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Dennis Miller on Obama's Vacation, East Coast Earthquake and Kim Kardashian's Wedding

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," August 24, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: plenty to talk about this evening. Let's get right to the sage of Southern California, who joins us now from Los Angeles. So for the third year in a row, the president's vacationing on Martha's Vineyard, and you say?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, listen, Billy, I'd rather have him on vacation than perpetually out to lunch, which is what he is when he's back in Washington, D.C. All I can tell you is this: I heard you and Dobbs much earlier in the show. It is tough work overturning 235 years of America's can-do attitude in the give me, give me, give me. That will take it out of a guy, and I give him his vacation. Go take it because, quite frankly, that's got to be tiring grinding us all down like this.

O'REILLY: But the problem with that, Miller, is that President Obama, with all due respect -- and you know I've tried to be fair to him -- is an enabler of this whole "give me" system. He is an enabler of it. He wants it. He uses it. So does the Democratic Party to build their base, as Wendy Murphy said earlier. They are pandering to it to the extent that they're bankrupting the country. So they're trying to build political power and currency at the expense of the whole United States of America. So I'm not cutting him any slack on that.

MILLER: I believe you're being fair to him right there. That's just an accurate appraisal of what the situation is. This whole thing is getting shaky. We're taking motivation out of this country, and that's going to come back to get us. And this guy is like you said, it's a co-dependent thing. He is an enabler. Although I see today -- did you see that footage of Qaddafi pulling up onto the Edgartown Beach on a jet ski in an orange DayGlo thong and a wife-beater T-shirt with a Massengill logo on it. He held a press conference that said, "Listen, Obama, is -- I'm only the second most shaky world leader on this island right now." So this guy...

O'REILLY: I didn't see the vineyard exposition. But I hear that he's in Laredo. He just came across the border with the other 4,000 people last night. He was disguised. And you know, he's probably -- probably working in a Taco Bell in San Antonio over the weekend.

MILLER: And guess what? Obamacare is paying for some sort of hair process.

O'REILLY: He goes, this is a great deal. I've got Obamacare coming my way. Nobody knows who I am. It's easy to get in here, didn't have to pay any visa fees. So here I am, hello.

MILLER: Speaking of vacations, China, can you keep Biden over there? Is that possible?

O'REILLY: He's in Japan now. Look, I know. We did it last night.

MILLER: Unbelievable. Let me get this straight. Palin was the stupid VP candidate in the last election, right? Biden is a genius. All right. I just want to get that straight.

O'REILLY: OK, now yesterday we had the earthquake, and people were very, very panicked, although it lasted for two and a half seconds.

MILLER: Yes. Well, look at that footage. It cracked Pelosi's face. You can see it all falling down there on the ground. Listen, I don't think -- I think this points out to you. When I saw people leaving their workplace and they just kept going, it reminded me when we were in high school. We'd have a fire alarm and all the hoods would just keep going over to the mall to have an organic smoke break, you know, on the -- on the school's dime. That's what it reminded me of.

I don't think we're as tough as the Japanese. You see them come together with their stoicism and their public-mindedness. I think if we have a tsunami event after one of these earthquakes in America, there will be reports of cannibalism within three hours. And knowing how touchy...

O'REILLY: You make a good point because the Japanese wouldn't even -- wouldn't even evacuate when Godzilla was in the neighborhood.

MILLER: Yes. Well...

O'REILLY: They still wouldn't leave. Two and a half seconds and everybody: "Oh, got to go. See you. Got to go home and protect the homestead. See you."

MILLER: Yes. America is soft. We will be -- after a major earthquake people over here, we'll cannibalize people. We're so touchy feely we'll only feast on the dead corpses of vegetarians.

O'REILLY: That's right. In California in particular.

Now, Kim Kardashian's big wedding. I understand it cost $85 million. Paid for by the federal government. No, that -- that's a joke. And it was in your neighborhood, right? Weren't -- that was close to your house, was it not?

MILLER: Once again -- once again, I was at my weekly Slip and Slide demonstration with Barney Frank. But I will say this. I saw Cal Tech seismologists say that the weekend that Kim was up here...

O'REILLY: Yes.

MILLER: ...the San Andreas Fault was only the second biggest fault line in the Santa Barbara area. So evidently she superseded that back there.

O'REILLY: Now, did anyone that you know in the Santa Barbara area talk about this wedding? Were they excited about the wedding?

MILLER: I was back in New York with you, brother. I was a pig in slop. I was nowhere near this state.

O'REILLY: No, I know, but is there buzz now that you are back? "Oh, that Kim. She looked beautiful"? or "Gee, what a great celebration"? Did anybody care?

MILLER: I don't think so. Kim Kardashian is this. They got nothing, and they're making $80 million a year off it. They got nothing.

O'REILLY: Absolutely. This right here is the poster child for any American. If she can make it -- see, I used to be. If I can make it, you can. Now it's this one. We don't know what she does. We absolutely don't know what she does.

MILLER: The door cracked a cosmic sliver. And I've got to give that woman and her kids this. They stepped through in an off-the-rack culture, and they're busting their hump.

O'REILLY: They got everything going on. That's for sure.

Now, as Miller mentioned, the reason he wasn't at the Kardashian wedding was because he was with me at the Bolder Fresher show in Westbury, Long Island. And have you recovered from that?

MILLER: Why did you not warn me -- why did you not warn me that you were going to have the stage revolve? The thing was slowly spinning around. I kept seeing this red-haired chick thinking, "Wow, she is bumping all over this arena." What the hell happened here?

O'REILLY: Is it just a little -- it's a theater in the round. See?

MILLER: I had no idea.

O'REILLY: Yes.

MILLER: And when they had to put the sawhorses up for you like The Beatles at the Plaza, the women fainting, it was unbelievable. It was "Factor" mania back there, Billy.

O'REILLY: Now, I have to say Miller during this show told the best Frank Sinatra story I have ever heard.

MILLER: Yes. That was...

O'REILLY: That Frank Sinatra story, somehow you've got to market that because that was hysterical. And everybody -- you know what really surprised me? Everybody who met you, Miller, said you were a nice guy.

MILLER: Yes.

O'REILLY: Everybody loved you.

MILLER: Well, listen, I met your sis. I met that cool padre from where is he at, El Salvador? That was a sainted cat. Nice people, Bill. I had a good time, baby. We'll see you at the Mohegan Sun.

O'REILLY: All right, Miller. Thank you very much, as always.

And on that subject, BillOReilly.com members can see some of the Bolder Fresher show, posted right now. On Friday night we'll open it up to everybody on BillOReilly.com. Hope you like it, and we hope you'll come see us.

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