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Dennis Miller on Union Chaos, Qaddafi and the Oscars

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," March 2, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: Dennis continues to monitor the union situation all over the USA, and he joins us now from Los Angeles. So what's the latest on this, Miller?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Billy, by the way, it doesn't get safer in the history of the planet than current-day Mexico. What you want to do is go down there and do a garden tour in Juarez and dress up as Uncle Sam because it's the safest place in the world. When I was a kid in Kenya, we all wanted to go to Mexico.

O'REILLY: See, I feel bad for the Mexican people. Most of them are very good people that depend on our dollars. For me, I'm going to the U.S. Virgin Islands or I'm going to the Bahamas. Go ahead.

MILLER: Beautiful. We don't always have to apologize to the Mexican people. I don't have a beef with the Mexican people. But whoever that guy was, he was stooging. And I guarantee he was asking to be paid in dollars and not pesos.

O'REILLY: A lobbyist. All right. So what about the unions?

MILLER: Listen, I don't think Barack Obama knew any of this. I honest to God don't. I hate to sound like Deep Throat in the parking garage, Billy. But what if these guys aren't as smart as we're told? What if they're the gang who couldn't shoot straight? What if the first Barack Obama heard about Jimmy Carter doing that in '78, which is stupefying to me. I don't know if Jimmy Carter -- I guess he was trying to appear Roosevelt-esque because FDR didn't believe in public sector unions, and he didn't want to put 110,000 Japanese Americans into internment camps, so he did away with their bargaining rights. But I don't think Carter knew any -- I don't think Barack Obama really knew about it.

O'REILLY: It's interesting because I didn't know until The Wall Street Journal published an article, and then I broke it last Friday on "The Factor" that there is the collective bargaining absence of it at the federal level. And you say that you don't think President Obama even knew that, and now he's caught because he can't be espousing it for the states and not for the million people who work for him.

MILLER: I don't know, Billy. You've been watching him for two years. I'm not trying to be mean. It looks like the gang who couldn't shoot straight to me.

O'REILLY: There are some gaps. There are gaps. There are gaps.

MILLER: Well, either that -- either that or let me -- put it this way. Even if he did know about it and he's being disingenuous with the, you know, the federal unions, I haven't believed much of what he said. It's not like -- it's not exactly like he speaks in encyclical since June 2008 when the first thing he did when he got the nomination was said he was going to bypass public funding in the general, after he had said all along he would take it. You know, so it's not like I'm disappointed. Either he didn't know about it, which I tend to believe, or if he does know about it, it's not like I'm sitting there and saying, "Well, Barack Obama went back on his word."

O'REILLY: He certainly has changed his mind on occasion about fairly significant issues. I think that's absolutely true to say.

MILLER: Listen, I think it's like a Jackson Pollock presidency. He throws it up against the canvas. If you misinterpret what he wants you to think, he says that your impression's wrong. But I get what this guy is doing. He's working the margins of his presidency. I just wish he was as smart policy-wise as he was politically because he's savvy politically.

O'REILLY: All right. Qaddafi, not so savvy. I think you'd agree.

MILLER: No. Listen, when you're -- when your three different personalities are so well defined that they each spell your last name a different way, that's when you know you're full-bore crazy, all right? He's got to loosen the cinch sack strap on that "Lady and the Tramp" table cloth he wears on his head because he's not getting enough -- he's not getting enough powder up into the brain. How would you like to be his interpreter, Billy? He's standing there up on the top of the Apple building in that Elmer Fudd hat talking all this craziness. You're the poor chick who's got to break it down. It's like reading the audio books -- it's like reading the audio books for Pynchon's "Gravity's Rainbow" or something. Listen, he's crazy. That being said, I liked it this week when Qaddafi called Charlie Sheen personally and said, "You've got to slow down. It's looking a little weird."

O'REILLY: Upsetting me a little bit. I don't know how to handle it. All right. So he's out of there. I thought he'd be gone by now, but I give him a few more days.

Now the Oscars. You and I had talked about it before the show.

MILLER: Yes. Good call.

O'REILLY: Who, me?

MILLER: You're on a streak, brother. You're on a streak. You're getting a lot of free steak dinners, because you called the Super Bowl. And, you know, that was a good call on Jimmy Franco, who looked -- he looked a little Qaddafi up on the balcony. He looked a little crazy up there. I thought the girl made a nice stab at it.

O'REILLY: Yes, she tried.

MILLER: And she was a gamer, and she looked energetic. But he just looked like pretty early on, I think he might have been goofing on this at the beginning. Then when you've got a billion two watching you around the world, and you think you're gakking it, he got just a little freaked out. Maybe I'm reading it wrong. Maybe it was a big put-on by him.

O'REILLY: He absolutely -- I think he gave it up probably in the first 20 minutes of the show and said, "This isn't working. So I'm going to be like Bill Murray and kind of goof on it." That -- he certainly phoned it in. But I'm glad you said that Ms. Hathaway, 28 years old, she really tried hard. I have a lot more respect for her.

MILLER: Billy, rent that "Rachel Getting Married" film. She is a great actress.

O'REILLY: I think so.

MILLER: You saw it. She's a charmer. She had a good singing voice. If I'm Don Mischer over at the Oscars, I am on the phone today putting the order out to Charlie Sheen to host next year. I'm going to come down and see it live.

O'REILLY: You know, I'll take it one step further. I'd have Sheen host, but you'd be the co-host. He's going to need an interpreter, Miller, just like Qaddafi. He's got to have an interpreter, and you are the guy. Plus, I want to see clips of "Bordello of Blood" again. Dennis Miller, everybody.

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