Dennis Miller on President Obama's Immigration Vision

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," May 11, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: President Obama got a lot of attention yesterday in El Paso, Texas, urging Americans to get behind immigration reform. Here's his best sound-bite.


BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: You know, they said we needed to triple the Border Patrol. Well, now they're going to say we need to quadruple the Border Patrol. Or they'll want a higher fence. Maybe they'll need a moat. Maybe they'll want alligators in the moat. They'll never be satisfied.


O'REILLY: All right. Joining us now from Los Angeles, the sage of Southern California, Dennis Miller. So, Miller, what's up today?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, first up, Billy, I want to tell you a little bit of rock 'n' roll tribute. You know when Eric Clapton was in Cream and he sang the song "White Room," he was announcing to the world that he had invented the Ku Klux Klan. I don't know if you knew that. I just thought I'd point it out. The Marshall-Menendez segment just scintillates, sort of like Thelma and Louise after they splattered the car on the wall of the other canyon. Was she kidding with that? "I shot the sheriff"? Was she kidding?

O'REILLY: That surprised me a little. Alicia is a very smart woman. But that took me aback.

MILLER: She's a wizard. That's one of the sharpest dames I've ever seen.

O'REILLY: Come on, don't dump on her. Here's what happened. Let me tell you what happened, Miller. And you know this better than anybody. When you're on TV like this and you're in the hot seat and you can't defend what's going on, your mind plays trick. And that just came into her mind, "I shot the sheriff."

MILLER: Tell her -- tell her when The Beatles sang, "Hey, Jude," it wasn't anti-Semitic, either, OK?

O'REILLY: OK. Are you onboard with the immigration reform President Obama is championing?

MILLER: Listen, I wish you'd show that clip of him again because all I want is the wall behind him at my border. That's all I want, for God's sakes. He's always making fun of you from a backyard where there's a hedge or he's speaking in front of a wall. That's all I want. And you know something, Bill? This reminds you that you can't take what you read in print. You have to hear it. Like you always say, I don't take second-hand information.

O'REILLY: Right.

MILLER: Because when I read it in the paper and saw, "Oh, great, we're going to put a moat in with alligators," I thought he was finally getting serious.

O'REILLY: That's right.

MILLER: And then when I hear him speak, and he's just making fun of it. He didn't really mean that, did he?

O'REILLY: No, he didn't, Miller. He was mocking Republicans who wouldn't...

MILLER: He's making fun of me again.

O'REILLY: his immigration reform no matter what. But here's the interesting stat about it: Only 44 percent of the border is controlled by the federal authorities. The other 66 percent -- 56 percent; I flunked math – 56 percent isn't controlled. Even after 10 years of trying to protect us from terrorists, 56 percent of this border from Brownsville from San Diego is not controlled by the feds. So I don't know if he should be making light of this because it's huge. It's a huge problem.

MILLER: Listen, our entire southern border with Mexico, quite frankly, has turned into a Greyhound bus terminal. We should be a little ashamed of it, and I think I've got a fix that will make everybody happy. Now, when they shoot bin Laden, they take all the stuff in his compound that says the next thing they're going to do is hit trains. I say Obama wants public work programs. He wants to build high-speed trains. We build a high-speed train the entire length of our southern border with Mexico. And homeland security has to keep an eye on it. Nobody can sneak across the tracks. They get their trains. We get our security. Everybody wets their beak.

O'REILLY: I don't know if there's a lot of traffic between Brownsville and San Diego down there. Not a lot.

MILLER: Sure. Didn't you ever hear Brownsfield Station smoking in the boys room. Of course.

O'REILLY: Of course. I'm sorry I missed that. All right. Now, did you hear Colmes last night defending his enhanced interrogation deal? Don't trash Colmes, by the way. Everybody is on Colmes' case. But I know you want...

MILLER: He's a wizard. He should -- he should be married to Menendez. They'd be geniuses together. It'd be like Will and Arial Durant. I can't listen to Alan because I don't think he's serious about it anymore.

O'REILLY: Now, he is.

MILLER: I just think he knows -- he knows contrarianism by rote. And he likes to debate and go back and bring Bush up. All I'm saying is this: We've got to start using our head about stuff like this. And for him to always bring it back to Bush, it's tiresome to me. Bush is gone. Bush is gone. He didn't show up for the 9/11 thing because he didn't want credit. He's staying out of the way. This is on Obama now.

And as far as the enhanced interrogation goes, I'm not even sure that Barack Obama won't come around on this because I don't know if anybody else has noticed, but this might be the next thing to go by the way of Gitmo, Patriot Act, increased wars, increased drones use. This guy is a killing machine, Barack Obama. And it's nice to see the left finally get onboard with this because all those years with Bush when they said we're not going to play serious in the war on terror, I said they can't mean this. This must just be politics. And now that they're all onboard, now that they're a little Curtis LeMay, I'm happy that the president's like us and they're onboard. We've got to get serious about this.

O'REILLY: Curtis LeMay, of course, the Air Force chief who was very, very -- he wanted to bomb Hanoi using atomic weapons.

MILLER: The left is -- the left is getting pretty -- pretty blood- thirsty.

O'REILLY: I know. Those people on "The View," I thought they were going to have a ROTC center next to them on ABC over there.

MILLER: There you go.

O'REILLY: Now, finally, some Chinese people are coming to the White House again. And I didn't know this, and I'm glad you flagged me to it.

MILLER: Listen, it has nothing to do with us inviting them. They invite themselves now. China owns so much of this country it's like Don Corleone telling you and his daughter is getting married and he needs a wedding cake. You jump. Biden is over there in a geisha outfit with a pupu platter lighting a sterno if they want him to.

And by the way, I can't believe they even let Biden near these two guys from China. The one guy, the vice premier, his name is Wang Qishan. How uncomfortable does Biden make that when they introduce him?

"What's your name again?"

"I'm Wang Qishan."

"Really? Your name is Wang Qishan?"

And then the second guy's name was Dai Bingguo. But Biden no doubt throughout the lunch, "G-43, haha."

O'REILLY: I really don't know what -- what to say to that, Miller. I'm not going to...

MILLER: I'm saying that Biden, Menendez and Colmes should be in an alternative Jack Kerouac-Neal Cassady marriage. Geniuses.

O'REILLY: All right, good wrap on that. Dennis Miller, everybody.

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