This is a rush transcript from "The Five," September 4, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: So, according to Politico, reporters are having a miserable time at the conventions. As Walter Shapiro seized, "It's a lot less fun." That's tragic, Walt. I guess the mini bar is out of Toblerone.
Now, some blame cable news and brutal campaign. Sorry, fellas, this is what a little competition feels like.
But really, blaming cable is just hogwash. I mean, funny that this whining never reared the emasculated head in 2008. Now they cry like boys dumped at prom night. Such is the case if you fall in love so fast and so hard with Obama. The chemicals of infatuation are so overpowering that you're prone to impetuous actions that thrill up your leg bordered on early onset of dementia.
But then the guy moves in or he loves you back or he doesn't. And he didn't. Reporters loved Obama. He charmed them as he smarmed America.
And then he left us for something better -- golf. Clooney. This man cave. Leaving those reporters to rerun to "Desperate Housewives" and eating Ben & Jerry's alone sobbing.
And so, the forlorn reporters left wondering what's next? It's just too soon to fall in love again. Not like that, he broke your heart. No wonder you're depressed, so depressed you can't even realize that people like Mia Love matter. Or that Ryan's Obama poster line nailed the presidency or Clint Eastwood kills.
At least there is still the strip club next to the Hilton where Obama's number tanking. That's the one pole most reporters are still interested in.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: A lot better poles than that one.
GUTFELD: Yes. Well, you've been to them all, my friend.
Hey, Andrea, OK, we read these articles. They like to forgive him. Kind of embarrassing. Didn't you feel like -- this is not hard work.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: It's not hard work.
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: It's not.
GUTFELD: And they are crying.
TANTAROS: And they are crying. And we heard Chuck Todd also said that the fact is we are uncovering the economy.
So maybe now that there is not enough drama for that --
GUTFELD: They have to.
TANTAROS: They could cover the issues going on. It's ironic they complain to, because think about the primary season they had, when Republicans were killing each other.
GUTFELD: So much news.
TANTAROS: So much news, so much for them to write about, and now, they're sitting there pouting, oh no there's no good news to write about Barack Obama. What are we going to do now?
I mean, can't write pull bullying stories anymore about Mitt Romney.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: But all it takes is one smile and a wink from the president, and guess what? Politico, Huff Po, MSNBC --
BOLLING: -- fall back in love with him.
GUTFELD: It's like an ex-girlfriend calls you back after six months. And all of a sudden, you're like --
PERINO: You keep refreshing your email because you think he's going to send --
GUTFELD: I never do.
BECKEL: I went on two prom dates and it was very painful experience.
You know, one of the other things that are bugging these people are that these things are so scripted they have nothing to write about. And it's not just 2008, I mean, yes, they were in love with Obama, but you go back and say, I guess you say that Sarah was a big story. But -- what was the last time a big story at the convention? It was probably Dick Morris in 1996.
GUTFELD: Yes, that was a story.
Dana, you have a choice. You can discuss this topic or the other topic we might get to.
PERINO: The other topic, speaking OK, yesterday, you talked about Joe Klein who said on one of the other show, some show that maybe Obama should play the race card. Well, I defended him.
GUTFELD: You did.
PERINO: I said, well maybe what he meant is that President Obama should come out and try to heal people.
OK. So, he today he tries to explain it and he made it worse by saying, however, if the current Republican dog whistling continues, blah, blah, blah.
So, I hereby withdraw my support and defense of him, Joe Klein.
GUTFELD: You know, the funny thing about that he said I would never play the race card because it's cliche term. Then he goes to use the word dog whistle which is actually now replaced the race card as cliched term.
He's a walking cliche hack.
BECKEL: It's worth the discussion to wonder why it is that 93 percent of blacks vote for Democrats and only 7 percent for Republicans.
GUTFELD: It is worth talking about but unfortunately I'm cutting you off.
BECKEL: Thank you.
GUTFELD: We could do a show on that. We could 24 hours on that. But anyway, we'll get Thomas Sowell here, he'll destroy everything.
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