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Hacker Makes Conan the Barbarian a College Professor

Professor Conan the Barbarian contemplates

Professor Barbarian contemplates the issue of deconstructionism in English literature. (Universal Pictures)

The esteemed English department at Trinity College, Dublin, recently added a frightening and powerful new professor to its ranks: Conan the Barbarian.

The fake announcement came courtesy of a hacker, who tapped into the university's website and plastered a picture of Dr. Conan T. Barbarian to the site, The Guardian reported.

The hacker, however, did more than just place a picture on the site of the iconic character played by Arnold Schwarzenegger in 1982's film adaptation and its 1984 sequel, "Conan the Destroyer."

Dr. Barbarian was given distinguished credentials, including a Ph.D. from University College Dublin, an FTCD (Fellow of Trinity College Dublin), and a B.A from Cimmeria (the fictional barbarian homeland of the Conan character.) His official title: "The Long Room Hug Associate Professor in Hyborian Studies and Tyrant Slaying."

The real genius of the extensive hack lies in how Dr. Barbarian landed his new teaching gig, and what he plans to do with unruly students.

"Dr. Conan T. Barbarian was ripped from his mother's womb on the corpse-strewn battlefields of his warn-torn homeland, Cimmeria, and has been preparing for academic life ever since," the faculty bio reads. "A firm believer in the dictum that 'that which does not kill us makes us stronger,' he took time out to avenge the death of his parents following a sojourn pursuing his strong interest in Post-Colonial theory at the Sorbonne."

Conan's bio goes on to explain how his years "tethered to the fearsome 'Wheel of Pain'” prepared him to "successfully tackle contemporary critical theory," and how he was appointed to the University College Dublin staff in 2006 after "successfully decapitating his predecessor during a bloody battle which will be long remembered in legend and in song."

The website defacement has since been taken down, and for the best: Applicants who submitted requests to study with the new professor were warned that "anyone found guilty of academic misconduct or weakness in the face of the enemy will be crucified as an example to others."

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