Gutfeld advises Obama

How to win next week's debate


This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," September 28, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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O'REILLY: Thanks for staying with us. I'm Bill O'Reilly. In the "What The Heck Just Happened" segment tonight, we've lots to talk about.

As you know, President Obama and Governor Romney will meet in Denver next Wednesday night in a debate that must go Romney's way if he wants to win the election.

Here now are some advice for both candidates, Fox News Commentator, Greg Gutfeld and "Imus in the Morning" Producer, Bernard McGuirk.

All right, McGuirk, we gave you Governor Romney, OK.


O'REILLY: And you now -- he's watching, you know that. He's watching right now. Give him the advice and put him over the top.

MCGUIRK: I would say this, everybody is talking about likeability, right.


MCGUIRK: Well, you know, likeability doesn't mean Mr. Rogers with a great portfolio. People like, like toughness. They like aggressiveness. They like a sarcastic wit.

Now, it's desperation time for him. And all that likeability stuff has got to go by the wayside. He's got to go streak. He's got to get all up in Obama's mush.

He's got to rattle Mr. Cool. He's got to breakthrough to the common denominator nitwits who live and die by football and know everything about "America's Got Talent" but couldn't name the Vice President if their lives depended on it.

O'REILLY: So, but when you say that he's got to rattle the President. I mean, you can't be disrespectful to him. How do you do that. I mean, how do you go in and rattle -- because Obama is a pretty cool guy.

MCGUIRK: There is a fine line, I would agree. But you need some good writing. For example, on the tough economy, you would say, "Just because he likes dog meet doesn't mean you have to as well.

O'REILLY: You know, throw out a line like that, rattle him just a little bit.

MCGUIRK: So, flamboyant lines to demonstrate the economy's going down the drain or is already down the drain.

MCGUIRK: Absolutely. I will call for a moment of silence for the dead Ambassador.

O'REILLY: But you know that anytime that he uses a flamboyant line -- Gutfeld knows this really well, you're going to be accused of being a racist.

If you bring dog meat in, somehow, that's going to be tied into --

MCGUIRK: They used the dog meat -- and also, I'd say, be honest. Like, for example, be yourself. If they ask you a stupid pop culture question like, "Do you like Snooki."

Be honest. Say, you wouldn't let her clean the toilet bowls at Bain Capital.


People would like that.

O'REILLY: That'd be good, right.

MCGUIRK: They would like that. They would respect you for your honesty. They would like you. That's likeability right there.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS COMMENTATOR: How did this go after Snooki. She's an American hero.

O'REILLY: Gutfeld, maybe in your world where people wear ties like you do. But not --

GUTFELD: Why is it every time I'm here, you've got -- you know, my mom is mad at you.

O'REILLY: Oh, your mother is mad at me.

GUTFELD: Yes, because you keep going after my ties. She buys these ties for me.

O'REILLY: Your mother buys those ties.

GUTFELD: Yes, she does.

O'REILLY: Where, at Goodwill. Is that where she is.

GUTFELD: You're a terrible man. Terrible man.

O'REILLY: Everyone knows that. All right, your job, Gutfeld, is to advise the President on what he should do in response to McGuirk saying -- and I believe that's going to happen by the way.


O'REILLY: I think Mitt Romney is going to try to take it to the President and he does.


GUTFELD: Well, OK. President Obama needs somebody like me, the married middle-aged dude who has unicorn pajamas. The guy that isn't interested in getting anything free.

So, that means, President Obama enough with Fluke. Stop going on "The View." Stop by Monday Night Football.


Vacations, no more beach vacations. Go fishing. Be a guy. We want a president. We don't want a camp counselor.

O'REILLY: All right. So, you want then the President to come out in an L.L. Bean outfit with a hat and a rod. That's your advice to him on Wednesday night.

GUTFELD: No. Because that would look goofy. I guess, I want him a, to disown all the wackos in this party --

O'REILLY: He's not going --

GUTFELD: You asked me what he should do.

O'REILLY: I know. This isn't red eye at 3:00 in the morning where people have no idea what you are talking about. McGuirk, to his credit, took a realistic approach to this. All right --

GUTFELD: No, you're asking me what he should do.

O'REILLY: Yes, I'm asking you and, so far, you said he should go fishing and throw Sandra Fluke under a train.


Neither of that is going to happen.

GUTFELD: He should reject room-to-tomb, I mean womb-to-tomb benefits.

O'REILLY: He's not going to do that. What's the matter with you.

GUTFELD: You're asking me what he should do.

O'REILLY: No. If he wants to win the debate, he's going to reject everything that he said for the past three and a half years.

GUTFELD: That's a start. It's the start. Say, "I was just kidding. The last three years, I was just joking. I'm for free markets. I'm for free minds. I think America is awesome."

"I think everything that I ever believed in was a mistake. Occupy Wall Street, that was me. That's not me anymore. I'm sorry, take me back, America."

O'REILLY: Look, it's my fault, ladies and gentlemen, for actually giving Gutfeld a serious topic to think about. Now, --

GUTFELD: I've had it with you.


O'REILLY: I'm the Governor and I'm going to take McGuirk's advice, all right. I'm saying, "Hey, listen. With all due respect, Mr. President, you have no blanking idea what you're doing in the economy.

And people are going to get hurt. They're getting hurt. Median income down 5,000. Hundred and six percent rise in gas prices and you don't know what to do. And you say to me.

GUTFELD: He's going to do -- he's going to talk about these invisible but created jobs. He'll bring that up. And then he'll also bring up the auto industry. Because that's all that he's got.

O'REILLY: So, you'd go right to saving the auto industry.

GUTFELD: Yes, he's going to have to say --

O'REILLY: Gas might be high but you wouldn't have a car if I didn't say, "That might be a good transition."

GUTFELD: You see, I would say though to Mitt Romney, "Stay away from words and topics like see sequestration and Solyndra." Because we're trying to appeal to these independent common denominator nitwits.

As I said, the dummy who wears the Darelle Reves with sucking down bud lights, he's got cheese doodle-stained fingers, he's going to slip into a coma.

You are going to lose him. And by all accounts, this is the guy you're trying to reach.

O'REILLY: You must use colorful language.

MCGUIRK: Yes, you must use colorful and, yes, a couple of cheap shots. I'm not saying grab a prayer again and throw it at the President. But you got to get down to the gutter is what I'm saying.

O'REILLY: That would be good.

MCGUIRK: I'm not suggesting that. I'm not going out there.

GUTFELD: I am. I'm suggesting that.

O'REILLY: All right. We're going to take a break and bring in some kind of security.

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