This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," December 16, 2009. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: The sage of Southern California is paying close attention to the Copenhagen climate chaos, and he joins us now from Los Angeles.
I don't think it could get any worse in Denmark. Could it get any worse over there?
DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: You know, Bill, there's no more delicious irony on the face of the Earth than environmental protesters being led away in plastic handcuffs that have a biodegradability horizon line of, like, 40,000 years. Boy, that does speak to me.
And you know, I would tell the people in Copenhagen that the big problem that I and a lot of people have is the fact that they would even go there. If this is not an event made for a teleconference, when you're talking about burning fuels and when you're talking about all this and you're talking about the new technology, some of us out here just want to see you hold a teleconference.
O'REILLY: Yes, so you wouldn't waste all the money. Prince Charles went over in his private jet. I think Al Gore was zipping around in his. Barack Obama went over on Air Force One. But I asked this question to Hill, Marc Lamont Hill earlier. What are — what do these protesters want, Miller? Why are they there? What do they want?
MILLER: They want to be in Copenhagen right now, No. 1. And secondly, Bill, you have to remember, this is the easiest way in the history of the planet Earth to accrue immediate and unchallengeable, up to this point, nobility. All you have to do is use the simple alliteration, "I've gone green," and all of a sudden you matter.
But really, I just want them to stop. I'm not trying to be arch here. I'm not trying to be argumentative. If you really believe this, why would you guys do all this, using energy? Why just not hold a boring, granted — you can't all be in the same city and acting like you're saving the world — but why not stay where you're at, use the technology available? And if you're serious about this...
O'REILLY: Now, one of the reasons is news coverage, that they are getting news coverage by being there for two weeks. And the second reason is herring. As you know, Denmark is — herring. You know?
MILLER: Well, in this case it's a — it's a red herring, because this is — you know, they're going to call the people of the year who attend the tea parties that denigrating name. I'm going to start calling them sandbaggers, because somebody's going to start opening their eyes to the fact that, you know, global warming will be proved out, ironically, when hell freezes over.
O'REILLY: You know, but what I — what amuses me, and I did talk to Hill about this as well, is that they actually want us to send millions of dollars to Zimbabwe to clean up the environment there, like they're going to use it for that. Like Mugabe is going to say, "Hey, yes, yes, yes, send that billion right in here, and we'll put up a windmill." Come on! I mean, who's kidding who here?
MILLER: Well, I think that Gore is starting to become a liability to that cause. The fact that he's like Colonel Kurtz, he's gone up the super heated river now. He won't answer questions. He won't debate. He's starting to look a little — it's starting to look a little creepy. I'll be honest with you, up until this point, I thought he was sort of an amusing doofus, but really, he's starting to look a little bit more like jail gunner Joe McCarthy to me. You're going to have those HUAC. Instead of Roy Cohn, they're going to have Roy CO2 sitting at his right arm. And you'd better name names or you sit up there. I mean, this is getting — he's getting a little weirder than I thought he would have gotten about this.
O'REILLY: OK, now Attorney General Holder, one of our pals, has announced the Guantanamo Bay crew is going to be shipped into Illinois in an abandoned prison there. They're going to spruce it up for these people. And you say what?
MILLER: Well, it's perfect, them going to Illinois. Because you know that's all in-house: Axelrod, Emanuel, Obama payoff, Chicago politics. They might as well change it from Gitmo to "Get mine." Because you know somebody's getting greased out there in Illinois down in Thompson to open that place up.
It always cracks me up when they say that this is a recruiting tool, acting like that these terrorists are in a car dealership and they need something to make them buy the car and they lay out the rust-proofing package, which is Gitmo. Most of these guys are so bat crazy they want to kill the Great Satan. They hate the West. And they always claim that when they shut down Gitmo, they're going to go to people and say, "You know, they shut down Gitmo." Do you really think these crazy SOBs are going to come over and befriend us because we shut down Gitmo? I just don't believe it.
O'REILLY: Well, let's talk logistics. Let's talk logistics. I've been to Guantanamo Bay twice. We — confinement there. You have a beautiful view of the ocean, a nice ocean breeze coming across, an average temperature in the winter about 78 degrees. Three squares a day, volleyball, and you've got actual arrows — I'm not kidding — pointing to Mecca. There are arrows all over the place, "Mecca is this way." You've got the prayer rugs. You've got the International Red Cross inside the wire, so that if one of the guards steps on your foot, you can run right over. You've got your attorneys. You've got everything you want, including cable television. They get "The Factor" in Gitmo.
Now, you're going to Thompson, Illinois. The average temperature in the winter is about 13 degrees. And even if you point to Mecca, the little point arrow has an icicle on it. So I'm saying this is — this is worse, and I think Obama is punishing them in a cruel and inhumane way.
MILLER: All I know is if you're in Chicago and you see an arrow that points to Mecca, it's Wrigley Field, so they shouldn't listen.
O'REILLY: That's right.
MILLER: Because everything changes when you're in Chicago.
O'REILLY: All of a sudden...
MILLER: All I know is this, Billy. Not that they're in Chicago, the silver lining might be they might face the death penalty there, because if they do get the death penalty, then they can vote twice in the next election.
O'REILLY: Well, I heard that when Blagojevich gets convicted, they're going to put him down there with the Al Qaeda guys. That's what's going to happen.
All right. Finally, Miller, our pal...
MILLER: Now there's a reality show, Billy. There is...
O'REILLY: There you go. Blagojevich and Khalid Sheikh.
Our pal Miller has entered the world of the WWF, hosting the Slammy Awards. And here's a sound bite where he compares the wrestling crew to the political people. Roll it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MILLER: Both have loud, obnoxious women with increasing power whose faces scare little children. Every time I see Nancy Pelosi, speaker of the House, I feel like Charlton Heston waking up in the field and the chimp's on top of the pony.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
O'REILLY: A reference, of course, to "Planet of the Apes." So the Slammy Awards, Miller? What did they give you a lot of money? I've got 20 seconds. Go.
MILLER: I got no money, Billy. I got to pitch my cause, USAcares.org. If you have inclination or time this Christmas season, this is a great organization, not a loony, Bill. USAcares.org.
MILLER: Help our troops with situational rent payments.
O'REILLY: Miller, I'm going to send USA Cares $25,000 tomorrow.
MILLER: You're a good man, Billy O'Reilly.
O'REILLY: There you go.
MILLER: Have a Merry Christmas.
O'REILLY: You, too.
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