Fox on Sex: Go With the Flow and Bliss Your Way to Better Sex

Outside of my room, water is flowing. This morning, in yoga class, I was flowing. Today the weather flowed from sun to rain, from warm to cool, and finally to a rainbow filled sky. The entire day just flowed. The people. My body. The mood. The activities. Granted, I’m in a pretty blissed-out state. Hard not to be when you are staying at a spa, where I am hiding away precisely to get my bliss on.

But my surprise for the day is that it isn’t just blissful. It’s also -- you got it -- really sexy.

I say surprisingly, because all too often I think we forget that sexy doesn’t always mean fast and frenzied and exciting. Sometimes it means slow and relaxed and inviting. I feel so laid back and yet I feel equally tingly and revved up. I feel sexy. I feel like I have my flow on.

That should be what sex is all about. Flow. Allowing your senses to luxuriate. Being awash in all of the feelings sex can bring from elation to relaxation. Most of us can’t run away to any resort or spa every time we want to get our groove on, but we certainly can pave the way for that feeling of flow in our own lives.

Letting flow into your life is easier than you think, especially when it comes to sex. Here are three steps to set you on your path to bliss.

Turn It Off

The mobile phone. The TV. The radio. The lights. If it has a switch, turn it off. And not just when you have sex, but before sex as well. Where your head is before you get down to business can be just as important as your mindset during the deed. And if you’re up to having some fun and your partner isn’t, turning off the noise and tuning out the world can certainly help to change his or her mind.

Let Positive Energy Reign

It may sound a little "hippy dippy," but the truth is, where positive energy leads, more positive energy will follow. So, make a rule – no fighting in the bedroom and certainly not in the bed. Couples fight, but all that negative energy hanging around will do you no good. Think of your bedroom – and especially your bed – as your sanctuary. When you enter it, peace should enter you. And a peaceful state of mind is a sexy state of mind.

Let It Flow

Planning is all well and good. And it can be fun to plan a hot date with your mate. But, sometimes it’s best just to let the day or night take you where it may. Maybe a movie in bed will lead to nothing more than a good, old-fashioned make-out session. Maybe one partner will do the pleasing and the other partner will simply enjoy. Maybe cuddling, rubbing, snuggling and falling asleep happily in one another’s arms is in the cards. Sometimes the point is to set the scene, not just close the deal. But the cozy zone you set up by going with the flow may well inspire you for many nights to follow. Sex is great, but forcing the issue is never sexy. Believe me, letting things flow will mean more and better sex in the long run.

It’s not a complicated concept, but it can be hard to let it in. We are so used to making things happen, from doing our jobs to running our households to keeping our relationships intact. But sometimes, what our sex lives really need is to be allowed to stretch out and breathe, to go at their own pace and to forget about the “usual.” Change the pace, switch up the positions. Listen to your body for a change and leave the patterns for the seamstresses.

Wherever the flow takes you, follow. Most of the time, it knows the way to bliss – in bed and out!

Jenny Block is a freelance writer based in Dallas. She is the author of "Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage." Her work appears in "One Big Happy Family," edited by Rebecca Walker and "It’s a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters," edited by Andrea Buchanan. Visit her Web site at