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Miller Time is back in action

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," January 11, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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O'REILLY: Thanks for staying with us, I'm Bill O'Reilly. In the "Miller Time" segment tonight, let's welcome back the sage of Southern California, Dennis Miller, who has been on vacation for three months. He joins us now from Los Angeles. A long way from New Hampshire.

DENNIS MILLER, FOX CONTRIBUTOR: Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, it's good to see you, good to see you. What happened with Watters' tie tonight? Did he win the Masters for God's sake? What is that tie?

O'REILLY: Yes, well, he is a clubby, kind of preppy kid. You know how they are.

MILLER: You look good tonight. You look like Philip Michael Thomas on "Miami Vice."

O'REILLY: That's a very, very -- nobody knows who that is anymore but I do. It's better than Sonny Crocket. You know what I mean?

MILLER: Nobody knew who he was three seconds after the last episode of ""Vice," man.

O'REILLY: "Miami Vice," I loved that show when it was on. I had no idea what they were doing but I liked it.

All right. Now let's start with the New Hampshire Primary. Number one, were you surprised at the results?

MILLER: I'm back on the "Cain train." No. I know that Mrs. Cain decoupled the locomotive and put it up on blocks because the engine was running a little hot. I will tell you what I am surprised of is usually a guy as rotund as Gingrich can't get real accurate when he shoots himself in the foot. But who knew that Newt was a utopianist?

For God's sakes, when he starts talking about ideal profit margins, Gunga Din could not carry David Axelrod's water any more effectively than that. Is he kidding me?

O'REILLY: So you think that by the criticisms coming at Mitt Romney by his Bain experience, his capitalism, that that's helping the Democratic Party and that people are going to get angry with the speaker? Are they going to get angry with Santorum if he does it?

MILLER: All I know is whenever I see somebody who wants to get a liberal in a corner, like a smart guy like Mark Steyn or you, you will say, what is the ideal tax rate? What would you like to see the tax rate at? And they will never give you a number because then they will know they have left prints.

When Gingrich starts talking, 30, 60, 90, when he is breaking down profit margins in increments in 30, and I'm thinking, wait, what's the cut off line there? The smartest guy in the room is no longer in the room at that point. And I can only assume it's years and years of being hyper- intelligent and, yet, watching moderately intelligent men like Romney who look like Romney go past him at the speed of light, because that seems like a suicide mission for me on Gingrich's part.

O'REILLY: Well, he is just angry, and you can understand why he is because he was leading a week before Christmas in Iowa and all over the country, and then the PAC supporting Romney killed him. In Iowa they just absolutely killed him.

So Gingrich is saying, you know, I'm going to do the same thing in South Carolina, this is what I perceive his weakness to be, and he is going on in.

Let's talk about Ron Paul for a moment. Ron Paul gets 23. And by the way, Romney got 40 last night, just about 40.

MILLER: Yes, that's a nice score. That's a super nice score.

O'REILLY: That's right. But you wouldn't know it by the pundits because they have a vested interest, the pundits, in keeping this thing a horse race. Because the ratings are better if there is, you know, an outcome we don't know.

And that -- there is a lot of that going on right now. Let's keep it a horse race because if it's a Romney coronation, ratings will go down, newspaper circulation will go down. There is part of that.

But anyway, a 40 in New Hampshire, that's a good number, right?

MILLER: Listen, Billy, I think the longer this horse race goes I think every race has a silver lining, I think it affords Romney an inoculative effect. Every time I've watched a "Perry Mason," you find out you should spill the beans on your own client before the other guys spill it.

And I think he does need a Bain Capital answer. And I think when Gingrich brings this up, and God knows what the next thing he will bring up, but I think that that affords him the opportunity.

It's like getting a little bit of the flu put into you so you don't get the main flu. I think this is going to help Romney become a good candidate. Listen, I went with Cain at the beginning because I wanted a regular guy and I had no real idea how regular Herman was. He was regular in a lot of ways. Some of them don't lead to the presidency.

But I've always said I liked Romney. I would proud to have him as my president. He has taken a lot of blows from people in his own tent. I think that is going to help him in the long run. I think he's going to be lean and mean going in that thing against Obama.

O'REILLY: All right. He has got to deal with Cindy Lauper, which is no easy task. The "True Colors" thing, the ad they already have out. Now.

MILLER: Well, God forbid you get Lauper pissed off. The next you know, you have Connie Francis is mad at you.

O'REILLY: We don't want that. Now let me ask you a question as they would in the sports world. How about that Tim Tebow? How about that Tim Tebow? Throwing those left-handed passes out there, what do you think?

MILLER: Well, listen, if Tebow wants to throw his helmet into the ring, I will vote for him as president tomorrow. I'm a big fan. I think it points out in many ways how polarized this country is. You remember when your personal favorites, Rosie O. used to equivocate radical Christians in her eyes with radical Muslims.

There is around 40 percent of this country that looks at Tebow now and hates his guts. Then there's around 60 percent like me who look at him and think, God, if I had a daughter, imagine bringing that kid home.

I love Tim Tebow. When he goes into a press conference after the game of his life and talks about taking a young girl named Bailey who has had 73 operations out for dinner that night, when he gets 42 million fans following him, he testifies to his God, if he ran for president, I am sure he would get an appreciable vote.

With all the crappy, weird people in the world who are huge, it's nice to see somebody sidle up, who doesn't even solicit it, who is becoming bigger than life.

O'REILLY: All right. And it will be interesting to see what happens Saturday night in New England.

All right. Finally, Sierra Blanca, Texas, Snoop Dogg busted for pot. Shocked, I know, we are all shocked. This is the same place Willie Nelson got busted. It probably is not a good stretch of road down there. Border Patrol popping Snoop. You say?

MILLER: Well, I say it's straight that piece of road. But it looks like it's swerving to the drivers, this is "Munchy-ville USA. And you know, that was first day they could have busted somebody since Willie because the plume from Willie, which was like the Los Alamos test of Fat Man and Little Boy, that only cleared last week.

Snoopy came through on the first day they could have isolated him as getting high. And listen, I think the judge down there ought to take Snoop, Willie, George Michael from Wham!, and one of the Marley kids from Jamaica, bring them all in, have a celebrity smoke off to raise money for charity. A chili cookoff.

O'REILLY: I like it. Celebrity smoke-off, it's like Terlingua Chili Cookoff.

MILLER: The chili cookoff with cannabis, you're right, Billy, it's perfect.

O'REILLY: There you go. All right. Dennis Miller, back from the dead. And the D-Man would like to remind you that we will be appearing together in Santa Barbara, California, Saturday, February 25th, 4,000 tickets were put on sale, less than 400 remain. So if you want to see us, please go to billoreilly.com.

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