This is a rush transcript from "The Five," December 27, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: So, apparently, Lady Gaga is a nightmare to work for.
A former assistant is suing the pop star for nearly 400 grand, saying that she had to cater to Gaga's every desire at all hours. Jennifer O'Neill said there were never any breaks and was often needed for spontaneous, random matters in the dead of night.
Shocker, Lady Gaga is a diva.
Look, when you go to work for something called a "Gaga," don't come whining when you get treated shabbily. What do you expect really? That Gaga is kind, considerate, down to earth person who's a joy to work for? That's not how it works.
Cher, Madonna, Naomi Campbell, Bob Beckel, you have to be rotten to the help. It's in the diva handbook, which I wrote. I mean, how else are you going to convince yourself that as an untalented schmuck, you're better than the mere mortals around you?
Anyway, a person who was hired to be an assistant who is now suing because she had to do work as an assistant gets no sympathy from me. Like I tell my assistant Seth, you answered the ad on Craigslist, so now you're not paying the price.
It's not he hates sleeping in the cage.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Ew. Funny thing is --
GUILFOYLE: That might be true.
GUTFELD: No, it's true.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: This Lady Gaga thing, I mean, I'm telling you --
GUILFOYLE: Now that you know who she is.
BECKEL: I met her one day. I said, what do you do for a living? But I'll tell you -- she reminds me of a woman I picked up in a bar in a trailer park in Ohio at 2:00 in the morning. I mean, why? What is it about this woman?
GUTFELD: She's actually kind of talented.
BECKEL: Is that talent? Look at that.
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: I don't know if that says less about the woman or less about you, Bob?
BECKEL: I'll tell you one thing, this woman is -- I mean, first of all, it's true about these people who get very successful, very famous, and they get -- they ask for certain kind of water. They asked for a certain number of flowers. I mean, are you kidding me?
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Wait a minute. You ask for these lozenges.
BECKEL: These are lozenges because my throat's shot.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, he got special tea, too. It's called Lipton.
GUTFELD: Remember when you threw that intern off the roof, Bob?
BECKEL: She deserved it.
GUTFELD: Terrible. Kimberly --
GUTFELD: This lawsuit, a lot of money. She says it's based on 7,168 hours working overtime. Does she have a case?
GUILFOYLE: Oh my gosh. I mean, you know, these kind of cases are brought all the time. And if you're smart and you're a celebrity, you have somebody sign a nondisclosure agreement and you try and have some kind of binding arbitration to avoid this type of situation.
Is she's probably going to have to pay her off to keep her quiet per se? Maybe a little bit. But she's not going to get what she's asking for. Let's be realistic, because I'm sure she had her lawyer draw up what your job duties are, responsibilities, obligations, expectations -- like running out in the middle of the night to the Safeway to buy a big steak so she can stack them on her head. Remember that outfit?
GUTFELD: She gets seventy-five grand a year, that's a good salary. And she got to brag to her friends that she worked for somebody very famous. So, she had a lot of perks.
Were you ever an assistant? Did you ever have to do anything disgusting?
TANTAROS: Nothing disgusting, but things that I thought were just a little bit unreasonable and out of the job description.
GUTFELD: I'd like to apologize.
TANTAROS: Get your mind out of the gutter, Bob.
No, it was just a really hard job. The woman was really -- she was a diva.
TANTAROS: And she was -- you know, she was a big diva. I thought at the time, like, I can't believe she's asking me to do all this stuff. But, you know --
GUTFELD: Why would you do that?
GUILFOYLE: But I think I know who it is, by the way.
TANTAROS: No, it's not that person.
BECKEL: Who is the woman in this thing, in our research we did, great research back here, about that woman Aguilar, is that? Who went to do a video for a charity and she demanded --
GUTFELD: I think you're thinking about Jennifer Lopez.
BECKEL: Whoever it was.
TANTAROS: She demanded candles and white flowers.
GUILFOYLE: It sounds kind of nice.
BOLLING: Paula Abdul demanding -- her assistants walk around with a videotape because she doesn't trust what she's going to say.
Look, if they're paid well enough, if it's not her, it's someone else.
BECKEL: I interviewed Paula Abdul when I used to sit in for Larry King, that's where I got the suspenders from. And I'll tell you something, without her makeup, ooh.
BOLLING: Well, you know Gaga, too, right?
BECKEL: No, I didn't know her. I said, what do you do for a living? She said, I know what you do, Mr. Beckel, because she follows politics.
BECKEL: -- do you know who that is? I said no. Lady Gaga.
TANTAROS: On some levels, if stars want certain things, like a type of tea, or a type of lozenges, that's OK. But, Greg, I crack up when I see that J-Lo's assistant is required to read her mind when she's hungry. So, you're not supposed to know -- she's not supposed to say when she's hungry, you're expected to be there with a snack.
BECKEL: And Lady Gaga had some woman sleep in the room with her because she got scared at night. In my drinking days, I wouldn't sleep in a room with that woman.
GUTFELD: But here's the thing -- I mean, I was an intern when I got out of college. I did things for --
BECKEL: For who?
GUTFELD: I'm not saying to say who because some of the things that I had to do were a bit, you know, like I had to wash a car, I had to mow a lawn once.
GUILFOYLE: That doesn't sound that hard, by the way.
GUTFELD: But that wasn't part of my job.
TANTAROS: How about painting someone's toenails?
GUTFELD: Oh, you did that?
TANTAROS: I'm just asking.
GUTFELD: Oh, really? Wow.
BECKEL: I'm going to ask, Eric, does it not bother you -- this is a -- diva-esque thing.
BECKEL: Have you notice that people -- you go to nice restaurants. Doesn't it drive you nuts when people treat waiters and waitresses badly and they don't tip?
BOLLING: Yes! I was a waiter, and I never forget, my first day as a waiter, I was bussing a table and I dropped a fork down a lady's back, and she berated me in front of a group of -- a table of eight, how stupid I was, how incompetent I was, and I'll never forget that.
BOLLING: These are someone's sons and daughters.
BECKEL: That's exactly right.
You know, I was behind the line in a very nice spa once, and a guy in the front arguing over five bucks. He was a gazillionaire, right? So I went up and slapped $5 down and said, get the hell out of the line. You're slowing everybody down. He said it's the principle of the thing. Screw principle. You were everybody down.
TANTAROS: We're taking applications for Bob's assistant, email@example.com.
BECKEL: You're going to have to sign a nondisclosure -- and it's going to be long, baby.
GUILFOYLE: No joke.
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