This is a rush transcript from "The Five," October 20, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: According to the latest Gallup poll, a record 50 percent of Americans think pot should be legal. That's up from 46 percent from last year and 12 percent from 1969. A year Bob can't remember.
GUTFELD: Now, I have been around drunk and stoners in my life and I've never been punched by a stoner. I can't say the same for drunks. And every single thing I regret in my life occurred after four melon balls.
Potheads are annoying but they're generally harmless and they shouldn't be in jail with Aryan meth heads who make knives out of toothbrushes. Even more, banning a substance because it feels good is wrong. Some vital drugs have euphoric side affect and they aren't banned because they make you feel like George Hamilton.
But just because I'm fine with legalization doesn't mean I'm fine with pot. I'm with comedian Gavin McInnes who said, quote, "It kills your ambition and ruins lives. It doesn't make you kill people. It doesn't make you do anything. In fact, it makes you not do anything. Pot should only be for watching horror movies with your wife."
GUTFELD: And it's worse. He adds, for men and women of college age, you should be figuring out your path in life. But instead you're melting on a coach cradling a half-eaten bag of Funyuns lost in marathon of "Bosom Buddies" reruns. So, yes, hooray for legalization of pot, but boo for all your friends who might have been something.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Yes.
GUTFELD: Dana, you're high right now.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: It's just sitting next to you every day.
GUTFELD: Yes, you're getting the second hand. Yes.
How do you feel of the concept of legalization?
PERINO: I'm just against it. My gut instinct is I'm against it. And I'm from Wyoming, Colorado. Denver, Colorado, is a place I consider home.
And do you know there are more medical marijuana dispensaries in Denver, Colorado, than there are Starbucks?
GUTFELD: Yes. It's such a huge business. It's such a huge business, Eric, in fact, that they are trying to unionize medical marijuana dealers in two states, I believe the one in Colorado, to legitimatize their industry, are going to unionize. I guess they approached the United Food and Commercial Workers and held an election in September.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: That's wonderful. That's great. The pot dealers want to get together with the union. It's kind of the same. You know, union thugs, mobsters and drug dealers.
Look, here's the issue -- 25 states I believe have decriminalized pot. But the federal government still says it's still illegal. So, Obama has a huge dilemma.
Does he allow California to have thousand of dispensaries? Colorado has thousands. Or does look the other way, or does he go in and start cracking down?
My guess is, you know, he says he's going to get tougher on them. I don't think he can.
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: Because a lot of people who smoke up -- that's his base.
BECKEL: A lot of places you mentioned, Dana, by the way, has some of the best dope ever.
GUTFELD: Bob, I want to ask you, though, because I believe you are an expert in this matter.
BECKEL: Yes, I certainly am.
TANTAROS: That's something to be proud of.
GUTFELD: Yes. You know, don't you feel that medical marijuana is kind of a Trojan horse?
BECKEL: It's the most ridiculous -- I mean, it's a scam. You can't legalize marijuana, right, because voters won't vote for it. They will vote for medical marijuana. All of a sudden, you get on the phone, you call some phony doctor who says, yes, you're a sick guy, you need this stuff for pain.
Look, the danger is it's widely disseminated for two reasons. One, states want the revenue from the tax sales.
BECKEL: And, secondly, people want to buy dope and get stoned.
Look, I don't -- I have no problem if you're 40 or 50 getting stoned. But you're right, if you get this to kids and it is a gateway drug. I mean, I'm telling you -- I deal with drug addicts all the time. And kids who start smoking dope are going to go on to blow. And they are going to go on to heroin. And the idea that a sick, putting this on some medical thing, first of all, it's not even proven that it does.
PERINO: And think what it would do to snack food industry. At least it might be way to create --
PERINO: I want to make a point about the union. Something that concerned me is if they go on strike and then there's an emergency and someone really needs to get high, and then, like, what are we going to do? Are we going to call them back to work like the air traffic controller?
BECKEL: Dana, I could walk outside the studio -- as a matter of fact, in the next break I could walk out here and buy you a bag of dope.
PERINO: Seriously? I wouldn't know who you would even approach.
BECKEL: The garage tenants.
GUTFELD: Bob, you are like the guy who had all of his fun and don't want anybody else to have fun.
BECKEL: No, no, it's not that. I didn't have that much fun near the end, by the way.
TANTAROS: But think about it -- why are they trying to use this to have revenue? Because the states and localities have mismanaged their budgets, giving general packages --
TANTAROS: It's true, though. They have blown budgets on the union pension and all these other wasteful programs. And now --
BECKEL: You and Bolling are the best walking advertisements for Prozac.
BOLLING: You know, as the only one here who has kids, with the exception of Bob, who, you know, went through this whole phase, it's a dangerous thing to allow people, to decriminalize it. You make it much easier, much more accessible. I don't want my 13-year-old getting in the car in two years --
TANTAROS: Same thing with gambling. Gambling is the same way. You can get the revenue, but really, at what cost of the culture and the community?
GUTFELD: Speaking -- Bob, you will like this. We're going to talk about something you're interested in, Bob.
TANTAROS: I can't hear anything you're saying on my earpiece.
GUTFELD: The House committee is setting a hearing on Tuesday to legalize online gambling. How do you feel about that?
BECKEL: I think it's just fine. I mean, first of all, it's going on all the time. I do it myself. And I think it is a revenue source. And there's gambling every place. Every state in the Union pretty much --
GUTFELD: You make bets at the table. Your phone rings during the show.
BECKEL: I know that.
GUTFELD: From your bookie.
BECKEL: You can gamble everywhere. It's been used as a source of revenue, right, for states. And that's why gambling spread so fast across the country.
GUTFELD: Dana, when you're not high, you're up all night gambling.
PERINO: Yes, I've lost thousands.
GUTFELD: Yes, you have.
What are your thoughts?
TANTAROS: But think about it -- Rendell brought all these slot machines into Pennsylvania. And it hasn't brought any good. There's people there blowing their welfare checks, their Social Security checks.
GUTFELD: That's their choice.
TANTAROS: I mean, you know, slot machines are the answers to our fiscal problems?
GUTFELD: Why don't we ban all fun?
BOLLING: But the important point is, all of this gambling that's going on, literally billions of dollars are being bet oversees. And there's no tracking it. There's no taxing it.
And so, casinos want it. Gamblers would like it. I think it's a safer bet, betting through a casino than some bookies on the other side.
Can I just point one thing out, Greg, in your monologue?
BOLLING: Melon balls?
GUTFELD: Melon balls.
PERINO: What is that?
GUTFELD: Midori and orange juice.
TANTAROS: They're bright green.
TANTAROS: They look like (INAUDIBLE) cooler, right? They're bright green.
GUTFELD: They're delightful, sitting on a rooftop, shirtless. You have can't go wrong.
PERINO: It's like Kryptonite.
GUTFELD: It is like Kryptonite.
BECKEL: I would have to drink 50,000 of those things to get a buzz. Melon balls. What a wuss!
PERINO: I thought those are those things you got at the buffet. The little scoops?
BECKEL: You are the straightest human being I've ever met. God bless you.
BECKEL: I mean, the kind you scoop out.
BECKE: They're bad enough as alcohol. I mean, no, no. These are melon ball shooters. Not a melon ball, the little thing you take and put in your mouth, no.
PERINO: Wrapped in bacon, they're delicious.
TANTAROS: You're both so red right now.
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