Interviews

Best of Dennis Miller in the No Spin Zone

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," July 28, 2010. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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LAURA INGRAHAM, GUEST HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: Our pal Dennis has the night off, but in his absence we decided to put together the best of Miller over the past few months. I suggest you buckle up for this ride. Roll the tape.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JAMES CARVILLE, DEMOCRATIC STRATEGIST: Man, you got to get down here and take control of this. Put somebody in charge of this thing and get this thing moving. We're about to die down here.

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BILL O'REILLY: I couldn't get by the glasses. I don't know what he wants. What do you think?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Carville looks like a Muppet accidentally washed on hot. The guy makes Slade Gordon look like a sumo wrestler at this point.

When a guy says this is the moment -- you remember the speech when Barack Obama says this is the moment that the seas will drop and the planet will cease to warm? If you set up that sort of thing and then when it hits the fan, you can't do anything, like anybody else. BP can't do anything. The feds can't do anything. I don't know who is going to fix this, but it's disappointing to the left. He's just a guy. He's a guy from Chicago. He doesn't know what to do.

O'REILLY: Carville -- look, it's almost like Bush. The left screaming that Bush didn't care about Katrina and didn't go down to New Orleans quick enough and flew over on his way to San Diego, wherever he was going. Carville wants him down there. Carville wants him down there, I guess, with a rake and maybe a big, you know, swat in the water. But Carville wants him down there. That's what the deal is.

MILLER: You know, when stuff happens, it happens. And guess what? It reminds us we're a bit puny. I guess the only thing Barack can do at this point is maybe, what's it been, 35, 37 days? No doubt, he's so litigious, he'll probably sue the Greenwich Meantime Institute and tell them they've made days too short and he wants to move them to 27, 28 hours. What are we going to do? We'll figure it out until we can fix the pipe. All I know is this, ANWR is looking better, Billy.

O'REILLY: ANWR is looking good, absolutely.

MILLER: ANWR is looking good.

O'REILLY: Nobody knows about it. It freezes right away.

MILLER: Just get some paper towels. Get some paper towels.

O'REILLY: So how are they processing the firing of McChrystal? Do they understand it? What do they think?

MILLER: Think of McChrystal as Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men" and think of Obama as Tom Cruise in "A Few Good Men." I think McChrystal was percolating and he was going to blow because he thinks Obama has no code. I think that's all that happens.

O'REILLY: It might have been a subconscious thing, you know, anger one way or the other. To let this guy into the tent, Hastings from Rolling Stone, you're asking for it. But it made it easier for Barack Obama to replace him because he's got Petraeus to go to. He's got the big gun that saved Iraq. If he didn't haveā€¦

MILLER: Mariano Rivera, Billy. Mariano Rivera coming in from the pen.

O'REILLY: I think that's what the hidden story is here. That it's not good in Afghanistan right now. Our guys Hunt and Peters say it's not good there. So maybe we can upgrade this at the same time, so why not do it. But the real crux of the matter is the macho factor here. If Obama allows one of his generals to denigrate him and his guys, he losses all macho, does he not?

MILLER: There are a bunch of things that went into the decision, like you said the macho posturing and the fact that Karzai said he wanted him on board. I think Barack Obama likes to keep Karzai a cat on a hot tin roof, a little skittish over there.

O'REILLY: Espania defeats Germany, Deutschland, today.

MILLER: You know what makes me laugh about the World Cup, Bill? These refs are more inept than the people trying to cap the spill down there. That's a bad referee thing and they try to paint it all sexy as soccer in the ads. But I don't know how sexy is it when a guy says, "I just participated in a 0-0 tie." You know, it's just not that sexy. I can miss an entire game and see all the scoring that the guy who watches the whole game sees. I mean, what's going on here?

O'REILLY: I know that. There was the highlight. We saw the highlight on "The Factor" and nobody else does anything. That's what it was. But you're missing the artistry of kicking the ball up and down. It's a highly skilled game. It is a highly skilled game. But Americans, they want razzmatazz. That's what we want and that's just not it.

MILLER: Enough with the horns! I get it!

O'REILLY: Miller has been following the Iranian space launch. Miller is the only human being on Earth following this. I want an updated report from you.

MILLER: Well, all I know, Bill, is when a sexually repressed Islamic regime either literally or figuratively fires a worm into outer space, I'm happy about it because it siphons off some of that diverted libidinal rage they're feeling. More power to them over there sending that worm into outer space.

O'REILLY: So somehow, Miller, you have arrived at the conclusion that the Iranian space program is connected to their libido.

MILLER: Yes. Let the kids play for a while. Maybe they'll get Betamax next month.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

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