Dennis Miller on Obama's Health Care Speech and Van Jones' Resignation

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," September 9, 2009. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: The radio superstar listened closely to the president's remarks this evening, and he joins us now from Los Angeles.

So, Miller, you know, I just want to tell the audience, I have no idea what you're going to say. I don't have a clue on where you're going with this. So, roll, man.

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DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Listen, Billy. I do not know much about birthing babies, but I do know this. When the 6 p.m. speech on how government is going to tighten up health care starts at 6:15, I think that says it all, baby. This is — this is beautiful karaoke, but I don't trust the government. I'm telling you, everything they turn — they touch turns to crap. I want Barack Obama to roll the eggs out on the lawn at Easter. I want him to save the bird's neck at Thanksgiving. I want him to light the tree at Christmas and fund the military. And the rest of it, I just don't trust the government. I'm not paranoid. I'm not a militia guy. I just don't think they know what they're doing.

O'REILLY: I mean, in certain cases, you're absolutely right. There's no way the government can walk into a massive health care plan and say they're not going to spend any more money, we're going to just get the waste and fraud out of it. If it were that easy, Eliot Ness would have done it, and the Untouchables would be going in with surgical masks giving you aspirin. You know, it's just not. And I agree. Look, what Barack Obama is basically selling, and I think he sold it pretty well tonight, is that something has to happen. Something needs to be done. Do you disagree with that?

MILLER: Hey, listen, the cat was beautiful karaoke. And by the way, I have an idea for a great speech karaoke competition. You and I could co-produce it for the History Channel. How's that? But listen, he's a great speaker. But I think all you have to do is come out at, like 6 p.m. and say, "Tort reform, buy it across state lines, everybody who can kicks in for the people with absolutely nothing, nothing for illegals, and if you cheat, you go to prison." And everybody would say, OK...

O'REILLY: Good night, everybody. That's exactly what I told Axelrod. I said, you could have made that speech 20 minutes. You've got to give them 20 minutes. He's got to get the face time. But he went about close to 50 minutes, 5-0. Nancy Pelosi, again, exhausted, although her face did not move. Did you notice that? Her face did not move.

MILLER: She always looks...

O'REILLY: Look, look, it's not moving. Nothing is moving.

MILLER: No. All she does, Billy, is sit there and blink like Yul Brynner on a rainy day at "Westworld." She always looks like a walleye on a baited hook or something. You notice how quickly Axelrod goes to the Bush-Rove thing. You know, I wish — I wish the Obama White House had a war room for war, you know? Anything else, we're ready to go to the mat on but war. That — I don't like it when they bring the war up and compare the spending for that. I'm sorry. I happen to think that we've got to go to the mat with radical Islamic fundamental terrorists. They don't. They think this is more important. I don't think you can even play these games over here if you don't take care of that business. So whenever they compare...

O'REILLY: Well, they are doing the Afghanistan thing though, and that isn't popular with the left. So it's not a total repudiation of protecting us against radical Islamists. But let's get back to Obama this evening. Obama believes everything he says. Would you dispute that? I think he believes that if he can find or his guys can find all of this waste and fraud to pay for the $900 billion it's going to cost. He believes that, right? Would you agree with that?

MILLER: Not all of it, no.

O'REILLY: Do you think he's making it up? He's going to mislead?

MILLER: There's — God, there's crowd in the middle, Billy. I think like most of us, most human beings, we probably believe 90 percent of our own BS. You know, I know that some of it's — some of it's a bit of showmanship. And I don't know. I don't think he thinks all that. I think somewhere in the back of his mind, he thinks illegal aliens are going to end up here. I think somewhere in the back of the mind, he knows that very pertinent fact that Rove said if you charge people an 8 percent penalty and they're paying 9 percent, they're going to take the penalty, and those people are going to be shunted over into the public option. Yes, I think he knows stuff like that. Yes, I think he's a true believer on most of it. But I think a little of it's razzmatazz.

O'REILLY: OK. Now, the final thing, and then we'll get to Van Jones. When you have a simple question, because, as you know, I am a simple man, and the only man simpler than me is probably you. And I say to Axelrod, Mr. Axelrod, why don't you just do the tort reform? Why don't you just make the law? If you're going to sue and lose, the judge can impose all of the costs on you. That stops 50 percent of the madness. It's not complicated. Why don't you do it? And I don't get an answer. What do you think?

MILLER: Well, Crowley gave you her answer. If they were any more stuck in bed with lawyers, it would be Jimmy Caan in the film "Misery." They're in bed with lawyers. They're not getting out of bed. It's John and Yoko in Toronto. They'll stay in his bed with him. And that's why they're not going to...

O'REILLY: All right. That's probably true. OK. As you know, our colleague Glenn Beck did a little campaign on Van Jones, a radical leftist working for green jobs, and now Van Jones is out of the White House. And you say what?

MILLER: Well, listen, you know, I don't get Beck on certain things. That tour he did of the Rockefeller Center "Guernica" was absolutely crazy. It was like somebody going over the "Sergeant Pepper" album cover. But I've got to give him credit on this. He nailed that with videotape. It was — it was like Carl Betz on junk (ph) for the defense. It was absolutely beautiful. And Van Jones said he was going to open up some green jobs. I've got to give the guy this. He opened up a big one this week. The thing I'm wondering about is why Barack Obama has idiots like that around him.

O'REILLY: That's the question. That's the key question.

MILLER: Listen, Barack Obama has worse taste in men than Lana Turner, and Howard Dean coming out and saying, "He's a best-selling author," what does that mean? Why don't we put Jackie Suzanne in charge of the Cuban Missile Crisis? Van Jones — Van Jones, as soon as they — Billy, it's a complete abdication of personal responsibility when somebody can show videotape of you in your own words, and you can say you've been smeared. That's how relativistic it's gotten.

O'REILLY: But the key question, the important question is why does Barack Obama keep hanging around with Rev. Wright, Bill Ayers, Van Jones? What is that? What is that? One of them, maybe, but three of them?

MILLER: Just because, Billy, I've got a simple answer.


MILLER: Because he doesn't trust — he doesn't trust doctors. When you don't trust doctors, you've got to go hang with guys like that.

O'REILLY: Doesn't trust doctors. All right. Well, we missed — there's another unemployment guy now who — thanks to Barack Obama. Van Jones is out on the street.

MILLER: Hey, Billy. That Sunstein guy, Bill, Sunstein said animals can sue us. The day I get served papers by a lemur is the day I move into Teddy Nugent's rec room.

O'REILLY: Dennis Miller, everybody. Love the Jackie Suzanne line.

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