Dennis Miller on Obama's Overseas Trip, Bush's Media Blitz

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," November 10, 2010. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: we have two presidents and the speaker of the House. Joining us from Los Angeles, the sage of Southern California, Dennis Miller.

So, the Obama trip abroad, I mean, he hasn't been much around, you know, everything is nice, dancing and everything. What have you picked up?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, I feel bad for Biden, because he was supposed to join them. They told him he was going to go talk to the Indians. Biden showed up at the Mohegan Sun.

But other than that, I think that the president has done a pretty good job when he fields these questions about jihad. I understand what he has to do. But I just want to remind him, I think Americans know that there are a myriad of permutations of the word jihad. It seems to me there's a contingent of the Muslim world that's got hung up on the bad one. They're the ones who have got...

O'REILLY: That's what -- that's what I said yesterday. Everybody knew what that Indian woman was asking. Everybody in the world knew, because India is under siege by jihad. And the woman had, you know, a sincere question, "Hey, what do you think," and, once again, we do the Lambada. We dance around, OK? And it just drives me crazy. I wish he would stop it.

MILLER: Well, he's a little mincing on that issue. And I would remind you, the woman hard pressed him right out of the box. She was with the Darjeeling Tea Party.

O'REILLY: OK. That's -- and they're arising in Bangalore very, very quickly. Look, I think everybody in the world, with the possible exception of the French, may be tired of the BS. Even the Norwegians are going, "You know, we're getting a little tired of this." They're getting a little tired of it, all right.

MILLER: We are -- we're rope-a-doping more than Muhammad Ali in Zaire at this point. We get it. There's different types of jihad.

O'REILLY: Right, right.

MILLER: We want them to...

O'REILLY: Not all Muslims are terrible. We get it. OK.

MILLER: Quit blowing it up.

O'REILLY: Right. Just focus in on the Muslims who want to kill everybody, then...

MILLER: That's all I want. That's all I want.

O'REILLY: OK. President Bush, I'm interviewing him tomorrow in Ohio. We want you to watch that, Miller. But I'm, like, 16th in line after the Dairy Queen guy got a shot at him. So, how has he done so far?

MILLER: I like -- I like Bush, but some of the people he's decided to be with, you know, look how solemn Matt Lauer is here. You know, Bush doesn't have to apologize to me as per Matt Lauer. If he's going to apologize to the American people, please, Mr. President, I want you to put my name up there and say I'm not requesting an apology. When I vote for a guy, I assume it's a brutal job. And the buck might stop on the president's desk, but it always seems to start with morning show hosts like Matt Lauer who are in the feel-good business.

Bush has to answer to his God, himself and history. Matt Lauer has to answer to a segment producer. And he doesn't owe me an apology. The man did what I elected him to do, which is make hard calls in hard times. And this touchy feely thing about apologizing. Now, promise me this, Billy. If you talk to him tomorrow in Ohio, I have one question I want you to ask.

O'REILLY: All right.

MILLER: Has he ever actually seen that tiny -- tiny alien corpse from Roswell? I always assume the president...

O'REILLY: We'll get into the alien thing big. I spend a lot of time on that, if he has the alien thing knocked down, just so Jesse Ventura can be happy.

Now, Nancy Pelosi apparently thinks she won, the Democrats won in the election earlier this month and is throwing parties and doesn't have any regrets. And you say?

MILLER: She's a dingbat. She lives in a bubble chamber that makes the Carlsbad Caverns look like deep space. And you know, I'm glad they've decided to keep her as the face of the party. Because you know something? You can run against that face there. And the bottom line is when Pelosi throws a party like this, the bottom line gets helped out, because you don't have to spring for the clown makeup for the party clown at the party.

O'REILLY: The party clown. You know, I have always thought that Mrs. Pelosi is well turned out and, you know, makes a nice appearance. It's just when she opens her mouth that the problems, you know.

MILLER: Yes, she's quite...

O'REILLY: I would really like to interview Nancy Pelosi, and she'll never do it. But I would really like to do it.

MILLER: She's like Gilda in -- or Rita Hayworth in "Gilda," whipping her hair up. She's a -- she's a delight.

O'REILLY: No. I have no problem with the way she presents herself physically.

MILLER: Billy, she looks like she's perpetually witnessing the Hindenburg docking.

O'REILLY: Well -- I don't know about the head up. But I understand the -- see, we have managed in this society, Miller, and you might write this down, to banish wrinkles. Now guys like you and I, we're proud of our wrinkles. We like our wrinkles. We talk to our wrinkles: "Hello, how are you wrinkle?" But other people, they get little things that they can inject, and they have no wrinkles forever.

MILLER: Listen, I'm old school. I keep my ass fat in my tukus.

O'REILLY: OK. In your situation, you really don't need anything else.

Now, finally, you live -- you live on the California coast. And I understand that the California coast is now under attack by phantom missiles. Is that correct?

MILLER: Well, I figured this whole thing out. My sources tell me that Charlie Sheen got a hold of some pharmaceutical blow, and that's what happened there. So don't worry. It's not an invasion. It's just Chuck's back partying West Coast style now.

O'REILLY: Now Miller, with all due respect, no one understands what pharmaceutical blow is. I think it's cocaine of some kind. But why would it cause a missile trail?

MILLER: Well, Charlie likes to party wild. He got hold of some blow and ground to Earth -- ground to space missile and it's a party over there on the Malibu coast.

O'REILLY: All right. So somehow in your mind, in your world, Charlie Sheen is responsible for the mystery missile? Is that what you're telling me?

MILLER: It was a -- it was a joke, but it's a better theory than the Pentagon is laying on us at this point.

O'REILLY: Well, maybe if you're watching this, it will come out tomorrow. They'll blame it all on him. Why not?

MILLER: There you go.

O'REILLY: And then finally his parole may be revoked. If he is, you know, setting off missiles, that might -- that might do it. Nothing else is.

MILLER: Charlie just thought it was a cherry bomb, baby. He just rolled with it. He had no idea. He thought it was a M-80.

O'REILLY: All right. Dennis Miller, everybody. I'm confused tonight, but that's all right.

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