Published February 04, 2010
So The Lancet, a British medical journal named after a really sharp object, retracted a horrible study linking the measles vaccine to autism.
Now this would really be great news if the study had not come out, oh, 12 years ago. It's really scary that it took a medical journal over a decade to admit what nearly everyone else with a working brain knew: That the study had more gaping holes than Tom Sizemore's septum.
But although the study author has also been discredited, it doesn't matter. People who believe in junk science will continue to believe in junk science, because their egos won't allow any other option. And so they will continue preaching a dangerous and false belief that ends up killing kids — "they" being Jenny McCarthy, Jim Carrey and all the saps at the Huffington Post who, by their own earnest idiocy, misled the public into skipping vaccinations.
The potential result: Measles outbreaks all over the globe and ultimately, dead kids.
(It's hard to make jokes about that, so I won't.)
But I will make jokes about gasbags like Carrey and McCarthy, two cretins who aren't content just making adults vomit with their work, they also got to make kids ill with ego-driven health advice.
Now, I'm not a celebrity, but here's my medical tip: Whenever a star offers an opinion on important health matters — citing flawed studies they know a half-asleep Larry King won't bother checking — they should be given a vaccination of their own. It should be full of lead and shot straight up their ass.
Twice, for good measure.
And if you disagree with me, you must be Arianna Huffington.