My duty done.
My shopping tips for men...complete.
Your reaction now.
Helen in West Palm Beach, Fl.
"You," Mr. Cavuto, "are the reason most women think men are asses. Your childish, Belushi-like list proved it."
Childish, Helen? I know you are, but what am I? And while I’m at it, miss fancy-schmancy-West Palm Beach debutante…I’m rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off to me and sticks to you!
"If you were my husband, I’d beat the living daylights out of you."
Diane in Roxbury, Mass.
"If you were my husband, I’d have you arrested, then shot."
James via yahoo.com.
"Neil, the shopping tips for men are absolutely brilliant! A hearty "atta-boy" to you or whomever developed the list."
That would be me, James. No one else comes close to my retail genius.
Steve in Anchorage.
"I deliberately waited for weeks for your advice. You didn't disappoint. Now I've gained your insight, and…just lost a girlfriend. Thanks a lot, Cavuto."
Your girlfriend doesn't deserve you, Steve.
Carolyn, in Pittsburgh.
"If you were my significant other, I’d file significant charges for callous and reckless emotional abandonment."
You're a lawyer, aren't you, Carolyn?
Kent in Fort Wayne, In.
Thanks for the shopping tips. The only thing you left out was when we should start shopping. Is Friday early enough?
Way yoo early, Kent, try Saturday...I say, mid-afternoon.
Marjorie via gmail.com.
"You are a bad influence on men, based on my husband's reaction to your ten Christmas tips. He said they were "absolutely true," when any woman could tell you that they are appalling and could easily lead to undersized, overpriced, unattractive and unwanted gifts for their wives and girlfriends. May you stocking be filled with coal."
Jim s. via gmail.
"Were those shopping tips a joke? Meat and cheeses for my loved one? You can't be married, and if you are, you will most likely be divorced after Christmas."
Kathleen via centurytel.net.
"Dear Neil, clarification-- gift certificates "are ok!" never, ever, ever give a gift that sucks (such as) a vacuum (ask me how my husband knows)."
"Your gift suggestions for men is hilarious. I wish my husband could have been home to listen. Last year he wrapped up a huge box of Tupperware; even after I told him I did not want Tupperware for Christmas. Yes, we are still married; but this year I asked him to please not get me anything."
Young, lady, I can smell a box of Hickory Farms sampler basket headed for under your tree!!
Kimberly in Dallas.
"Bottom line, you're an idiot."
John in Fort Wayne.
"Finally, a guy who's not afraid to speak his mind, then have his wife repeatedly stab him when he gets home."
Ken via gmail.
"You’ve reported, my wife's decided. I can't watch you anymore. Sorry, she runs the house, and now she's mad at me for laughing along with your ideas. What do I do now?"
Get her a Hickory Farms basket, Ken, and all will be forgiven. Trust me on this one.
Scott in NYC.
"Neil, I loved your ideas, but my wife's a vegetarian. Any backup plan to processed meats?"
Processed cheeses, Scott.
Victor in Georgia.
"Ok, Cavuto, so no perfume, no expensive clothes, sweaters that are way too small. Check, check, and check. Can I sleep on your couch, because my wife just kicked me out of the house for writing all this down."
Well, come one, come all, my mega munchie man cave awaits.