We're Number Two!

According to IHS Global Insight, in 2011 China will pass the United States as the world's largest manufacturer.

Now, this shouldn't be surprising considering that China has over a billion people and the average wage for a laborer is somewhere between $100 and $150 a month. Instead of Americans feeling bad about ourselves, we ought to be saying, "It's about time, you idiots. What took you so long?"

A hundred and fifty bucks a month? In America, you can't even get a happy ending massage for that much — at least not from a good place. At a good place, the massage itself is about $150 and anything after that is discussed privately between you and the lady.

The point is: Why do we, as Americans, take any instance of not being the greatest on the planet as an epic failure? Which is the main reason the United States has never embraced soccer; because we can't be the best in the world at it — that and because soccer sucks and is really boring to watch.

But why do we set such impossible standards for ourselves to live up to? Can't we just be happy knowing we've created almost every fun thing that exists on the planet already? The telephone, television, personal computers, bifocals, the Internet and even Barbie dolls — and these are just things I use to act out sexually.

Let's not forget air conditioning, light bulbs, the automobile and Tupperware — which are also things I've used to act out sexually.

We've gotten to a point in America where we think being second best makes us a turd in the punch bowl of the world. We're like a nation of teenagers walking up the stairs while the Great Santini bounces a basketball off the back of our heads.

So, instead of feeling bad about ourselves when China passes us in manufacturing, we should congratulate them because, without America, there'd be nothing worth manufacturing in the first place.

And if you disagree with me, then you are probably a racist homophobe who has never seen "The Great Santini."

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com