This is a rush transcript from "The Five," November 1, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: So, "The View," which is like "The Five" but with hot flashes, claims they want to post a presidential debate at 11 a.m., right when their viewers are mixing their Ensure with vodka.
So, does it mean "Meet the Press" will now host baby showers for Jessica Simpson? Will Bob Schieffer get a Justin Bieber makeover? Will Jake Tapper do an hour on pet incontinence? After all, it's only fair.
Anyway, "The Five" found some of "The View's" debate question which were scrolled in crayon on a discarded McRib wrapper, they were, toward the Republicans, this is what they want to know: Why are you so mean? Why do you hate babies and bunnies? Isn't President Obama dreamy? And did I sleep with you in 1979?
Not that "The View" is hostile territory, but the GOP would get better treatment from a biker gang. But if "The View" is being considered for the job, why not "The Five" too?
Unlike them, we actually live on planet Earth and believe it's round. But more important -- instead of having four plain liberals with one hot conservatives, we have four hot conservatives and one funny-looking lib. You can't beat those odds.
Bob, what do you think? "The View" wants to host a debate. Is this a good idea?
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Funny-looking liberal, huh? OK, fine. I thought that was a great monologue. Does anybody know what the show --
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Right here, right here, A block.
GUTFELD: Stay focused.
BECKEL: Stay -- well, that's tough. I have ADD. Can you imagine "The View"? First of all, getting the questions -- here's the difference. I'm going to be serious here for a second.
If you had a debate with the five of us, we know something about politics. With all due respect to Whoopi Goldberg, what does she know about politics? What does Barbara Walters know? That right wing woman, well, she doesn't know about politics either.
So, I think if you're going to have a debate, you got to have political people.
GUTFELD: What do you think, Dana?
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Well, OK, I agree. If I was consulting any of these candidates, I'd say, why don't you just skip this one? Like I'll tell Rick Perry, you can stay home.
GUTFELD: He might do well with these women, though.
PERINO: But I think -- OK, I'm not going to defend them. OK. So, their idea might be one of the things, for example, a Herman Cain that people said that they like about him is that he is quite likable.
PERINO: And a show like "The View," if you can pull it off, which is a very big if, could go well. But I don't know if the current crop would do a good job. Maybe Herman Cain would, maybe not now.
GUTFELD: Kimberly, they've asked you to do "The View." You said no wisely. Would this start a dangerous trend for other weird shows like "Jersey Shore" or perhaps ice truckers doing debates?
GUILFOYLE: Snooki has some deeply intellectual questions somewhere up in her poof that we just really are dying to get.
GUILFOYLE: In her poof, her little Snooki poof on the top of her head. We'll explain after the show.
Yes, "The View" has about much chance of hosting a GOP debate as like Occupy Wall Street is going to get an invitation to Iowa to come in and, you know, hang out (INAUDIBLE).
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: We should make a deal. If "The View" gets to host a GOP debate, we get to have Obama on the show.
BECKEL: Yes, there's a chance.
GUILFOYLE: That's also not going to happen.
BECKEL: That's going to happen.
PERINO: I wouldn't even advise that.
BOLLING: I'm going to ask him a couple of questions. Mr. Obama, what's up with 9.2 percent unemployment? Mr. Obama, the gasoline prices --
PERINO: But see, President Obama, his -- he is really good on a show like this.
PERINO: But once you become president, it's easier, right? Like you don't have to, like, worry about all those sort of different things. I agree with you that the questions would probably be like that. But I go back to if you can pull it off and you got off one good line and you really do a good job, it actually can work in your favor.
BECKEL: It can. But I'll tell you, those are the kind of setup debates where you are trying to be funny. If you're not funny, like Eric, you -- it doesn't come over well.
And, you know, Whoopi Goldberg for all you say about her, she has a pretty good line lines, you know?
GUILFOYLE: Yes. But she's comedian.
BECKEL: If we have the Republicans here, Eric -- he'd kiss their butt and you guys would be -- anybody would be critical?
PERINO: If there were Republicans here, it would be like 14 because there are nine of them.
BOLLING: Didn't they do something like that, one of the debates, sit down around the table. Remember that?
GUTFELD: No. I never watch -- Eric, so you watch "The View"?
BOLLING: No. The debate.
PERINO: There was a sit-down.
BOLLING: That was good, though. I like that.
GUTFELD: I agree. I have to say this, you say President Obama does well on "The View" because they like him. They agree with his assumptions. There's not a single Republican --
BOLLING: Well, they'll love Romney then. If they like Obama, they're going to love Romney.
BECKEL: What would be your first question to Romney?
BOLLING: How come you flip-flopped on every single campaign, every single debate topic? Abortion, immigration, cap-and-trade, taxes, all of them. How come you flip-flop?
GUILFOYLE: Romney, they would ask him, like why did you turn to the dark side? Because I think he was on the right track with Romneycare, right? Rick Perry, they'd be like, when is the last time you talk to God? With Cain, they'd be like, you know, grill and flipping him like a double cheeseburger, Burger King style, and more questions asking about other women that he might have offended. Bachmann, they'd have a field day with her.
BECKEL: And Ron Paul would say, could you speak to answer this question?
No, what would you ask Ron Paul. He's still right down on your line, a libertarian.
GUTFELD: Well, I don't know. But I want to since we're talking about the candidates, can I bring up this Quinnipiac poll that just came out. Strong numbers for Herman Cain. But we're going to talk about that in a minute. I want to talk about the election matchup against Obama.
We've got them right here. Obama leads Romney 47 to 42. Obama, 52 to Perry 36. Fifty to 40, Obama over Cain. And 52 to 37 over Gingrich.
Here's my question, Dana. It seems like Romney is always the bridesmaid when it comes to the Republican candidates. But when it comes to the matchup against Obama, he's always number one.
PERINO: Well, remember -- one, it's very early. And also, none of these candidates, whoever gets the nominee, they haven't even started to run against Obama yet. We have spent the past four days talking about -- not just we, but the whole establishment that is looking at the -- not me establishment, media establishment -- looking at the allegation of Herman Cain sexual harassment, instead of going after President Obama on the jobs plan.
Try as they may on D.C., on the Hill, they are trying to talk about the jobs bill and infrastructure bill and they can't get any traction. And they haven't started to run against Obama yet.
BOLLING: Can I stand up for conservatives everywhere right now?
GUTFELD: Please do.
BOLLING: It's such a rigged game. It's so obvious to me what's going on here. The left clearly wants Romney because they know they can go after him for all the flip-flopping. But the established Republicans want him as well. This is a rigged game.
You know, look at what's going on. Bachmann took the lead. They systematically took her apart. She's got headaches. You don't want her at the button when she's got a headache. Then it was --
PERINO: I don't think that's why she's not doing well.
BOLLING: Perry, he took the lead and then, all of a sudden, he made all these comments. Now, Cain, there's this history.
It doesn't put -- Newt should be careful because if he rises to the top, he'll be the next one that they take legs out of because no one touches Romney.
BECKEL: Eric, let me tell you on a serious note, we would like nobody better than Perry. Believe me.
BOLLING: I disagree.
BECKEL: You disagreed. But I'm talking about Democrats, which you know actually nothing of. We, listen -- can I say one thing about the poll? The base Republican vote in this country, anybody will get 37 percent. Even you would get 37 percent.
George Bush the elder hit the mark. And that -- it used to be 43, 42 Democrat/Republican and the rest were independents on the side. It's now 40/38.
And then that means the independents, the persuadable voters have grown in large numbers. So, none of this interests me whatsoever. Obama has not -- just barely makes the Democratic threshold. And the rest of them, top ones make Republican threshold.
What's missing there, and the Quinnipiac poll is a good poll. It's almost 3,000 voters. The margin of error is only 1 percent to 2 percent. And it's very reliable.
And I'll tell you, I think it tells --
GUILFOYLE: Are you encouraged by the numbers for your side? Why not?
BECKEL: No, because I think Obama should be doing much better against Perry and --
GUILFOYLE: Well, he beats him still here in this.
BECKEL: Listen, Obama is doing better this week than he did a couple of weeks ago.
GUTFELD: Yes, I want to bring up the job approval numbers went up. It's now at 47 percent.
PERINO: Nothing to write home about.
GUTFELD: Yes, but it's better than 41 percent from October, right?
GUILFOYLE: Bob is hanging in there for the Obama camp.
GUTFELD: What do you make of that, Kimberly?
GUILFOYLE: Look, I think he's been fluctuating, but nevertheless, he hasn't been able to trend above 50 percent for a while. That's still a problem, historic if you look at it in terms of re-election. That doesn't bode well for him. But then again, the economy improves, that's going to help him.
BECKEL: A number of people have won the presidency in the second round had 50 percent a year out. But having said, I think Obama, the reason it's getting better is -- and I think it's finally starting to sink in, that you don't think there's going to be much of a message to run against this Congress. At 9 percent, I think you run against Congress. It's going to be the lesser of two evils.
GUILFOYLE: That's what you do.
BECKEL: And he'll win. Yes.
PERINO: He will -- if he does win, he'll be faced with the Republican Senate and he won't get anything done.
BECKEL: As to o posed Republican in the White House, the Senate and the House. And then we're all going to be done.
GUTFELD: Or maybe --
PERINO: Like the Democrats in the first two years of the Obama administration?
BECKEL: Wonderful stuff happened then.
GUTFELD: Maybe America has become accustomed to despair.
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