There’s this guy I know who is confident, sexy and can go all night in the bedroom. But when it comes to actually dating women, he never manages to get past the first-month barrier.
Instead of forming solid relationships, he continually gets dumped at the same point in every courtship. When I polled the women he’s recently dated to discover just what the heck this dude was doing wrong, I discovered five pertinent mistakes that he — and so many men in his position — continually make.
So, in light of helping you to actually have a shot at dating that hot new girl you fancy for more than a nanosecond, here are my top five mistakes guys make early on that scare women away.
1. Being too easy to please
The truth is that women love compliments. We adore being told we’re hot, irresistible and look sexy in our new black minidress. But throw out too many niceties too early on, laugh at all of our jokes (even when we both know they’re not funny), and always want to do what we want to do, and we’ll begin to think you’re being insincere. We’ll also think that you’re only trying to achieve one thing: to get into our pants. While that probably is your endgame, coming off like you have no opinion or spine instantly turns you into one of two things: the too-nice guy or the desperate creep — and no woman wants to date either. Instead, make us work for our compliments. We love a challenge just as much as a man does, and compliments go so much further when we feel we’ve actually earned them.
2. Being too focused on sex
We know you have an endgame with us. In fact, we’d be mightily insulted if you didn’t want to sleep with us after the first date! However, if you rush us or push us into a sex guilt-trip, we’re not going to put out; instead, we're going to start wondering whether you like us for our personality or for our breasts. If you really like a girl and are interested in forming a long-lasting relationship with her, hold off on the pressure. She’ll let you know when she’s ready — and it will probably be sooner than you think. Oh, and once you’ve had sex with her, all bets are not off. Calling your new date at 2:00 a.m. after a big boozy night out with your buddies when she has an early start the next day for her 6:00 a.m. Pilates session is not a good way to act at the beginning of a relationship.
In fact, you can bet your box of condoms that if you continue to do so, she’s going to bitch to her girlfriends about you and then think of the best excuse to let you down gently. If this girl is serious about you, then she’ll want a proper boyfriend, not a Friday night casual sex buddy. Booty calling her shows you’re not serious about her and that you view her as a slut — and no girl wants to think of herself as being treated that way.
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3. Being possessive too soon
You know what it’s like: You’re sitting at home playing Playstation while your hot new girlfriend is still out drinking with a bunch of her male colleagues. It’s getting late and since you haven’t heard from her for a couple of hours, you try to get hold of her. But you can’t. So you start obsessively calling, texting and stalking her Facebook page. Unfortunately, she’s not going to think it’s cute; she’s going to think it’s creepy. Wait for her to contact you and then listen and nod politely when she regales to you stories about her crazy antics from the night before. Even if you are growing green with envy over the fact that she was hanging with other men, you need to act like she’s entitled to have a life of her own. And if you do this, she’s going to want to spend even more time with you anyway.
4. You’re cheap
While modern women like to believe we can pay our own bills and can afford our own expensive dinners, we judge how much a man likes us by how often he pulls out his wallet. Sorry, gents, no splitting the bill just yet. Of course you don’t have to take her to the snazziest place in the city where a bottle of wine is more than the cost of your weekly rent, but taking her on a date where you pay for her meal (and don’t complain about it), will show her that you’re the sort of man who knows how to take care of a woman. Biologically, we’re drawn to men who can protect us and provide for us. While we’re happy to pay every third or fourth date, making us pay up too early sends signals to our brains that you’re not the sort of man we can have a future with.
5. Talking about exes
Our female brains aren’t wired like yours. We don’t thrive on competition. We don’t think it's the ultimate challenge to help you get over your ex and get on top of us instead. On the contrary, many of us will actually shy away from you if you continue to tell us either how wonderful your ex was, how upset you are that she dumped you, how toxic your old relationship was, or how glad you are to "finally be rid of the bitch."
Instead of being a turn-on, all this ex talk instantly screams that you have way too much baggage for our comfort levels. Not to mention the fact that it's boring for us to have a man whine on and on about a relationship that doesn't involve us. Get over it! And if you think you’re still suffering from the dreaded "syndrome ex," swap dating, dinners and girls for the gym instead. And do this until you can, at least, go a whole week without mentioning the name of your ex.
Don't Scare Her Away
Sure, you can dismiss all this advice by saying that you just want to "be yourself" around women and that ladies can either love it or leave it. However, if you find that you're still single and are struggling to keep the attention of any of the women you date, (let alone one you might actually like), then maybe it's time you quit acting like a male Bridget Jones and start behaving more like a hotter version of her Mr. Right. Recognize your mistakes, eliminate them from your dating game early on and watch your dating life go from zero to hero.