Ivory Tower Comes to Iowa

Snarky reporters tweet their displeasure


This is a rush transcript from "The Five," January 3, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Before I do my little monologue, I got to -- I want to just mention this tweet from Southernway Jim who tweeted to me in the break -- "Greg Gutfeld, can you please take this seriously. Your constant childishness is so annoying."

ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: And that was from Bob.

GUTFELD: Yes. It was from Bob. I didn't know he could tweet like that.


TANTAROS: That's his code name on Twitter.

GUTFELD: I know. You're terrible. All right.

So, reporters are in Iowa. I know because they're tweeting. Here's my fave from Maggie at Politico, she writes, "Steve Forbes' exit dinner with Rick Perry at Fort Des Moines carrying a styrofoam to go cup."

Thank you, Maggie. Your Pulitzer is in the mail.

And here's David Gregory, you know, the guy with the gray helmet tweeting, "iPhone Siri just told me I couldn't find any restaurants near Des Moines." Well, here's the tip. Look up from your phone, chucklehead. There's more, but why bother. It's all the same spoiled East Coasters looking down on anything outside of New York City.

And forget Twitter. Imagine, what they actually say to each other about the people or their clothing. I hope Iowa will apologize for not reading GQ. Yesterday, we asked if the media was declaring the race over before it starts. Well, I'm declaring the media over period. Thanks to much of their own whiney self-importance.

They can no longer declare anything other than their own (inaudible). The words are really about themselves, analyzing other worlds in the context of their own. It remind me when I was a kid, I go to the bathroom and opened up the mirrored medicine cabinet, so the mirror would face the mirror above the sink, creating a sense of infinity.

I would stare at it for hours. I think that it has something to do with this monologue, but I don't know why.

Bob, you've been around reporters longer than, I don't know, something that's been around reporters for a long time. Are they just awful (ph) of themselves?

BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: I'm still getting over your double mirror.


Yes, look, you've got so many more that out here than I've ever seen. Secondly, they all do think that they have something new and fresh to say every day when they don't at the restaurants, and they really do. They don't know -- they go to a Cracker Barrel, and they think, I mean, they're the most unbelievable group of people I've seen and they are spoiled.

But here's the big problem, they're all political reporters. And they may not have a race, with all due respect, to cover after month or month and a half, and that's got them absolutely freaked out. I tell you -- out of Iowa, the first plane that leaves at six o'clock in the morning and it flies some ridiculous place out of the way just to get out and is loaded with people, because they don't want to stay and go (ph) back four years later, and I didn't have to go this time. Thanks.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: It's not easy sometimes to be a political reporter when you have to go to the same stump speech every day and you have to think of something fresh. And so, instead of talking about substance, you end up talking about process or who said what mean thing about somebody else. And Twitter has been a wonderful invention.

I love it, but I recognize that it does encourage some of our worst instincts which is to just say whatever comes into our mind when it used to be that in the press corps they would just talk amongst themselves in the press file, but now, it's out there for everyone to see how clever they are.

GUTFELD: Yes. If you have a clever joke, why should I waste it on Eric when I could just give it to the whole world?


BOLLING: You go free form in your mind in front of me as a people everyday --


BOLLING: That point from now here, Gutfeld, you and I, we've hosted some shows before. They're invaluable to me, at least, you want to know what's going on boots on the ground. We're set in the studio here going, what's really -- you know, what's really going on and you get Carl Cameron or Ed Henry or one of the others ones. I love having them. It's fantastic. Now, they may be getting a little bit more, I don't know, important, and they need finer --


BOLLING: No, I'm in favor of them. I'm not railing them.

TANTAROS: Wait. You call them elitist. You've been bashing Iowa this entire time. You both would hate it if you were there right now.


BECKEL: More hours in that state that I've got a right to dump on them.


BOLLING: I'm sorry, go ahead.

TANTAROS: No, that's OK.

BOLLING: One quick point. Have you noticed the hair and makeup in Iowa, though? I would -- you --


BOLLING: The campaign. Look at them, I'm telling you. There -- I don't know --something--

TANTAROS: Come on! You're not the only --

BOLLING: Not our reporters, the candidates.

GUTFELD: Can I just transition briefly as Iowa is bracing for the "Occupy" protests? Republicans are worried that they're going to come and disrupt. Do you think there's going to be any confrontations, Andrea.

TANTAROS: I don't know about that. I think Republicans are little more civilized than Bob and his friends.


TANTAROS: But I will say thing, being on the campaign trail, it's not always easy. I remember going to a dairy farm up in upstate New York and there's cows and there's manure.

BECKEL: Now, I hope so.

TANTAROS: There were reporters rolling their eyes because their high heels were sinking in the mud. Actually, that was me, but it is. It's tough to do. And in Maggie Haberman's defense, I love Maggie, but sometimes, that might be the most interesting thing is Perry is walking out with a styrofoam cup.


BECKEL: When they go to foreign (ph) event, it's best that you pray for a lot of fresh cow pads --


BECKEL: I love to see them jump on it. But, listen, Greg, let me just say this discussion about Iowa and your contribution has moved me.


BECKEL: I personally want to say that I hope next year or next four more years from now, you are the lead reporter.

GUTFELD: Thank you. That's what I'm gunning for. I think I have the chops, Bob.

BECKEL: You have the chops?

GUTFELD: I have the chops.

BECKEL: Yes, you do.

TANTAROS: And he has the Twitter followers.

BECKEL: And you have the mind for it.

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