This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," December 15, 2010. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: Now for the "Miller Time" segment: As we reported last night, a Muslim teacher in Illinois is suing the school district with the help of the Justice Department because she was denied three weeks unpaid leave to visit Mecca.
Joining us now from Los Angeles, the sage of Southern California, Dennis Miller. So Miller, have you ever been to Mecca? Did you do a date there? A gig there? Have you?
DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I think I connected there in Hartsfield. I don't think I've ever spent any time there.
O'REILLY: You know, it's against the law for any non-Muslim to enter the city gates. If you are caught in Mecca...
MILLER: Yes, well...
O'REILLY: ...not good.
MILLER: ...I'm chomping at the bit to get in there.
O'REILLY: It's not -- it's in the western part of Saudi Arabia.
MILLER: No. Listen, I've got to knock off that walking tour in Darfur first.
O'REILLY: OK. So that isn't really top of your list?
O'REILLY: So here we have the attorney general going to bat for the first time ever in the history of attorney generalship for this woman, all right, who wants the unpaid three-week leave to do the Hajj. And you say?
MILLER: I say Stedman's one goal in life, Attorney General Stedman Graham, is obviously to make Neville Churchill -- Neville Chamberlain look like Vlad the Impaler.
And as far as the woman goes, you know, one thing I've learned over the last five years? God, Muslims are whiney people, huh? You come in, you say, "I want to take off from December 1 through the 19th. I'll fly on the 20th. I'll get back here on the 21st to take our regular vacation off for the birth of Christ." And somebody says you can't do that, and they go into court about it. You know, honey, at some point you should pray to your god, because -- for a new job, because they should just say you're fired. You can't take December off. You're a teacher.
By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can't go attend any event where if you took your classroom on a student field trip, they would summarily be obliterated. That should be rule No. 1.
O'REILLY: That's right. So if you had a field trip, the Christian kids would be executed. That might not be good, but...
MILLER: In a second! In a second!
O'REILLY: Why do you think Eric Holder, aka Stedman Graham, Oprah's boyfriend -- they look very much the same. Why do you think he's taking up the mantel of this teacher?
MILLER: He's got no game. That's the only game he has is to look mystically.
O'REILLY: Guys like me and you are going to rip him up. He knows that.
MILLER: Billy, he doesn't dine out on guys like us. He dines out on guys where he can walk into that Sally Quinn Christmas party and everybody can go, "You must be wiser than us."
O'REILLY: All right. War on Christmas, a little muted. A little muted. My column is going to come out tomorrow. We won this last few years, and there's been a little craziness in Tennessee with the ACLU. But not -- not so bad this year. The forces of good prevailed, Miller.
MILLER: Yes. We rope-a-doped a little. We held them off. And you know something, Bill? I know it's better because I erected a manger scene on my front yard this year and I replaced the jackasses with three ACLU members, and nobody in the neighborhood has even protested. They get it.
But it just reached the tipping point where people were thinking enough of the majority being the agreed minority. It just got crazy. They overplayed their hand.
You know something? You could sell a TV show right now about a super team of warriors who airdrop into scenarios and smote down capricious lawsuits. That's what's happening now. We've got some guys on our side saying enough of these goofballs out there who are taking over Christmas from us. Listen, if you don't like Christmas, stay home. Drink your meth nog and leave the rest of us the hell alone to enjoy it, OK?
O'REILLY: On the "Radio" -- on the "Radio Factor" a few years ago, I can't figure out how I got in trouble, but I did. Media Matters took it out of context. But I said, "Listen, I have a solution for every American who doesn't like Christmas. Book a trip to Japan. They don't have Christmas." But they really do. They have the lights and everything like that, but they don't really celebrate Christmas in Japan or China. So go there, you know, learn a little bit, and then you come back and it's January. It's all over. And then they call me some name for saying that. I forget.
MILLER: You have to remember these people who do this stuff are contrarians. And in lieu of being creative, they bust balls. That's what they do. They're like Sisyphus: They just keep pushing it and grinding. And the best thing we can do is just say we're not playing any more. Do what you have to, we're not playing anymore.
O'REILLY: Right. And it's really bad to bust a football, because they cost about 30 bucks. And I know that's what you were referring to.
MILLER: I meant a basketball. I meant a basketball. Sorry.
O'REILLY: That's about 35.
Now, Larry King, our competitor over at CNN, last week. And then he's gone and some British guy is coming in to take his place.
MILLER: I thought Larry was retiring, but I just found out he wants to go to the Hajj, too. It's December 1 through 19. So he's splitting, because he's evidently a fertility god in that neck of the woods.
O'REILLY: Is that right?
MILLER: Listen, the thing about Larry that was his true genius to me is over a 30-year period, he has been able to treat the earth-shattering and the banal with the same degree of interest. It could be Ahmadinejad or Snooki. He didn't care. It was a talking paycheck, and I admire that.
O'REILLY: Were you ever on the King program? Were you ever on there?
MILLER: Years ago. I think I actually hosted -- I did host it a couple times. He was always nice to me. He's had a great run. Listen, I don't know that it -- I haven't watched it in a while. I don't know that it is what it was. But Larry has had a great run. I wish him well. And I'm not even sure it's Larry. I heard a rumor, and this is inside baseball stuff, Billy. I heard Larry left six years ago, and that's Peter Bogdanovich is in there.
O'REILLY: Director -- director of, what, "Paper Moon"? Didn't Bogdanovich do that? All right, Dennis.
MILLER: He's started looking like Larry. Merry Christmas, Billy.
O'REILLY: All right. Merry Christmas to Miller and all the Miller people out in California.
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