This is a rush transcript from "The Five," March 13, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: So, a new study from Ohio State suggests that listening to rock 'n' roll like Bruce Springsteen or the White Stripes causes white people to favor their race over others. The theory is that rock is link to white, so listening to it makes you like whites more I guess -- whatever, I don't know.
It appears these researchers forgot rock 'n' roll was the first sport to America to break the color barrier. But, hey, it's fun to watch a knee- jerk leftie like Springsteen get nailed with a crud he smears the right with all the time.
But this is why I love the modern cottage industry known as big race. When they ask what's racist, it can be anything. Do you like vanilla over chocolate pudding? You're racist. Do you like White Russians instead of Black Label? Bigot. Do you favor Cracker Jack over Mike and Ike's? Well, clearly, the relationship between Mike and Ike disturbs you, making you a homophobe.
Of course, the researchers didn't have blacks listening to race-based rap like Public Enemy, or even their race-based lectures at the college.
But aren't the real race-crazed folks the researchers themselves who spread this color-obsessed dogma? In a freak bubble like academia, it pays. Competition is replaced by peer acceptance, which pushes academics to return to racial politics like dogs to their own sick.
The fact is, rock 'n' roll may not make you racist but one thing I can guarantee, Ohio State can make you look like an idiot.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: And you're back.
GUTFELD: Yes. Is that the dumbest thing you heard, Andrea? I mean, Dana? Wow! Too much water, vodka.
PERINO: Yes, it goes back, we could have a segment every day about stupid academic studies that are basically a waste of time and money.
GUTFELD: Yes. This is one of them. Definitely. What do you think?
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Well, I'm trying to figure out. Is it -- what does the study say? Does it say that rock causes people to become more racist or do people who are inherently racist gravitate towards rock music?
GUTFELD: The way I read it is because what you are listening to is played by whites, it makes you happier about being white.
TAMARA HOLDER, GUEST CO-HOST: It makes you whiter.
BOLLING: You gravitate to --
GUTFELD: Yes. Just like whitening toothpaste for your skin I guess. I have no idea.
PERINO: Why you're just a bad dancer?
PERINO: Because you're listening to white music.
GUTFELD: That could be true. I have no idea. That is study for Ohio State.
What do you think?
HOLDER: There's actually a better, stupider poll, and it's the one that a couple of weeks ago that marijuana made you more lazy in the workplace. And it's like, really? Are you serious that smoking pot makes you lazy? I feel like that --
HOLDER: I would love to have a study that paid me to make something up.
GUTFELD: I tried to read that but I gave up on it.
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: You fell asleep.
GUTFELD: OK. Andrea, here's the thing -- would they have done it with rap music? Whatever thing they find, it would be uncomfortable with.
TANTAROS: Rap music is poetry. Look, this, if you are in Ohio, you should be angry. If you are a taxpayer in Ohio, you should say I want my money back because this is -- I mean, it's just ridiculous. If you live in the South, you like to listen to country music. Is this really a priority in Ohio State University?
GUTFELD: Here is something weird. What is going at South by Southwest, the festival at Austin, Texas, it's a music festival.
An organization, a company, has actually turned homeless people to Wi- Fi spots. Basically they give them wireless routers and t-shirts that say I'm a hot spot. You can walk up and log on to their network with your phone. And you can pay the homeless person whatever they, whatever you feel is right for that.
Is this kind of weird, Dana? I got your name right. This is weird.
PERINO: I think it's weird. When we say we want to create jobs and have innovation in America, I don't know if this is exactly what we're going for. But then I saw some of the homeless people said, we're for it.
GUTFELD: That's the one thing. If it's actually -- it's the ultimate entry level job. Except what if you said I want you to hang my coat on you? How is that different?
BOLLING: This is all marketing. This is all BBA. Just fantastic marketing. Everyone is talking about it. All they're doing is giving a homeless guy or whoever may or may not be homeless an iPhone. This is a Wi-Fi. You can turn this into a Wi-Fi spot.
Meanwhile, it's all about the marketing.
TANTAROS: I like this.
BOLLING: Good job, fellas.
TANTAROS: I like this. They are make money. It's a job. Although I will say, if Newt Gingrich came out and said this is one of his policy proposals, he'd be destroyed.
GUTFELD: If this happened at the RNC, how ugly would it be if it was at the convention?
HOLDER: Well, it would be about racism. We'd just be very mad. It's definitely a racist, right-wing conspiracy, for sure.
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