Dennis Miller's beef with Al Gore

Comedian riffs on the latest POTUS approval rating, a new voter I.D. law, and the former Vice President!


This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," March 14, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

Watch "The O'Reilly Factor" weeknights at 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. ET!

BILL O'REILLY, HOST: Thanks for staying with us. I'm Bill O'Reilly.

In the "Miller Time" segment tonight, big congratulations to our pal Dennis, who has signed a brand-new long-term deal with the Dial Global Network to continue his nationally syndicated radio program. Thus, Miller becomes even richer. The sage of Southern California joins us now from Santa Barbara.

So way to go, Miller. What's my cut in this?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: You're getting the same split as I'm getting on the dead Lincoln book, Billy.

O'REILLY: So that means I'm not getting anything, Miller, nothing. Ok?

MILLER: No, everybody...

O'REILLY: You had nothing to do with "Killing Lincoln." I made you. Ok? So, shouldn't there be a fruit basket coming back at me or something?

MILLER: All right. I'll throw you a nanner. I'll get you a fresh nanner back there.

O'REILLY: All right. President Obama's poll numbers falling in the CBS poll. Not so much in the FOX News poll. You say?

MILLER: I say I'm shocked he has any approval rating. You know why? Because this is crap what's going on. It's crap right now. Everybody knows it's crap. They're going to tell you 8.3 is the new 4.6. The unemployment rate is good. They're going to tell you Bush was a moron and this guy's goodwill spending, he's a genius.

But the fact is even if Bush put a knot in the clove hitch four years ago this guy can't untie it. Everybody… you know, Barack Obama's entire presidency now happens out of earshot. Everybody is telling them it's great and this is exactly what they hoped for. But everybody knows it's crap.

He's got… I'm surprised he has any approval numbers. And I think the only reason he does is for the same reason the Kardashians made 70 million. Nobody is really paying attention. This is a Kardashian presidency.

O'REILLY: But you have to pay attention, as the ladies pointed out earlier, to gas prices. I mean, gas prices have doubled under President Obama, doubled. All right? That's not Bush's fault. Bush had nothing to do with that. All right?

MILLER: I'm not saying that.

O'REILLY: Let me just define it. So, they double under President Obama. Now they're shooting up. And everybody is paying attention knows there's plenty of supply. Plenty of gas and oil supply in the U.S.

So, you know, they're going… the prices are going up with plenty of supply. That's not free marketplace. That doesn't happen.

And then the President has no solution to it. None, zero. So you would think that his approval rating would be even lower than it is, as you pointed out. Some people, I guess, they don't mind whatever happens.

MILLER: Listen, what's happening is the gas prices might be the tip of the spear, but there's a lot of things that are driving people crazy that are catching up with this guy. The Keystone Pipeline. Even the AFL- CIO said they might not kick in as much money this year, because they got grifted for the tree huggers. And they're in a fit of pique.

All I know is this. The worst thing is this debt clock. You remember the movie "The Time Machine," when Rod Taylor sitting in there looking at the dress stop, and that thing is spinning when he threw the globe… you know, the cube shifter into fifth. That's what's happening with the debt clock right now.

It's three years in. They're going to tell you it's going great, but most people know it's crap right now. And that's why his numbers are going down. Because it's coming to the end of his first term, and it looks like crap to people.

O'REILLY: Well, and that's how Reagan beat Carter. I mean, you know, four years ago you better off? Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. Now...

MILLER: I know Jimmy Carter is a genius. He could, you know, parallel park a submarine. But everybody knew it was crap.

O'REILLY: Ok. Texas wants a voter I.D. law. And you heard earlier Bernie Goldberg says he wants a quiz, that in order to vote you've got to pass Bernie's quiz. A couple of questions like who the vice president may be and something like that.

Anyway, our pal… and I know you admire him very much… Eric Holder, the attorney general, is fighting, fighting Texas' I.D. law. And you say?

MILLER: Well, Steadman is smart enough to realize that the black vote is maxed out in this country. They get a 95 percent bang for their buck. It's monolithic.

And at this point they've got to find new people to scare, and that's the Hispanics. That's the renewable energy source for the Democrats. They've got to find some new people to freak out. And they're going to start freaking out the Hispanics and say they're coming for them, because they've maxed the black vote out. That's what this all comes down to.

O'REILLY: Ok. So you think that there are some Hispanic Americans that don't have identification, that they won't be able to vote. And so that's who they're targeting to get them all upset?

Because it really doesn't make any sense on the face of it. As everybody knows you've got to have an I.D. to buy cigarettes. You've got to have beer. You've got to have an I.D. to do anything, but then you can go to vote.

I understand… and we're looking for the video… we may use it… that this kid, the guy who runs around embarrassing people. What's his name? Tell me in my ear piece what's his name?

MILLER: Dick Morris? Dick Morris? Dick Morris?

O'REILLY: No, not Morris. He's scary enough. The guy who brought the camera up to Vermont. O'Keefe. This guy O'Keefe.


O'REILLY: He brings the camera up to Vermont, and he takes pictures of guys voting under dead names and all of that. We may run that later on.

But everybody knows, you know, there's plenty of voter fraud around. And why not have an I.D.? That's just the duty of a citizen. But the Justice Department is fighting it. It's crazy.

MILLER: Billy, all I know is if somebody looks you in the eye and says, "I can't get an I.D. together," they've gotten too helpless in their life.

O'REILLY: And they wouldn't pass Bernie's quiz anyway, so throw them out.

MILLER: I mean, you can't buy all four… you can't buy all four "KISS" albums from the Columbia record and tape club without an I.D.

O'REILLY: Yes. That's… and that's a shame. I think that's wrong.

MILLER: Yes. That is wrong.

O'REILLY: All right. Al Gore says that democracy is being hacked. What did you say to this, and what is it?

MILLER: Well, he's down at South by Southwest, so now if you want to do me a favor, stroll across the border line down there and become an illegal American guy in Mexico, Ok?

Now, I saw this week, Billy, the Danish people said there was some researchers. They said that CO2 might be the cause of our obesity. And I look at Gore in profile there, and I'm getting a little zaftig myself, but he looks like he's chucking bear claws down his gullet like they were tic- tacs. And I'm sure that he now believes that it's not his dietary habits that have made him obese. It's my car. That's the point that Gore is to.

O'REILLY: Did you see that video with the guy with the beard and the green hankie? Did you see that parade by you? Did you see it?

MILLER: Yes, I did.

O'REILLY: Looked like Fu Manchu. Who is that guy? What's going on? That he...


O'REILLY: Can we see that again? Can you throw that up again? I love that guy. Come on, throw it up. They can't. They can't throw it up. Somebody broke their finger.

MILLER: Ok. Billy, let me say this about Gore. Gore has gotten to that weird point where he finds out that it is getting hotter and guess what? We all like it.

We like having a warm winter. He's the only guy who's bummed out about it. That's got to drive him crazy.

O'REILLY: More coal. Throw more coal on the barbie.

There he is. There he is. Who is this guy? Who is he?

MILLER: I don't know. I think… I think that's the Batman's butler in Mandarinville.

O'REILLY: Look at that guy. We've got to get him on "The Factor."

All right. Dennis Miller, everybody.

Content and Programming Copyright 2012 Fox News Network, Inc. Copyright 2012 Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.