This is a rush transcript from "The Five," October 15, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: So tomorrow's round two. Once again, it's Salt Lake versus Chicago, deep convictions versus repeat convictions. Mormonism versus cronyism. LDS versus pure B.S.
It's going to be dog eat dog, or in Obama's case, man eats dog. He'll definitely need the protein.
But for Mitt, he must forget the first debate ever happened and once again beat Obama like a broom on an oriental rug. If Mitt just shows up and does OK, Obama will get to win. The media will see to that.
I'm sorry, Democrats, the V.P. debate didn't count. I've seen buttered toast get a better bounce.
So, what are the Dems counting on? That Americans don't care about stuff like the Libyan terror attack, or the silly national obsession with jobs. They're counting on side shows like birth control and Big Bird to play to the skittish attention spans of a pre-occupied leisure class.
No wonder Obama is on "The Yo Show" to chat about "American Idol" judges.
(BEGIN AUDIO CLIP)
MICHAEL YO, RADIO HOST: Can you repair the relationship between Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj on "American Idol"? That's what people want to know.
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: You know what? I think they are going to be able to sort it out. I'm all about bringing people together and working for the same cause. So, you know, I think both outstanding artists are going to able to make sure, you know, they're moving forward and not going backwards.
(END AUDIO CLIP)
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Come on.
GUTFELD: That's a priority. So what if Obama's right that we really don't care about the big stuff, we're just idiots, which, of course, is what the media will tell us if Obama loses. Well, I guess we should be grateful we have a president who knows the difference between Mariah and Minaj but not real terror and mob violence caused by a video no one saw.
No wonder he likes the Muppets, with George Soros playing Jim Henson, our president just keeps giving our country the bird.
GUILFOYLE: That's pretty salty for a Monday, but I like it.
GUTFELD: Yes, I'm very tired. I had a late flight. I'm ornery, I guess.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: You're always ornery.
GUTFELD: No, I'm not always ornery.
BECKEL: Yes, you are.
GUTFELD: Bob, why did he do that radio show?
BECKEL: For a simple reason. It's the demographics. They look at everything they do, every media outlet they have. In that case, I assume there were younger voters. They're trying to get younger voters to turn in larger numbers. And so, they go on and do that show.
BECKEL: I mean, what are they going to do, Sean Hannity's show?
GUTFELD: Why not?
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Country music?
GUILFOYLE: Well, if you want to talk about the issues and answer some tough questions on the minds of suffering Americans out there, and do a real show, not hang out with Pimp with the Limp and the "Yo Show." That's presidential.
BECKEL: That's right. You were a good lawyer.
PERINO: I would love --
BECKEL: Not necessarily a political consultant.
GUTFELD: OK, well, I --
PERINO: I have no idea who Mariah and Minaj are.
PERINO: When we were at the White House, I remember they were scheduling a prime-time press conference and they were looking at the dates and president said, "OK, that date will be fine." I said, "Oh, actually, that is the finale of 'Dancing with the Stars,' and that won't go over very well." He had never seen the show. Sure, he watches now, but not --
GUTFELD: He thought it was like a PBS astronomy show, "Dancing with the Stars" today.
BECKEL: Who is Minaj?
GUTFELD: When you hear Minaj, Bob, you think of something completely different that costs money.
I want to bring Eric into the actual debate. Candy Crowley.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Candy Crowley -- I did a little investigation. It turns out it's Candy Crowley.
GUTFELD: I like anybody named Candy.
BECKEL: I bet you do.
BOLLING: You're going to be there, Greg. You might not like the way she asks questions.
I remember she did a "State of the Union" on CNN, and it was like -- is the Tea Party racist? Well, she had asked Mitch McConnell, is the Tea Party racist? Throw him (INAUDIBLE), he didn't know what to say. He's like, no, it's not racist.
And then she went back two and three times. Is it racist? She asked it four different times.
He finally got out of the segment and she backed it up with Steny Hoyer, is the Tea Party racist? Oh, yes, those racists and threw out the Tea Party.
I mean, she has a tendency to ask and ask and ask in her way so that she can actually muddy the waters. No matter what the answer is, you're still hearing what her question is.
PERINO: I know that nobody wants to hear my opinion on this after last week, but I'm a huge Candy fan as well.
BOLLING: Are you?
PERINO: I am. I think she'll be great.
BOLLING: That's OK.
GUTFELD: A moderator should be like a ball boy during a tennis match, right? Just not really there but there.
GUILFOYLE: Facing around.
GUTFELD: Facing balls around.
GUILFOYLE: That's what they do.
GUTFELD: Yes, they do.
GUILFOYLE: I think Candy is an excellent journalist. I haven't loved some of the recent stuff in terms of the editorializing. But I think she's going to do a very good job. I'm hoping and praying for the best.
PERINO: Tomorrow night, she'll be even better.
BOLLING: The day after Paul Ryan was picked, didn't she say it was the death wish candidate?
GUTFELD: Yes, some sort of death wish.
BECKEL: She wasn't alone. Some people like myself still hold that view, but I would give her a break. Give her a break. We don't know what she's going to do.
The other thing is these guys already have the answers, the questions and the answers in their mind, what's going to happen. It doesn't matter what's asked. They've got it worked out. They'll do the first sentence some reference to what the question is and then they'll go into their --
GUILFOYLE: But she didn't agree to the debate rule, so she can do a follow up or a modification.
PERINO: Otherwise it's so boring. It's like watching state television.
GUTFELD: There's two things. One, the thing I hate about town halls is they act spontaneous and they're about as spontaneous as a moon landing.
Everything is controlled. But the politician has to be nice to the person that's asking the question, and then they've got to turn and be mean to the other candidate.
BECKEL: The person is not asking the question in this case. It wasn't like that debate with George H.W. Bush and Clinton and that idiot from Dallas, Perot.
GUTFELD: He's going to call.
BOLLING: Before we go --
BECKEL: He'll probably sue.
BOLLING: Before we go --
GUILFOYLE: Give an apology.
BECKEL: I'm not going to apologize to him.
BOLLING: Two words for you on town halls: Velma Hart. Remember that? She said President Obama, I voted for you. I'm trying to like you. I just can't do it any more.
GUTFELD: So, wait a minute, I'm going to be there tomorrow. I should do some research.
Are the questions being given to Candy? She picks the question she wants.
GUTFELD: That takes away a lot of the fun.
PERINO: I don't like this format, I have to say. I wish it was just her moderating.
GUTFELD: Me, too. Oh, well.
GUILFOYLE: Good luck tomorrow.
GUTFELD: Thanks. I'll be thinking about you.
GUILFOYLE: O, great.
BECKEL: I'm going to Hempstead, New York. Now, there's a wonderful place to go.
GUTFELD: I'm psyched. More on the debate tomorrow and our Hollywood millionaire movie star is too out of touch with the average woman. Doubt that.
The Obama campaign and MoveOn.org, don't think so. We've got the new ad. We'll be back in a few. If you have time, make me a sandwich. I'm a little hungry. No mustard.
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