THE FIVE

Man Fakes Mom's Obituary to Skip Work

Whatever happened to calling out sick?

 

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," December 12, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: OK. Well, a lot of people would like to get out of work. I mean, for real! Bob is one of them, right? But luckily he's here today.

Some call out sick. Others get their mother's obituary published in the local newspaper. Creative I might say.

Greg, I'm expecting great things from you right now on this answer.

What do you have to say?

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Well, this guy tried to get out of work by posting a fake obituary of his mom. He got caught and he got arrested for disorderly conduct. I have a better idea. Some young kid has got to be brilliant and come up with a sick voice act and that is something take your voice to make it sound sick. Because I used to be a boss, anytime that anybody called in sick, you could tell when they were overacting. And it used to drive me crazy. Even when you are sick, you tend to overact.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: It's believable.

GUTFELD: There's got to be an app that could fix that.

GUILFOYLE: That's a good idea.

PERINO: Like your voice could go through it, it's like a translator.

GUTFELD: Right.

GUILFOYLE: Nobody likes a big faker, if you know what I'm saying.

BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Well, I got a bigger story. I was -- I had -- I could not show up for something, for day's work for reasons I won't get into.

But -- so I knew this cop who was a little corrupt. So, I got him to call my boss and say I was arrested. And, of course, that got to the boss all upset. And he said, oh, no, get rid of Beckel after this. And then I had the cop call him at the end of the day and say, we arrested the wrong guy. Your guy is just fine.

PERINO: And what did Jimmy Carter say after that?

(LAUGHTER)

BECKEL: He didn't say anything. He just thought it was fine. I did. I got away with it. And this is the first time I told this story.

So, if you remember me out there, if you're watching Bozo, sorry, buddy.

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: So, did the boss ask where you were?

BECKEL: Yes, I told him I was in jail. I sort of was.

BOLLING: So you called and said they let you out?

BECKEL: At the end of the day, they let me out.

GUILFOYLE: Call in sick, and/or incarcerated.

BECKEL: Have you ever been to a place where the fake jails?

GUILFOYLE: Have I ever played in one, Bob? What? What is he talking about? I put bad guys in jail.

GUTFELD: That was a real jail.

GUILFOYLE: Yes.

BECKEL: No, this is, got handcuffs and stuff on the wall?

PERINO: No. What in the world are you talking about?

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh. Dana is horrified.

PERINO: OK. I can remember calling in sick to work with a fake voice. I could do the fake voice.

But I did do something for a while, I was telling white lies to get out of going to baby showers. I hate them.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: I got caught in the white lie web. And, finally, I realized what I actually need is a policy for myself that says I do not go to baby showers. So, when somebody call mess and says, can you go to a baby shower? Actually, I have a policy and I don't go. It's worked out brilliantly.

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: You told these white lies?

GUILFOYLE: A web of lies!

BECKEL: You are so straight.

PERINO: Well, when you get to be -- I don't have to say how old I am. But you get to a certain age and a lot of your friends are having babies and then they want you to go. And then they were like, do you have children? No, I'm so sorry.

GUILFOYLE: Dana, did you give a present and just not go?

PERINO: It's a six-hour ordeal if you're invited. You got to get a present and get it wrapped. And you got to go.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: They need an app for that.

PERINO: An app for no baby shower.

GUILFOYLE: First of all, who is against babies? What is wrong with is that end of the table?

BECKEL: First of all, have you been to people's house and they just had a baby? It stinks. I mean, they try to do everything to make it not stink. But you walk in --

GUILFOYLE: Babies smell nice like baby powder.

BECKEL: The parents don't smell it. But they invite you over and you go like -- you know what you're talking about.

GUILFOYLE: We had that when you're on the airplane with babies.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: They have new pails in you put diapers in and it doesn't smell as bad.

GUILFOYLE: That's called Diaper Genie. It's magic.

BECKEL: Nothing smells more than that. Nothing. It involves everything from an M-16 up to nuclear weapon. But, boy, if you get a nuclear weapon --

BOLLING: You had a couple of those kids in the day.

BECKEL: I know. That's why I'm talking about it.

GUILFOYLE: Well, I am going on record to say that I like babies. So cute.

PERINO: I'm not against babies.

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: What about layers?

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