as not been backed up with any facts.
TANTAROS: It's insane. The media just snores.
GUTFELD: Bob is steaming, but I want to go to Dana.
I realize, the only way you can put Colbert and Jon Stewart out of business is if FNC becomes completely liberal.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Yes, without us, they wouldn't be millionaires.
PERINO: I'm waiting for the dinner invitation. Somebody ought to buy me a steak.
GUTFELD: You wouldn't be able to finish it.
PERINO: It is pretty incredible. I like to believe because I'm a nice person that deep down inside everybody gets the joke, everyone looks at the same evidence and goes golly.
PERINO: Now they're to the point where they have to all cover up their cover-up so they don't look bad, and maybe they do start to believe it inside. I don't know. You think I'm too nice?
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: It's so shameless. A schmuck this morning on "Morning Joe" decided to jump on the bandwagon today. Today, eight months later, he decides Benghazi is a problem.
GUTFELD: Which schmuck?
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Joe. @JoeNBC. That schmuck.
GUTFELD: You have a telestrator.
BOLLING: I do. Can I do it?
GUTFELD: Yes, please.
BOLLING: Four branches of government. You thought there are three. You thought there's an executive branch, a legislative branch, and judicial branch. What we didn't realize is there was a fourth branch. It's the media branch that covers for all of these branches because they're in love.
GUTFELD: That's beautiful.
TANTAROS: I like the way you did the E and the D.
BOLLING: You know, I missed the middle, that I have to go back.
GUTFELD: So, Bob --
BECKEL: Yes, yes.
GUTFELD: So, Bob, isn't this basically an attempt to say there's no story here and it's only a story because right wing bigots make it a story?
BECKEL: Well, first of all, let met -- let's go back here just for a second to the end of the session.
GUTFELD: Answer whatever you want.
BECKEL: OK, thank you. I usually do.
You know, during the Bush administration there were 54 diplomatic missions attacked and nine Americans died and they had one hearing. There's been nine hearings on Benghazi.
PERINO: Did anybody lie and blame a video tape and have them put in jail?
BECKEL: Wait a second.
PERINO: Are you kidding me?
BECKEL: There was one hearing and there's been nine on this. I don't know how many more they're going to have.
PERINO: Is there an accusation that President Bush didn't answer the 3 a.m. phone call? There's a reason there's a hearing, because the White House absolutely changed the facts of intel, accused an innocent
American of causing the death of four Americans, had a 10-person SWAT team swoop down and put him in jail and tried to cover this up in the media.
That didn't happen when 54 missions were attacked in the Bush administration. What kind of a comparison is that?
BECKEL: Well, the outrage a lot of these Republicans are showing was not shown then.
PERINO: Because there wasn't a cover-up, because nobody didn't fail in their job.
TANTAROS: Do you remember Abu Ghraib? They wanted Donald Rumsfeld's head. This goes to the top over naked pyramids. Remember that? The media covered it like crazy people. Nobody died in a naked pyramid.
PERINO: It was a horrible story. It deserved to be covered. The Bush administration deserved to take it on the chin like they did.
These guys, on the other hand, sweep it under the rug and threw somebody in jail and pretends like their you-know-what doesn't stink, that really pisses me off.
BECKEL: The one place where there's a total agreement here is I think the biggest outrage, I think we'll find out there was mismanagement all the way around, but the fact that this guy Nakoula is still in jail on a misdemeanor, as far as I can tell, and he's not going to get out until June is an outrage. I mean, how in the world they can live with themselves, arresting this guy like he's a SWAT -- you said last night it's going to ruin his life.
PERINO: Yes, he's going to have to go into witness protection, definitely.
BECKEL: I mean, who -- this is a Coptic Christian who is trying to make a point, and they blew this thing up and made it a big story, pulled him out of his house in the middle of the night, had him cover his head up. Somebody at the Justice Department ought to pay for that.
TANTAROS: Way to unify at the end.
BECKEL: They ought to be ashamed of themselves for doing it.
GUTFELD: You know what? Their you-know-what does stink, Dana. And I'm glad --
PERINO: I don't have any money for the swear jar.
GUTFELD: Yes, that's OK, one day, you know what.
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