In My Next Life, I'm Coming Back As a Bank

Next time — in another life — I'm coming back as a bank or a bank holding company.

I hear it's a pretty good deal and a pretty good life — because you can never die. Just ask American Express.

In case you didn't hear, the credit card giant is now the bank holding company giant. Happened just the other day, faster than me working an all-you-can-eat buffet, which is a good analogy, because now that it's a bank, it can kind of feast on all the money it can get its grubby hands on.

Hands down: great deal. For AmEx. I don't know about its customers.

Isn't it amazing, when those American Express bills come in the mail, we have to pay them, usually in full and usually within the next couple of weeks.

Maybe I should send mine back with a note: I'm a bank holding company now, I can't be bothered. But something tells me the Bank of Cavuto wouldn't cut it with the new Bank of American Express.

Pity.

They get behind on their bills and the government sends them cash. We get behind on our bills, and AmEx sends us threatening letters.

Does "hypocrite" ring a bell here?

This is why people don't trust the government — a bureaucratic beast of unaccountable politicians that leaves no accounting or even conditions when bailing out unimaginably idiotic companies.

I would so love, just for the hell of it, to skip paying my next AmEx bill. For any of us to do the same.

Would they go green with anger if we didn't pay our green card?

Ashen if we didn't pay our Platinum card?

Red-faced if small business guys didn't pay their Plum Card?

I plumb don't know. This much I do: They'd send us a letter. And they'd send taxpayers something else: A bill.

Watch Neil Cavuto weekdays at 4 p.m. ET on "Your World with Cavuto" and send your comments to cavuto@foxnews.com