Dennis Miller on Oprah's Final Show

Funnyman's thoughts on the end of the daytime TV queen's reign


This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," May 25, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: We have a lot to talk about with the sage of Southern California, including Oprah's last program today.


OPRAH WINFREY, TALK SHOW HOST: Every day that I stood here, I knew that this was exactly where I was supposed to be. And there was many a day -- Stedman can tell you -- like so many of you, I came to work bone-tired. And I often joke with my makeup team, "My face is still in Cleveland, y'all. Can you get it to Chicago by 9 o'clock?"


O'REILLY: OK. Dennis Miller joins us now from Los Angeles. Did you see Attorney General Holder in the audience? That's pretty impressive.

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: No, Billy, you've got that wrong. That was Billy Dee Williams. Billy Dee Williams. Actually, Stedman, you know, these people live up near me. I don't see a lot of them, but I bump into Stedman once in a while, and I must say he's a lovely cat, very sweet guy.

O'REILLY: Do you call him? Do you tell him he looks like Holder? Do you mock him when you see him?

MILLER: Well, you know, Billy, when I do that you always act like I'm mocking them. Let's face facts. Both those cats are handsomer than you and I. So, you know, it's sort of like a compliment. But Stedman is always kind, sweet, always has a book under his arm. I see him at bookstores a lot. Good people.

O'REILLY: OK. Are you an Oprah fan? I mean, did you watch the program on a regular basis? And what do you think about her not being on anymore?

MILLER: Listen, I didn't watch the program a lot, but I obviously saw it. I've lived in America over the last years. Let me say this about Oprah Winfrey's legacy. I think she's a kind-hearted woman who put a lot of smiles on people's faces, left the campsite tidier than when she arrived and made a few bucks along the way. And if you're signing people up for headstones, where do I put my "X"? I mean, I admire her. I think she had a vivacity on the air that was underrated. I always thought she was so telegenic, so sweet and empathetic, and I wish her well. I think she's acquitted herself admirably in her life, and I admire her.

O'REILLY: OK. Good for you.

Now, last week Miller ran down some of the Republican candidates. We didn't have time to get to all of them, so we are going to do that tonight. We left off with Michele Bachmann. You say?

MILLER: Well, I like the optics on Michele Bachmann, because when they start laying into somebody as being anti-kid. The Republican is always going to be anti-kid. She can bring the 23 foster children and the five actual children out and have more than the Von Trapps and the Waltons put together. So she's actually out there walking the walk as far as kids, instead of intellectually theorizing how Republicans are broodish about them.

O'REILLY: All right. The Democrats can't attack her as taking food from the children and all of that.

Sarah Palin, we don't know whether she's going to run. You say?

MILLER: Well, I've told you, Bill, I'm enamored at Palin because all the right people hate her. But ironically for the left, and I know they're licking their chops, I think she's too smart to run. I think it would be silly to run. She might be drawn to it, because I do believe she's a Christian and a patriot, and she might want to have those, you know, a road to Damascus moment about running. But by and large, I think she's got exactly the life she wants, and I wouldn't run if I was her.

O'REILLY: OK. Now we've got three real quick. Herman Cain, first of all?

MILLER: Cain is able. And I like the fact that he's actually had pizzas delivered over the course of his life, rather than just lugging pork back indiscriminately to his constituents.

O'REILLY: You know, I said this before at the debate in South Carolina, if he had had pizzas delivered in the middle of that debate, that would have put him right over the top. I wish he had called me.

MILLER: There you go.

O'REILLY: You know, "Hey, let's take a little break."

MILLER: That's the ad campaign right there.

O'REILLY: Chris Christie says he's not going to run, governor of New Jersey. You say?

MILLER: Well, I would hope -- see, I think all of us out here in America who are not in unions should join a union of not union people, and I think Chris Christie should be our Jimmy Hoffa. That's what I hope.

O'REILLY: OK, you want a labor movement without the union label. Very good.

MILLER: I'm just saying all the non-union -- it's the non-union union.

O'REILLY: All right.

MILLER: And I think he'd be a good head of it.

O'REILLY: OK. Finally, Jon Huntsman. Not too many people know about him. You say?

MILLER: Too many people that I find creepy are telling me he's the guy. So sorry, Jon, I don't even know what you're about. You look like a young John Forsythe. You cut a nice figure. But you've got the stink on you from too many people who I don't respect saying you're the guy. Plus, I will say this. He was our ambassador to China. So when we eventually have to surrender to the Chinese, he can at least do it authentically.

O'REILLY: All right. The Obamas meeting with the royal family and a big spectacle. Everybody saw it. And how did it go down in your mind?

MILLER: Well, you know, listen, I -- this is the whole thing I dig about Barack, because he must be looking at this and thinking, "My God. I'm in Madame Tussauds. What the hell happened here?"

A couple of awkward moments when he looked over at Camilla Parker Bowles there sitting next to him and said, "Go ahead, Helen Thomas, first question." That was a little awkward. And then when he signed the guestbook at Westminster Abbey, he put May 24, 2008. Billy, can I give you my theory on that?


MILLER: All right. I hate to get too "Da Vinci Code" and too numerology here. But let me say this: May 24, 2008 numerically translates to 5242008. Five plus two is seven. Seven plus four is 11. Another two is 13. Two zeros keep it at 13. Eight makes it 21. Blackjack. I think he was telling us he got lucky with the queen.

O'REILLY: Jeez. I don't even want to consider that, Miller. I don't even think about that.

MILLER: All right. Then I've got a backup theory. He signed 2008, but everything he signs leads to inflation. By the time he gets back to D.C., it will read 2011.

O'REILLY: All right. Dennis Miller, everybody. He totally put me off with the queen knock.

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