On Monday, I shared Sex Tips from 7 Guys Having Great Sex. As promised, today I have tips from the female set. I have ten “experts” for you this time around. It’s not that I’m sexist. It’s just that I received more replies from the girls than the guys. Ones that I thought were worth sharing anyway.
No matter how much you know about sex, there’s always more to learn. No matter how good you are at it, it’s always possible to get better. And no matter who you are, you are sure to find something helpful in these sex tips from ten women having great sex.
From a Feng Shui guru: Kathryn W.
“It's known that men are turned on by what they see in front of them. Women are turned on by what's around them. Good sex for women is enhanced by a beautiful room that's devoid of treadmills, laptops on the nightstands, or a huge TV taking up all the visual space in the room. A man's idea of creating a romantic environment is to light a candle. Wow. Who cares if a candle's burning when there's underwear on the floor? Give a woman the right environment for sex and you'll see a kitten turn into a tigress.”
From the founder of Lingerieaddict.com: Cora H.
"My tips for great sex use the acronym W.E.T."
W=Willingness to try new things
E=Enthusiasm for your partner
T=Time. Sex just gets better and better over time.
From a baby boomer: Terri F.
"We are in our mid- to late 60s, married 30 years this month and still loving making love. Tip to young-uns: Never neglect your sex life. When kids, careers, travel and stress demand your attention, redirect that energy to each other. Don’t cheat yourselves out of the later years of intimacy. Use it so you don’t lose it! "
From a communications consultant: Carmen D.
"Tell the truth! I’m in a relationship now where we are completely honest and forthcoming with one another. The sex — specifically my pleasure and ability to climax — is through the roof! I just got out of a seventeen year marriage where there were so many lies and secrets built up over the years and the sex wasn’t very satisfying either. Coincidence?? I think not. My number one priority in this new relationship is to tell the truth. It makes sex so much better. The connection and the pleasure are orgasmic. Literally!"
From a Manhattanite working for a non-profit: Samantha
"Focus. Find a focal point. Whether it is his eyes, pecks, or the wall behind the headboard, and work on reaching your own climax. I feel like a lot of women concentrate so hard on pleasing their partner that they end up not getting pleased themselves. If you focus on yourself, you will be simultaneously pleasing you and your partner — win-win."
Don’t fake O's! I know so many women who fake them who are almost proud of their performances, then they will go on to complain how their guy doesn't please them or finishes before they do. Guys have no idea when women are faking or not because they are too busy worrying about reaching a climax themselves, so if you fake it then your partner will never switch up their style to cater to your needs.
From a corporate consultant: Holly R.
"I've found that the difference between good sex and great sex can be summed up in one word: ENTHUSIASM. Get into it! Let go and let your partner know — by your actions, your words or the look in your eyes — how turned on you are, and just how much you want him or her. This is no time to play it cool or worry about someone getting bumped by an elbow. Unleash your lust and it'll boomerang right back to you. After all, is there any better aphrodisiac than actually being someone's object of desire? When you both want it, it's good. When you both want it and freely express how wild and passionate that wanting is... it's GREAT."
From a female sexual empowerment expert: Candida R.
“I’m a woman who prefers to keep my pubic area neatly trimmed rather than shaved. No ingrown hairs or itchy stubble and a more natural look. When I was married, my husband offered to do the trim for me. It sounded great — he could see a lot more easily down there than I who would have to become a human pretzel to reach certain areas! It turned out to be so sexy! I would lie back on a towel on our bed and for about 20 minutes or so, and he would ever so gently snip away the little hairs with small hair-cutting scissors while softly parting and separating my lips with his fingers. I couldn’t do anything but lie there — not even move — so by the time he was finished, I was so turned on by all the gentle touching and manipulating, that I was ready to go and so was he! Needless to say, our little grooming session ended with a lovely reward!”
Naturally, one can also use a shaver if that’s her preference. Either way, the idea is that any man who can master the art of genital trimming will at the same time be learning how to be gentle and patient — and by applying those skills to his lovemaking — will also be a fabulous lover!A woman can also apply the same treatment to her man, and enjoy watching as his excitement grows with each tender touch. There’s even a delicious sense of danger having those sharp instruments down there, but she needs to be very careful: One mistake and the mood will definitely be broken!
From the coach at SacredSexyU: Lisa Carmen
"Take a class. Once I started taking exotic dance classes, I began to feel sexier. Moving my body in new ways made me feel confident, and this new confidence followed me into the bedroom. Most metro cities these days offer exotic, burlesque or even pole dancing. It's a fun way to get out of your comfort zone and love your body better, which can't NOT lead to better sex..."
Feel sexy first. Many of us expect our partner to make us feel sexy once we get into bed. That's a lot of pressure! I find that if I feel sexy first, my partner is more turned on, hungrier for me and the sex is far more pleasurable. Try wearing fishnets to work or the next time you go out. Fishnets are good for the soul! Red lipstick automatically puts me in a sexy mood. It sounds utterly old-fashioned, but feeling feminine and sexy makes me more confident and a better lover. Plus, it drives my partner wild.
From an office management consultant: Kym D.
"Don't be afraid to say what you want. Most men need direction initially. But once they get an idea of what gets you going, they'll remember it — which means you need to be adventurous. Sex will become boring when you do the same thing over and over again. Be open to exploration and ask your partner what he likes as well. Initiate sex. Be secure in your body type. Your partner wouldn't be with you unless he was turned on by you. Bring out the props and toys. I've never met a man who didn't like to be blindfolded or tied up, generally both! A little naughty talk never hurts — doesn't have to be nasty — but most men enjoy the encouragement."
From a university student ambassador: Ashley M.
"My boyfriend and I are not shy when it comes to talking about our sex life with each other or with others. We talk about what works, what doesn't and what we would like to try. It really seems to help when we go back into the bedroom."
Have fun with it. Sex is not usually as perfect as the movies make it look. My boyfriend and I will laugh when something funny happens like getting caught by a roommate, or when something gets knocked over. I've even talked on the phone while we were fooling around. It's hilarious because he tries to make me giggle and get excited while I'm on the phone.For me, the best sex is when it's with someone you love and care deeply about. It's just different with the way they hold you and touch you — there is a deeper sense of passion.
Jenny Block is a freelance writer based in Dallas. She is the author of "Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage." Her work appears in "One Big Happy Family," edited by Rebecca Walker and "It’s a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters," edited by Andrea Buchanan. Visit her Web site at www.jennyonthepage.com.