People are picky about a lot of things: The way they take their coffee. The cut and fit of their clothing. The proper placement of things on their desk. Everything has a certain specification. Part of this is because people are creatures of habit, but it’s mostly because people just like stuff to be the way they like it, no matter how uncomfortable it makes anyone else.
The bedroom is the place where people meet the most resistance to getting things exactly the way they like it. No, not sex. We're talking about sleep. Add to the mix partners who are particular about the thickness of comforters or the lumpiness of the mattress, and you'll have issues. And, really, sleep is almost as important as breathing or eating, so why should a person’s rest be impeded by another person’s own quirks and habits?
Many are under the impression that when a married couple decides to sleep in separate beds, the marriage is one terrible stir-fry dinner away from a massive meltdown. But that’s not always the case. Every couple, married or just shacking up, is better off sleeping in separate beds. Take it back to the days of Lucy and Ricky with his-and-her pillows, mattresses and comforters.
Here are four reasons you and your partner should be sleeping in different beds.
You will sleep more comfortably
Think of all the little nuisances that wake you up in the night. The cars outside, loud neighbors, even the ticking of the bedroom clock. Most are out of your control. Now think of the things your partner does to keep you awake at night. Two people rolling around under the sheets in search of comfort are going to cause some bumping and bruising and possibly some accidental kicks to the shin. Let’s not ignore all of the noises. Even though she denies it, the little lady cuts wood more than a beaver and also lets out little toots in the quiet of the night. Snoring, farting and moaning all keep a guy up at night. Sure, you do it, too, but it doesn’t bother you because you’re asleep.
The other war waged every night, even when you’re asleep, is the constant tugging back and forth of the sheets. These nightly cover wars are due to the fact that few couples like to sleep at exactly the same temperature. Each person has their own perfect degree of not-too-hot or not-too-cold. Hence the arguments over blanket size and distribution, household temperature settings and the size of the flames under the bed needed to keep her as warm as possible in the winter. If you had your own bed, you could have as few or as many covers as you find comfortable.
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You are on different sleep schedules
People love to talk about compatibility in a relationship. How a man and woman complete each other. There is no more important place to be compatible than in the bedroom. She is an early riser; you sleep late. She is in bed by 10 a.m.; you're up all night playing video games and updating your Twitter account to tell people you’re up playing video games. You are barely in bed together, but when you are, you’re disrupting each other's sleep patterns.
Being in different beds means never having to wake the other person up at the end of a late night — and she won't bother you when she gets up for early morning yoga.
You will have more sex
You can quit telling the tall tales. Anyone who has ever moved in with their partner knows that the sex slows down — sometimes even to a crawl — when living under the same roof. It’s natural that sex isn’t as interesting with the other person sleeping right beside you for so many hours, especially in her giant underwear or Ebenezer Scrooge-like nightgown that drags to the floor. The chance for accidental sex ended long ago (once she got wise to your grind against her butt move), and now most sexual encounters have to be planned anyway. This gives her more time to plan, wear something nice and get in the mood.When she crawls into bed with you, it’s like she isn’t supposed to be there, and vice versa. It's like the time you sneaked into a girl’s room in the middle of the night in high school. It seems so forbidden, so wrong — and so much more fun.
It will be like it was in the early days
Remember how great it wasn't when you didn't live together? The fact that you could go home at night and sleep in your own bed. You love living with her, but both of you rested more comfortably when you retreated to separate living quarters. It might not be possible now because both your names are on the mortgage, but this is all the more reason to sleep separately. It can still feel like the two of you are living in different quarters, even if your beds are just separated by a few feet.
You'll remember why you're with her
Imagine getting a great night’s sleep, waking up, looking across the room
Imagine getting a great night’s sleep, waking up, looking across the room and realizing why you love being with her. It will feel like the relationship has started all over again.