Common Sense

Cavuto's 'Fan Mail'

NEIL CAVUTO, HOST OF “YOUR WORLD”: You know, we get a lot of email on this show.

Some good. Some bad.

Actually, I’m happy to say, mostly good. But that really doesn't stop the really bad.

And now and then, maybe owing to a slow news day, maybe just being gluttons for punishment, I don’t know we pick out some real gems….

What I like to call the, "I can't win" gems.

This one from Paul, who e-mails…

"Hey, you fat-face, faux-news f-up!!! Would it kill you to not always be so rude to your guests?"

Kind of like the way you e-mail, Paul?

But this is consistent, this sort of conflicted email.

Cara in San Francisco.

"Take it from this double doctorate in economics and finance, your level of investment understanding approaches that of a baboon…which is a good thing, since you look like one and talk like one."

Well, "Dr. Cara," I’m rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!! Mature enough for you?!

Well another "doctor"….Dr. Harvey M., writes.

"You Italian meat-head, imbecile, where did you get your economic credentials? Off the back of a cereal box? I don't think your pathetic pea-brain is even capable of reading a simple spread sheet."

Hey doctor, "bull-sheet."

Jonathan via MSN.

"Barack Obama is president of the united states. Treat him with the respect his office deserves. He sure as hell beats that blithering, bumbling, war-mongering, IQ-challenged, ass Bush!"

Okay, okay I guess it just depends on the president then right?

Nice, Jonathan, nice.


Or Kerry, in New York City.

"I hate your voice, I hate your face, I hate your network, I hate the way you arrogantly throw to commercial…you always act like you're so hot...”

"And we so have to stick around for your stupid, inane, not even remotely intelligent insights! That's why I flip you the bird, while I flip the channel."

Well, lovely, Kerry, just lovely.

Or Victor out in Portland, Maine.

"Why don't you show a little more dignity to your guests, you clueless, goofy, condescending ass."

Well that’ll do it.

Then there are the simple ones. These I love.

Wilber in Atlanta.

"Hey 'nil'...grow up."


Karen, who emails...

"Neil, Neil, slip on a banana peel!"

We do have a separate GED program for some guests.

Anyway, all-rightee.

Allen in Pittsburgh.

"Hey dumb ass? Why do you use the Lord's name in vain so often on your show? It offends me."

Okay, did you see what you just wrote me?

Ellen e-mails.

"Why are you always dividing us? Words are powerful about inspiring us, you fat frump of a fraud, who also has a head like Frankenstein."

Craig via AOL.

"Why must you drag down our nation's discourse? Maybe because you're just a stupid son of a b*&$*?”

I’m not going to say that.

“Thanks for destroying the country for my kids, you fat-face jerk!"

Oh, I’m sure the kids will love what you just wrote.

Anyway, Alan e-mails.

"I went to Wharton. And Harvard.” Well la-dee-da-dee-da

“And you have three television shows with your stupid name on them? Very declasse...makes me think you're trying to compensate for something real small, Cavuto. What could it be? Hmmmmm. You wouldn't know class if it hit you in the... Jerk!! P.S. all your suits make you look like Ralph Kramden."

I love the p.s. part of that that was good.

And always, always, more than my share of comments like these...

Sara e-mailing.

"To be Neil Cavuto must be wonderful. To never know what a tough day is must be grand...fat, happy, clueless, and god-less."

What is it with these fat thing, I almost think I were overweight.

T.S. via AOL.

"I hope god tests you some day with something bad...maybe then, you'll show some good. In the meantime, please drop dead."

Well here’s a hell of a holy day back to you.

My staff wondered about the wisdom of repeating these...

Maybe to show there is no wisdom in these.

Just that there are those who can criticize the very clueless behavior they see...

But never see it in the sometimes clueless things...they write.

It’s like they can’t look in the mirror.

It’s like they all work at MSNBC.