This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," October 15, 2010. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In "At Your Beck and Call" segment tonight: Our pal Glenn is out on the West Coast getting some medical treatment, and lots of people are hoping he's OK. I spoke with Beck last night.
O'REILLY: All right. Beck is in L.A., and I hear you went out there to get a facelift. Is that right? Is that's what's going on out there?
GLENN BECK, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: No. Really, you know, things are -- I got a lot of donuts in this area, Bill, and I'm trying to lift it all up to my shoulders to make it look like I have broader shoulders.
O'REILLY: So you're out there for retooling. But this is a serious question. I mean, everybody wants to know how you're feeling, because you weren't feeling so well, and you went out and got some tests in Utah, I understand, right?
BECK: Yes. I -- I went out last week. I guess I was -- they were considering that maybe I had cancer, MS or lupus, which is a great -- really a great pile of things to choose from.
O'REILLY: None of that -- none of that is good, no.
BECK: None of that is good, and I don't have any of that.
BECK: And I think I maybe have a Cheeto stuck someplace in me, and so I'm -- I'm fine. We're still trying to figure out what's causing it. All the bad things have...
O'REILLY: My guys -- my guys on Long Island, the guys I grew up with and stuff. Here's -- here's how they've diagnosed you. And this is exactly what they're telling me. Too much stress. Stress is causing your body to do crazy things.
BECK: Too much stress? Is that what it is? I mean, the people that -- when you get medical advice, do you get it -- on Long Island, do you get it like...
O'REILLY: I get it from a guy named Vinny who was a fireman. That's what I get.
BECK: Right. The advice just falls off the back of a medical truck?
O'REILLY: Yes, but he's never wrong. Vinny is good. He knows what's going on. They're saying stress, Beck.
BECK: Yes, well...
O'REILLY: You're in a good place. L.A. is very mellow. L.A. is mellow.
BECK: No, it's not.
O'REILLY: It's a good place.
BECK: No, it's not.
O'REILLY: Just relax.
BECK: You know what -- here's the thing, Bill. You know what's causing stress in my life?
BECK: You. Do you know what it is like to have to come on your show once a week?
O'REILLY: Well, you saw what happened to Joy Behar and Whoopi. They -- they just couldn't handle it.
BECK: Yes. They did the sensible thing. They -- they walked off the set, because you're a madman.
O'REILLY: I know. I'm a madman. Now, wait, hold it. Hold it, Beck. Hold it. Hold it. I just want the audience to just savor that moment. Glenn Beck called me a madman, OK? Just -- all right. Now, look. I've got to get into a couple of issues here.
BECK: If the shoe fits...
O'REILLY: The reason that Ms. Behar and Ms. Goldberg walked off the set, in case people have been living in a cave or something, is because I said that Muslims attacked us on 9/11. They didn't like that. Now, in Cambridge, Massachusetts, one of the most liberal, politically correct towns in the world, they now have in their school district a Muslim holiday for the kids. So kids are going to get a Muslim day off. And what do you think about that?
BECK: I don't live in the school district, so I mean, if that's what the school district looks like, that it's a Muslim community -- for instance, you read about those kids in Dearborn, Michigan, that are playing football during Ramadan -- football practice, like, at 3 o'clock in the morning. Well, OK. I don't want that universally spread out, but in Dearborn, Michigan, that makes sense.
O'REILLY: Yes, a lot of Muslims, a lot of Arabs in Dearborn. But you say you don't mind in Cambridge that the school authorities are -- you know, they say we have Jewish holidays. We have Christian holidays. We're going to have one Muslim holiday. You don't mind? It's OK?
BECK: Look, if we're being politically -- if we're being politically correct, and I say this in a Christian community -- if we're being politically correct and there's nobody in the community, you know, or it's a very small, small percentage, that's ridiculous. But, again, I don't know about Cambridge but I know about Dearborn, Michigan. It's ridiculous to not have them.
O'REILLY: Yes, I don't think there's a lot of Muslims in Cambridge, but you know, that's where Harvard is, and there are some international people. But then you go, you know, should we have a Hindu holiday?
BECK: Let me get my pipe.
O'REILLY: Are we going to give Hindus a holiday? Should we -- are we going to do the Wiccan thing? Should they get one?
BECK: Here's the thing. It's up to the American people in their own local communities. You can't -- we can't talk about this, me in Los Angeles and you in New York, about Cambridge. Let the people in Cambridge decide.
O'REILLY: OK, that's common sense, you know. If you want the school board and you don't like it, vote them out.
O'REILLY: All right, finally, you're coming back next week, and you're going to be the new Glenn Beck, all West Coast now. You're kind of spiffed up.
BECK: I am. Do I look kind of like a surfer? Because I'm feeling more like a surfer dude.
O'REILLY: Well, if the Pillbury (sic) Doughboy was the big kahuna, then you would.
BECK: I don't know -- I don't know who the Pillbury (sic) Doughboy is, but the Pillsbury Doughboy...
O'REILLY: Oh, I'm sorry. I mispronounced.
BECK: ...does kind of...
O'REILLY: That's my -- are you making fun of my lisp, Beck? Is that -- are you making fun of that?
BECK: No, no.
O'REILLY: Is that what you're doing?
BECK: No, no. I -- I mean, I wouldn't -- far be it for me to point anything out for you, Bill.
O'REILLY: I know. All right. Finally, our "Bold Fresh" show in Dallas sold out. It's sold out now. People calling me from Texas going, "Can you convince Beck to do a second program on December 4, Saturday, kind of in the late afternoon?"
BECK: In Texas?
O'REILLY: Yes, in Dallas.
BECK: In Texas?
O'REILLY: Do you want to do a second program in Dallas?
BECK: I'll -- you know what? I'll do 365 programs in Texas.
O'REILLY: All right. So we'll do a second one in Dallas.
BECK: I will stay there forever.
O'REILLY: People get in. And then we're going to be seeing you on Halloween Eve at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut. It's going to be great.
BECK: Well, I would just like to say I may be dressed up, but to scare people, Bill O'Reilly doesn't have to dress up.
O'REILLY: Absolutely. I'm going trick-or-treating.
BECK: For Halloween he used to -- as a kid, he would just show up dressed in a suit, like he looks now.
O'REILLY: Here's how bad it is. I can't even give candy out. As soon as I open the door, it's like Whoopi and Joy.
BECK: I know, I know.
O'REILLY: They're gone. I don't even have to buy candy.
BECK: That's exactly right.
O'REILLY: They're gone.
BECK: It's exactly right. People come to Bill O'Reilly's door, and they're like, "That's a great costume, man. You look just like that monster, Bill O'Reilly."
O'REILLY: All right. Glenn Beck, everybody. Making friends whenever he goes.
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