The Blink of an Eye

I know this might surprise a few of you, but I've been known to frequent fast food restaurants. I like to get in and out of there fast.

But here's the problem: A lot of them aren't fast. Sometimes — not all the time — the service is slow because the guys providing it are slow. Again, not all, but I know how to spot trouble.

So here's what I do: I avoid the cashier who blinks slowly.

You heard me right.

It's a great indicator. I've been examining this phenomenon for a while and here's what I've discovered: Slow blinkers are slow. Now, there's nothing wrong with that if you're watching snow melt, but a lot wrong with it if you're watching burgers go bad.

I think there should be a hiring test at fast food restaurants: You can't blink fast, you can't work blinkin' here!

Here's why: Slow blinkers generally have attitude.

If they're taking their time blinking their eyes, what makes you think they're going to rush to get you out of the store in the blink of an eye? Slow blinkers don't rush for anyone.

And don't even "think" special orders. You want to hold the pickles and the lettuce? Get ready to hold your temper, because you'll be waiting a while. Which is why I remove the pickle myself. But I digress.

I know what you're thinking: Sometimes you can't choose your cashier, you're in a line — go with the flow. What's more, the fast-blinking cashier cannot control the slow-blinking fries dude.

True enough. But the fastest lines and the quickest service usually start with the fastest-blinking guy at the register.

Try it. You'll see the wisdom of my words in ... well, the blink of an eye.

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