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Interviews

Comedian and Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham in No Spin Zone

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," November 19, 2010. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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JUAN WILLIAMS, GUEST HOST: In the "Back of the Book" segment tonight: Back in the 1970s, before "The Factor" was even born, Bill O'Reilly was a local reporter in Dallas, and he had some unusual assignments.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BILL O'REILLY: All right. Now, which one of you guys would like to sign off for us?

JEFF DUNHAM, COMEDIAN: Well, I'll do it, I'll do it. This is Monty Balou (ph) signing off for Bill O'Reilly, Channel 8 news.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WILLIAMS: That was a young Jeff Dunham and one of his puppets. Dunham is now one of the most successful entertainers around, and Bill recently reconnected with him and one of his new talking puppets to discuss Dunham's new book, "All By My Selves: Walter, Peanut, Achmed and Me."

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

O'REILLY: So here they are, Walter and Jeff, buddies, pals, nothing more than that, right?

JEFF DUNHAM, COMEDIAN AND VENTRILOQUIST: I don't think so.

WALTER, PUPPET: I hope not.

O'REILLY: OK.

WALTER: It's good to see you, Bill. Thanks for having us on you show. I love "The O'Reilly Factor". It's fantastic.

O'REILLY: Recently, I have gotten into some trouble, Walter, and I need some advice from you.

WALTER: Yes, sir.

O'REILLY: OK? I was over at "The View." Do you know that show?

WALTER: I've heard of it, yes. We were actually on there. Mentioned your name and they got up and left.

O'REILLY: Yes, usually crosses come out when they mention my name.

WALTER: Yes, that's exactly right.

O'REILLY: And so I'm not connecting to the ladies, except for Elisabeth. But I'm not connecting over there. What should I do?

WALTER: Bill, either you get a puppet or you sit on Jeff's other knee.

O'REILLY: OK, so I have got to go with Dunham. That's the only way to get through.

WALTER: Yes. People talk for a few weeks and then it blows over. You know how that goes.

O'REILLY: Yes.

WALTER: Yes, exactly.

O'REILLY: Do you think that maybe I'm too obnoxious? Could that be possible?

WALTER: Oh, no, Bill. You and I are the same. We are just honest.

O'REILLY: OK, so we are straightforward simple men.

WALTER: You are a simple man. Look at us, you can tell. I'm the patriot, he is the pinhead.

O'REILLY: Well, OK. What is it about Mr. Obama that some Americans object to?

WALTER: Well, I have a simple philosophy, and I don't think he and I share this. If you don't love this country, I'm sorry, get the hell out. Is that harsh?

O'REILLY: Well, it could be.

WALTER: OK, then let me rephrase it: then get the hell out por favor.

O'REILLY: OK, but dissent is a time-honored, you know, American trait.

WALTER: I understand and that's how this country was built on dissent, but I don't like the dissent that he has. You don't feel good about this country. This is a serious discussion, isn't it, Bill?

O'REILLY: Well, you want to feel good, Walter, about America.

WALTER: I do. I want to feel good. I want to do -- Reagan would make a speech, you felt good. You felt fantastic about who you are and where you were. And I don't feel that way when I listen to Obama anymore. I'm sure he's a good man. He seems like a good father and a good husband.

O'REILLY: So you don't feel it with Obama. You don't feel it with Sarah Palin.

WALTER: No.

O'REILLY: You don't feel it with me, right?

WALTER: No, I feel warm and fuzzy about you, Bill.

O'REILLY: That could be a character defect, Walter. You know what I'm talking about.

WALTER: Yes, I know. But, you know, we're from California. Things didn't go well…

O'REILLY: No.

WALTER: No. The right side of things, they didn't go well at all.

O'REILLY: Maybe you can explain this and this is my last question for you.

WALTER: OK.

O'REILLY: California is almost bankrupt. Do you know that?

WALTER: I know that.

O'REILLY: You don't have any money there.

WALTER: There's no money.

O'REILLY: You guys owe $60 billion.

WALTER: Sixty billion dollars. Do you know how many zeros there are in that? There's more zeros in billions than there are zeros at NPR. Do you know what I'm saying?

O'REILLY: That's more money than Arnold Schwarzenegger has.

WALTER: Yes, exactly.

O'REILLY: It's $60 billion.

WALTER: Is Juan here yet?

O'REILLY: Juan is back there. He wants to meet you.

WALTER: OK.

O'REILLY: So California's bankrupt, owes $60 billion and yet you guys re-elect Barbara Boxer, who never met an entitlement program she didn't want to vacation with. How does that work?

WALTER: I don't know. It's the same confusion with Nevada. I mean, Harry Reid is still there.

O'REILLY: He's still there.

WALTER: He's still there. I don't know. How could he almost lose his seat? How can you screw up in a state that has legalized gambling and prostitution?

O'REILLY: That's a good point. How could you screw up in that kind of a state.

WALTER: I don't know. You've got to love that environment. Didn't work. Bill, you're a simple man.

O'REILLY: I am. Would you consent on maybe being a contributor to "The Factor"? Because we have a lot of contributors.

WALTER: Bill, that would be great. Just make sure this guy isn't here.

O'REILLY: Right. And you'll just take it on your own.

WALTER: And, by the way, we are here to push a book that I'm happy that we didn't push the book yet.

O'REILLY: But we are going to mention the book.

WALTER: Oh, good.

O'REILLY: It's called "All By My Selves."

WALTER: Yes, it's incorrect English. It's like…

O'REILLY: Right, but Dunham, he has a lot of friends like you. He's got that little terrorist guy.

WALTER: Oh, Achmed, the dead terrorist. You've seen that guy?

O'REILLY: I have seen that guy.

WALTER: I heard you wanted to have him on here, but we didn't want you to get into any more trouble than you are already in.

O'REILLY: That's good. Thank you.

WALTER: It'd be good ratings, but it wouldn't last long.

O'REILLY: Because is NPR fires any more people, they won't have anybody working for them. You know what I'm talking about?

WALTER: It doesn't matter. Folks are standing in line at NPR to be fired. What did Juan get? Fricken two million from this joint.

O'REILLY: Right. I mean, that's the way it goes. You know? You fire it up.

WALTER: Yes.

O'REILLY: And if we had Achmed the terrorist on, "The View" ladies, I mean, they couldn't go to work for two weeks.

WALTER: No, they couldn't. Bill, you're a genius; you're not a simple man.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

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