This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," November 13, 2009. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "At Your Beck and Call" segment tonight: There was panic in the streets last week when our pal Glenn Beck became ill. He's now almost fully recovered, and I spoke with him last night.
O'REILLY: So Beck, you had an appendicitis, huh?
GLENN BECK, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Yes, yes, organs were jumping out of me.
O'REILLY: Is that contagious? You can't catch it, can you?
BECK: No, I don't think you can.
O'REILLY: OK. I was a little worried there, having you on.
BECK: You know, I walked into the — I didn't walk, they wheeled me in — they wheeled me into the operating room.
BECK: And everybody was wearing masks, and, you know, it was white and all pristine clean, and I said, "Before you put me down, are any of you Marxists?"
O'REILLY: That's right. Any of you — any of you vote for Obama?
BECK: Yes, well, I'd be OK with that. If you're a Marxist, you might want to put me out.
O'REILLY: Let me break it to you, Beck, don't be OK with that. All right. Don't. All right, so you're OK now, right?
O'REILLY: Fully recovered? Eighty percent, 90 percent?
BECK: Now I'm with you. One hundred percent. Don't I look great? I lost almost six ounces.
O'REILLY: Well, the problem with you looking great is you're in makeup for three hours. People don't know that. You've got a team of surgeons. The same people — the same people who took out your appendix does your makeup.
BECK: When you're in there, can you, like, suck any of the fat out of me?
O'REILLY: Yes, they can do that little thing. What do they call that, with the little thing?
O'REILLY: Yes, couldn't they do that at the same time? They wouldn't do that?
O'REILLY: All right.
BECK: I don't have universal health care.
O'REILLY: Now, let's get — well, you will soon.
BECK: Or I'll go to jail.
O'REILLY: Are you going to be a conscientious objector to health care?
BECK: The first time in history in the country where, just to be a citizen, just to be — not go to jail...
BECK: ...you have to buy something.
O'REILLY: I think you should go to prison for this cause.
O'REILLY: I do.
BECK: All right. That would be fun.
O'REILLY: I'll help you.
BECK: Really? Bill, they watch in prison. I don't think...
O'REILLY: I'll help you. We could be cellmates.
BECK: I don't think that would go well.
O'REILLY: They'll give you your own cell. All right. Let's get a little serious now. The Fort Hood massacre, President Obama, how is he handling it? Give him a grade, A to F.
BECK: Oh, as a politician, I think he's handled it as a B.
BECK: On a politician level.
BECK: I — I have a problem with it. I think the man is in constant campaign mode. I can't get past when he was giving the speech about the Native Americans and it took him three minutes to get to a tragedy. I just...
O'REILLY: Yes, he was giving guys raves and stuff like that.
BECK: A quote — if I may quote the president, a shout-out. I can't imagine on, you know, December 8, 1941, FDR coming out and saying, "Hey, by the way, I want to give a shout-out to Bob Hope."
O'REILLY: Let me play devil's advocate. This has been leveled against Bush on 9/11 was when he heard the news he still read a book.
BECK: He was live on television. He was sitting there with cameras in front of children.
O'REILLY: I got it.
BECK: And they whispered it in his ear. This isn't something that was whispered into his ear in the middle of a speech.
BECK: He knew coming out. And I just — I don't know. There's just — there's just something wrong here. There's a disconnect.
O'REILLY: So you think that President Obama, rather than being the leader of the country, is still trying to get elected?
BECK: I don't know what it — I don't know what it is.
O'REILLY: You don't think he's genuine?
BECK: There's not the same...
O'REILLY: Is he not genuine?
BECK: No, I don't think that he holds our armed forces in the same regard as many Americans.
O'REILLY: Bill Clinton though — remember, that's what they said about Bill and Hillary Clinton, that they didn't have high regard for the military.
BECK: I think there's a difference here between Bill and Hillary Clinton. And by the way, they didn't have high regard for the military. Now we've gone from George W. Bush, who had uber regard for the military, to a man who I think — there's just a disconnect here that I can't — I can't put my finger on yet. It bothers me when I'm told don't jump to conclusions, when the benefit of the doubt is given to the guy who just killed 13 people.
O'REILLY: OK, now the big announcement. Ready, ladies and gentlemen? Listen to this.
BECK: Oh, boy.
O'REILLY: Beck and I, going on the road in January for the "Bold Fresh" Tour. Take it away.
BECK: That's what we're calling it?
O'REILLY: "Bold Fresh" Tour.
BECK: I've got, like, four books on The New York Times list right now.
O'REILLY: But none of them are as good as "Bold Fresh." That's why we're calling it the "Bold Fresh" Tour.
BECK: Nobody told me it was "Bold Fresh" Tour.
O'REILLY: Nobody told you anything. You're just along for the ride.
O'REILLY: But tell the folks what it's going to be.
BECK: Wait just a second. Are you taking part of my salary, too? Are you...
O'REILLY: No, no, no. We're going to pay you.
BECK: You're going to pay me?
O'REILLY: Ten percent.
BECK: That's good. Are you taking Greyhound? Are you taking a plane, and I'm going bus to bus?
O'REILLY: We'll work all that out. But tell the folks what it's going to be, Beck.
BECK: OK, here's what it is. I'm Bill's opening act, and I'm going to get you all revved up, and then Bill's going to come out, and then he's going to do like, I don't know, 30 minutes, and he's going to get you all revved up. And then, and then we're going at it.
O'REILLY: Then we come back together.
O'REILLY: A little intermission.
BECK: And here's the thing: I get to finally ask him the questions.
O'REILLY: That's right. So this is going to be in Tampa.
O'REILLY: Charleston, South Carolina.
O'REILLY: Norfolk, Virginia. With a preview at the Westbury Music Fair on Long Island, right near my house.
BECK: Are they going to play music?
O'REILLY: Now — they might. We might have a choir.
BECK (SINGING): Glenn Beck!
O'REILLY: OK, now where can the folks find out about this, because I think people are going to want to see it. We have a Web site, do we not?
BECK: I — I've been in the hospital. I'm sick.
O'REILLY: Beck knows nothing. But he's mocking me because I named the tour.
BECK: Yes, I...
O'REILLY: Throw the slide up there. OK, here's the information. If you want to see Beck and I...
O'REILLY: ...in January in those venues, Tampa...
O'REILLY: ...Charleston, Norfolk and Westbury.
O'REILLY: Contact this Web site, and they'll make it happen.
BECK: OK. Now listen, here's the thing. OK, I want to warn you: It won't be politically correct.
BECK: There will be...
O'REILLY: Probably riots.
BECK: There will be — there will be metal detectors, too.
O'REILLY: And we are going to have a lot of fun. We're going to have a lot of fun.
BECK: Yes. It's going to be great.
O'REILLY: And it's going to be a lot different than the television presentation.
O'REILLY: And you will...
BECK: You're going to rant, I'm going to rant, and then we're going to rant at each other.
BECK: And I'm willing to have you rant at him, too. Not me, but him.
O'REILLY: So it's the "Bold Fresh" tour, O'Reilly, Beck coming to a theater near you. That's going to be fun. It's going to be interesting. All right. Glenn Beck, everybody.
BECK: Thanks, man.
O'REILLY: All right. Once again, if you want to see Beck and I bloviate in person, the Web site with the tickets is BoldFreshTour.com, BoldFreshTour.com. We'll be appearing in Tampa, Charleston, Norfolk and Westbury, Long Island. Makes a great Christmas gift. Give those tickets to somebody you don't like.
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